robaday Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Bit of a mess here. I wanted out for a long time, she called it off, it hit harder than expected. Despite wanting the break up, she shot up in estimation when she broke it off. But hey, Id wanted to play the field for some time. Gave it couple months, hooked up with 4 women. They're up for seeing me more often, theyre not the same but they are attractive, and ya know what, it takes time for good connection and sex right? so ex gets back in touch, shes practically beggin to see me. I hold off, I hold off, and then eventually the usual happens, we have sex. And despite wanting out, I still have feelings, despite wanting to experience the player life Im still attached. We hook up every weekend straight for two months. I ask her about a relationship, she says she wants me back but lets take it slow - she still wants monogamy however. Now two months later shes distancing, but she still expects monogamamy despite not wanting to call me her boyfriend yet............. Reality is, as much as I love her, as much as I blame myself for the break up, theres girls who wanna date me, a couple of them, there's girls who wanna have fun........My old time loyalty lies with her, of course it does, but.......if she cant call me her boyfriend yet, shes got no right to expect monogamy right? no right to expect anything? I want her back, I want her to be mine again, but I aint stupid, I got options, and I feel like Id be an idot for ignoring those chicks who are sure about me, even for just one date, hey it may take awhile............what do you think? Of course, like every guy and girl on this forum id like to think shes in love with me, but.........i got options and shes being wishy washy, and why give up on them until this is a safe thing?
that dude Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 im in the same position man. This girl and I have been planning on going out for a while now but she dosen't seem to be in any rush to making the decision. I have been exclusive with her since we started seeing eachother and I think that that really does help because it shows her that she is the only one you want. I know I want to be with this girl and ill wait as long as it takes. If you really like this girl you should do the same, or let her know you want out before it gets too messy
Author robaday Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I would agree That dude, apart from this - she had a commited relationship with me, she knows what its like..........if she aint sure if im her boyfriend yet, she has no right to expect me to be monogamous. Ive offered it to her on a plate and shes just said............"lets take it slow".........if shed said "hey, i want you to be my boyfriend again" then you know what its hers........... But she aint had to work for nothing, at the moment, she gets manogamy, sex, and friendship for free. I aint getting much out of this, apart from the fact I love her. But there are women who want to spend time with me, and if she cant commit thats cool, ill continue to date other people. Thats my point - I aint angry with her, shes doing what we all do, but if i aint her boyfriend im free to do whatever right?
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 if she cant call me her boyfriend yet, shes got no right to expect monogamy right? no right to expect anything? When she said she wants to "take it slow," what does that mean? You're not seeing each other often? Little or no sex?
Author robaday Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Weve had sex a lot over past 2 months, weve also spent at least two nights week together. So what is there to take slow? Im guessing the "boyfriend" part. In other words, shes getting a relationship from me, without the title. Normally it wouldnt matter but she wants me to be monogamous. I fear shes looking at other options, although she maintains shes exclusive. Titles mean nothing. But, if we are not together, then surely I dont have to be monogamous?
Emilia Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 It sounds like the both of you worry about investing too much in the other person. I think this is going nowhere, maybe the wisest would be for you to move on. On/Off relationships don't tend to work out in my experience
Author robaday Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 So, things have been going really well recently, weve been getting along well, and enjoying each others company. But something happened a week ago that triggered something - a mutual friend (who doesnt know we are seeing each other - were waiting a bit longer to be official which im cool with), said that she had met up with her ex after the break up - he lives abroad. I knew this anyway - shed told me that they met up once, she said she had some issues from the past to sort out with him. It turns out that they had gone away together.....for 4 days, along with a few other friends....... Now, first of all, we were broken up, so really she did not do anything wrong. Its more the point, that she could not be honest about the whole thing with me that bothers me if she wants me back - i asked her to be honest with me, i was straight with her and said that i had been on a couple of dates while we were broken up. she was single, but she had told me they only met for coffee. WTF do I do? Do I let her know that I know? Give her a chance to explain herself? Or drop it because she was single?
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