M2155 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So, I haven't followed any of my own advice. Somewhere into 3 weeks NC I broke. Saw him on MSN and initiated a chat. First offered condolences on his aunt's illness. Asked him if we would ever be friends (because we're still linked on FB and Twitter) and as he didn't break up with me appropriately. From there we had a friendly chat. Maybe in hindsight pissing someone off and then talking weeks later when dust settled is the thing to do? Geesh:confused:. Anyway we chatted about some of the wrongs and misunderstandings. Said he wasn't feeling "it" between us like some people have said in other posts and I understand that, I was no angel. I don't know why he did what he did or where getting back with his ex so quickly came into play but I don't think knowing will change anything. Not the most grown up proceedings but I feel a little weight was lifted. It's not in me to hold a heavy grudge. I'm back to NC going foward though. I've been doing ok but still have feelings and do not want the "getting back together" fantasies to get in the way of whatever is next in my life. The worst part of anything is that the fantasy is stronger now:(. As for the NC I don't have much to say so I'm ok there. Promise!
wilsonx Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 As time goes on and you maintain NC, the reconciliation fantasies will fade as well. You have to maintain NC at all costs and difficulties. In the long run, I want you to think about something with your head logically. Look how quickly he left you and went back to his backup plan... his ex. You want to be better then him, you want to maintain that you are better then him by refusing not only to him if he were to come back, but to yourself to and that will help you speed through the healing phase. You want someone that wants to stay with you over all else no matter who you are.
ScienceGal Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 As time goes on and you maintain NC, the reconciliation fantasies will fade as well. You have to maintain NC at all costs and difficulties. In the long run, I want you to think about something with your head logically. Look how quickly he left you and went back to his backup plan... his ex. You want to be better then him, you want to maintain that you are better then him by refusing not only to him if he were to come back, but to yourself to and that will help you speed through the healing phase. You want someone that wants to stay with you over all else no matter who you are. Wilson, I wish I knew someone like you in real life to tell me such things! It's often common sense, but the ability we have to lie to ourselves is immense. Thanks for all the words of wisdom that you give.
ConfusedT Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 As time goes on and you maintain NC, the reconciliation fantasies will fade as well. You have to maintain NC at all costs and difficulties. In the long run, I want you to think about something with your head logically. Look how quickly he left you and went back to his backup plan... his ex. You want to be better then him, you want to maintain that you are better then him by refusing not only to him if he were to come back, but to yourself to and that will help you speed through the healing phase. You want someone that wants to stay with you over all else no matter who you are. WILSON- ive missed you and i agree with everything he says. Don't get down on yourself and YES, start NC fresh again. I know there are urges to text/call, but find someone else to do that to OR even better, find a app on your phone that will not allow you to send the text to the person. maybe write it out, or come on here. I know sometimes just writing it out makes me feel a lot better!
Dblock10 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 this is what scares me in a silly way about the whole nc thing. like when you finally do break it, it becomes a big deal... and i would hate to have those fantasies come flooding back. would only make it harder
Author M2155 Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 It was good and bad for me. My N/C break was good because it was my first ever commuincation on the breakup (and first time breaking NC;)). It definitely opened a wound but I am taking it constructively. Even though I think he is much more in the wrong, there are things I can improve to be a better partner. Bad because you know you could have, or can change some of those very real issues, but now it's too late. "If only we had talked sooner..." etc goes through your mind. It hurts to see when your actions are received negatively despite your intentions. You think about possiblity of reconciliation one day because you know what you can "fix". And I do. The fantasy. I do not have a longing to talk to my ex in a good way, I miss what we had but I'm seeing more clearly that that person is gone and if we ever did reconcile (after a long long time), I will be someone different.
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