Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I'm having a really bad day. I know I can eventually get out of the current mess I'm in but F*CK I feel like I'm being attacked from all possible angles. My recent job loss, my imploding finances, a situation with my car, my recent "break up"- all while trying to parent a teenager. I feel like I'm destined to be miserable and alone for a long, long time. I'm at the point where I don't even know what to do with myself. So Last night I reached out to the guy who's supposed to be my friend and he did not reply at all. Kick me while I'm down, thanks. I don't even have the energy to be mad or hurt. I'm just baffled. By everything that is going on right now. My entire life is like a land mine, every step I take seems to cause another explosion. I can't keep this mindset, it is poisoning me. What can I do to change it?
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Accept that your life is sh*t at the moment and try to fumble your way through, even one hour at a time if it's necessary.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I guess that's fair. That's what I'm doing. Trying to work on one problem at a time. I don't even think I'm depressed, I get out of the house every day and do things to improve my situation. I know I won't crack, but the hard part is accepting that my life IS sh*t. I didnt do anything to deserve this. I just have way too much time on my hands right now and my thoughts are driving me bonkers.
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I remember, this time last year, two days after my mom died, the divorce looming, the economy in the shyter and business slow. I reached out to friends to help them, listen to them, offer my skills to them, reconnect with them. A year later, that philosophy has paid off in spades. Things can be interpreted in a number of ways. We choose that. Hope things get better for you. I found doing one positive thing each day, no matter how small, to be key.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks Carhill, that is excellent advice. I always feel better when I am helping others- that's exactly what I need to do with all this spare time. I'll find somewhere to volunteer tomorrow. Its going to take awhile to fix my job situation, but that doesn't mean I can't use this time to make myself useful to others instead of sitting around driving myself nuts.
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I guess that's fair. That's what I'm doing. Trying to work on one problem at a time. I don't even think I'm depressed, I get out of the house every day and do things to improve my situation. I know I won't crack, but the hard part is accepting that my life IS sh*t. I didnt do anything to deserve this. I just have way too much time on my hands right now and my thoughts are driving me bonkers. I wasn't being trite about this it has worked for me in the past. Acceptance is a very subtle but profound state of mind to be in. Your life is sh*t at the moment and there's not much you can do about it, there's also not much you can do about the excessive thinking loop, your mind is just going to do this unless you read a book or something. By demanding your life not be sh*t, or your mind not think sh*t thoughts, or that you shouldn't be going through the sh*t you're going through keeps you in wishful thinking and out of the present. Sometimes you just have to fumble your way through life, which is what you're doing, and accept that that's what it is, for now. Everything comes and goes eventually. Anyway that's been my experience if it's any help to you.
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Some ideas, ones which cost little and take little time: Call a friend and ask about how things are going. Invite a couple friends over and have a simple (inexpensive) dinner party. As an example, I'll make tacos and beans and have iced tea for a beverage. Spend an hour at a nearby nursing home. Walk the halls, talk with residents, smile and shake/hold a few hands. Make a gift of your skillset to a friend or someone in need. As an example, I'd make a few parts in the shop for friends who couldn't find or otherwise afford them. Nothing big; simple stuff. As an example, I made a door latch handle for a friend back in North Carolina and mailed it to them. The friend's wife sends snacks for my cat On and on. Yesterday, I took the BBQ propane tank from my best friend's house to the shop so it could be filled. He's recovering from cancer surgery and can't lift anything. That BBQ has served me a lot of food so a little thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. Saturday, I'll be up on the roof of his RV cleaning it, since he can't yet. You'll find a path which is fruitful for you. A lot of 'bad' things can happen, and we all seem to get our fair share; it's how we process those things and react to them which is under our control. My motto is 'it'll all work out' and, yeah, it usually does, even if it doesn't work out the way I might have wished for. Life is brief. Give it your best shot. Take a look at your child and see what a true gift you have been given. Good luck.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I wasn't being trite about this it has worked for me in the past. Acceptance is a very subtle but profound state of mind to be in. Your life is sh*t at the moment and there's not much you can do about it, there's also not much you can do about the excessive thinking loop, your mind is just going to do this unless you read a book or something. By demanding your life not be sh*t, or your mind not think sh*t thoughts, or that you shouldn't be going through the sh*t you're going through keeps you in wishful thinking and out of the present. Sometimes you just have to fumble your way through life, which is what you're doing, and accept that that's what it is, for now. Everything comes and goes eventually. Anyway that's been my experience if it's any help to you. Yes, that's actually really helpful. Not trite at all. I like posting on here and getting all these different perspectives. I only have a handful of close friends, and I get the same support and advice from them all the time. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I need to start thinking about things differently and approaching my problems in new ways, and those ideas won't come from my friends. They all know I'm a super hard worker and I will overcome this, they have seen me overcome much worse... It's just that right now my brain is stuck. It's stuck in that overthinking loop, and all the normal things aren't working this time (exercise, cleaning, going for walks, reading) don't seem to be improving my outlook this time. I feel like I need a complete life overhaul. So--so far in addition to the generic things I can do like exercise, I should: -accept the current situation is sh*t (live in the present and break the overthinking cycle) -help others- I'll get on that tomorrow -I'm going to a buddhism class tonight and then meeting with a friend to go out and get a drink (that one I thought of by myself)
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 -I'm going to a buddhism class tonight and then meeting with a friend to go out and get a drink (that one I thought of by myself) Yeah, getting sh*tfaced might help you accept the sh*t.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Lol... Maybe I will I was planning on my usual diet coke- i don't drink a lot or often anymore, but maybe I'll just get wasted tonight. And leave my phone at home so I don't send any stupid texts to people that don't want them
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Lol... Maybe I will I was planning on my usual diet coke- i don't drink a lot or often anymore, but maybe I'll just get wasted tonight. And leave my phone at home so I don't send any stupid texts to people that don't want them Great, in the meantime here's something to cheer you up..... http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1400&bih=863&q=sad+clown+face&gbv=2&oq=sad+clown&aq=1&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=1068l3008l0l5853l9l8l0l1l1l0l212l1162l0.6.1l7l0
GG3 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Wow. You are down on your luck. A job loss as well? You have any job prospects or ideas? Sorry to hear and hope it gets better. I sympathize. I have gone through a couple of layoffs over the last couple of years.
D-Lish Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Hey you, I actually lost my business, lost my loft that I owned and loved, and got dumped all within a short period. It pushed me to my limit. The funny thing is that when you hit rock bottom, you have no where else to go but upwards. Just the fact that you are asking what you can do to get out of this is telling that you're willing to work for a way out of this- which is a good sign. You deal with one thing at a time- that worked best for me. I prioritized, set some goals and worked on one goal at a time.
smudge21 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 It's times like these, when we're at the bottom and can't see any way out, that makes us who we are. How we deal with this sh*t when it hits is a true test of character. People never learn from having everything handed to them or without having problems, they just ride on the back of life without ever really experiencing it, for life is ups and downs. We got to have one to have the other; we have to have the bad times to appreciate the good times. Take comfort in the fact that you know that you will deal with all this and at some point be on the up once again, probably even happier than you've been before as you'll know you got past it all. I agree with the whole helping others when you're down thing too. My relationship issues are far from solved, but yet coming here, posting a few messages of support or advice to others and then reading one, just one person saying "thank you" really makes me feel good.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Thanks guys. This might sound a little corny, but I have been thinking lately that this current set of setbacks is the universe's way of telling me that it's time to follow my dreams and change my life. This isn't the first time I've had to "start from scratch"- last time was about 6 years ago. D'lish I can so relate to your story- my ex (the long term 8 year guy) and I owned a house and a business together. Then one day we had an electrical fire and the house burned down. I had to close the business shortly thereafter, and at the same time I found out he was cheating on me. I made it through that- i moved across the country and rebuilt my corporate career, and have been getting along fine although I was very unhappy at my job, even though I was making a lot of money. So getting laid off, while it's scary and has caused me to make some drastic cutbacks, is hopefully something I'm going to look back on someday as the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm planning on pursuing some things that I'm actually interested in (that do not pay nearly as much as I was making) and supplementing my income by bartending or waiting tables like I did in college. So the whole thing is a little scary- and I have days like yesterday where Im like, WHAT am I doing?? But im going to try anyway despite my fears. Funny enough too, the topic of the lecture at the Buddhist center last night was how helping other people is a way tto help yourself achieve true confidence. How's that for a coincidence! Anyway, today is a new day. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.
ronald2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 aaaah. At east I am not alone here. I am really having a ****ed up day too.
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