vanek26 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Hey guys. I have been thinking about this a lot recently and I want to know your opinions. Obviously, I'm not the first person to try and crack the code for what women look for in a man, but we seem to have a decent idea on the guidelines. I work in retail that specializes in baby products, so I see a ton of young couples each day. And whenever I see an attractive girl, I can't help but size myself up against her mate and wonder how he did it. The one constant that I see almost without exception is that the attractive girls are with tall, built men. Sometimes they aren't even built that well, they're just big. The other features almost seem irrelevant. I see plenty of slobs who don't dress well and don't have any redeeming features... but they're big and tall. Is it really that simple? Do women, at their primal core, long for someone big and strong to protect them? As for me, I'm not a total twerp but would never be mistaken for a body builder. I'm 5' 9'' and I weigh about 150 lbs. My upper body is not noticeably built, and I'm wondering if this is crippling for my chances at meeting women. Online dating has left me frustrated, because I'm getting turned down by girls who I don't even consider up to my standards. I've started going out to bars and clubs but the early results have been discouraging. I feel like the thinnest, smallest guy in the establishment when I go out. Whether it's true or not, I can't see women even giving me the time of day. Granted, I know it is possible to bag a hottie looking the way I do. But I don't want to resort to playing the lotto if there's a better way. So guys, what do you think about this? Is being big a pre-requisite for the bar scene? Or is this just a confidence issue I'm having? I feel as if I'd be better off being fat as long as I looked bigger.
Ginger Beer Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Being in shape > not being in shape. But being muscly with no confidence is useless.
Cypress25 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 5'9" and 150 pounds sounds perfect to me. I'm not attracted to guys who look like body builders, but I'm not attracted to bony guys either. I like guys with normal bodies. A little muscle definition is fine, but that's what most guys have naturally. Too much muscle just makes you look like you're on steroids.
USMCHokie Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 It isn't needed, but it doesn't hurt. More women will like it than not, but you shouldn't be doing it for them. You should be working out for YOU. And if you don't have the rest of the package in terms of personality, rippedness won't mean sh*t in the long run. Star Gazer and I talked about this a lot because I had issues with this very topic...a girl who is attracted solely by rippedness is probably not a girl worth attracting...and a guy who can only attract girls with rippedness probably doesn't have much else going for him... That being said, yes, rippedness is aesthetically pleasing, but it should be more your active and healthy lifestyle it reflects that attracts women...at least the right kinds of women...and as far as online dating, I don't let women know what my body looks like beyond saying "fit" in the body type...so being muskly shouldn't affect your online dating one way or the other...
USMCHokie Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 5'9" and 150 pounds sounds perfect to me. I'm not attracted to guys who look like body builders, but I'm not attracted to bony guys either. I like guys with normal bodies. A little muscle definition is fine, but that's what most guys have naturally. Too much muscle just makes you look like you're on steroids. 150 lbs at 5'9" is pretty slim...he would do well to put on about 15 lbs of lean muscle...
Ginger Beer Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 It isn't needed, but it doesn't hurt. More women will like it than not, but you shouldn't be doing it for them. You should be working out for YOU. And if you don't have the rest of the package in terms of personality, rippedness won't mean sh*t in the long run. Star Gazer and I talked about this a lot because I had issues with this very topic...a girl who is attracted solely by rippedness is probably not a girl worth attracting...and a guy who can only attract girls with rippedness probably doesn't have much else going for him... That being said, yes, rippedness is aesthetically pleasing, but it should be more your active and healthy lifestyle it reflects that attracts women...at least the right kinds of women...and as far as online dating, I don't let women know what my body looks like beyond saying "fit" in the body type...so being muskly shouldn't affect your online dating one way or the other... This is true.
Cypress25 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 150 lbs at 5'9" is pretty slim...he would do well to put on about 15 lbs of lean muscle... Yes it is slim, but it's not underweight. My college boyfriend was 5'8" and 123 pounds...THAT is underweight. I know he couldn't help it and I still found him attractive, but I felt fat standing next to him. And I'm pretty slender myself.
Author vanek26 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Thanks for the responses guys. It seems like guys who aren't big in stature are playing catchup right off the bat because the girl has subconsciously deemed them undesireable.
mr.dream merchant Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) If there's anyone you should listen to, it's me OP. Let me put it this way for you. I was not this successful with women before I whipped into shape. I've always had a big frame, and a handsome face. I'm 6'0 ft tall, 205 lbs lean muscle. Women are pretty fickle. From what I've seen, women will go for guys who are just big. Big meaning they have the frame, and they aren't really in the gym like that. With guys like that, women get all kinds of security. They know he's big so he can protect her, but he's not muscle bound and ripped...so other women won't be throwing themselves at him. My biggest obstacle since I whipped into shape was women assuming (from the jump) that I'm a player, ladies man, cheater, etc. And this is all just from a glance. I don't fault them for that. If I were a woman looking at myself I'd probably feel the same way. You want to know which kind of women I have chasing me around? 1. Overweight women 2. Old women 3. Pretty women who put out easy. 4. Gay men When you're in really good shape, the 4 listed mostly can't control their thoughts. So they go after you. The shy timid women who are beautiful and a beautiful mind to boot? Haha, all I can tell you is strap in for the ride because they are going to make you jump through more hoops than a got damn circus lion just because from the jump they are insecure about how good you look. I've seen big dudes with no definition win a woman over that I was trying to get. I had everything this guy did but he still got her because the woman was insecure about me being a player. I've actually tried being humble with my clothing. The looser the clothing, the more success with quality women I see. The tighter the clothing? The more attention I get but the more sexually loose women come after me. So it's up to you. I say don't do it for the women, do it for yourself. But if you're doing it for the women, just make sure you realize all aspects of it. Women will be very very very cautious about you if you're a handsome tall guy with a nice muscular and defined build. If you're a handsome tall guy with a big frame, they'll be more relaxed around you and more secure. Truuuuuust meeeee. Edited September 2, 2011 by mr.dream merchant
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I think all of my BFs have been cute (of course; why would I date them if not?) but none of them really look alike. The current BF is 6'2'' and thinnish. Not slight, but he's got like a soccer/swimmer type body with some lean muscle. No idea the weight, sorry. The last BF was 5'7''/5'8'' (just about an inch taller than me, and I'm a tall 5'6'') and barrel-chested. My mother called him stocky! He wasn't at all overweight, and he didn't look like a gym rat, but he was definitely built differently from the current BF. If he were as thin as the current BF AND short, I may not have found him as attractive I will say. I'm not sure. The guy before that was 5'10'' and had a great yoga/swimmer/soccer body. The guy before that looked quite similar, in body type, to the most recent ex (shorter, barrel-chested, strong arms). He's the one I lived with, FTR. The guy before that was 5'9'' and probably a little bit "soft." He wasn't big, but he definitely had to work out regularly to stay at a normal weight, as he had a thyroid problem, actually. I didn't mind his gym habit because his body did require it in order to keep healthy; it wasn't a vanity thing. My college BF and HS BF were both tall and similar in stature to the current BF. And there were loads of guys who were not serious BFs who all looked different. I thought I only liked tall guys when I was younger, then dated a few shorter guys and realized I didn't give two figs about height. And now I'm dating a tall, dark, and handsome guy. Go figure.
mr.dream merchant Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I think all of my BFs have been cute (of course; why would I date them if not?) but none of them really look alike. The current BF is 6'2'' and thinnish. Not slight, but he's got like a soccer/swimmer type body with some lean muscle. No idea the weight, sorry. The last BF was 5'7''/5'8'' (just about an inch taller than me, and I'm a tall 5'6'') and barrel-chested. My mother called him stocky! He wasn't at all overweight, and he didn't look like a gym rat, but he was definitely built differently from the current BF. If he were as thin as the current BF AND short, I may not have found him as attractive I will say. I'm not sure. The guy before that was 5'10'' and had a great yoga/swimmer/soccer body. The guy before that looked quite similar, in body type, to the most recent ex (shorter, barrel-chested, strong arms). He's the one I lived with, FTR. The guy before that was 5'9'' and probably a little bit "soft." He wasn't big, but he definitely had to work out regularly to stay at a normal weight, as he had a thyroid problem, actually. I didn't mind his gym habit because his body did require it in order to keep healthy; it wasn't a vanity thing. My college BF and HS BF were both tall and similar in stature to the current BF. And there were loads of guys who were not serious BFs who all looked different. I thought I only liked tall guys when I was younger, then dated a few shorter guys and realized I didn't give two figs about height. And now I'm dating a tall, dark, and handsome guy. Go figure. Yeah really, go figure. That's alot of gettin' around. No wonder you're so sour at me. Peace.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I am big now, and get nada. When I was rain thin, I had plenty of interest. Just was too scared to reciprocate. You have nothing to worry about, OP. Someone will like you for who you are.
Emilia Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 My biggest obstacle since I whipped into shape was women assuming (from the jump) that I'm a player, ladies man, cheater, etc. And this is all just from a glance. I don't fault them for that. If I were a woman looking at myself I'd probably feel the same way. You want to know which kind of women I have chasing me around? 1. Overweight women 2. Old women 3. Pretty women who put out easy. 4. Gay men When you're in really good shape, the 4 listed mostly can't control their thoughts. So they go after you. The shy timid women who are beautiful and a beautiful mind to boot? Haha, all I can tell you is strap in for the ride because they are going to make you jump through more hoops than a got damn circus lion just because from the jump they are insecure about how good you look. I've seen big dudes with no definition win a woman over that I was trying to get. I had everything this guy did but he still got her because the woman was insecure about me being a player. I've actually tried being humble with my clothing. The looser the clothing, the more success with quality women I see. The tighter the clothing? The more attention I get but the more sexually loose women come after me. So it's up to you. I say don't do it for the women, do it for yourself. But if you're doing it for the women, just make sure you realize all aspects of it. Women will be very very very cautious about you if you're a handsome tall guy with a nice muscular and defined build. If you're a handsome tall guy with a big frame, they'll be more relaxed around you and more secure. Truuuuuust meeeee. No, truly beautiful, classy women don't want you because they have options They recognise men such as yourself as twelve to a dozen so why would they bother when they can find someone more... mmmm.... special?
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) Yeah really, go figure. That's alot of gettin' around. No wonder you're so sour at me. Peace. It's seven BFs over 12 years of dating. But it's true I don't go long stretches of time without being in a relationship. Not a need; just happened that way. I find nice men, and they want to be in relationships with me. ETA: And I'm not "sour" at you. I guess I think you're gross, but that's a purely unemotional, logical assessment based on the grossness you choose to blabber about. I mean, I'm not sour at cockroaches just because they carry disease or are ugly, squishy things that I don't want in my house. Your obsession with me is a bit odd, though. Edited September 2, 2011 by zengirl
AHardDaysNight Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I don't agree with what Mr. Dream Merchant had to say, but I think it's pretty low to compare him to a cockroach.
Queen Zenobia Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I don't agree with what Mr. Dream Merchant had to say, but I think it's pretty low to compare him to a cockroach. Well, you should read some of his threads. Like his last one for starters.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Well, you should read some of his threads. Like his last one for starters. I am not new. This is my third account. You can probably guess who I was before. I had a thousand posts, had a bad day, and flamed a bunch of people...all in one thread. This dirtied my name with the mod, and I was banned. I am trying to give this a second chance. I will not lose my temper again. But I was here when Dream Merchant showed up (joined around the same time), and I've always disagreed with him and been sickened by his comments. That being said, I don't think it's appropriate to refer to anyone as a parasite.
zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) I don't agree with what Mr. Dream Merchant had to say, but I think it's pretty low to compare him to a cockroach. Honestly, I wasn't comparing him to one. I was comparing how much I cared about his thoughts to one since he thinks I'm "sour" at him. I'm not sour at cockroaches either! MDM is something that if you ask me how I feel about it, I'd say, "Well, he's kind of gross, but it's not a big deal. Just keep him away from me." But I otherwise don't think about. That's true of cockroaches and they were the first thing I thought of that fit that description is all. So, to be clear, I'm not saying he IS a cockroach. I don't think roaches can type. (ETA: They're not parasites, though, are they? Biology isn't my field, but I didn't think they were parasitic.) Edited September 2, 2011 by zengirl
AHardDaysNight Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Honestly, I wasn't comparing him to one. I was comparing how much I cared about his thoughts to one since he thinks I'm "sour" at him. I'm not sour at cockroaches either! MDM is something that if you ask me how I feel about it, I'd say, "Well, he's kind of gross, but it's not a big deal. Just keep him away from me." But I otherwise don't think about. That's true of cockroaches and they were the first thing I thought of that fit that description is all. So, to be clear, I'm not saying he IS a cockroach. I don't think roaches can type. (ETA: They're not parasites, though, are they? Biology isn't my field, but I didn't think they were parasitic.) Fair enough.
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Do what makes you like yourself more.
tman666 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I think that being built has helped me build confidence, which IN TURN has helped me with my relations with the fairer sex. Like Ginger Beer said, being muscled and having no social skills will get you nowhere. Also (as others have said), girls who are attracted to you simply because you are well built are not worth being around. The other thing about being well built is that some people will openly make judgements about you based solely on your muscled appearance. Some will assume you're dumb, some will assume you're aggressive or violent, some will assume you are a narcissist, some will assume you have no social life and spend all your free time in the gym, some will assume you're judging them harshly due to you having a more muscled look, etc. Personally, I generally choose downplay my physical traits when they're brought up. You learn very quickly that people will set up these little "traps" for you: they'll give you a compliment, and if you agree, you're suddenly labeled as a self loving meathead. If you want to put on muscle, I would suggest that you work to develop a passion for weight training that goes far beyond attracting females. You'll be far more successful in both arenas if you do this.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You don't have to be ripped, but being toned and not flabby or fat is important. When you look good, you generally feel good and people would rather be with someone upbeat. Besides, it'll be one less thing to worry about.
KathyM Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Hey guys. I have been thinking about this a lot recently and I want to know your opinions. Obviously, I'm not the first person to try and crack the code for what women look for in a man, but we seem to have a decent idea on the guidelines. I work in retail that specializes in baby products, so I see a ton of young couples each day. And whenever I see an attractive girl, I can't help but size myself up against her mate and wonder how he did it. The one constant that I see almost without exception is that the attractive girls are with tall, built men. Sometimes they aren't even built that well, they're just big. The other features almost seem irrelevant. I see plenty of slobs who don't dress well and don't have any redeeming features... but they're big and tall. Is it really that simple? Do women, at their primal core, long for someone big and strong to protect them? As for me, I'm not a total twerp but would never be mistaken for a body builder. I'm 5' 9'' and I weigh about 150 lbs. My upper body is not noticeably built, and I'm wondering if this is crippling for my chances at meeting women. Online dating has left me frustrated, because I'm getting turned down by girls who I don't even consider up to my standards. I've started going out to bars and clubs but the early results have been discouraging. I feel like the thinnest, smallest guy in the establishment when I go out. Whether it's true or not, I can't see women even giving me the time of day. Granted, I know it is possible to bag a hottie looking the way I do. But I don't want to resort to playing the lotto if there's a better way. So guys, what do you think about this? Is being big a pre-requisite for the bar scene? Or is this just a confidence issue I'm having? I feel as if I'd be better off being fat as long as I looked bigger. I think most women are turned on by a muscular man, moreso than one who has no defined muscles. (And I'm not talking about men who look like they are on steroids, but just a good muscular body). It's very manly. Very sexy. My husband is very similar in weight and height than you. He is 5'8", 150 lbs. He's the same weight now (at middle age) than the day I married him when he was 26. He has always lifted weights and done gymnastics to build those muscles since he was 16 years of age. His muscular body is one thing that first attracted me to him, and it still does.
Red Arremer Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I suppose I should work on that "you have to do it for you" thing. Basically my only motivation whatsoever to get in shape is to be more attractive to women, and that really hasn't been enough of a motivator for me to work very hard at it, especially when even if you go in 100% gung ho about it it takes a long time to see any results. Typically I go a week or two, get frustrated at the lack of results and quit.
Wolf18 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I've noticed the same thing as the OP. I never see a guy like me (I'm 5'7 150 lbs and not fat at all) with a girlfriend, or atleast with a girl I would be open to dating (IE not very overweight or extraordinarily ugly). Even the slightly cute girl with a good personality, I see the same thing shes either with a very tall muscular guy, or with a tall fat guy that's got pit stains under his arms and smells like cheese doodles (yes I've seen this quite a few times at my job), it's kind of angering that those guys don't have to try and get a nice girl who will do anything for them, while I've got much more to offer and get ignored. A 19 year old girl I've known for 2 years and rejected me (despite her telling me I was the only guy she could have intelligent and interesting conversations with, who always made her smile, and who she felt actually cared about her), did so for a tall fat 30 year old who bathes once a week, cries over every little thing, only talks to her when he wants a booty call, bases his sense of humor around going to the bathroom, and only watches cartoons. It's not women picking another guy that makes me bitter, it's who they choose over me. But then again, can't hate the player, hate the game. I just don't see the point in trying when it's all in vain.
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