Mme. Chaucer Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Hi, it's me, the mean old haggardly feminist that a few of you love to hate. I want to share my happiness. In 6 days, I am getting married. I've been divorced for 5 years. My first marriage went down in flames. During "the demise," as I call it, I am quite sure that I suffered through horrors that at least equal those that many of you are holding onto to justify hating on the opposite sex. Also, I would like to tell you that I truly, deeply loved my ex husband and believed with all my soul that he was "my man" for life. I could not IMAGINE ever, ever, trusting - or loving another person enough to marry again. I could not imagine finding a person with whom I connected and "fit" just like ... "click." And really, never imagined a person with whom I did click like that would show up in this form. My dear, beloved man is NOT my "type" and he has walked a very different path in his life so far than the one I've walked upon. Yet, our paths merged, and we just drew together, joined hands, and started walking side by side. We are very kind to each other. We don't need to discuss treating one another with respect and to maintain healthy boundaries, because both of us learned the hard way about the crucial importance of those things. In closing, I want you all to know that I had some pretty dismal, and even kind of scary experiences during my dating efforts - all from online contacts. I met nice, great guys where there was just not a "connection." I met nice, great guys where there was no "connection" but who would have still "settled" for me and tried to make it work just because I also am a nice, great woman and they were so tired of being alone, and dating, and looking. I even thought that I might need to "settle" that way, unless I was ready to remain alone. I met some women hating scumbags, and I met some men who were so weighed down by their baggage that they had nothing to offer on a deep level, at all. I met one guy who was probably a sociopath. When I got disheartened about all of that, I would retreat from trying to date, but when I felt okay about it again, I would meet people. I tried to always go with an open mind. My fiance had been on and off with online dating for EIGHT YEARS. So, LoveShack friends, acquaintances, and nemeses, I am living proof that love can be discovered even with very poor odds. Keep the faith! And please try to be open, kind, and to respect the humanity of other people whom you meet on your travels.
Beachgirl8 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks for posting this. Its exactly what I needed to hear today.
oaks Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 In 6 days, I am getting married. Congratulations!
Imajerk17 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks for sharing Mme Chaucer! My best wishes to you. So how did you meet this guy, and what "made" you open to giving things a chance with him?
Cee Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Mazel tov, Madamoiselle Chaucer. I'm so glad you took time from your busy preparations to share your story of hope. I love it when the LS veterans talk about their stories. And you didn't sugar coat it either. You waded through a lot of crap to get to your wedding day. I survived a horrendous divorce 7 years ago so I can relate. I never hated men because of that, nor could I even hate that man. Hate takes energy away from what I wanted to find - love. And I found more love than I imagined possible via love for myself, my friends, and my boyfriend.
Taramere Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Hi, it's me, the mean old haggardly feminist that a few of you love to hate. I think you're great. I'm not sure how many ennemis de Mme. Chaucers that is liable to sway though I want to share my happiness. In 6 days, I am getting married. Hurray! Congratulations, many years of happiness to you both - and I hope you have a superb wedding day. Are you going anywhere exotic for a honeymoon?
Author Mme. Chaucer Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I Hurray! Congratulations, many years of happiness to you both - and I hope you have a superb wedding day. Are you going anywhere exotic for a honeymoon? No, my dear. Four days after our nuptials, I am leaving for 10 days without my new husband for the "national finals" of my ridiculously arcane sport / hobby or whatever of sheepdog trialing! He has to stay home to mind the farm, which is a Herculean task for a working man all on his own. In a few months, though, I am going to bring him to Scotland! He's never even been away from North America, though I have traveled and lived abroad extensively. Just one of the many ways we are NOT alike.
thatone Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 congratulations, even though i have picked on you and you seem to pick on me in various threads . i'm not in a terribly different situation from your husband to be. i'm nothing like my gf's ex. i'm suspect i'm the opposite of him in most lifestyle ways. but he's gone (really gone, killed in the army) and she seems to be happy so far, so i guess she's not terribly different from your situation either. we shall see, but so far i'll be another example of your situation and how yes, it does work out sometimes. i will say that there's no way i'd last 8 years relying on online dating, though. your man has some serious perseverance for that. it's convenient and great if you don't want to put much effort into meeting women, but man, there are some losers out there on both sides of the fence. i can attest to that too.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I thought your pics were from your wedding! Was that like a joint Bach/Bachy instead?
Author Mme. Chaucer Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 i will say that there's no way i'd last 8 years relying on online dating, though. your man has some serious perseverance for that. it's convenient and great if you don't want to put much effort into meeting women, but man, there are some losers out there on both sides of the fence. i can attest to that too. Thank you very much for your congratulations! He did not exactly persevere with online dating for 8 years. He was a dabbler. He met women other ways as well (friends of his matchmaking sisters, mostly). He also worked on the road and was rarely home for any extended periods of time, so that hindered his chances of actually forming a bond with anyone at all, even if he'd met "good ones." I don't think he really was ready, and he was just barely trying in order to avoid becoming a 100% confirmed bachelor for the rest of his life. He did have on girlfriend during those years, too, who he did meet online. It was a pretty nice relationship, but it came to the crucial juncture where she wanted to know if it was "forever" and he was not there ... so it ended. He really did need a long recovery period from his own marital problems and the effects of his divorce.
Taramere Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 No, my dear. Four days after our nuptials, I am leaving for 10 days without my new husband for the "national finals" of my ridiculously arcane sport / hobby or whatever of sheepdog trialing! He has to stay home to mind the farm, which is a Herculean task for a working man all on his own. In a few months, though, I am going to bring him to Scotland! Wonderful!! Whereabouts? Will you be going to Glasgow at all? Afternoon tea at the Willow Tea Room in Sauchiehall Street. Book in advance if you want into the deluxe room. Edinburgh? Royal Deeside? A few months time? You do realise you'll freeze your asses off at that time of year...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congratulations!! Thank you very much for sharing your story!!
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 congratulations, even though i have picked on you and you seem to pick on me in various threads . ah... so I see you have a trend of picking on women with 'feminist' tendencies... this is very useful information. Since you are so keen on constructive criticism... You do realize that your current GF seems to exhibit a few herself, ya know. Based on a few of your posts... All that independence and all. You know, I'm teasing you... but you really did get wrapped around the axle on my other thread. Might want to figure out where that is coming from. Glad you could put those kind of things aside and wish Mm. Chaucer well. Maybe there IS hope for you! But to bring it back to Mmm. Chaucer's original post... even us people who believe in equality of the sexes can find love too Very happy for you both!!!!!!!!!
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congratulations. In my experience though, hope (in this arena) is for chumps.
Stung Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congratulations, Mme.! I find you a delightful and slightly fizzy feminist and I'm really happy to hear your good tidings. Makes me glad I chose to stick my nose onto LS today. I adored Scotland the 2x I was there, an excellent choice for a just slightly delayed honeymoon.
grkBoy Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 GOOD FOR YOU! Nothing wrong with a woman who has a spine. The only ones I never liked are the ones who blame men for all their own problems. I'm glad you found the right guy, and even stepped out of old standards to see who else is out there.
torn_curtain Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I know we've sparred in the past but even though I don't agree with your method of sometimes dishing your advice, I think you're a decent person. It makes me really delighted to read that you've found happiness after long suffering. I love happy stories -- loveshack needs more of them.
FitChick Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congratulations! I'm a big believer in marriage and hope to find my husband via online dating. Do you live in Scotland and does he live in the US or Canada? I've always wanted to go to one of those sheepdog trials in the UK.
thehead Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congratulations on your wedding Mme Chaucer. I hope you bring home the sheep trailing trophy too.
Woggle Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congrats. Even though you call yourself a feminist you have never struck as being hateful. I hope you and him have a great marriage. It's threads like this that give me hope that some women actually do love their men.
xxoo Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Congrats Mme. C! Wishing you many years of love and happiness together
Kamille Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Keep the faith! And please try to be open, kind, and to respect the humanity of other people whom you meet on your travels. Well said! Congrats, from one feminist to another!
Recommended Posts