robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Ok, so here is the deal. There was a club meeting that lots of university students were getting extra credit to go to. I went to it and as I was getting pizza I was looking around and noticed that this girl smiled at me. After I finished getting my pizza I walked over there and asked if I could squeeze in (her and a few other people were sitting up against the wall because the chairs were taken). She spoke up and told me that she saw me everywhere, introduced herself and then asked me what my name was. I can't recall seeing this girl before, yet she said she saw me all the time. I don't remember exactly how, but when I told her what my major was she told me she was just about to ask that (the club was a major specific one, although people of different majors in the intro classes were there too). I talked to her a little while about her major, how boring the meeting was, etc. Later on she said that her bus was coming soon but that she was going to stay there a few more minutes. Then she said "hey, let's go move to those chairs in the front to see if we can win any prizes". So we ended up moving and I sat with her for about 10 minutes or so before she got up and said thay she would see me around the building where all my classes are. As she was leaving I had an "oh crap if you don't do this now you won't see her again" moment and stopped her and asked her if she had a facebook (I thought I'd look like a desperate idiot asking for her number after just meeting her). She took out a piece of paper and wrote down her full name. I was trying to say what my name was so she would recognize my request, but I was sort of stumbling around my words/hesitating and I think she sensed this because she said "I'm pretty easy to find" after writing it down. She accepted my friend request about lunch time today. What is god's holy name is this girl's problem? I talked to her for a couple minutes today on facebook chat (nothing really, asked her what was up, said she was in class, then just kinda signed off) and then about an hour ago I sent her a text message as her phone number was clearly visible on facebook to all of her EIGHT-F'IN-HUNDRED friends. Conversation verbatim: Me: "Hey, would this happen to be her_name?" Her: "Anna?" Me: "Are you asking if this is Anna or are you saying that you are Anna?" Her: "Lol, this is her_name" Her: "Who is this?" (all these messages were returned in 3 minutes or less) Me: "This is my_name. I met you yesterday at the club meeting. I saw this # on your facebook page. Facebook messages are cumbersome; would you mind talking this way?" ...... 30 minutes no response Me: "Ok then..." ...... 40 minutes no response Me: "I guess I'll take that as a "No." Bye" What the hell is her problem? What kind of person smiles at someone and then when they sit down next to them say "I see you everywhere. My name is _name_. What's yours?"? It isn't like she didn't have the opportunity to leave. Instead, she asks me to move with her to a different spot and stays there right up until it is time for her to go catch her bus, at which point she says "I'll see you around the science building." god %#$^&*%ing damnit. You have no idea how badly I wanted to cuss her out and call her out on being way too f'in friendly, but I held off and just sent what I wrote above. Now that I'm in rant mode, here is something else that happened today: I was in the cafeteria today and walked up to a table (most of the other tables were taken so it didn't look too odd) and asked the girl sitting there if I could sit there (four chair table). She looked at me really funny and was like "...ok". After such a weird response I just decided I wasn't going to say a freaking word to her the whole time I was eating my lunch. After about 5-10 minutes she speaks up and says "hey, what is your name?", asks me what year I am, etc. I talk to her a little bit, I joke with her some and she is laughing a fair amount. She gets up later to go to her class and says: "thanks for sitting here with me, it's normally so boring just sitting here!". I said: "Well, it's been nice talking to you. Do you have a Facebook or email that you use?" Then this is her response: "Well, yeah, but I normally don't give it out" to which I responded "well, OK, bye." Are both of these two girls this @#$%ing dumb to think acting this way isn't going to lead anyone on? What the hell? I should have called the first girl out on being friendly to the point of being stupid and should have put the second girl down a peg or two by saying "wait, do you seriously think I'm asking you out? You started talking to me first."
Cypress25 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You probably made the first girl uncomfortable by using her phone number without asking. Don't text or call a girl unless she gives her phone number to you. Maybe she didn't realize her phone number was visible on Facebook. Just because she puts info on FB doesn't mean she's inviting you to use it. Like if she put the number of her dorm room on FB and you showed up at her door unannounced, you'd creep her out. Don't be a stalker. A better way would be to chat with her on FB and say something like "It might be easier to talk on the phone. Do you mind if I text you or call you?" Then she could give her phone number to you, and you wouldn't have to admit that you'd already gone looking for it. As for the second girl, I don't think she led you on in any way. She was just being polite, chatting with the guy who sat next to her. Just because a girl is being friendly doesn't necessarily mean she's flirting. Besides, even if she was interested in you, that doesn't mean she's ready to add you on FB. People put a lot of personal stuff on FB (as you know) and they don't want every random guy they encounter to have access to all that personal info. I don't add people on FB unless I know them very well. I might make small talk with a polite stranger for a few minutes, but that doesn't mean we're Facebook friends now. She probably didn't think you were asking her out; she just has a rule about not giving her FB or email address out to strangers. Maybe you should walk around with a sign around your neck that says "Don't talk to me unless you plan to have sex with me." You see, some girls don't realize that if they talk to you, they owe you a phone number or email address or FB page. They must be stupid or something.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 So I get one ****up and that's it, she is never going to speak to me again? Yeah, I get what you're saying, but why the hell would she have it up on facebook for 800 people to see? I'm guessing there is no way to fix this now? I think sending her another text message to apologize for making her uncomfortable would be stupid (look, sorry for making you uncomfortable. I'm not mad. I'll leave you alone now) and I can't really do anything on facebook since I deleted her (I don't think an apology on there would work either). God, I'm such a ****ing jackass. If I had half a brain I could have had at least a chance with her. The second girl: Why was she blatantly impolite when I asked if I could sit down (basically grunted at me), but then polite when she noticed I wasn't going to talk to her? What would she have done differently if she was trying to flirt? So you're saying even if she liked a guy she would still refuse to give our a facebook OR an email? I don't expect contact information from everyone I talk to, but some girls are aware that being overly friendly can lead to such situations. I know because there are plenty of girls I've talked to before who are polite but they only say as much as they have to and they act noticeably professional about it.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I care too much? Did you even read how I, the biggest dumbass ever, blew a perfectly decent opportunity with a good looking girl? An opportunity that I can never get back? This is about the worst thing I've ever screwed up.
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I think Cypress has it spot on. I'm thinking the same things.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I care too much? Did you even read how I, the biggest dumbass ever, blew a perfectly decent opportunity with a good looking girl? An opportunity that I can NEVER get back? This is about the worst thing I've ever screwed up. I have NEVER had a girl that I thought was attractive act like that towards me and I go and freak her the hell out. DAMNIT. There really isn't any way to make this right is there?
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Try not to beat yourself up Robert. I know it's hard, I tend to beat myself up when I blow things too and I get so mad at myself. I tend to over analyse it all and dwell on what I did wrong or what I thought I did wrong. Try to use this as a learning experience. Next time you get an opportunity like that you'll know what not to do.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Don't you get it? There isn't going to be another opportunity. This is the only time anything like this has ever happened and god knows when I graduate college my chances go from about 1:1,000,000 to 1:100,000,000. Attractive girls your age aren't just walking around the work place, especially in the field I will be in.
Cypress25 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So I get one ****up and that's it, she is never going to speak to me again? I don't know, why don't you try talking to her in person? The second girl: Why was she blatantly impolite when I asked if I could sit down (basically grunted at me), but then polite when she noticed I wasn't going to talk to her? You interpreted her behavior as blatantly impolite, but maybe you misread her. Maybe she was lost in thought when you walked over, and it took her a second to register what you said. Maybe she was waiting for her friends to join her and was thinking "Oh, he wants to sit here, maybe I should tell him that my friends will be here soon...But they're always late, he might finish his lunch before they get here...But they'll be pissed if they show up and I haven't saved seats for them..." And then she finally said OK. There could have been a million reasons for her initial reaction. What would she have done differently if she was trying to flirt? So you're saying even if she liked a guy she would still refuse to give our a facebook OR an email? Maybe. She doesn't know you, she doesn't know if you're trustworthy. Even if I like a guy based on a 10-minute conversation, I still wouldn't feel safe giving out my email or FB. He is a stranger, after all. I don't expect contact information from everyone I talk to, but some girls are aware that being overly friendly can lead to such situations. I know because there are plenty of girls I've talked to before who are polite but they only say as much as they have to and they act noticeably professional about it. People are different. I happen to be rather quiet and reserved with new people, and some people misinterpret that as rude or aloof. My best friend, on the other hand, is very friendly and outgoing with everyone. She doesn't think she's flirting and she doesn't think she's being overly friendly. It just seems normal to her. It can be hard to read other people because we don't know what they're thinking. Once a friend of mine thought I was mad at him because he waved at me from across the library as he was walking out, and I just stared at him but didn't smile or wave back. When he asked me about it later, I explained that I didn't have my contacts in that day (he knows I'm very nearsighted) and from all the way across the library, I couldn't see his face. He just looked like a big blur, I had no idea who it was. I couldn't even tell if he was waving at me or at someone behind me.
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 For crying out loud, why are there so many clueless, bitter, negative young men on this forum? Dude, just be flirty with every single girl you see on campus, every single one. I don't care how she looks or how cools she seems or doesn't seem. It will either a) get you out of this funk or b) get you a reputation around campus as a player/serial flirt whatever (in which case it will lead back to a). Do that, and come back and report your results after 4-6 weeks. Do it.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 "I don't know, why don't you try talking to her in person?" I don't ever see her in person. She talked like she had seen me dozens of times but I have never seen her before yesterday. I can't think there is a way to fix it. I can't apologize without coming off as a begging wuss and even if she did accept an apology (highly unlikely) the best we'll ever be is awkward "friends". There is no way she will ever be able to forget that and be attracted to me. "Even if I like a guy based on a 10-minute conversation, I still wouldn't feel safe giving out my email or FB. He is a stranger, after all." A facebook I can understand, but an email? You surely have at least a spam email. What's he gonna do, try and trace your IP address? Even going to lunch with a stranger wouldn't necessarily be that unsafe if you meet them there. So basically what you're saying here is that there is no way for a guy to have any chance with a girl unless he just happens to know her already? I might as well give up then. aj22one: You don't think I've tried that? The only girl to ever show any interest in any way at all has been this girl, and I didn't even know she existed.
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Don't you get it? There isn't going to be another opportunity. This is the only time anything like this has ever happened and god knows when I graduate college my chances go from about 1:1,000,000 to 1:100,000,000. Attractive girls your age aren't just walking around the work place, especially in the field I will be in. Of course there'll be other opportunities!
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 You've been flirty with every single girl? Every one of them that you meet? I mean just flirting. Not flirting to ask them out, not in the short term at least.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 aj22one: You don't think I've tried that? The only girl to ever show any interest in any way at all has been this girl, and I didn't even know she existed. And this isn't a "funk". Funks don't last 23 years to average looking guys. This is some sort of goddamn curse. Zaphod: Look. Do you know how many girls have ever paid me any attention? 5 or 6 in my whole life. How many in college? 2. How many have actually been pretty attractive? 1. Do you seriously think I'm going to get an opportunity any time soon? I sure as hell know there aren't going to be tons of attractive women hanging around the IT sector.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So basically what you're saying here is that there is no way for a guy to have any chance with a girl unless he just happens to know her already? I might as well give up then. Try online dating.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I will murder myself before I try online dating. Just saying.
Imageiko Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So basically what you're saying here is that there is no way for a guy to have any chance with a girl unless he just happens to know her already? I might as well give up then. Next time RELAX, accept that all you accomplished was an initial meeting and separating yourself from random x college student. You're now the guy she had lunch with or met at the orientation thing. These things take time. Next time you run into them (trust me you will at some point) you have a comfortable base to start on and you can go from there. Trust me when I tell you that if you keep getting crazy right off the bat you're going to push them away every time.
Author robertdawson Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) I think it's just about time to give up. The worse ****ing part about this is that I KNEW better and just couldn't have some goddamn patience and wait to chat with her again. I just blew it off thinking "oh well, she won't care, she acted into me yesterday". Edited September 2, 2011 by robertdawson
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 aj22one: You don't think I've tried that? The only girl to ever show any interest in any way at all has been this girl, and I didn't even know she existed. And this isn't a "funk". Funks don't last 23 years to average looking guys. This is some sort of goddamn curse. How big is this campus? Is it a college town type school, a suburban school, or one that's in the city?
aj22one Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 And do not for the life of you, try online dating. People who struggle with regular dating are going to struggle online as well. They might even do worse.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I think it's just about time to give up. The worse ****ing part about this is that I KNEW better and just couldn't have some goddamn patience and wait to chat with her again. I just blew it off thinking "oh well, she won't care, she acted into me yesterday". I will tell you a girl secret, we are just as nerveous to approach you guys!! PLease don't give up college is a crazy time and I didn't really start "dating" til around my end of freshmen, to sophmore year. Just relax and trying going to clubs or school events there are tons of people there and usually they are a lot more friendly than someone in the library.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) just like you thought this "opportunity" wouldn't occur but did, so shall other ones. I haven't read the replies beyond you mentioning "don't care??" Next time, try not to get impatient / defensive. I've had men tell me similar things such as "guess you don't want to talk to me, fine" when I've been genuinely busy and... it completely put me off. NEVER jump to assumptions/conclusions there... your insecurity/desperation bleeds through... even if she was intentionally ignoring you, you'll still build a better rapport if you either just wait for her to respond or even just let her know you hope you can catch her later, maybe suggest planning something for the next week/weekend with her and then letting her know she can take her time replying with an answer. Then just... leave it. Distract yourself with something else. Whatever passions/hobbies you have. Something. Edited September 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Zaphod B Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 ajZaphod: Look. Do you know how many girls have ever paid me any attention? 5 or 6 in my whole life. And how old are you? You're still in college and you're whinging about only having had 5 or 6 women take an interest in you? That's a hell of a lot more than I had when I met my first girlfriend when I was 22 bloody years old. I thought I was the biggest loser around. I even lost my virginity to a bloody prostitute when I was 19 because I was so desperate to lose it. You think you're never going to meet any more women? You're never going to go places where there are women? Well then if you don't, that's you're own bloody fault. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop being so negative. This is the second of your threads I've contributed to and all I see is a whole heap of "Whoa is me" and "I'll never get a woman", wha wha wha. If that's you're attitude, then it's no wonder you're not getting any. Snap out of it dude! God, man, I married my first girlfriend when I was 23. Was with her still I was 35. I was still hopeless and still had no self esteem and any clue how to pick up women. I ended up doing the online dating thing. The second women I met we hit it off and I was with her for 5 years. By the time I was 40 I'd only ever had sex with two women that I didn't have to pay for it! You think you're sad and pathetic? Not as sad and pathetic as I was. But in the last 2 years that's all changed. I decided to quit wallowing and start improving my attitude and got out there and made opportunities for myself and as a result have been with 8 women. That's 4 times more than I had in the first 40 years of my life. Even 8 is pretty pathetic compared to some guys, but for me it's like Wow! So yes, there will be more opportunities if you create them, but if all you're gonna do is sit around in your office, or in your lounge in front of your computer or TV set or wherever you're gonna be where there's no women, then sure, there'll be no more opportunities. Oh and by the way I am in IT. IN fact I was just complaining to my work colleague today that there are only about 5 women on our floor out of about 50 of us! Doesn't stop me from getting out and meeting woman and I know of at least one of those 5 women who fancies me. She won't let me leave the bloody building without waving to me. lol.
Recommended Posts