arbrne_vet Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 today is day 5 of NC. I feel a little better. feel the ground is a little more solid, also feel the loss.... sad, we really had something special. i really don't want to hear from her, because then i have to deal with it, and i really don't. after what she did, she made a loud statement to me. i think she knows she really messed up this time, and she has never been the one to see her own faults, it's always someone else. see it with her kids also. nothing is ever her fault, it is always someone else. so, another day.
Chi townD Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I'm sorry, I must have missed that post. What did she say (rather loudly) that made her mess up?
Author arbrne_vet Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 i never posted what she did. it was a major birthday party she had, and went out and celebrated, without me. totally hid it from me. in fact, i even called her and asked to do something that day, and she said she was going out for "dinner". she called me at 1:00 a.m. when she got done. i never answered. our relationship has been deteriorating like a bad cancer. she has been going out with co-workers quite a bit these past few months, and never any time for me. she has never had any time for me this past year. we were "engaged" for a few months, and it was horrible at that. that was a very loud statement to me. the fact that she did not want to be with me. she was out a few weeks ago, on a Friday. i did not know this. i tried to get ahold of her. called her 3 times in one hour. she later called and told me she was asked out for dinner with her co-workers. i asked why she did not answer her phone. i have been a secret with her co-workers. in fact, i found out a few weeks ago that one of them was trying to set her up with someone. she has been running, i have been chasing. i am done. maybe i just did not get the hints.
Chi townD Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Oh! well...then hell yeah! Stay NC. you're right you don't need to be chasing her. She isn't worth your time. She values her time with her co-workers ore than you...that's sad on her part. Find a girl that's gonna respect and value your time together. A girl that would be proud to show you off to her co-workers.
Author arbrne_vet Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 thank you for those words. i am not sure how i feel right now. i have been holding on so much, and after what happened this past weekend i realize it's time to let go. i think about all that has happened this past year. i am not sure if there has been someone else, or someone she works with. all i know is that i have been a secret at her place of employment ever since she took my ring off in April. i should have left it alone then. i should have left it alone last september. i would be so much farther ahead now, feeling so much better. so, now this time, is not going to be a "i should have" moment down the road. i have been desperatly waiting for some type of an apology from her for her behaivor. i have not. from her point of view, she is perfect. everything is my fault. when she has no leg to stand on, she brings up things that happened 3 years ago, and quite frankly they are really not that big of an issue. i really feel as if i am being held responsible for what her ex-husband did to her. he cheated on her (or so she says) for 4 years and then just left one day. she claims she has no idea he was. every little issue between us she has treated it as if i had cheated on her, and her reactions have been such. i have had to prove myself over and over again for things i did not do. i keep fantasizing about her beating on my door, crying her eyes out, saying she is sorry, asking for forgiveness, and doing whatever she can to make it work. i know this will not happen, and quite frankly, at this point, not sure how i would react if she did. i am really not sure how would react if she even attempts to contact me, which i don't see happening either. i just want to go on with my life, let my wounds heal, learn, and move on.
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