LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Extremely awkward and happens often, so it seems a trend with men. Why do you give extremely flattering compliments out loud to a girl who is around many other women. This is not good. While flattering, it causes an awkward state. The worst occurence, was a man was leaving our establishment, and looked over to me and a group of women, and ASKED THEM, in a question/statement deal, Isn't she just the most prettiest girl? And there was just silence from all of them. I was thinking of, where I could find a rock to hide under. And after the silence, he said louder as he walked out, you are just beautiful! Ughhh... Is it because guys do not understand the awkwardness of this?
madjac74 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Extremely awkward and happens often, so it seems a trend with men. Why do you give extremely flattering compliments out loud to a girl who is around many other women. This is not good. While flattering, it causes an awkward state. The worst occurence, was a man was leaving our establishment, and looked over to me and a group of women, and ASKED THEM, in a question/statement deal, Isn't she just the most prettiest girl? And there was just silence from all of them. I was thinking of, where I could find a rock to hide under. And after the silence, he said louder as he walked out, you are just beautiful! Ughhh... Is it because guys do not understand the awkwardness of this? I had a guy come up to me and tell me how beautiful my GF is while we were having drinks together. It isn't a big deal. Just let people spout off and go about their way. Was this guy drunk?
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 OP, they don't care. That's probably instructive. Think about it another way. When that guy said those words, his previous cloak of invisibility dropped and you and all the other ladies noticed him. Men are very pragmatic. Think about men who are successful in life. Do they get that way by going through it polite and invisible? Not a chance. The most successful are 'out there' and 'assertive'. Little deters them. If he had been hotter, hot enough for yourself or another in the group, the response might have been different, as might the topic of this thread. As it was, it appears he was just creepy. That's instructive too.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I had a guy come up to me and tell me how beautiful my GF is while we were having drinks together. It isn't a big deal. Just let people spout off and go about their way. Was this guy drunk? No, it is not done while out, usually at place of work. And not the same as someone complimenting one's GF, that is normal and common. I wish guys would know this is not a great idea, even if you feel this way, to segregate one from a group, and make a big fuss.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 OP, they don't care. That's probably instructive. Think about it another way. When that guy said those words, his previous cloak of invisibility dropped and you and all the other ladies noticed him. Men are very pragmatic. Think about men who are successful in life. Do they get that way by going through it polite and invisible? Not a chance. The most successful are 'out there' and 'assertive'. Little deters them. If he had been hotter, hot enough for yourself or another in the group, the response might have been different, as might the topic of this thread. As it was, it appears he was just creepy. That's instructive too. Yes but men do not seem to undertand women and how they are, and by asking a group of women, isnt she hot! or such may feel like you are giving a great compliment, is not creepy in the least, but ostracizes you from a group.
madjac74 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 No, it is not done while out, usually at place of work. And not the same as someone complimenting one's GF, that is normal and common. I wish guys would know this is not a great idea, even if you feel this way, to segregate one from a group, and make a big fuss. Its not appropriate. In your case it's sexual harassment. Put a verbal stop to it in front of your peers or go through appropriate management procedures to put a stop to it.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Its not appropriate. In your case it's sexual harassment. Put a verbal stop to it in front of your peers or go through appropriate management procedures to put a stop to it. It is a patron, visitor, type theme, not a co worker.
Elysian Powder Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Yes but men do not seem to undertand women and how they are, and by asking a group of women, isnt she hot! or such may feel like you are giving a great compliment, is not creepy in the least, but ostracizes you from a group. First of all, the guy wasn't exactly Brad Pitt, I guess, but I don't see how an average guy complimenting a woman or a female group, gets you banned from the group. Geez, what happened to women lapping up all of the free male attention from the white knight? Don't tell me that now, if a woman is complimented by a guy who ain't Tom Cruise material, the woman in question can never show her face again in public? The guy should thank you, though. He must have caught something along the lines of 'complimenting women is retarded', and won't do it again. win/win.
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Some of us are sensitive to such matters; the majority are not. Men generally are socialized to ignore such issues and the reason is pretty simple; in our very competitive world, if a man is concerning himself with how others feel, he's already at a disadvantage. He doesn't become the man who women admire and who stir their loins by being 'sensitive'. I've seen this dynamic in work environments and, generally, the kind of men who perpetrate it are also the kind of men whom most women are attracted to. They may complain to me, or as you have done here, as a general rant, but they respond sexually to such men. The men do not lack wives or girlfriends. That's instructive. I understand your point completely. I'm also trying to explain, for the average man, why this occurs. Some average men are clueless but the overwhelming majority who act like this, IMO, as I opined earlier, just don't care, whether that is about how you view him personally or about your interpersonal dynamics with the group.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 First of all, the guy wasn't exactly Brad Pitt, I guess, but I don't see how an average guy complimenting a woman or a female group, gets you banned from the group. Geez, what happened to women lapping up all of the free male attention from the white knight? Don't tell me that now, if a woman is complimented by a guy who ain't Tom Cruise material, the woman in question can never show her face again in public? The guy should thank you, though. He must have caught something along the lines of 'complimenting women is retarded', and won't do it again. win/win. No, some of the men have been quite handsome, the point is, that while it is nice to give compliments, give them quietly, privately, and do not ask other females isn't someone so and so !........fill in the blank. It is embarrassing and uncomfortable in the wrong environment and situation. Depending on the level of security of the other females, it can leave the one being mentioned as bait. So, to the men you blurt this stuff out, Don't do it!
thatone Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 as carhill said, we really don't care about the insecurity of the ones who'll be offended. sorry (but not really!)
TracyH Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Yeah this peeves me off to NO end... so awkward to deal with.
iJester Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I do things like this to deliberately make people feel uncomfortable. This passed weekend, a group of girls walked into the bar I was at and sat down. Two went to order and I stopped them as they got back to the table and told one the white pants were a great call, then asked her friends, "Doesn't she look great in these?" She was the hottest of the group, and I was leaving soon, so I couldn't even make an attempt to nail her, but I just wanted some type of attention from her I guess. I guess what I'm saying is, it's more for us than it is for you and we don't care how it makes you feel.
A O Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Why do you give extremely flattering compliments out loud to a girl who is around many other women. This is not good. While flattering, it causes an awkward state. We're impressed with her so we let her know. Sometimes its because we're trying to impress her too and sometimes its simply an automatic reaction to something impressive. Unlike some of the other responses here, I don't see this as a case of not caring as much as I see it as a case of unawareness, of being unaware of how their actions are impacting on those around them. Unfortunately, this type of scenario is common place in many interactions and not just this one specifically. .
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 We're impressed with her so we let her know. Sometimes its because we're trying to impress her too and sometimes its simply an automatic reaction to something impressive. Unlike some of the other responses here, I don't see this as a case of not caring as much as I see it as a case of unawareness, of being unaware of how their actions are impacting on those around them. Unfortunately, this type of scenario is common place in many interactions and not just this one specifically. . Men and women do think completely differently.
A O Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Men and women do think completely differently. Not really. Most people would love to be singled out for special attention and likewise, many do feel slighted when that doesn't happen to them. Awareness is the key here, for those doing the praising. .
alphamale Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Extremely awkward and happens often, so it seems a trend with men. Why do you give extremely flattering compliments out loud to a girl who is around many other women. This is not good. While flattering, it causes an awkward state. The worst occurence, was a man was leaving our establishment, and looked over to me and a group of women, and ASKED THEM, in a question/statement deal, Isn't she just the most prettiest girl? And there was just silence from all of them. I was thinking of, where I could find a rock to hide under. And after the silence, he said louder as he walked out, you are just beautiful! Ughhh... Is it because guys do not understand the awkwardness of this? this has nothing to do with the guy...it has more to do with feminine competitiveness and insecurity.
Lil1 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I agree with the above^. To me it sounds like your girlfriends were maybe a little jealous. My girlfriends get complimented this way often when we go out and we always end up cheering the girl being complimented. We tend to look out for eachother so even if the guy giving the compliment is a creep we just laught it off but never feel insulted by the attention(unless of course it is an offensive or lewd comment). Everyone is different though, I have a friend who is very shy and reserved and she always feels mbarrased when people, especially men in public compliment her in any way.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I agree with the above^. To me it sounds like your girlfriends were maybe a little jealous. My girlfriends get complimented this way often when we go out and we always end up cheering the girl being complimented. We tend to look out for eachother so even if the guy giving the compliment is a creep we just laught it off but never feel insulted by the attention(unless of course it is an offensive or lewd comment). Everyone is different though, I have a friend who is very shy and reserved and she always feels mbarrased when people, especially men in public compliment her in any way. Yes it is fun and better to handle when with friends, but this is when it is not that type of situation. And it may not be a case in which there is any prior or noticable jealousy, but could create it or friction, that is what I am getting at.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 It's not the act of a classy fella. It's both self indulgent and socially inconsiderate. But it's actually a cultural norm in some places where men come on with these big home-spun affectations like "hiya darlin', aren't you just the cutest sweetheart..." or w/e when in mixed company and having established no prior dialogue. Some women play the game because the model calls for being brave in front of peers and not looking embarrassed or sensitive.
Anela Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 as carhill said, we really don't care about the insecurity of the ones who'll be offended. sorry (but not really!) Well then, maybe you could think about the gorgeous woman that you (the collective 'you') might have just caused problems for, with the women she has to work with; as well as just making her feel uncomfortable in the first place. It would be one thing if he were her boyfriend/fiance/husband; that's expected. It isn't from someone who has no such affiliation.
Author LoveandSuch Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Well then, maybe you could think about the gorgeous woman that you (the collective 'you') might have just caused problems for, with the women she has to work with; as well as just making her feel uncomfortable in the first place. It would be one thing if he were her boyfriend/fiance/husband; that's expected. It isn't from someone who has no such affiliation. Ha! You said it better than I. It does cause problems, not the end of the world problems, but ones you want to avoid.
Elysian Powder Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 well, guys, next time you find a woman to be cute; let her approach you. It saves you from all of this.
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 In other news, the reports of pigs flying over my house were greatly exaggerated
Elysian Powder Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 In other news, the reports of pigs flying over my house were greatly exaggerated And then the flying entities wonder why no guy is approaching them.
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