confusedinkansas Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 This may not be for this particular forum - but I'm not sure where else to ask this question. My husband is a liar. He's lied to me for years & it's continually getting worse. His biggest lies are WHERE he is at any given time during the day. He actually has his head so far up his own #ss that he had the balls to tell me today that "I 'accidently' tell people the wrong place all the time" (he claims that yesterday he 'accidently' told me the wrong place) He ACCIDENTLY tells me he's at XYZ when the reality is that he's at X. How do you ACCIDENTLY tell people that you're not where you actually are? Now, XYZ wouldn't be a problem - but X is a Bar. (most of the time) After a lie that he's been caught in (which happens A LOT) He has looked me in the face & matter of factly told me that I have: 1) Heard him incorrectly 2) Just don't listen 3) He DIDN'T SAY THAT he was at XYZ 4) I've done nothing wrong My question is this. Once someone has gotten themselves so far into a lie & have been doing it for years - is there any way to actually HELP them to see what they're doing is really DAMAGING - not only to their marriage but to their career? PS- his son works for him & has ZERO respect for him because he knows he's a liar as well & tells me that the other guys that work for him also feel this way.
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 First solution would be to talk to him. But it seems you've tried that already and it just doesn't help. When he next tells you that he accidentally lied to you, you could "accidentally" go to the kitchen tap, get a glass of water and throw it on him. Then "accidentally" drop his dinner on the floor. Then "accidentally" reformat his laptop's hard drive. Then "accidentally" put a scratch down the side of his car. You get the idea. He should quickly learn that his lying is no accident.
stillafool Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Is he lying to everyone or just you and your son? If he is only lying to his family about his whereabouts chances are he is and has been involved in an affair. Do you have any proof of that? If he is lying to everyone or simply forgets what he was doing or where he was he should seek medical help because he may have a tumor on the brain. If he just out right lies to everyone about everything, he needs therapy.
Author confusedinkansas Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Peg - Yeah I've thought of those things too. It's exactly how I feel every single time he lies (& occasionally - rarely - apologizes) When someone punches you in the face, apologizes & punches you in the face again........How sorry are they - REALLY? stillafool - Nah - No affair. Inappropriate behavior - but no 'affair'. Drinking too much - but no affair. The thing is when he does lie about where he is - Most of the time I could confirm where he is. He's been caught SOOO many times I guess I'm just shocked he STILL DOES IT. This morning he broke the proverbial camel's back with the word ACCIDENTLY. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I don't know if he's lying to everyone - I know he lies to his guys at the job site all the time (thru my son) & to Me.
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Yes, accidentally punch him in the face, that's a good one.
stillafool Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 OP if I were you I would insist that he get counseling.
shayla Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 My ex boyfriend is a liar. From what I understand he has always done it. And I know that he is doing it in his marriage now. I think that a person that habitually lies begin to even believe their own lies. It is something that they cannot change. They can look into your eyes and lie. They can beg and cry and lie. They are such good actors you will not kow if you are coming or going by the time they are through. I am glad to be free from lying.
KathyM Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 This may not be for this particular forum - but I'm not sure where else to ask this question. My husband is a liar. He's lied to me for years & it's continually getting worse. His biggest lies are WHERE he is at any given time during the day. He actually has his head so far up his own #ss that he had the balls to tell me today that "I 'accidently' tell people the wrong place all the time" (he claims that yesterday he 'accidently' told me the wrong place) He ACCIDENTLY tells me he's at XYZ when the reality is that he's at X. How do you ACCIDENTLY tell people that you're not where you actually are? Now, XYZ wouldn't be a problem - but X is a Bar. (most of the time) After a lie that he's been caught in (which happens A LOT) He has looked me in the face & matter of factly told me that I have: 1) Heard him incorrectly 2) Just don't listen 3) He DIDN'T SAY THAT he was at XYZ 4) I've done nothing wrong My question is this. Once someone has gotten themselves so far into a lie & have been doing it for years - is there any way to actually HELP them to see what they're doing is really DAMAGING - not only to their marriage but to their career? PS- his son works for him & has ZERO respect for him because he knows he's a liar as well & tells me that the other guys that work for him also feel this way. Lieing really destroys the trust in a relationship, and it destroys a person's credibility with others and his relationship with others. He has a real problem that needs to be fixed. Insist that he get counseling for this problem. Don't let it continue. It's destructive behavior. Get him to a counselor. Tell him he has a serious problem with the habitual lieing, and it is damaging his relationships and his career, and that he needs help to find out why he continues to do this, and how to stop it.
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