SpiralOut Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 There's this guy I really like. I am pretty sure he likes me. Please don't slap me or lecture me about this, but we work for the same company, so we see each other a fair bit. Sometimes we'll work together all day, other days we won't see each other at all. We get along really well and he flirts with me like crazy. Last friday we hung out together just the two of us for an hour before a group event with everyone else. He was the one who basically invited me. Technically, he just hinted at the idea of it until I asked him if he'd want to meet up and he said okay. Then he asked me for my number and ever since then he's been texting me every day. Nothing really happened that night; we just talked a lot and had a fun time. Afterwards he texted me to tell me he had fun with me (even though it was a group event, not really a date...). The next day he was texting me again and we seemed to have clicked so well that I figured hey why not spontaneously invite him to meet up for a coffee? So we hung out at a coffeeshop/bookstore for a couple of hours and had a really great conversation and were flirting pretty badly. But nothing happened, he didn't kiss me or anything like that. He's been texting me every day since then after work to ask me how my day was, what am I doing, etc. When I see him at work he'll go out of his way to get my attention and he'll joke and talk with me. People at work are gossiping about us. I mentioned it to him and he didn't say anything, which sort of upset me. I expected SOME sort of reaction from him but he just changed the subject. Today it seemed like he was about to ask me out for lunch, since he was asking me what time my break was and what was I doing. I think I turned him off a little since I was feeling grumpy and wasn't planning on going anywhere. But he didn't ask me to go anywhere. There was a very awkward silence. He ended up going off without me. He was going home so of course I couldn't invite myself over. I ended up mentioning this cool place to him tonight and he said it sounded cool. I asked if he'd want to go and he said yes. Then he changed the subject. I am so confused by this guy. The long weekend is coming up. He hasn't asked me to do anything. He said that he has to work, but it's not like he works 24/7, so why isn't he asking me to do something? I'm not willing to ask him out for anything again since I feel like it's his turn now. I also joked that he can always just call me instead of texting all the time and he said he would rather text. Which sort of bothers me. Is he stringing me along?? I don't understand how he can flirt with me so much and then be too shy to invite me out. But he's asked for my number and asked me to hang out once before, so I don't think I'm imagining that he likes me. If he doesn't ask me out soon I am going to say screw this and find someone who's not afraid to show me that he likes me.
Imageiko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Seems to me like he's very shy or just sees you as a work friend type thing. I'm leaning towards him liking you and he just doesn't know how to go about moving it past where you are now. I have a feeling you're going to get pretty frustrated waiting for him to make a move. I personally would just leave it as is as I'm not keen on mixing it up at work but if that doesn't bother you I'd make your intentions pretty clear and gauge how he reacts.
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Yeah, I think he's just the shy type. I was kind of like him when I was younger all though I didn't have the guts to flirt. How old is he? Does he come across as being an introvert at work? Seems like you might have to continue making the moves. If he keeps making excuses then maybe he isn't really all that into you. I know if a woman I liked made the moves on me, I'd love it because it would take all the pressure off me.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Well I think you are both right, because he texted me today asking me if I'd want to hang out after work for a coffee. We did that for a while and then finally I asked him if he'd want to walk around for a bit, so he showed me all the nearby parks. He acted as my guide and he sure took his time walking around. He talked about his apartment a lot (which we walked by several times) so I made a comment about how he always talks about it even though I haven't seen it. And he just kinda changed the subject. He's not picking up the hint to invite me over and I don't know if it's because he wants to be gentlemanly/not sleazebagish or maybe his place is a mess or maybe he doesn't like me that way and doesn't want to mislead me. I have no idea. Anyway whatever. He made no move on me despite having many opportunities. He wasn't as flirty as usual either. I decided to catch my bus home before he got sick of me. I am still sort of confused, although I am now thinking that maybe he's the type that prefers to be friends first before doing anything else. Sigh.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Yeah, I think he's just the shy type. I was kind of like him when I was younger all though I didn't have the guts to flirt. How old is he? Does he come across as being an introvert at work? . He's 25, which is 2 years younger than me. He is definately NOT an introvert at work. Although, he has a second job and he told me that he is the quiet guy at his other job.
carhill Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 In your generation, there is little inhibition for equal opportunity in the realm of dating. He asked you for coffee and you went for a walk. Your first encounter also was the result of him 'inviting' you. Now, exercise your equality and include food into the request. 'I'd love for you to join me for dinner at xxx on xxx'. If his response is less than enthusiastic, move on. The way things are going now, this could drag on for months. BTW, people can often have different personalities in different environments, e.g. work versus romance. Just a head's up....
sleepessinoh Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It sounds like he is the one that initiates most conversations and texts. Are you sure that he knows that you are interested in dating him? He may need some initiation from you, especially if he is shy. Nothing wrong with you asking him out on a date. Atleast then you would know if he is interested, shy or just jerking you around.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) He refuses to talk on the phone, and doesnt make a move on you because he has a girlfriend. Even people who dont like talking on the phone will do it..... like.. once. I had a woman do the same thing to me from school. She texted me to go for coffee, to meet at the school gym. After hanging out a couple times, I figured something aint right, so i asked her to dinner, and she changed the subject. Then I knew something was up, but she kept texting me, so I said to myself Im gonna torpedo this right now. I asked her to dinner again and she said "Ill go with you, but I have to let you know I have a boyfriend." I said "Ok well in that case, never mind, take care of yourself." She still kept texting me days after that, asking about graduation and what not, next time she does, Im make a suggestion.... Edited September 3, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Zaphod B Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Sounds promising. He might be a little naive. I've been the same in the past and may think you are just being nice. That was a big mistake I made in my early 20s and I know of at least one woman I liked who gave up on me because of it. Don't be afraid to make the first move. Like hold his hand while sitting with him and talking... or maybe just move in and kiss him on the mouth. That's not gonna give him a negative opinion on you unless he's a real prude. For a guy like me it would show me that you are confident and strong. I met this woman two years ago who I thought was awesome and we met on our second date for a walk in a park. At one point she just stopped while we walked, turned, took me firmly and planted a kiss on my mouth then said "I really wanted to do that." Then she pulled back and we kept walking. It was amazing and I was blown away. It was like YES, she likes me. And then I was very comfortable to instigate affection with her after that.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I think it sounds like it could have potential and he just might not fully know how to approach it. Maybe the working together thing holds him back a little. But it's worth exploring. Being friends first isn't an all together bad idea. I wouldn't worry about the fact that he rather text you then talk. Alot of men in their 20s find this an easier form of communication. Most men aren't known for their long phone conversations and texting is an easy way to communicate without feeling like you have to make great conversation. It's a good way to communicate at this stage. Especially since you do talk face to face at work. If you were dating, didn't work together and all he did was text you, that might be a little different. I personally perfer a quick phone call myself but have come to accept that a lot of people communciate through text now.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Well i DID invite him out for coffee/bookstore date last saturday. I was quite proud of myself for doing something to show him that I like him. And there have been a couple of days where I made sure to text him first. BUT maybe that's not enough to show that I like him? I think I am guilty of giving him mixed messages. There have been a couple of times this week when he was trying to be friendly to me and I put up this wall. In my defence, I was in a terrible mood both times that it happened. But that's not a good excuse. Whenever I really like a quality guy, I get scared and start acting distant. I was totally shocked that he even invited me for coffee tonight. I thought I had scared him away with my moodiness. He doesn't have a girlfriend. I heard him telling someone that he's single. There have been a few times when I almost kissed him. I have never involved myself with a coworker before so that's partly why I am hesitating. I am kicking myself right now for not making a move tonight. But I'll text him tomorrow to let him know that I had a good time with him.
Zaphod B Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 It he's anything like me then mixed messages are going to be a problem. Hopefully you'll get another chance. If you're too scared to kiss him why not just take a hold of his hand and hold it while you talk to him? Or even take a hold of his hand while you walk. If he doesn't pull away that will be a good indicator that he is into you.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Well I texted him several hours ago and he hasn't responded, yet he HAS posted stuff on facebook with his mobile phone. So I think he's ignoring my text, and normally he responds right away. I must have screwed up.
krz12 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 He talked about his apartment a lot (which we walked by several times) so I made a comment about how he always talks about it even though I haven't seen it. And he just kinda changed the subject. He's not picking up the hint to invite me over and I don't know if it's because he wants to be gentlemanly/not sleazebagish or maybe his place is a mess or maybe he doesn't like me that way and doesn't want to mislead me. I have no idea. Crap. Are guys supposed to be able to pick up on something like that?
phineas Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I'd say impatient. when it comes to women at work I prefer to hang out as just friends for a while getting to know them first or at least until we talk about the fact we are interested in each other & also work in the same place. I do not want to jump into dating a co-worker that turns out to be a bad person or someone i'm not compatible with. That's fine for people you meet outside of work because you don't have to see them ever again for the most part.
Zaphod B Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Ignoring your text is not a good sign. Not sure what you can do now. Just wait for him to make the next move I guess.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Crap. Are guys supposed to be able to pick up on something like that? It seems like a pretty obvious hint to me. But then again men are well known for not noticing hints that women consider to be obvious. It is the never-ending problem between men and women. I'd say impatient. when it comes to women at work I prefer to hang out as just friends for a while getting to know them first or at least until we talk about the fact we are interested in each other & also work in the same place. I do not want to jump into dating a co-worker that turns out to be a bad person or someone i'm not compatible with. That's fine for people you meet outside of work because you don't have to see them ever again for the most part. Yeah I'm wondering if maybe this is what is going on. Whenever we hang out he always tries to make it seem as casual as possible. Except when we do hang out there's this crazy tension between us. And I've noticed other people around us (starbucks barista, other customers) will look at us and with this I-know-what's-going-on smile on their faces. I guess I should just approach this as getting to know him as a friend? Ugh. It probably is a good idea for me to just back off already and let him do his pursuing thing. I get a weird feeling that he's having fun chasing me. It's just been so long since I liked someone this much! Ignoring your text is not a good sign. Not sure what you can do now. Just wait for him to make the next move I guess. Yeah he ended up responding to it later. He was busy. Then he randomly sent me a text saturday night when he was semi-drunk. Then he texted me last night to ask me how my day was. I invited him out for coffee tomorrow but he said he's busy but some other time for sure. So yeah guess I'll just try and stop being so impatient!
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