Am I being stupid?

[Dblock10]

Right now i feel very deflated and like i didn't mean nothing much to my ex.

 

she never told me she loved me or that she could be falling for me ( i told her i fell for her, she told me she really liked me...), she said once she finished final exams that "i'm all yours" and even then it was like arranging to meet with a celebrity who had plenty of other friends to see and things to do "because she wont see them for ages, as she is off to travel" so if she wasn't doing x with y then she could come and see or hang with me. Were together 8 months, 7 months officially.

 

so yeah you could say she always knew it wouldn't last and thus wasn't attached like i got.

 

sigh.

 

Its day 25 NC and i don't even know if its the right thing to do, although it would appear she doesnt care about me, and it hurts. We broke up because ultimately she didnt want to give us a try when she travels because we would argue and she is a bad communicator.

i told her we wouldnt argue as i would understand you wouldnt always be able to contact me everyday... im 24 not.. (and she cut me off saying "yeah but im 21!!)

 

she cant/isnt wanting to commit to her where abouts to me once back. So it had to end. and i had to accept it. previously in phone calls before meeting her in person she didnt give an opinion of what would happen when she left, so i assumed it was lack of interest to wanting to be with me or that she hadnt properly considered her options and would later dump me anyway, so i suggested it wouldnt work.

 

then we agreed on a break but i never heard from her after and she treated me like it was completely done, lack of interest to reply to my txts, and sounded very distant in them, but like she was being civil with me.

 

when i tried to arrange to meet her in person she was reluctant by what she said in the messages, so seems like she would have been happy to have left things the way they were over phone calls .

Then i went to hers when i got the chance as i was down near her area anyway, and we had the final talk after a nice day together, meal and cinema, walk. and she stuck to her points about what i mentioned above.

 

she didn't kiss me affectionately, we hugged in bed. she didn't like me touching her.

 

as i left her house i wished her good luck and goodbye for now, see you in 6 months, and told her if she wanted to meet before leaving then she knew where i was. she said ok but depends on time and money. (yet she specifically booked time off for her mates before she leaves) and told me previously this wasn't possible.

 

so i left hers which is (3 hours away from mine) to drive 4 hours up to the hospital to see my dying (now passed away) nan.

 

she was on facebook yesterday for about 15 minutes and i felt such a strong urge to talk to her, but i didnt. i guess i feel that she should be the one to talk to me first. right?

 

but clearly this isnt going to happen. and i feel low.

 

all my friends dont like her now and tell me to not bother with her and that why bother mate as she doesnt care..

 

 

sigh.

 

so sad.

 

and things she said to me in those phone calls before the official break up just keep replaying over and over in my head and they get me down. things like, "i dont want you moping around after im gone, i want you to enjoy uni and stuff" "i dont want to worry about what your up to whilst im gone" "if your single when im back then yeah we can take it from there, but i wouldnt rule it out" "i want you to have fun and move on and not mope around after me"

 

argghgh

Edited September 1, 2011 by Dblock10

[Diatribes]

You're not stupid bro. Don't down on yourself like that. I know it's hard. I do it myself. I can relate though. My ex was saying similar things to me. If you were together that long and she never said "I love you" she probably didn't. You're one-up on me though. My ex told me she loved me, and often, just to say at the end she was never really in love with me, but in lust. THAT hurt a lot, because I was deeply in love with this girl. And after she left, she distanced herself from me like I was a leper. Now I'm getting her mail...and don't know what to do with it.

 

Remain steadfast in your NC. It seems to me you two weren't meant to be together. You're just going to hurt yourself if you do try and contact her, more than likely. You have to quit hypothesizing over "what could be". I know this is hard and I do it myself, along with "how I could have done things differently".

 

Hang in there, and keep posting on LS. We got your back.

 

Best of luck.

[Dblock10]

If you were together that long and she never said "I love you" she probably didn't.

 

this hurts reading this back, but i guess its true... its like i was waiting for her to. maybe she allowed herself not to so she wouldnt feel guilty for the trip...

 

i dont know what to make of that :S kinda feel a bit "empty"

 

Remain steadfast in your NC. It seems to me you two weren't meant to be together. You're just going to hurt yourself if you do try and contact her, more than likely.

 

steadfast? you mean stay in nc right?

 

yeah seems that way, there were a lot of small arguments. think its cause i wanted her to care about me more than she was willing. plus i can be sensitive.

 

i do need to stop hypothesizing. i need to let it drop now. let it die. maybe leaving this board for a while might help? am all i doing here is prolonging moving on by talking about it all the time?

 

maybe your ex said that to hurt you? as apposed to actually meaning it truly?

 

i dont really know your situation, but can i can understand why some people are a bit bitter on this site as the ex really screwed them over. my case is a little different in this respect thats why i hope people are understanding my situation fully and not just advocating NC regardless

(not meaning you btw, as you said your ex was similar)

[Diatribes]

If you're interested, here's my story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289987/

 

Seems to me your ex knew this was going to happen, which is probably why she didn't get close to you. If this was true, then she never fully vested in your relationship. Ask yourself, if this is the case, do you really want that back? If you did reconcile, you'd probably end up back at square one and hurting even more.

 

I wouldn't suggest leaving LS. People here want to help, and posting here helps me a lot with my current situation.

 

I wasn't trying to be hurtful with my previous post. Just giving you my $.02 on your situation. I know seeing some of what I wrote may have been hurtful. But if it's true, then it's something you need to realize.

[Dblock10]

will read through it !

 

yeah she did. or at least 80% knew it would end this way. i feel so GUILTY for being the one to suggest it wouldn't work first. i regret that so much. she held that against me in the final talk, saying but you said that first! and you must have thought it to say it.

i reassured her about why i said it and gave my reasons, but it didnt change her mind AT all. besides, we arent 15 year olds, it doesnt matter who said what first, we can all change our minds and justify our own words right?

 

yeah probably not worth having that back is it? although she would have changed after this trip no doubt. head full of life.

 

oh no i prefer honesty. honesty is the best policy and its true. dont ever hold back on the truth.

 

you are right. i just made out this girl to be something i wanted and maybe she just wasnt

[Diatribes]

i feel so GUILTY for being the one to suggest it wouldn't work first. i regret that so much. she held that against me in the final talk, saying but you said that first! and you must have thought it to say it.

i reassured her about why i said it and gave my reasons, but it didnt change her mind AT all. besides, we arent 15 year olds, it doesnt matter who said what first, we can all change our minds and justify our own words right?

 

you are right. i just made out this girl to be something i wanted and maybe she just wasnt

 

You're absolutely correct. It seems to me she used this as leverage to gain what she wanted, which was to end your relationship. Much easier to cast the blame on yourself for "saying it first" which is petty and very immature.

 

Good of you to see that maybe she wasn't the person you wanted her to be. Rose-tinted glasses are a motherf*cker. I had them on myself pretty much the entire time my ex was living with me, and several weeks following her departure.

[Dblock10]

yeah which is basically what she wanted to happen (i.e we dont stay together) so when i said i didnt think it would work she capitalised on it and got what she really wanted, but didnt want to be the one to say it...

 

that sounds correct, not just something ive thought of to rest my mind, i think that is pretty much what it is! sure she might not have "thought about what would happen" but if she truly wanted it to work, she would have jumped straight down my throat telling me she didnt want to loose me, we should at least try and she would contact me all the time... but nope. not even excited about when i suggested going to oz to see her.

 

you mean she was casting the blame on me when really it is what she wanted deep down when she put thought to her trip and her where abouts when back, also she doesnt want to be responsible for her actions whilst away. no doubt she will sleep with a fair few people.

 

she told me that she doesnt want to act different around new people that you would meet on something such as this travells, "like you know when you meet new people, you act differently if your with someone" "well i dont want to think in my head, hmm i wonder if "t" would like that..." "not that i would be getting with loads of people" "do you know what i mean"...

 

yeah read your story, you should get out now!

[Diatribes]

yeah read your story, you should get out now!

 

I got out, rather she got out 6 weeks ago. Lol, I actually had to look at a calendar. Wasn't sure if it was 5 or 6 weeks ago. Been about 3 1/2 weeks NC, which was emails only since she blocked my number from her cell (Bitch!). I only texted her twice since she left, so that made me pretty angry (Both texts were very neutral). Now that I'm slowly taking off my rose-tinted glasses, and reread some of the feedback from the link I posted above, I can see how much of a selfish bitch she truly was. Good riddance. I still think about her every day though and have that ache in my heart..

 

Seems like you're getting some clarity on the situation. This is why I advised you not to leave LS. Glad I was able to help you slightly with your predicament. Anytime bro.

[1Dunno]

Hey mate, sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like you've done well grasping what's happened.

 

Unfortunately all of her responses are complete textbook.

 

I think that nearly every dumpee probably thinks that their ex is different, that there is still some hope. I think that's just a natural coping mechanism we have. It's a huge feat accepting that someone you want to be with doesn't feel the same about you.

 

In regards to the NC, what you have to understand is that it's for your own benefit. It's COMPLETELY regardless of the dumper, how they left you, what they said. It's natural to want to contact them as it feels that you're growing apart (your ex has let go, you haven't). From my own experience I can tell you that it hurts even more. I've tried numerous times to stay in contact with my ex, but the bitch has put me well into the "friendzone" and is keeping her distance. It's been really hard to accept, and just keeps setting me back in the healing process. Doesn't help that I work with her, and have to hear about her plans with other guys.

 

Anyway bro, stay strong, we will get through this together

 

Peace.

[Dblock10]

when you forget how long its been you are on the way to freedom of mind a cool place to be.

yeah well as long as logic tells you whats what, learn to supress that emotion and channel it somewhere else!

 

i am positive about my future and know i have good times ahead. so i should chill out more and let life do its thing. i aim to work out like a beast soon and join the football team.

 

 

thanks 1dunno,

 

she is young, doesnt want proper commitment. i truly think i will and am the best thing she will ever loose. not being big headed!

 

yeah i think you are right, everyone likes to believe they are something they are not :S or maybe they are its just its a coping mech?

 

yeah i wouldnt want to be friended tbh. and im glad she wont be bumping into me, she wont be in the same country! only problem is something called fb. but never mind. it will be good that she can see how buff i got and how well im doing. if she ever ever did look to see.

 

if she comes back, i dont think id jump right in.. think i would play it very cool and not be blinded.

[Diatribes]

i am positive about my future and know i have good times ahead. so i should chill out more and let life do its thing. i aim to work out like a beast soon and join the football team.

 

Right on bro.

 

if she comes back, i dont think id jump right in.. think i would play it very cool and not be blinded.

 

You need to get this out of your head. You have to assume she isn't ever coming back, and it's for the better.

[Dblock10]

yeah dont really know how to accept that, but what i do know is, i have had plenty of chances with 1 or 2 ex's to either talk to them again or meet them, and its been me turning them down..

 

 

i just don't know wether to contact this ex now and then stay in contact with her through out the travel. its not like she left me for anyone or cheated on me.

Edited September 2, 2011 by Dblock10