zengirl Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Awesome. It sounds like you were very good at communicating with the BF this time, tigress! It always helps to have it worked out in your own head first. I'm curious as to the question that Cee asked as well --- how did he respond and react to your feelings. Though clearly his response helped you, since you seem happy and positive about it, and that's really all that matters. I understand the vicious cycle you mention. I've been in that one myself. Fighting causes me to wonder if it's a problem and that causes more fights till I'm shadowboxing with myself, really. No fun. Good for you for actively trying to break out of the cycle.
Author tigressA Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 I like how you resolved things with him and in your own head. I am curious about his reaction to your fear that he's getting tired of the stress and conflict. Did he present his point of view in a way that brought more clarity to your situation? Thanks, Cee. That fear of mine is triggered every time we argue. It makes me feel even more insecure, which in turn fuels more arguments. I told him that I know we make up pretty easily, but I still worry that he's building a list of grievances in his head instead of forgetting about it after it's over like he's told me he has. He said that when we fight and it's resolved, it's done, no longer relevant--though he added that when we fight for a few days in a row, like we did this week, it does upset him as it's a bit more difficult to forget. It puts him in a 'mood', which is his fuel for more arguments. I did notice over the last few days that he came home seeming more distant, more morose, and that worried me--the vicious cycle. He said he's going to try to be better at that. I had said, when I told him I was leaning toward staying home this weekend, that I think he would have more fun with his friends without me and he said, "No, I wouldn't. Why would you think that?" And really, every single time he's gone without me and we talk while he's there or when he comes back, he tells me how much he missed me and would've liked to have me there with him. I suppose I didn't feel it was true because of what happened the last time--I think, "He says he would like to have me there, but what if I go and he subjects me to being left out again?" That thought was even more prevalent in my mind because of what he said in our last argument about it--the "I don't know what you expect me to do about it", etc--like he didn't care at all and it was all my responsibility to make sure I felt included. I think all this, and haven't yet given him the chance to redeem himself when it comes to spending time with his friends. I actually didn't say any of this to him last night...perhaps I should. I think it would go a long way toward solving the dilemma WRT his friends. He felt we were both taking each other for granted lately in some ways, and that's when I brought up my idea of 'showing, not saying' this weekend as a fun, constructive challenge for us. He instantly brightened and he's really excited about it. I am, too.
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