SadDazedConfused Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 So it's been almost 7 months since D-Day, and after a 2 month separation, months of MC and many tears shed, my husband and I are doing pretty well. We have put our wedding rings back on and are both committed to each other. Our communication is better than it has ever been. We are making time for each other, and we are both very aware of what we need to do in order to make the other confortable and not uneasy. We are both at a place where we trust the other to go out on occasion with our friends even. I admit, it still makes me nervous, but I don't believe living on a short leash is the answer either. The main issue I am still having is not being able to get the images of him with the OW out of my head while we are being intimate or at other points during the day. I enjoy being intimate with him, frankly our sex life is probably better than it ever has been, it's just having to push through the thoughts of him with the OW every time we have sex. Wondering if the way he is touching me or reacting to my touch is how he was with them. It's hard to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know if IC would help or if the thoughts will eventually fade with time. Anyone else had to deal with this and have ways that they dealt with it?
Will_miss_rk Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 So it's been almost 7 months since D-Day, and after a 2 month separation, months of MC and many tears shed, my husband and I are doing pretty well. We have put our wedding rings back on and are both committed to each other. Our communication is better than it has ever been. We are making time for each other, and we are both very aware of what we need to do in order to make the other confortable and not uneasy. We are both at a place where we trust the other to go out on occasion with our friends even. I admit, it still makes me nervous, but I don't believe living on a short leash is the answer either. The main issue I am still having is not being able to get the images of him with the OW out of my head while we are being intimate or at other points during the day. I enjoy being intimate with him, frankly our sex life is probably better than it ever has been, it's just having to push through the thoughts of him with the OW every time we have sex. Wondering if the way he is touching me or reacting to my touch is how he was with them. It's hard to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know if IC would help or if the thoughts will eventually fade with time. Anyone else had to deal with this and have ways that they dealt with it? I don't have any advice for you but wanted to comment that it has been only 3 months since D-day for me and I can't imagine the images still going strong after 7 months. Dealing with those images are pure hell. I feel for you and hope things get better. Sorry I can't help. I believe time should ease the images but they haven't much for me after 3 months, they are less frequent, however. I too would like to hear from people who are 2-3 years out from D-day to get their input.
drifter777 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I don't have any advice for you but wanted to comment that it has been only 3 months since D-day for me and I can't imagine the images still going strong after 7 months. Dealing with those images are pure hell. I feel for you and hope things get better. Sorry I can't help. I believe time should ease the images but they haven't much for me after 3 months, they are less frequent, however. I too would like to hear from people who are 2-3 years out from D-day to get their input. This is one of those area's where there is a wide discrepancy from case to case. For me, the intensity and frequency of the mental images were the worst in the first 3 - 5 years. The frequency declined over time, but never the intensity of my gut reaction to them. I have accepted that they will haunt me the rest of my life.
Linda9999 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 It's almost a year since Dday #2 for me and I still get the mind movies. Nowhere near as often but they're still there. I have found it helps for me to make new mind movies of the two of US together. So we've gotten a couple of books and done some new stuff initiated by me, and if I find my brain steering towards the unwanted movies I try to steer it toward the other ones. Doesn't always work but it does help a lot! If it doesn't work then I just suffer through, and if he picks up on it (which he often does) we talk about it. Again.
ladydesigner Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 This is one of those area's where there is a wide discrepancy from case to case. For me, the intensity and frequency of the mental images were the worst in the first 3 - 5 years. The frequency declined over time, but never the intensity of my gut reaction to them. I have accepted that they will haunt me the rest of my life. THIS is how it is for me and feel will be for the rest of my life. I try to push the thought out as quick as it comes. Hurts too much
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