greene8892 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Its the summer after senior year in high school, we've all graduated and have moved out for college, save for me, I decided to stay for community college. I started to develop these feelings for this girl during the summer and held my feelings in until the near end. I finally decided to send a text message to her about how I felt, just a few hours before her flight took off to Canada to go to school (which was about two weeks ago). She replied well to the message. She wanted to hold onto our relationship, and be able to hopefully grow into something serious. Since then, I've been trying as much as I can to keep in contact with her while trying to keep within between boundaries of being nosy and silent. It's really difficult when you have to be the one who has start the conversation the majority of the time. I mean I try to put a decent gap in between each conversation. After one finishes, I'll wait for a few days in hopes that she'll be thinking about me and decide to call me or text me. But so far its mostly been me, and I've got feeling that these gaps are only going to get wider as time goes until they become a fading memory. I've honestly have become sprung for her, and cannot go through a single day without thinking about her once. Whenever I go to check her facebook wall, I see that she is really enjoying herself over there, making new friends, going to parties, clubs, and stuff like that, which is great. Don't get me wrong I want her to have fun and live her life out there. However I worry all the time, what happens if she meets "someone" there? I mean, we've yet to kiss, have a serious talk, or even a date. The only thing that I have proven to her is that stupid text that I poured my heart into, like how long is that going to help? Should I just widen these gaps to weeks? Or should I just throw it down and say that I really miss you and stop with the stupid love hints? Because so far our conversations have been mostly friendly talk, nothing serious. But I try my hardest to see if she's giving me any hints of her own too. For instance, during one of our conversations, she said during a dorm party, some third year guy tried bringing her to his apartment, but told me that she didn't go (she was drunk at the time). Am I missing the obvious? or was that just natural instinct? What should I do? Is it worth the effort? Do the ends justify the means?
aisle_seat Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 You are not going to want to hear this, but my opinion is you need to give her more space, not less. You're both young and she's away at college which is full new experiences for her...and should be for you, too. You've stayed home but you need to be out experiencing life and not pining away hoping she texts you first. Let her come to you, if she decides she wants to, but you can't hold it against her if she doesn't. At this age you both need to find your paths yourselves and not be hung up on a long term relationship that is further severely burdened by being long distance. When she comes home on school breaks ring her up and go out and have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself or her for it to be more than a friendship at this point.
Author greene8892 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Thank you aisle_seat, I'd rather hear the honest truth than live in this whirlpool of confusion and hopeless romance. I fully agree with you, she needs her space, and should be able to enjoy her college experience. I as well will try to move on and make the most of what I have here at home. Hopefully our friendship will continue on its steady pace as it has been. For now, I'll just have to let time do the rest.
mkbrownie Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Hey man i'm a senior now and I basically had the same issue as you (except without college being the reason for separation). I too first contacted with a message about how I felt, and things were good from there, until now. I talked to her about every day and I initiated it all which I knew wasn't a good sign. So, here I am, a month after I met the girl, depressed over what happened. She said that talking was getting to be too much (which we had a talk about and resolved), and then when I just cracked and told her how I feel in the form of a letter, she told me she would contact me as to when we would talk again. She's never contacted me before this, and so I don't think that's a good sign as well. (By the way, it's been a couple days since she told me that, and she's been online every day since and she hasn't so much as said a word to me ) Our issue was space, or lack thereof, as I wanted to talk to her as much as possible while she, even though she liked talking to me, just didn't find the time. You are smart in giving those days in between your talks, but if you REALLY feel the need to, I honestly would just tell her how you feel in a call or if possible via skype. Ok, this was pretty jumbled for a response, but here goes the summary I guess: If you really want to have something with this girl, stay in loose contact unless she starts talking to you and initiating the conversations. Once the next summer rolls around, you guys could be back in the same place for 3 months, and that's when you could move this to a serious relationship. I know it sucks, especially when you can't stop thinking about her (I found that my love for R & B music did not help either lol). It could be worse man. You could be in my position, faced with the possibility that you screwed it all up with a girl you really liked.
Author greene8892 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Hey mkbrownie, I totally know what your feeling. Going on facebook, then noticing that she's online and then hoping that she'll at least say "hi" sooner or later. But you've got to try your best to keep your mind occupied with something else, try to avoid things that remind you of her so much. But so far since my first post, I've been fallowing your guys' advises, by giving extra space between our talks. And luckily (thank god) she's been initiating the conversations (twice the past week), which felt great. Yet I noticed that she was drunk when she sent both texts to me Is that a good sign that she is actually thinking of me? I mean, drunks are pretty honest to share their feelings, right? I can't help but to worry about the things she's been doing in school over there (getting drunk at clubs, partying in dorms, and what not). I honestly hate it when shes drunk during our conversations, its like it gives her an excuse to talk to me. And I hate how honest she is about things when she's drunk, like the time she told me she took body shots off of guys at a club. Yesh...
lesoiseaux Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hi greene8892, This may not be what you want to hear, but I honestly think you should just let the whole thing go. Yes, she is busy exploring college, but if she really were serious about pursuing something with you, she would contact you more. Period. I used to be a relationship where I was always trying so hard, analyzing who initiated contact, yadda yadda yadda, but after a couple years and a new/much better relationship I realized...it should NEVER be THAT hard, especially in the beginning. If you want, I don't see the harm in Skyping with her to tell you how you feel, like others have suggested. Then you can see what she says. But I have a feeling she's not that invested, especially since you actually never dated before she left. Basically, you clearly are troubled over this and are putting in a lot of work...but it doesn't seem worth the effort. She's taking body shots off of guys at clubs and only texts you when she's drunk. Is that really what you want? Even if she DID decide she wants to date you, I have a feeling (based on my experience) that you would still be agonizing about who talks to whom first and what she's doing over there in college. LDRs aren't easy but that would only make it harder. I hope I don't come off as harsh. I just remember when I was in college a couple years ago, I agonized about little issues like texting with my ex-bf. Now I know it wasn't worth it and it shouldn't be that hard, because then I met someone who never hesitated to text me, because he liked me and wanted to get to know me. So, go ahead and maintain a friendship with this girl--for the sake of having a friend, NOT for the faint possibility of perhaps getting to date her later--and move on. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck!
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