Sugarkane Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I still want revenge after a year. My therapist said that getting revenge you are stooping as low as them. So is it okay just to screw people over and get away with it?
LelouchIsZero Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 I still want revenge after a year. My therapist said that getting revenge you are stooping as low as them. So is it okay just to screw people over and get away with it? No, its not alright to screw people over, but life isn't fair sadly. You can either just sit around thinking about getting revenge on them, wasting your own life OR go out, do things that make you happy & not worry about them. Which is more appealing to you? Besides, living well is the best revenge.
antinko Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 Forgetting them or at least rendering them insignificant in your mind is the best form of revenge. By allowing the hatred to fester unchallenged in your minds, you're just going to prevent yourself from healing. I know this sounds preachy and is a difficult pill to swallow, but trust me, it works.
Author visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 As much as I struggle with it I really do believe that forgiveness is for the forgiver. It isn't about condoning or forgetting anything, has nothing to diminish the gravity of what happened, you don't even have to ever see the offending party again for it to work. It demands a measure of grace and maturity that I have yet to muster up personally, though I do believe it is ultimately the only way to move forward. It often feels like two steps forward, one step back, just like the rest of the emotional roller coaster, but I think it is necessary to truly free ourselves of the chains the event has placed on us. I'll let everyone know how that's working out for me, lol.
Author visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 I'm stuck in the boat of 'Almost maybe over him but not quite because something's missing'. I don't know what exactly is missing. I think it's more that I just want him to realize how much pain, anguish, and mental torture I went through over him, not actually go through what I have. I want to him to acknowledge it to me head on, and not act cluelessly as if it didn't happen, you know? Yes I do know, trade out all the he's for she's and that's really a lot of what it all boils down to. I don't really know that I am over anything. Progress is kind of hard to define since I don't have much to compare it to. Comparing my old life to my new one would be emotional suicide, so I can't very well do that. I really would not wish this on anyone else. I wanted many things and got none of them, then when it ended I wanted many more things, like honesty, acknowledgement, understanding, which of course, I didn't get either. I have seen complete strangers give each other more consideration and compassion than what a lot of us get handed by people we truly loved. I can wake up, go to sleep and eat with fair regularity, if not enthusiasm. Compared to being able to do none of these things when it started, it can be considered progress. But on a scale of 1 to awesome, this is fail. There are no silver linings in the clouds, the trees aren't majestic and the birds sound more like they are mocking me than singing to each other. I have seen a few beautiful sights since then and every single one of them is tainted by the fact that I will never spend any of them with a wife and child that I will never see again. Oh, well that person wasn't worthy of you. They are the ones losing out. They aren't worth the effort. Yes, it is painfully obvious how true these statements are but ultimately doesn't change the way we feel. There is no win or lose, no right or wrong, since this is apparently all wrapped up in perception. We the endearing get to carry the burden of the short sighted, blame shifting, cowardice idioms of callous selfish people. People sacrificing and crucifying the very love they claim they are in search of, A holy grail they will never find because they can't see the forest for the trees. It pisses me off to no end and saddens me greatly at the same time. I grow tired of shouldering the responsibilities of others at the expense of myself and yet to do anything different would make me no different than them in the long run. I am tired of being the poster child of irony. Just sayin
antinko Posted September 4, 2011 Posted September 4, 2011 As much as I struggle with it I really do believe that forgiveness is for the forgiver. It isn't about condoning or forgetting anything, has nothing to diminish the gravity of what happened, you don't even have to ever see the offending party again for it to work. It demands a measure of grace and maturity that I have yet to muster up personally, though I do believe it is ultimately the only way to move forward. It often feels like two steps forward, one step back, just like the rest of the emotional roller coaster, but I think it is necessary to truly free ourselves of the chains the event has placed on us. I'll let everyone know how that's working out for me, lol. Totally agree and that's what I had to do. Forgiveness takes time, though. I decided one day "Ok...it's time to start forgiving" and from then, once I realised that forgiveness was for my own benefit, it became a bit easier.
Author visualbasicide Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 yeah, so I ranted. Make no mistake, the past is the past and time machines don't exist. It isn't and never was the past that I have grieved for. For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'. - John Greenleaf Whittier
fiat500 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 bump for truth. visualbasicide, i feel the same way, although the words don't flow quite as eloquently as yours. it's been ten months and i have been scorned and still feel hateful at times. forgiveness is not an option for me any time soon unfortunately. i've come to the conclusion that i can't forgive him for doing what he did to me even though i try. a lot of people don't know what they're doing when it comes to relationships or really are chasing a fantasy and shooting themselves in the foot in the process. but those who were wronged will never be around to see the wrongdoer realize that they've shot themselves. and i find that to be disheartening.
Sugarkane Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I don't see the point of doing the right thing. They didn't do "the right thing" by us. They didn't care about screwing us over.
LelouchIsZero Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I don't see the point of doing the right thing. They didn't do "the right thing" by us. They didn't care about screwing us over. Two wrongs don't make a right.
worlybear Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Tara Maiden are you there? It would be good to read your thoughts on karma with reference to this post.
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