antinko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Play to your strengths and being secure being you. I think the main issue is when a guy believes being a certain way will gain him success with women and I suspect that this insecurity becomes rather obvious as it shows that said male isn't comfortable being them. Personally, I keep in good shape but I don't care about that for attracting women. I keep in shape for me, myself and I. I'd prefer to do what I can to extent my life basically! In terms of attracting girls, though, I aim to be secure and that's it. I don't act aloof around ladies but neither do I try too hard either. Play it cool and see where things lead. Just my two pence.
antinko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I've noticed the same thing as the OP. I never see a guy like me (I'm 5'7 150 lbs and not fat at all) with a girlfriend, or atleast with a girl I would be open to dating (IE not very overweight or extraordinarily ugly). Even the slightly cute girl with a good personality, I see the same thing shes either with a very tall muscular guy, or with a tall fat guy that's got pit stains under his arms and smells like cheese doodles (yes I've seen this quite a few times at my job), it's kind of angering that those guys don't have to try and get a nice girl who will do anything for them, while I've got much more to offer and get ignored. A 19 year old girl I've known for 2 years and rejected me (despite her telling me I was the only guy she could have intelligent and interesting conversations with, who always made her smile, and who she felt actually cared about her), did so for a tall fat 30 year old who bathes once a week, cries over every little thing, only talks to her when he wants a booty call, bases his sense of humor around going to the bathroom, and only watches cartoons. It's not women picking another guy that makes me bitter, it's who they choose over me. But then again, can't hate the player, hate the game. I just don't see the point in trying when it's all in vain. If you look out for something, you'll probably see it a lot more frequently. For instance, whenever I buy a new car, I suddenly see that car in the same colour and trim everywhere...even if it's a rarer model. If I buy a new shirt or wear a new combination of clothes, I'll suddenly notice more guys with similar style. If I hear or read a new word, I suddenly hear it being used a lot more...and so on. Basically, you perceive a pattern to be true but it doesn't mean that it is.
Cypress25 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 No, truly beautiful, classy women don't want you because they have options They recognise men such as yourself as twelve to a dozen so why would they bother when they can find someone more... mmmm.... special? LOL that's exactly what I was thinking. "Yeah, those women rejected you because they were insecure about you being a player. That must be it. Couldn't possibly be that those women just didn't like you..." I've noticed the same thing as the OP. I never see a guy like me (I'm 5'7 150 lbs and not fat at all) with a girlfriend, or atleast with a girl I would be open to dating (IE not very overweight or extraordinarily ugly). Funny you should say that. My last boyfriend was your height and weight exactly, and I thought he was smokin' hot. Apparently a lot of girls did, because he was a bit of a player in high school and college. He had a great personality and a great sense of humor too, which really helps. For the record, I'm not overweight or ugly. Although I am pretty short myself, so I have a lot of love for the short guys. Hey, they seem tall to me!
AHardDaysNight Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Some of the nicest people I know of are stereotypically attractive.
Author vanek26 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 I don't want to come off as being some bitter, "why can't I get the pretty girls???" horny guy. I just really spend a lot of time contemplating my success with women. I understand the role that confidence plays with females. Whether or not they realize it, they can smell it. But on a psychological level, people take less than a second to formulate a first impression of someone. No amount of confidence can be detected in that short of a timespan. So, women subconsciously scan prospective males. I'm assuming that being built or just plain big is a key factor. I take good care of myself. I dress nicely, I try out different facial hair styles and hair cuts. I'm pretty adept at having a conversation. But I'm not big. I just can't help but feel like I'm automatically shut off from women because of that, and then it becomes a game of me trying to convince them otherwise. This requires a hint of desperation putting me in a lose-lose. As far as hitting the gym and getting big, I can't think of any reason to do it other than to get girls. I'm healthy and I feel fine. I don't think there is any practical reason to have bulging muscles, honestly. So I can't justify doing it for any other reason than to get laid. What do you guys think? Am I going to struggle for the rest of my life and have to settle for fat/homely girls unless I get big? Or is this just some confidence issue that I can somehow fix looking the way I do now?
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 5'9" and 150 lbs? Dude I'm 5'4" and 150 lbs and I'm not fat at all and I'm not an "overmuscled" bodybuilder either. You need to gain about 30 pounds of muscle regardless of what women think or not. Being in shape is only going to do so much for you though. If you're an idiot meathead who isn't intelligent in other ways you won't be respected by most people.
FitChick Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Being short hasn't hurt Sylvester Stallone, Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Hugh Grant, Robert Downey Jr.
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Correction: "5'9" and 150 lbs? Dude I'm 5'4" and 150 lbs and I'm not fat at all and I'm not an "overmuscled" bodybuilder either. You need to gain about 30 pounds of muscle regardless of what women think or not. Your only reason for going to the gym is to try and get laid? Um, you could go to the gym to, I dont' know, get strong for your own benefit. You can't go around doing everything in your life to please women. Being in shape is only going to do so much for you though. If you're an idiot meathead who isn't intelligent in other ways you won't be respected by most people." FitChick: are you referring to me? I didn't say anything negative about being short, I'm tell the OP that he doesn't weigh enough at that height. But for the record, those guys aren't having as many problems as normal short guys (or any guys for that matter) because they're famous.
FitChick Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 FitChick: are you referring to me? I didn't say anything negative about being short. But for the record, those guys aren't having as many problems as normal short guys (or any guys for that matter) because they're famous. The OP thinks his problem is being short. So you think those celebrities were virgins until after they became famous?
Red Arremer Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Your only reason for going to the gym is to try and get laid? Um, you could go to the gym to, I dont' know, get strong for your own benefit. But why though? I think I know where the OP is coming from here. If I could basically care less how strong I am, why would I be going to the gym except for to get laid?
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) Why would you not care about being strong? Even if nobody else happens to notice you you know it and it can make you feel better about yourself/be more confident. Also, if you set goals and meet them you feel like you're accomplishing something. Also, I'm guessing from your response you've never experience this, but have you ever done an exercise before only to realize you're pathetic at it? Try getting on a pullup bar and only being able to do just a few pullups. If you're anything like me it will piss you off and drive you to better yourself. The OP thinks being 5'9" is a problem? Dude, try being 5'4", 50% of girls or more are taller than you. 5'9"-5'10"" is average. Guys that are 6 feet plus are not the norm in anything but college and professional level athletics. Edited September 3, 2011 by robertdawson
Red Arremer Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Also, I'm guessing from your response you've never experience this, but have you ever done an exercise before only to realize you're pathetic at it? I have, actually. My normal response to this is to keep at it for a week or two, get frustrated that I'm invariably still trash at it at that point, and quit.
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Not to be harsh, but giving up on progress after only a week or two is pretty wussy. Do you just give up on anything else so easily? Make yourself pissed off. Remind yourself of how much you are displeased with your strength.
Red Arremer Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Not to be harsh, but giving up on progress after only a week or two is pretty wussy. Do you just give up on anything else so easily? Not everything, but things I don't care about, sure.
robertdawson Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 That is what I've been trying to tell you. You don't care because you're not pissed off enough about it. When you start thinking about how it is pathetic you can't do X amount of weight you start to care.
grkBoy Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I don't think it hurts to be "ripped", but to me this is the same conundrum as when men desire the perfect 10 in her hot clothes, heels, makeup, etc. The day their SO sees them with no makeup, hair tied back, in PJs or sweats...they get turned off. Even more when they wake up one morning and their perfect 10 isn't young and gorgeous anymore...she looks more "normal" due to aging. I agree with USMCHokie, attractive "hotter" women isn't a reason to get ripped. You do it because you want it. I've watched many guys religiously be in the gym and work in industries to make lots of money...but their actual rational is just to be "alpha". They want to be the hot, successful guy who gets models. What did they get? Hot looking women who have the mentalities of teenagers. It's no wonder you see these guys complain endlessly on how there are no "quality women". Shorter "non-built" guys can get women. Many of them then become "interesting" and "unique". Seen some who stay on top of fashion and gain their own unique sense of style that doesn't make them look freakish. Toss that in with confidence, "game", social skills...they get women. If getting ripped will make you confident and secure, then go for it. I also think if you're working a lowly retail job (and you're not a teenager or college student) then you might want to look at that aspect in your life. No one's requiring you to make large money and drive an expensive car...but women also look for men whom they know won't be a financial mess in life. Some want providers, others just want a guy who can pull their weight.
phineas Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It isn't needed, but it doesn't hurt. More women will like it than not, but you shouldn't be doing it for them. You should be working out for YOU. And if you don't have the rest of the package in terms of personality, rippedness won't mean sh*t in the long run. Star Gazer and I talked about this a lot because I had issues with this very topic...a girl who is attracted solely by rippedness is probably not a girl worth attracting...and a guy who can only attract girls with rippedness probably doesn't have much else going for him... That being said, yes, rippedness is aesthetically pleasing, but it should be more your active and healthy lifestyle it reflects that attracts women...at least the right kinds of women...and as far as online dating, I don't let women know what my body looks like beyond saying "fit" in the body type...so being muskly shouldn't affect your online dating one way or the other... Here is a problem i've started running into & i'm not even ripped yet..... women my age (pushing 40) just look at me & assume "player". I was reflecting on this summer & realized I had more women approach me looking for ONS than actually interested in dating me & i'm pretty sure it's because they think I will cheat or dump them for someone else. I'm not HOT or anything like that, however i'm apparently good looking with a jaw-line & obvious muscle + leanness and women are always checking me out & flirting with me. Then pretty much accuse me of being a player & don't believe me when I say otherwise. I admit, I got in shape because who wants a fatty for a partner? I've achieved that. But, I'm getting ripped for myself & them size 30 jeans I bought on clearance.
Chicago_Guy Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Being short hasn't hurt Sylvester Stallone, Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Hugh Grant, Robert Downey Jr. That's not a good comparison - those guys are famous and fame more than makes up for a few inches of height.
Nexus One Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) Here's what happens when you workout/sport. You're using energy that's stored in your body. Your body draws from 3 sources: 1. Food in that you've digested 2. Body fat 3. Muscles That's right, when you exercise you burn muscle tissue too. When you don't eat foods that compensate for that loss of muscle tissue, then your muscles can actually shrink. Just look at marathon runners, they're fit and healthy and exercise a lot, but they're very slender. (I don't want to use the word skinny for them, because those guys are healthy) I run long distance too, today I ran half a marathon. I lost 4 pounds during the run and when I came home I shat another pound out of my body. I burnt a whopping 15000 calories during that run. 75% of that energy for that run is drawn from body fat, 25% from the energy is drawn from muscle tissue. When I came home I did some more fitness, push-ups and weight lifting today. After that I made a protein shake containing high quality protein molecules and another type of drink that accelerates the absorption of the protein into the muscles. Why do I do that? I do that because I want to compensate for the loss of muscle tissue during the run. If I don't do that I start losing muscle like crazy and start looking like professional marathon runners. That's not the body type I want to have so I try to prevent that from happening. You also need to eat enough. Like I said, during the run I burnt 15000 calories. That's quite some food if you look at it in that way. I hear a lot of guys who think they're too slender complain about not being able to gain weight. Then I ask them, well do you eat at least 2500 calories a day to even stay at your current weight? And the answer from these guys is always no. How can you expect to grow a ripped body if you don't even eat enough to maintain your weight during an average day? Because 2500 calories, that's what you burn during a day when you hardly do anything. You burn a lot more when you do sports, so you need to compensate or overcompensate if you want to grow. You can't expect to grow when you're burning more energy than you're taking in. Regarding motivation: One thing I love about running is that after a run I feel great, all the stress is gone, I feel like I can take on the world. Just after I stop running there is almost like a zen moment, everything is calm and serene in my body and mind. And THAT is partly what motivates me to run too, because life can be stressful, yet you can run ALL THAT SH*T right out of your system. But you can also do it to look more attractive for women, which is also a great motivator. It has great advantages, less stress, more attractive body, healthier body, calmer mind. Here's a motivational video, it's for running, but for you it might as well be fitness or another sport: http://bit.ly/nY6DzL Edited September 4, 2011 by Nexus One
goldenboy7115 Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I understand. I see the most odd couples everywhere! I've seen the most attractive women with slobs and guys you'd never ever think they would be with. Let me tell you. Coming from one attractive girl (friend) I asked about this very thing. If you're afraid to talk to them, forget it. They want confidence and to be put at ease. If they can be comfortable around you. Feel safe..that's the ticket. You can have a body like a spartan, but it won't do any good unless you can put them at ease with you. Be confident, and at ease soldier. By the way, you can't go wrong if you want to get in great shape as well..might as well be healthy!!
FitChick Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 That's not a good comparison - those guys are famous and fame more than makes up for a few inches of height. I'll repeat what I said upthread which you obviously missed: So you think those celebrities were virgins until after they became famous?
FitChick Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Nexus One, you are wasting your breath. Most people are too lazy. I just read an article in Elle magazine where Gwyneth Paltrow, who has the best legs in show business, said, "It's so much easier to sit home and not exercise and criticize other people." Most people assumed she ate a restrictive macrobiotic diet (she did briefly when her dad was dying) and was "naturally thin." Instead, she loves to cook and eat (she wrote a best selling cookbook) and says that is one reason she exercises, so she doesn't have to deprive herself. She exercises nearly everyday and reaps the rewards. Most people would rather complain or take a Magic Pill. Good luck to them, I say.
Nexus One Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) Most people would rather complain or take a Magic Pill. Good luck to them, I say. The worst comment I ever heard in this context was: "I'm too lazy to exercise, so I let the plastic surgeon suck my fat away." The woman who said it was being honest, but the comment nevertheless shocked me. Edited September 4, 2011 by Nexus One
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