Feelsobroken Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) I was with a woman for over two years and she broke up with me and eventually ended up going back to her ex who was an issue in our relationship. I got into a relationship very, very soon after we broke up (rebound), but I really did love her... She is a beautiful person and I feel incredible guilt because of where I was emotionally when I was with her:-( Anyway... That lasted almost a year, but I was very much struggling with my feelings for my ex the entire time, not to mention she contacted me more than once while I was in this relationship to ask me back. After my relationship ended my ex and I hung out a little and i suggested friends with benefits... Stupid! She told me she wanted to date and expressed interest in trying for "us" again. Now... Only three weeks or so later... She doesn't want to do fwb's anymore because there is too much emotion and she isn't even sure she wants to date me now because she is very content with her life and doesn't feel confident that I'm ready or even am sure of what I want. She said it would be a couple months before she would even consider being in a serious relationship. During this fwb thing she was happy and planning and even said she loved me during sex! I assured her that I knew what I wanted and it was her and always has been her and she told me to sit on it for awhile and not to try and fill the void I feel with somebody else! To just be! My heart is broken all over again and I'm having a very hard time coping! I feel very lost and want to move past her, but still have hope! It's causing me the worst depression and anxiety! Edited September 1, 2011 by Feelsobroken
betterdeal Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Hey pal, sorry you're having a bad time of it now. Can you clarify something for me? Did you have a girlfriend, then split up with her then shortly after that go together with your previous girlfriend, and now she's called it off and you're now single? Have I got it right?
Author Feelsobroken Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 My previous girlfriend and I were just sleeping together, not in a relationship! Yes... I'm single!
betterdeal Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Gotcha. Well, I know how hard this must feel right now, but I think your ex-ex was probably being quite realistic. I have no doubt you would like to be committed to her, but you're maybe not in a position right now to deliver on that promise, because you are just out of a relationship and upset. When you're upset, you're likely to make odd choices, and be presented with difficult choices at the same time. If, for example, your ex turned up again, you might run off with her and leave your ex ex high and dry. This is more likely right now because you're fresh out of that relationship and so you and your ex still have strong feelings for one another. You're also likely to not be 100% in the relationship with your ex ex because you have other things on your mind, if you see what I mean? As the title you gave to this thread suggests, it must all feel very complicated. Maybe the best thing is to simplify things, settle yourself down, and focus on giving yourself some sound foundations before trying to build a new relationship with anyone.
Author Feelsobroken Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 That is good advice and I appreciate it! I know I need to be single and okay with myself and being alone... I just have to figure out how!!
betterdeal Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Take your time. Someone once described it as putting out little threads and seeing who attached to them. The more you have, the more stable your life can be, and if some become problematic you can disengage them and still be in a sound position. You build up your network and that makes you stronger, and more independent.
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