What in god's name is this girl thinking?

[Andy_K]

Ask for girls numbers, not their facebook. They give out their numbers like it's their job anyways.

 

Furthermore, you should be setting up dates, not asking for either of the above.

 

This deserves repeating to make sure it sinks in. There's no point trying to chat on facebook. An attractive girl with a lot going on is not going to take the time to get to know you on facebook. You need to set up a date and move things forward, fast. Strike while the iron is hot.

 

I know you were just trying to get a feel for things, but now you know better. If you do find yourself with her facebook rather than her number, send her a message asking her out. If you get her number instead, text or call to ask her out.

[somethingsimple]

This deserves repeating to make sure it sinks in. There's no point trying to chat on facebook. An attractive girl with a lot going on is not going to take the time to get to know you on facebook. You need to set up a date and move things forward, fast. Strike while the iron is hot.

 

I know you were just trying to get a feel for things, but now you know better. If you do find yourself with her facebook rather than her number, send her a message asking her out. If you get her number instead, text or call to ask her out.

 

 

Well I like to take my time. But every time a girl asks me to add her on facebook, or sometimes she gives me her phone with the facebook app open, I'm all like facebook? Give me your number, girl?

 

haha I say it exactly like that

[in_absentia]

If someone has their mobile number on facebook for every friend to see, they shouldn't be surprised when one of those friends uses it.

 

No, I'm willing to bet she was put off by such a pathetic series of texts as the ones you sent her when she didn't respond for THIRTY MINUTES. Jesus Christ, just because she sent back a message within 3 minutes for the first few doesn't mean she automatically has nothing else to do all day than sit and send you text messages, she might have been busy! Or, at the time, did it not enter your mind that she might have decided to cool down on the fast texting once she learned that it was you, so as not to appear too keen? You sound like an absolute psycho, and I'm willing to bet that picking up on that was what freaked her out, not the fact you used her public number!

[Quiet Storm]

Girls are attracted to confidence, so that is why you are having problems.

 

You can tell by how a guy walks, stands, talks if he is confident or not, and I bet you are sending out "insecure, needy" vibes.

 

If you don't feel it, then fake it til ya make it, because desperation is a big turn off.

 

Look at it like this: She doesn't want to talk to me...her loss.

 

You have to know and PROJECT that you are worthy. You have to know and PROJECT that you have a lot to offer. If a girl blows you off, say whatever, and don't let it get you down.

 

This is only one small part of your life. Don't think that if you don't find a girl now, you never will. Trust me, when you have a degree and start making money, more attractive women will show interest in you.

 

But if you don't change the desperate attitude, even those girls will see you as only as the stable provider and lose sexual attraction for you.

 

Confidence is what makes a man sexy. He can be great looking, caring, with a great job...but if he is a desperate pushover, her sexual attraction to him will fade.

 

Stand tall, know what you want and go for it.

[Imajerk17]

First of all dude, CHILL. If you run into this girl again, be friendly and don't even mention your awkward text exchange. It's probably not going to be a big deal if you are cool with it, but IF she is still awkward then you can mention it. A few thoughts in the meanwhile:

 

(1) The way you handled contacting her was poor. You made two mistakes: (a) You asked for her Facebook info (weak). (b) You got her number NOT from asking her directly but from her Facebook page instead (creeper). Next time just go for a girl's phone number. You'll get a lot more respect.

 

(2) The hungry don't get fed. That you view this girl you just met as your big chance out of single-dom is actually a very big problem. Even if you played your cards right and went for her number and got her to meet up with you again, she'd sense that you are desperate and she would lose interest.

 

Women don't go up and talk to me, but they are responsive (often enough but certainly not always) if I go up and talk to them. I betcha that this could be true of you too, if it isn't already. Make it a point to approach a couple of women. If you approach 10 women in a week and only 1 of them is interested, that is 1 woman a week that you are meeting. Not bad.

Edited September 2, 2011 by Imajerk17

[robertdawson]

Quiet storm: how did I come across as having no confidence by going over to sit next to her after smiled at me from across the room?

 

Imajerk17: dude I approach women all the time.

[Shaun-Dro]

Quiet storm: how did I come across as having no confidence by going over to sit next to her after smiled at me from across the room?

 

Imajerk17: dude I approach women all the time.

 

The main issue with you is that you let meeting women define happiness in you and that's wrong. You're not gonna get anywhere with that. You just can't care about women unless she earns it. I'm serious on that.

 

Practice talking to women over mundane stuff like what classes are you taking, ask if they belong to any clubs, etc. just to get used to talking to women without intent of wanting a date. Don't bother with that. Let it come to you naturally. Don't go out of your way to make it happen. It won't.

 

I guarantee you that if they're interested they'll make it known but don't ask for numbers just yet. The best way to go about sparking her interests is to mention something you're doing or want to do and see if she wants to join you. If she does, then you ask to contact her later about it and there goes the number up your sleeve.

 

I've done this strategy in my later years with ease and got results, while there were times when some of these women cancelled on me, there were still others who kept their promises and we dated for a while.

 

The key is to not come off like it makes a difference to you. Give off the don't give a **** vibe but still maintain your self worth at the same token. You, undoubtedly, will heed results eventually.

[Cypress25]

Cypress25: You don't date coworkers, you don't give strangers a chance to become friends with you, what guys are you expecting to meet? How are online dating guys any more safe than strangers who had the confidence to go up and talk to you in real life? What kind of guys do you think are online? Probably losers like me who screw up every real life opportunity and don't get many opportunities because they aren't all that attractive or social in the first place.

 

I do give strangers a chance to become friends with me. I just don't give them my email address or FB as soon as I meet them. You don't need a girl's email or FB to get to know her.

 

I'm very safe about online dating. We exchange several emails before we agree to meet, and when we do meet, it's in a public place. I drive myself so I don't have to get in his car. If the first date goes well, we might exchange phone numbers, but that's it. I still wouldn't give him my email address or FB.

 

All kinds of people are online. They're not all losers or unattractive. Just because they're online doesn't mean they can't date IRL. A lot of people do both. Online is just one more way to meet people. I've never dated anyone that I'm not attracted to, and I've had 2 wonderful relationships with guys I met online. Yes, they are very attractive and very social. Bright, funny, friendly, interesting...just the kind of guy I'd want to meet in real life. But I never would have met these guys by chance because we don't live in the same city, didn't go to the same school, and didn't work near each other. We only met because of the Internet; otherwise, we never would have just run into each other.

 

If I followed that coworker rule then the only other girl in college that was interested in me would have been an automatic out, instead of me just screwing it up.

 

You don't have to follow the coworker rule. That's just something that works for me.

 

I seriously doubt any of the girls I like are doing online dating. Most attractive women that are doing online dating either have social, mental or emotional issues. I'm sure there are ones that don't but they are far and few between.

 

Why, thank you. Actually, I don't have social, mental, or emotional issues. I do online dating because IRL, the only places to meet guys would be at work or in clubs/bars. I have a rule about not dating coworkers and I have met guys in bars who asked me out, but they weren't my type. I don't think bars are the best places to meet potential boyfriends. I have met a few guys in my self-defense class, but of course they all have girlfriends.

[robertdawson]

Cypress25: I said that there exceptions to the rule so you are an exception. What does IRL mean? I may not have to follow the coworker rule but if other women think like you then there is nowhere to meet women. You think women really want to be picked up at places like the gym? If these guys you are meeting are attractive, social, funny, etc. then there has got to be some reason why they aren't meeting women in real life.

 

Wait, so you may exchange phone numbers with a guy after a first date but you won't exchange an email or facebook? Maybe not facebook depending on how you use it, but how is an email more private than a phone number? Phone numbers are the worst because a true creepy stalker guy.could have it traced.

You also said you exchange a few emails with them before meeting up but then said you won't give them an email or FB? I guess you're talking about email messages on the site?

 

How do you give strangers a shot to be your friend if you don't let them have any form of contact with you? Are you just their friend if you happen to randomly run into them again? That's not a friend, that's an acquaintance at best.

 

Quiet storm: so when I have a degree and am making money women will start to pay attention to me? So what you're saying is that they'll like me for my money. If they won't have anything to do with me unless I've got money then I'm not having anything to do with them. If any woman thinks I'm gonna go around supporting them (unless they are pregnant and can't work or are taking care of very young children) then they're crazy.

I was eating at a sub shop the other day a couple girls were joking about what they'd do if they married a rich guy and it just plain pissed me off overhearing their discussion.

 

Shaun-Dro: I do talk to women about mundane stuff. Quite a lot in fact. I also don't ask every woman I talk to out. How will she let you know she is interested? That seems to be my biggest problem. What are you talking about sparking interests? So you're just talking to them and at some point say "hey so I'm thinking about going to this event, want to go?" Or do you just talk about going and see if they'll say "oh, that sounds fun" and hint that they want to go? And how do you go about talking to them and sparking their interest if you don't really ever run into them (like this girl I screwed up with)? I'm being serious when I say the only place I meet women is in random places (restaurant worker, girl in the cafeteria, etc.)?

 

Thanks.

[Quiet Storm]

 

Quiet storm: how did I come across as having no confidence by going over to sit next to her after smiled at me from across the room?

 

 

Don't be so eager. If you notice a girl looking and smiling at you, instead of going right over, let her watch you doing something you are good at, let her hear you saying something smart or funny in a conversation. In other words, do something that makes you interesting that doesn't directly involve her. Be a little mysterious. Let her wonder about you a little bit.

 

Quiet storm: so when I have a degree and am making money women will start to pay attention to me? So what you're saying is that they'll like me for my money. If they won't have anything to do with me unless I've got money then I'm not having anything to do with them. If any woman thinks I'm gonna go around supporting them (unless they are pregnant and can't work or are taking care of very young

children) then they're crazy.

 

I don't think that ALL they would be interested in is money or that you would have to support anyone. It's just an additional "positive" that you will have to offer. As you succeed in life, I think you will naturally become more confident. I wanted to point that out because you seem so fatalistic...like if you don't meet a girl now, you never will. That couldn't be farther from the truth. You have a bright future ahead of you.

[Cypress25]

Cypress25: I said that there exceptions to the rule so you are an exception. What does IRL mean? I may not have to follow the coworker rule but if other women think like you then there is nowhere to meet women. You think women really want to be picked up at places like the gym?

IRL = In Real Life

 

Not all women have rules about dating their coworkers. If you work for a big company, you could probably date a woman in a different department. Then it wouldn't be awkward if you break up because you wouldn't have to see each other at work anyway.

 

If these guys you are meeting are attractive, social, funny, etc. then there has got to be some reason why they aren't meeting women in real life.

For the same reasons I have trouble meeting men in real life. They don't want to date their coworkers and they're not into the bar scene. College is a great way to meet people, but after college, it does get harder. And online dating takes some of the guesswork out of it because you know everyone on a dating site is single (hopefully). I know a lot of guys hesitate to approach women in real life because they assume she must have a boyfriend.

 

Wait, so you may exchange phone numbers with a guy after a first date but you won't exchange an email or facebook? Maybe not facebook depending on how you use it, but how is an email more private than a phone number? Phone numbers are the worst because a true creepy stalker guy.could have it traced.

 

My email address includes my last name and I use it to register on sites like Amazon and YouTube. I wouldn't want someone to Google my email address and track my online activity.

 

You also said you exchange a few emails with them before meeting up but then said you won't give them an email or FB? I guess you're talking about email messages on the site?

Yes, the internal messaging system on the dating site, not my personal email.

 

How do you give strangers a shot to be your friend if you don't let them have any form of contact with you? Are you just their friend if you happen to randomly run into them again? That's not a friend, that's an acquaintance at best.

 

Depends on the situation. When I was in college, we knew we would run into each other again because it was a very small campus, only 1200 undergrads total. And if the guy wanted to see me again, he could arrange a casual meeting right then and there. Instead of asking for my number, he could say something like "Hey I'm going to the coffeehouse later to see the band. You should stop by if you get a chance." There, now I know where he'll be that night and I can go find him if I want to.

[robertdawson]

Quiet storm: So in this particular situation I was just supposed to go sit down somewhere else? It was a big meeting with a couple hundred people. I wasn't going to be speaking up or doing anything she would have noticed. After she smiled at me I continued getting my pizza and went over there a couple minutes later. It's not like she smiled at me and I ran over there immediately.

 

Well, I don't know of anyone who meets people outside of high school or college unless it is at work, a religious place or a bar. I don't do the last two and like I said, the computer technology sector doesn't have many attractive women anywhere around. And I've already gone over my reasons for not liking online dating. I've actually signed up for a site before because I was curious as to what sort of people were doing it around my area and everyone I saw was either flat out ugly, had a kid, had some weird problem with meeting people the normal way or a combination of the three. In fact, I actually saw a few girls that went to the same high school as me and let me tell you, they are trashy. Plus, I've heard the only decent sites are the pay sites and I don't have money to piss away on things like that when there are 10000 women (probably 3000 of them attractive) on my campus.

 

Cypress25: "Depends on the situation.... There, now I know where he'll be that night and I can go find him if I want to." Well, my campus has 20000 students. The chance of running into someone again isn't necessarily very high. You know you don't have to have just one email? You know you can have an email that doesn't have any part of your name that you can use for impersonal things right? You don't have a spam email or an email that you sign up on websites like this with? An email like that isn't personal at all and seems like a perfectly reasonable way to talk with someone you just met but don't know that well.

Also, how would you know you'd see him at whatever place he was at? What if there was one or two hundred people there?

 

On a side note: Looking at what you said, I think what I should have done with that second girl is say "yeah, I usually sit over in this area. If you're around next time why don't sit down?" How is that?

 

- I've never understood the not wanting to date their coworkers thing. I mean really, haven't people asked someone out in high school or college before and had to deal with being around them afterwards? It was awkward for a while with the girl I worked with but big deal, I wasn't going to let it bother me that badly. It's not like asking out your doctor or boss or something and being turned down.

- I don't even think about whether or not a woman has a boyfriend when I'm thinking about approaching her. Unless she is clearly with someone that is counterproductive and wussy behavior. I can at least talk to women, I just screw it up after I've talked to them.

[Zaphod B]

Quiet storm: So in this particular situation I was just supposed to go sit down somewhere else? It was a big meeting with a couple hundred people. I wasn't going to be speaking up or doing anything she would have noticed. After she smiled at me I continued getting my pizza and went over there a couple minutes later. It's not like she smiled at me and I ran over there immediately.

 

I think you did the right thing here. You took the opportunity. If you wait around, some other guy will beat you to the punch. I have found that so many times and it's very frustrating.

 

Well, I don't know of anyone who meets people outside of high school or college unless it is at work, a religious place or a bar. I don't do the last two and like I said, the computer technology sector doesn't have many attractive women anywhere around.

 

This is a problem for me too, as I've already told you. So I have found other activiities that get me out in the evenings, thus giving me opportunities to meet women. I'm sure you can find activities too. It sure beats sitting around in front of the computer at home when you've been doing it all day at work!

 

What's your male friend situation like? Do you have good male friends? This has been a problem for me and over the last year I have been working on that. One of the best things you can have is male contacts. Invitations to parties, introductions to female friends... You just need to invest some time in those friendships. It's certainly worked well for me in recent times.

 

And I've already gone over my reasons for not liking online dating. I've actually signed up for a site before because I was curious as to what sort of people were doing it around my area and everyone I saw was either flat out ugly,

 

Funny, I have met many very beautiful women from online dating, including professional women: a doctor, a lawyer and an archetect. My last 2 girlfriends I met on line and one of them was sweltering hot, who had a teenaged son whose friends referred to her as a MILF. I guess maybe online dating works better for people who are a little older?

 

Plus, I've heard the only decent sites are the pay sites and I don't have money to piss away on things like

 

Well I guess it depends what your priorities are. Do you waste your money on stuff that's less important to you then finding a woman? But yeah, the pay sites are going to give you better results because those who are paying are more serious about finding that someone special. Less game players and scammers. And not only that, but if women see you have a paid membership they are more likely to see you as serious and not a player.

 

- I've never understood the not wanting to date their coworkers thing. I mean really, haven't people asked someone out in high school or college before and had to deal with being around them afterwards? It was awkward for a while with the girl I worked with but big deal, I wasn't going to let it bother me that badly. It's not like asking out your doctor or boss or something and being turned down.

 

Yeah, I can't exactly understand it either. Seems like a great place to find someone you have something in common with. I have one work mate who's into me, but I'm just not attracted to her. I also strongly suspect my boss fancies me too, which is part of the reason I got the job, but she's already taken. If there was someone compatible, I'd go for it. Chances are you won't be working together forever. People tend to move on to new opportunities or departments.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Zaphod B

[robertdawson]

You don't go after bosses because if something goes wrong they'll see to it you'll get fired. You don't go after doctors because it's against their code of ethics. You don't date your lawyer because of ethics. However, dating someone on the same level as you at work and it not working out? Big deal, you just have to deal with them on a professional basis. Only speak to them when you have to. I asked girls out that were in the same high school classes as me back in the day and sure it was awkward but big deal. All you have to do is not care about it and act normal. When I've done that everything has been ok for the most part.

 

"What's your male friend situation like? Do you have good male friends? This has been a problem for me and over the last year I have been working on that. One of the best things you can have is male contacts. Invitations to parties, introductions to female friends... You just need to invest some time in those friendships. It's certainly worked well for me in recent times."

I don't really hang out with any guys. I have lots of people that are "friends" (people I talk to online, know from school, know from the gym, know from softball) but outside of the normal places I see them I don't really do anything with them. I don't have anything to do with them that is mutually interesting. Outside of exercise related stuff the only things I really do are video games and reading and stuff like that. I don't drink alcohol so it would be kind of pointless to be going to parties.

The only two friends I really hang out with don't live here anymore. Both of them live about two hours away and if I go to visit them all we really do is go out to eat, watch movies and play video games.

Edited September 3, 2011 by robertdawson

[Zaphod B]

You don't go after bosses because if something goes wrong they'll see to it you'll get fired.

 

Ha ha. Touche. Just as well my boss is in a long term relationship, because she does have a certain amount of sex appeal. As it is she is always positive and friendly towards me and responds to almost every Facebook update I make.... while poking fun and putting down most of my other work colleagues.

 

 

"What's your male friend situation like? Do you have good male friends? This has been a problem for me and over the last year I have been working on that. One of the best things you can have is male contacts. Invitations to parties, introductions to female friends... You just need to invest some time in those friendships. It's certainly worked well for me in recent times."

I don't really hang out with any guys. I have lots of people that are "friends" (people I talk to online, know from school, know from the gym, know from softball) but outside of the normal places I see them I don't really do anything with them. I don't have anything to do with them that is mutually interesting. Outside of exercise related stuff the only things I really do are video games and reading and stuff like that. I don't drink alcohol so it would be kind of pointless to be going to parties.

The only two friends I really hang out with don't live here anymore. Both of them live about two hours away and if I go to visit them all we really do is go out to eat, watch movies and play video games.

 

Yeah, well this is going to be a big problem for you. With good male friendships you have contacts. You are missing out on a lot of potential introductions to women or invitations to social events where women are going to be. Might be something you should work on. Just getting yourself good real world male friends who you can hang out with and exchange notes with. Two years ago my best pals were Internet friends! I knew that had to change.

 

I've been fortunate to find three good male friends who are single and searching. One of them introduced me to the hottest woman I've ever made out with in my life. Just a pity I couldn't get any further than that.

 

But I would never have met her if I hadn't invested time into my male friendships.

 

Oh and you don't have to drink when you go to parties! Just go and meet chicks!

 

And another thing. I, like you was a video game fanatic. I was from the first generation of gamers. I had to realise that spending hours and hours every week playing video games was not scoring me chicks. I am now going out just about every evening during the week now. I'm loving it! My video gaming games are now well and truly over. And the things I am doing aren't costing me much money at all. Plus I'm meeting women.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Zaphod B

[robertdawson]

I never met any women when those two friends of mine lived here..

 

Like I said, I don't have any activities outside of athletics that I can enjoy with other people. What am I gonna do, ask one of the guys from my softball team out? There is no non-awkward, manly way to initiate hanging out with other guys.

 

Friends to "exchange notes" with? Um, what the heck does that mean?

 

I'm not a wild party type. I am calm and serious most of the time. Plus, I'm not in the loop. I don't think I've ever heard of when a single college party was since I've been at the university (2 years). Plus, what kind of girls are you going to meet at parties? The super social ones that drink and have like 50 friends.

 

I'm not a video game "fanatic". I enjoy them but don't really play them all that much with school and work. Before I was injured I was lifting weights 6 or 7 hours a week and playing softball about 3.

[Cypress25]

I've never understood the not wanting to date their coworkers thing. I mean really, haven't people asked someone out in high school or college before and had to deal with being around them afterwards?

High school/college is not the same as an office job. I don't date coworkers because I don't think it's professional. And it would be distracting to have my boyfriend at work with me all day. When I'm in a relationship, of course I like spending time together, but it's also important to spend time apart and have your own separate lives. Otherwise you'll get bored with each other real quick.

 

And if it doesn't work out, not only do you have to see them every day, you also have to work with them. In high school or college, you can just ignore your ex if you see them around. You can't do that at work. And if you work for a small company, you might have to spend 8 hours a day sitting across from your ex. You wouldn't have that problem in school. If it ends badly (say, if your ex cheated on you or something), can you imagine having to be around your ex all day, every day, and have to work with them, be polite, and pretend everything is fine so you don't create drama at work? No thanks. Don't eat where you shi.t, that's what I say.

 

Next time, just ask a girl for her phone number. Asking for her email or FB is a little weird, and she's more likely to say no.

 

I don't drink alcohol so it would be kind of pointless to be going to parties.

 

I don't drink either, but I went to parties all the time in college. You can still hang out with people who drink, even if you don't drink yourself. The point of a party is to hang out with people and have fun. What you're drinking is irrelevant.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Cypress25

[robertdawson]

I've never even known of when any college parties were. I am totally out of the loop.

[xoxoDaniellexoxo]

I've never even known of when any college parties were. I am totally out of the loop.

Haha don't worry me either!! That is why I rely on roomies and my floor to fill me in, I am kinda a book worm but it pays to get out I know what you mean about a lot of kids getting wasted but honestly I have maybe one drink every two hours if that and I have NEVER been drunk so look for the girls with a soda instead of a beer usually I am dancing and laughing too but I never look or get drunk, there are people like me so don't worry you will find some!

[Easyguy14]

I've never even known of when any college parties were. I am totally out of the loop.

 

have you ever tried an older woman? not exactly 40 but maybe 30s some where? you would find them much interested in getting to know you and without the silly board games the younger generation tend to play. there are plenty of good-looking women over 30 with better bodies than the 20s crowd. you should look into it. plus they're more comfortable in their skin, and open to a lot of things sexually that younger girls feel strange about. Im serious robert dawson. and if they're aren't any older women around for you, definitely look up online dating because you will surely find good ones for your liking.

[Zaphod B]

I never met any women when those two friends of mine lived here..

 

So you're just going to give up on male friends? Flag them all away because those ones you had didn't have any female contacts?

 

Like I said, I don't have any activities outside of athletics that I can enjoy with other people.

 

Get some! That's what I did! I was in the same boat as you! Quit making excuses. Sounds like you WANT to be miserable and lonely with no friends and no opportunities to meet women. What are you expecting, that someone will come up with some magical formula and you can just say "Abracadabra" and women will come flocking to you?

 

What am I gonna do, ask one of the guys from my softball team out? There is no non-awkward, manly way to initiate hanging out with other guys.

 

Ah gee, guys do it all the time. Hook up with pals and go and do stuff. They hang out, watch games on TV, join each other for a few beers, go to a game. You think people establish good same-sex friendships by not making an effort and refusing to invest time into those friendships?

 

Friends to "exchange notes" with? Um, what the heck does that mean?

 

Talk about women and how they go about meeting them and scoring their attention, sharing our successes and our failures, what we did wrong, what we did right. Me and my single buddies do it all the time.

 

I'm not a wild party type. I am calm and serious most of the time. Plus, I'm not in the loop. I don't think I've ever heard of when a single college party was since I've been at the university (2 years). Plus, what kind of girls are you going to meet at parties? The super social ones that drink and have like 50 friends.

 

Well you'll never be in the loop if you won't make an effort to go places and make friends. And you certainly will never be in the loop if all you do is make a whole heap of feeble excuses about why you can't do this and can't do that, which is all I'm seeing from you in this thread. If you refuse to help yourself, as you are doing now, then you'll remain miserable and lonely. Maybe it's time to step out of your comfort zone? Achieving your goals and bettering yourself often requires that. Perhaps it's time to stop whinging, stop making excuses and put yourself out there?

[robertdawson]

Zaphod B: All I'm saying man is that I don't have any activities I enjoy that are social. That's it. Don't drink, don't really like watching sports (only playing them, which I can't do right now). I'm not going to go and do activities I dislike anyway just to be around people.

 

Correction: I will say I did something way out of my comfort zone last night. If you want the little tale, here it goes: I went to a local bar to play pool, and there turned out to be a mini-concert there as well. I didn't drink (which felt really awkward with everyone else drinking) and was by myself but it was OK. I just sat around for a while acting like I gave a **** about the football game on the projection screen (was up for the first 20 minutes or so and then taken down for the music) and waited for a chance to get in on the pool table. There was a guy, his girlfriend and her friend there and I asked them if any of them wanted to play with me. The girl's friend was actually pretty cute so I was hoping she would play but she said she had never played before and would just "cheer us on". So the guy and his girlfriend took turns and played 8 ball against me (they were pretty drunk; I guess her friend was the DD). I asked another group of girls if anyone wanted to play with me since I didn't have a partner and they just replied that none of them were any good which was OK. When I was getting change for the second game at the bar the guy came up and ordered me and him a drink before I had a chance to tell him I couldn't drink (I didn't really want to, but I'm also on medicine right now that can make me super drowsy (not be able to drive probably) if I drink). I explained to him after the fact and he was OK with it though. I guess the experience wasn't totally enjoyable though. Some time during the second game some old drunk guy came up and was wanting to play and started getting all pissed at me and trying to tell me how to play because I'm not any good (I haven't played in like a year or two). The guy's girlfriend kept coming up to me and saying "oh god, he is so close to punching that guy in the face". As far as doing this again is concerned it was fairly entertaining, but I felt kind of weird being there by myself. I met that drunk guy and his drunk girlfriend and they were OK, but once that old guy started being a jackass about be playing pool I started to get irritated. Also, if I was there and was actually good but wasn't drinking wouldn't some people get pissed at me and think I was going in there just to beat drunk people's asses in pool? Also, what if that girl I thought was cute actually ended up having a boyfriend that walked up later and got pissed and wanted to beat my ass or something? At one point while I was there I just randomly sat down somewhere to listen to the music and this lady a few chairs over from me said in a really hateful tone: "my husband is right there" to which I responded "I wasn't doing anything". Her husband came back later and I thought he was going to say something so I said the same thing to him. He didn't act too concerned though, he just kind of grunted at me and walked off.

 

---As far as the girl's friend is concerned, I didn't really pay a ton of attention to her because she didn't seem too interested. I did talk to her a couple times as we were playing though. For example, her friend made a good shot (actually really damn good for how drunk she was) and she was cheering for her and I said "I thought you said you were going to cheer for me.." as a sort of joke. A while later when I was going she did a little cheer for me and then I made like the worst scratch ever and was like "hmm, maybe you shouldn't cheer for me after all." Also, while we were playing I tried to hint at her that she should try it out a couple times. The second time I did I made some comment about how her friends were playing and she was like "I'm kind of tired and I'm not any good" to which I replied "well, you can't do much worse than how I"m doing right now." After that I dropped it and didn't say anything else to her. Somehow later on I ended up telling her I went to the university and was a senior (I can't remember but I think she asked while I was waiting for my turn). Near the end of the game she jumped up and came up to me and was like "I want to try now!" So I let her go and told her how to do it because she was asking me how. The next couple shots I had I offered her the cue stick and she kept trying. I think they were really getting tired of the old drunk guy at this point so the two girls went into the bathroom (he had tried to hit on her earlier and he may have been pissed at me that I was talking to her or pissed at how I didn't care about being the best pool player ever or both) so I walked off for a little bit. I walked back over later on and asked the guy's girlfriend where he went and then asked the other girl what her degree was going to be in (I never did actually ask her her name though). After the guy got back all three of them just kind of walked off to the bar without saying bye or anything :-/ . A few minutes later I walked outside and when I came back in I saw the guy talking to someone I play against in softball (different team) so I said hey and talked to him a little bit. That girl I thought was cute was standing at the bar right behind him sort of looking over as I was talking to him (I guess she thought I may have been trying to talk to her again or something, I don't know). He left and then I just went a few feet over and leaned on a table to listen to the music. The guy, his girlfriend and the other girl left like a minute or two later and I just looked at the cute one while she was leaving and she waved at me. I assumed by her reaction about playing pool she wasn't interested, but then when she kind of started talking to me and got up and wanted to try pool out I thought she was warming up to me. When her and her friends just walked away without saying anything though I was pretty sure she wasn't too interested after all. Her major is in the same building where I take classes so that would be interesting to run into her again and see how she reacts towards me though.

 

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"Talk about women and how they go about meeting them and scoring their attention, sharing our successes and our failures, what we did wrong, what we did right. Me and my single buddies do it all the time." I already do this with one of my friends who moved. To be honest I don't think I'm going to do it anymore because it is infuriating and embarrassing to say some of the stupid mistakes I have made.

 

Cypress25: Well, just for the hell of it I did an eHarmony thing since I think it is free this weekend. No matches within 200 miles of here.

 

Easyguy14: No, I don't think older women (late 20s, early 30s) generally go for 22 year old college students.

 

xoxoDaniellexoxo: I don't have a roommate. I live in a house by myself (so not a dorm).

Edited September 4, 2011 by robertdawson

[Mr. Savage]

just like you thought this "opportunity" wouldn't occur but did, so shall other ones.

 

I haven't read the replies beyond you mentioning "don't care??"

 

Next time, try not to get impatient / defensive. I've had men tell me similar things such as "guess you don't want to talk to me, fine" when I've been genuinely busy and... it completely put me off. NEVER jump to assumptions/conclusions there... your insecurity/desperation bleeds through...

 

even if she was intentionally ignoring you, you'll still build a better rapport if you either just wait for her to respond or even just let her know you hope you can catch her later, maybe suggest planning something for the next week/weekend with her and then letting her know she can take her time replying with an answer. Then just... leave it. Distract yourself with something else. Whatever passions/hobbies you have. Something.

 

EXACTLY! Even if you care pretend you dont. It helps.

[dispatch3d]

somethingsimple: she seemed like she was showing interest in me and I acted quickly to kill it. Whatever reason she noticed me in the first place was ruined by me being an impatient jackass. The second girl yeah, she was just talking to me.

 

Did anyone answer my question about some sort of apology? I'm not begging her to be friends with me or give me a shot at dating her but when she didn't respond to me I acted like a douche.by sending those followup messages.

 

Queen Zenobia: how long are you supposed to wait? If you talk to a girl for a couple months before doing anything then aren't you going to end up as "friends"? What should I have done, asked for her # up front? Tried talking to her on facebook 2 minutes every 4 days?

 

What the hell are you going to apologize for? Lol is it going to be like: "Hey, I'm sorry for being interested in you. From now on I'll try to not ask out girls so that they don't act all uncomfortable and bitchy."

 

Seriously, you didn't do anything wrong. To get a girlfriend you have to (1) talk to girls (2) get their information (3) contact the girl (4) go out with girl (5) you get the ****ing idea. If she's going to be a jerk about it, then that's HER problem not yours!

[robertdawson]

Mr. Savage: I know now.

 

dispatch3d: Yeah, you're right, I didn't do anything bad enough to warrant an apology. Being a facebook stalker for her number and using it without asking her and responding by saying douche-y/desperate things like "ok then..." and "well I guess that means no. Bye" are the things I feel bad/stupid about, but they aren't bad enough to to apologize over. If I had freaked out and cussed her out or something I would probably apologize for that though.

 

Well, like it has been said, I should have just gotten her damn number first of. If I had screwed that up and just gotten the facebook then I should have waited to talk to her a couple times and asked for her number that way. Haha, maybe I should have asked what NOT to do on here before communicating further with her!

 

OnyxSnowfall: after seeing your response being quoted up there: "Next time, try not to get impatient / defensive. I've had men tell me similar things such as "guess you don't want to talk to me, fine" when I've been genuinely busy and... it completely put me off. NEVER jump to assumptions/conclusions there... your insecurity/desperation bleeds through...

 

even if she was intentionally ignoring you, you'll still build a better rapport if you either just wait for her to respond or even just let her know you hope you can catch her later, maybe suggest planning something for the next week/weekend with her and then letting her know she can take her time replying with an answer. Then just... leave it. Distract yourself with something else. Whatever passions/hobbies you have. Something.".... that sounds like absolutely amazing advice. Too bad I didn't ask you before sending more texts! In the back of my head I knew it was wrong to contact her without asking for her number in the first place but I knew even more so not to say anything after she ignored me. I never thought about acting like I didn't care and suggest something the next weekend anyway.