Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 And do not for the life of you, try online dating. People who struggle with regular dating are going to struggle online as well. They might even do worse. Really disagree with that. It was my saviour I've gained a lot because of it, including self esteem and confidence.
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Really disagree with that. It was my saviour I've gained a lot because of it, including self esteem and confidence. Well then you're the exception that proves the rule. Take a look at this forum though. Lots of people who have a very different experience. Especially the younger people.
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Well then you're the exception that proves the rule. Take a look at this forum though. Lots of people who have a very different experience. Especially the younger people. Yeah and I notice that a lot of them make a lot of rookie mistakes when it comes to online dating. But just like the real world you'll still have bad experiences. What was great for me was it got me past the initial awkward first approach that you have in the real world. It got me straight to the sitting down and having a drink in a bar or cafe.
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Yeah and I notice that a lot of them make a lot of rookie mistakes when it comes to online dating. But just like the real world you'll still have bad experiences. What was great for me was it got me past the initial awkward first approach that you have in the real world. It got me straight to the sitting down and having a drink in a bar or cafe. Well this kid is in college. There's really no better place to meet women than an American university.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So I get one ****up and that's it, she is never going to speak to me again? Yeah, I get what you're saying, but why the hell would she have it up on facebook for 800 people to see? I'm guessing there is no way to fix this now? I think sending her another text message to apologize for making her uncomfortable would be stupid (look, sorry for making you uncomfortable. I'm not mad. I'll leave you alone now) and I can't really do anything on facebook since I deleted her (I don't think an apology on there would work either). God, I'm such a ****ing jackass. If I had half a brain I could have had at least a chance with her. The second girl: Why was she blatantly impolite when I asked if I could sit down (basically grunted at me), but then polite when she noticed I wasn't going to talk to her? What would she have done differently if she was trying to flirt? So you're saying even if she liked a guy she would still refuse to give our a facebook OR an email? I don't expect contact information from everyone I talk to, but some girls are aware that being overly friendly can lead to such situations. I know because there are plenty of girls I've talked to before who are polite but they only say as much as they have to and they act noticeably professional about it. OP I understand your frustration. My honest advice to you is to ignore the women you're in contact with, passing in halls, etc. They're playing games right now because they can. It gives them power. You, as a man, take it back from them by not giving a ****. It's as simple as that. Remember this, you'll never score with a girl while under the nice guy guise. It's the hardcore truth that I learned years ago. Once I became a lot more darker, serious, and more masculine, I was able to get women in a more easier setting. While none of my relationships lasted because women don't know their roles, I still got some satisfaction out of them. And do you know what the key to my success was? I didn't care about them enough. Let them earn your trust. Let them earn your time. Let them earn your respect as a man.
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Well this kid is in college. There's really no better place to meet women than an American university. True. But unless he's gonna spend the rest of his life in front of his computer, he can certainly find other avenues to meet women, even if not Internet Dating.
Cypress25 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I will murder myself before I try online dating. Just saying. Why? All the girls you like probably do online dating. I found it hard to meet new people after college because I don't date coworkers and I'm not into the bar scene. I've had two long-term relationships that started from a dating site. I know many people who met their SO online. It's pretty standard these days. With an attitude like yours, it's not surprising that you've had no luck with girls. If you really want to give up, then give up. Sounds like you already have anyway.
phillyfan Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Ok, so here is the deal. There was a club meeting that lots of university students were getting extra credit to go to. I went to it and as I was getting pizza I was looking around and noticed that this girl smiled at me. After I finished getting my pizza I walked over there and asked if I could squeeze in (her and a few other people were sitting up against the wall because the chairs were taken). She spoke up and told me that she saw me everywhere, introduced herself and then asked me what my name was. I can't recall seeing this girl before, yet she said she saw me all the time. I don't remember exactly how, but when I told her what my major was she told me she was just about to ask that (the club was a major specific one, although people of different majors in the intro classes were there too). I talked to her a little while about her major, how boring the meeting was, etc. Later on she said that her bus was coming soon but that she was going to stay there a few more minutes. Then she said "hey, let's go move to those chairs in the front to see if we can win any prizes". So we ended up moving and I sat with her for about 10 minutes or so before she got up and said thay she would see me around the building where all my classes are. As she was leaving I had an "oh crap if you don't do this now you won't see her again" moment and stopped her and asked her if she had a facebook (I thought I'd look like a desperate idiot asking for her number after just meeting her). She took out a piece of paper and wrote down her full name. I was trying to say what my name was so she would recognize my request, but I was sort of stumbling around my words/hesitating and I think she sensed this because she said "I'm pretty easy to find" after writing it down. She accepted my friend request about lunch time today. What is god's holy name is this girl's problem? I talked to her for a couple minutes today on facebook chat (nothing really, asked her what was up, said she was in class, then just kinda signed off) and then about an hour ago I sent her a text message as her phone number was clearly visible on facebook to all of her EIGHT-F'IN-HUNDRED friends. Conversation verbatim: Me: "Hey, would this happen to be her_name?" Her: "Anna?" Me: "Are you asking if this is Anna or are you saying that you are Anna?" Her: "Lol, this is her_name" Her: "Who is this?" (all these messages were returned in 3 minutes or less) Me: "This is my_name. I met you yesterday at the club meeting. I saw this # on your facebook page. Facebook messages are cumbersome; would you mind talking this way?" ...... 30 minutes no response Me: "Ok then..." ...... 40 minutes no response Me: "I guess I'll take that as a "No." Bye" What the hell is her problem? What kind of person smiles at someone and then when they sit down next to them say "I see you everywhere. My name is _name_. What's yours?"? It isn't like she didn't have the opportunity to leave. Instead, she asks me to move with her to a different spot and stays there right up until it is time for her to go catch her bus, at which point she says "I'll see you around the science building." god %#$^&*%ing damnit. You have no idea how badly I wanted to cuss her out and call her out on being way too f'in friendly, but I held off and just sent what I wrote above. Now that I'm in rant mode, here is something else that happened today: I was in the cafeteria today and walked up to a table (most of the other tables were taken so it didn't look too odd) and asked the girl sitting there if I could sit there (four chair table). She looked at me really funny and was like "...ok". After such a weird response I just decided I wasn't going to say a freaking word to her the whole time I was eating my lunch. After about 5-10 minutes she speaks up and says "hey, what is your name?", asks me what year I am, etc. I talk to her a little bit, I joke with her some and she is laughing a fair amount. She gets up later to go to her class and says: "thanks for sitting here with me, it's normally so boring just sitting here!". I said: "Well, it's been nice talking to you. Do you have a Facebook or email that you use?" Then this is her response: "Well, yeah, but I normally don't give it out" to which I responded "well, OK, bye." Are both of these two girls this @#$%ing dumb to think acting this way isn't going to lead anyone on? What the hell? I should have called the first girl out on being friendly to the point of being stupid and should have put the second girl down a peg or two by saying "wait, do you seriously think I'm asking you out? You started talking to me first." Dude tht 2nd girl was just bein nice, chattin 2 u, why wud she giv u her contact info? She aint an automatic date just cos she talkd 2 u, u need 2 see girls as friends ppl, wateva, not just a thing tht u date. Mayb u need more female friends. Tht 1st girl, dude u came on a bit strong wit ur txts u need 2 play it cooler...
phillyfan Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I will murder myself before I try online dating. Just saying. Dude WTF serious, the FUN I hav online datin, its the easiest way 2 meet girls, ive met some HOT girls n had some GREAT times belive me
LZ2000 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Well............ Honestly, if i was you, i would give her my email address, say a pleasant goodbye for the day. And go masturbate to some erotic pictures by googling them after that (just to release that sexual tension you probably felt towards her, seriously i do that a lot as my dating strategy before, no personal attacks on you). I'd just wait for her to send an email to me. And keep going perhaps frequently to those "boring" club meetings. Since she said she "sees you all the time", it's kinda important to maintain that "positive image" she has of you. It will build up the attraction she has towards of you. And then when she does come "closer" to you, be the perfect gentleman. Or the "bad boy" with a "heart of gold". Or whatever........ my 2 cents
Bj099235 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Playing the numbers game and online dating are really hard. I think dating works better when you have friends/relatives who are social, and can help you out. Friend of friend type stuff.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) Before I go on, is there any way to fix this with the first girl? If not, is there any way to salvage some sort of awkward friendship or at least where she won't tell all her friends what a jackass I am? Should I send her another friend request (which would let her know I deleted her after pitching a fit)? phillyfan: That's all well and good, but I'm quite tired of having female friends. If all I did was talk to girls and never ask any of them out I'd have plenty of so called "friends" but still be a damn single loser. Also, at this point telling me that I freaked the first girl out is just stating the obvious. It was looking to me like I wasn't ever going to get to talk to her on facebook (like some of the other girls I'm friends with that talk to that only get on once a week for two minutes), or if I did it would be short and useless (like earlier yesterday, lasted like a minute) so I guess I just lost it and didn't want to wait to see if I could talk to her the next time she was on. I didn't want to send her a facebook message saying "hey it would be easier to talk via texting" because I thought it would have shown I was sitting around obsessing over her but I didn't want to wait to see if she would get on chat again. Cypress25: You don't date coworkers, you don't give strangers a chance to become friends with you, what guys are you expecting to meet? How are online dating guys any more safe than strangers who had the confidence to go up and talk to you in real life? What kind of guys do you think are online? Probably losers like me who screw up every real life opportunity and don't get many opportunities because they aren't all that attractive or social in the first place. If I followed that coworker rule then the only other girl in college that was interested in me would have been an automatic out, instead of me just screwing it up. I seriously doubt any of the girls I like are doing online dating. Most attractive women that are doing online dating either have social, mental or emotional issues. I'm sure there are ones that don't but they are far and few between. I sure as hell know this girl I blew it with, you know the attractive one with tons of friends, a member of a sorority, etc. isn't doing it. Is there any wonder why I'm developing an attitude? Almost every girl I know that is even somewhat attractive a) ignores me or b) won't be anything more than friends with me. And then to top it off when I do have what seems like an opportunity I royally screw it up by being a dumbass. I guess that is all well and good, if she had gone out with me a few times she would have lost interest anyway. Who wants to date a guy who has no friends that he hangs out with and who no longer has a modicum of a social life that he had doing recreational athletics because he's got an injury that will take 6 months or more to heal if it heals at all? LZ2000: She isn't going back to that club. She only went because her professor was giving out extra credit. Apparently she had seen me all the time by me just walking around going to class. I don't have a positive image to maintain. This girl thinks I'm creepy, a desperate loser or a combination of the two. She has no attraction to me anymore (if she even did in the first place, she could have just been another one of the numerous women who seem to only want to be friendly with me), especially after I pitched a mini-fit by sending her the followup messages (and removing her from facebook but she probably won't ever know that to be honest since she has so many friends). I guess it doesn't matter that I sent her the followup messages or removed her from facebook anyway as I already ruined any perception she may have had of me being interesting by being a total jackass. And going back to the club to try and meet more women would be a waste of time because it is a freaking technology related club full of a bunch of nerds. Zaphod B: "True. But unless he's gonna spend the rest of his life in front of his computer, he can certainly find other avenues to meet women, even if not Internet Dating." Yeah, I'm going to have so much success meeting women without any friends or social hobbies. The only hobbies I did where I was around other people were going to the gym and playing softball and now that I'm injured I can't do either one of those anymore. The only friends I have are people I know from places but I don't ever hang out with them. Other than going to work and school the only times I even go out are if I go out to eat by myself (like a loser) or with my dad. Shaun-Dro: Man, I know you're trying to help but I tried that too. My senior year of high school and the first two years of college I basically ignored women, only talking to them when I had to. I had decided the only way I was going to bother with them was if they showed obvious signs of interest and I never saw any that did. Now I try talking to women, but half the time get ignored or end up looking like a jackass. I know the university is a big place, but ****, I'm even going to develop a reputation for being a loser here. I guess I can just graduate in a year, get a job and be a loser with a career... Edited September 2, 2011 by robertdawson
Andy_K Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Conversation verbatim: Me: "Hey, would this happen to be her_name?" Her: "Anna?" Me: "Are you asking if this is Anna or are you saying that you are Anna?" Her: "Lol, this is her_name" Her: "Who is this?" (all these messages were returned in 3 minutes or less) Me: "This is my_name. I met you yesterday at the club meeting. I saw this # on your facebook page. Facebook messages are cumbersome; would you mind talking this way?" ...... 30 minutes no response Me: "Ok then..." ...... 40 minutes no response Me: "I guess I'll take that as a "No." Bye" You might even have been able to get away with texting, if you hadn't been quite so creepy/lame about it. I mean, you might as well have said Me: "Do you like Scary Movies, her_name?" Her: "Anna?" Me: "What's your favourite Scary Movie, Anna?" Also, this was particularly bad: Me: "This is my_name. I met you yesterday at the club meeting. I saw this # on your facebook page. Facebook messages are cumbersome; would you mind talking this way? Random chatting at this point is more or less pointless, you need to get to know her properly first. Asking to have a conversation over text on a number she didn't give you isn't buying you any brownie points. It puts your creep factor up by x100. If you were gonna text, you should have asked her out for drinks or something straight away. Or instead of asking to 'talk this way'. Try the online dating thing. It will at least teach you how to not to come off as creepy or weird when you text/write, which will be a useful skill for girls you meet elsewhere.
Andy_K Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 is there any way to fix this with the first girl? Unlikely. But if it is possible, it'll only be by running into her in person somewhere and having a casual/friendly chat without any reference to your earlier interactions. There is no digital communication that will redeem you.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) Well, seeing as how I've never run into her before I'm probably going to see her every freaking day now that this happened. Damnit, I'm a walking embarrassment. Perhaps I should go to a different university before I make any worse of a reputation for myself here. I'm not trying online dating. I'm not paying for it, I'm not embarrassing myself any further and I'm certainly not willing to go through meeting a bunch of psychos/putting my pictures and **** on the internet. If there are women at my college doing online dating do you really think they've got anything going for them? It would be different if they were out of college and worked somewhere where there weren't any guys around or something, but really? A an attractive college age girl who is having so much trouble finding a guy she has gone online? Unless she's gone through some relationship experience where she thinks she can't meet a "good guy" the normal way there is something wrong with her. Why should I have to go through all that online dating crap if you can just tell me what I did wrong? Why couldn't I "randomly chat" with her to get to know her better? How was I going to get to know her by talking to her for 3 minutes a week on facebook? What should I have done, ask for her number at the meeting? Wouldn't that have made me look desperate/freaked her out also? What I was actually planning on doing was just chatting with her on facebook for a while to get a feel for her and then ask her out. However, I guess I freaked out when I perceived that she wasn't going to be doing much chatting on facebook (she was only online for like 2 minutes today) and thought the only way I was going to be able to talk to her on a regular basis was texting. Should I have just talked to her a couple more times and said something like "Do you have texting? That would be easier than this"? That exact wording doesn't sound right to me so what would be a better way to say that? Like I said, it probably doesn't matter. Once she realized I didn't have any friends that would have been the end of that anyway. God ****ing damnit, my life has been one giant ****up since ever since middle school. Edited September 2, 2011 by robertdawson
dispatch3d Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Ask for girls numbers, not their facebook. They give out their numbers like it's their job anyways. Furthermore, you should be setting up dates, not asking for either of the above. Just for the love of god if you're going to go for one, let it be a phone number. What the heck are you going to do with a facebook? Creep her profile and steal her number then text her? As to your reactions after getting the cold shoulder from girls you barely know - grow a set . Good job on talking to them in the first place though .
LZ2000 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 LZ2000: She isn't going back to that club. She only went because her professor was giving out extra credit. Apparently she had seen me all the time by me just walking around going to class. I don't have a positive image to maintain. This girl thinks I'm creepy, a desperate loser or a combination of the two. She has no attraction to me anymore (if she even did in the first place, she could have just been another one of the numerous women who seem to only want to be friendly with me), especially after I pitched a mini-fit by sending her the followup messages (and removing her from facebook but she probably won't ever know that to be honest since she has so many friends). I guess it doesn't matter that I sent her the followup messages or removed her from facebook anyway as I already ruined any perception she may have had of me being interesting by being a total jackass. And going back to the club to try and meet more women would be a waste of time because it is a freaking technology related club full of a bunch of nerds. Dude, i faced a similar situation like this before when I was in College, and i was guilty of being needy and creepy towards the girl that I liked. When I looked back and thought about it, I felt I should have acted better and more maturely. Seriously, some girls at College age, can see the differences between an attractive confident man and a normal guy. I had tons of romantic feelings for some girls in College and I did my best to always tone it down, you know ? In the end, those girls were too inexperienced or maybe shallow to even treasure genuine friendships and know which friends they have are real and true. Don't worry, about this saga of yours. Just start a brand new day, for yourself. You need to look away at this mistake of yours, face the future with your own confidence and to be a better man every single day.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Well, I was going to chat with her on fb for a while and try and gauge whether or not she was receptive. I also thought asking for her # would sound pushy after just meeting her. If she was receptive on facebook I was going to ask for her #. So that was the wrong idea? I guess I freaked out because I thought it seemed like she wasn't ever going to be online to chat and since her # was public I thought it might have been ok. Would it be bad to apologize now? I took her off facebook after this happened so i can't sent her an apology that way. Could I text her and say "Hey her_name, I should have asked you if it was ok to use your number. You seem like a nice girl so sorry for being such a douche."? If not is there something else I could say. At the very least I want to apologize for acting like a douche after she ignored me. I know she is pretty much never going to give me a shot at a date now but at least I could be a man and call myself out on being a jerk.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I care too much? Did you even read how I, the biggest dumbass ever, blew a perfectly decent opportunity with a good looking girl? An opportunity that I can never get back? This is about the worst thing I've ever screwed up. Let me repeat myself. You care too much. You are in university. There should be no shortage of other good looking girls.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 There's a shortage of good looking girls who would be interested in me though. Most of them act like it is too much of an inconvenience to have to speak to me.
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 BRO, you need to chill out man. Not every girl who is nice to you, wants to date you. Hell, not every girl that flirts with you, will date you either. Sometimes, girls, like most people just like having a conversation. Seriously, if you're freaking out with girls who are only talking to you. Then, what about when you have a girlfriend? You might go nuts. Sorry to be mean, but I'm being genuine. CHILL OUT! And forget about girl #1, because you shouldn't care about her anyways it was one conversation. If you can't, then you clearly need more confidence and awareness of self-worth. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Chill!
Queen Zenobia Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 OP, this is one thing I've noticed in threads by guys in your position: a lack of patience. Just focus on having fun. If these girls want to date you fine, if they don't fine. But, if you focus on having fun I guarantee you some girl is going to take notice. The negative energy you're emitting is likely driving several girls away.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) somethingsimple: she seemed like she was showing interest in me and I acted quickly to kill it. Whatever reason she noticed me in the first place was ruined by me being an impatient jackass. The second girl yeah, she was just talking to me. Did anyone answer my question about some sort of apology? I'm not begging her to be friends with me or give me a shot at dating her but when she didn't respond to me I acted like a douche.by sending those followup messages. Queen Zenobia: how long are you supposed to wait? If you talk to a girl for a couple months before doing anything then aren't you going to end up as "friends"? What should I have done, asked for her # up front? Tried talking to her on facebook 2 minutes every 4 days? Edited September 2, 2011 by robertdawson
Queen Zenobia Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Queen Zenobia: how long are you supposed to wait? If you talk to a girl for a couple months before doing anything then aren't you going to end up as "friends"? What should I have done, asked for her # up front? Tried talking to her on facebook 2 minutes every 4 days? If you want to date a girl then ask her out, but don't make it seem like it's urgent. If you both have something in common you could invite her to an event related to that. My first date with my fiance was to a panel discussion on developmental economics. I was interested, so was he, he invited me to go with him. The rest, as they say, is history. My point about patience is this. Picture a football game. A team gets the ball on their own 20 yard line. How successful would that team be if all on all 4 downs they threw hail mary passes? Conversely, how successful would that team be if they tried a screen, or a run, or a mid range pass and slowly made their way up the field? Stop throwing hail marys and start trying to make small progress.
somethingsimple Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 DON'T APOLOGIZE. Just let it go, any more things that you do, will make it worst trust me. You messed it up, just let it go. If she wants to talk to you, she will contact you. For now, she's a stranger to you. It never happened. QZ is right though, patience is key. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. As much questions as you're asking, there is no clear-cut answer. The beauty about attraction is that there is no logical method of doing. To make it easier when you speak to women just flirt off the bat. Eye contact, friendly banter, friendly teasing, then your interest will be known but not verified. Just take your time, because you're coming off as extremely needy and that is very unattractive.
Recommended Posts