NC was broken, argument/convo with ex. Need someone to talk to

[Jonnyy]

Ok so i was coming back to my dorms from hangin out with my friends and i run into my ex. She comes up to me saying we need to talk. We start talking and its basically just yelling at me the whole time. Earlier that day she texted me saying "whats your deal?" and of course i didnt respone (respecting the NC rule) but also just because i didnt want to fight. The reason she said that though was because i talk to her cousin and hung out with her the night before at her dorm. We are just friends and i made it very clear that i only want to be friends with her to my ex. My ex was really upset about this and told me that she didnt want me talking to her anymore. I kept saying how i was only friends with her and that if i said she couldnt talk to someone she would get really pissed at me because she is a huge hippocrit. Anyway we talked for a long time, and brought up the past alot. I asked her if she had any feeling for me anymore or if we ever had a chance of ever getting back together and she said no. That cut deep. She also said that she thought we took our highschool relationship too serious. She also really likes this 24 year old guy that she was crushing on while we were dating and i asked her if he was dating potential and she said yeah. They kiss, cuddle, and hold hands all the time yet they are not dating, i dont understand that. He has also been to her dorm like every single day since we moved in which was saturday. This is where it gets interesting though. The night before, when i hung out with my ex's cousin, her cousin had told me all these thing my ex has done the past couple of days and how much of a "b****" she has been being. Like her cousin had told me that my ex has lied to her and has been just overall really mean to her along with the 24 year old guy. But when i talked to my ex today she like had a whole different story to everything. Idk who to believe or what to do. Eventually my ex told me to leave, and that she couldnt talk about this right now, and that we have to talk about this another time. She was getting really upset. She yelled alot and kept bringing up things from the past like how i went to a mutual friend for support after the breakup and my ex said i was talking **** about her and that i told everyone a biased side of the story and that all her friends hate her now. Even though that is not true in the least bit. All i did was tell the story of the breakup exactly how it was. She also brought up very minor problems when i was asking about why she did break up with me. Such as one time i said i liked her hair better down then up, even though she insisted that i said her hair is ugly when its up, which is very untrue. Other things she brought up were how we had a stupid argument over nothing on the way up to go camping, where i raised my voice for a bit but we resolved it. She also said how she just didnt feel the same about me over time. How the past couple months she wasnt feeling the same about me. Now keep in mind during the past couple of months she had been working with this 24 year old guy that she eventually had a crush on and also during this time she had been hanging out with a friend that parties alot and had just gotten out a long term relationship. I feel like her friend had alot to do with our breakup. My ex basically got pissed that i wasnt responding at all to her texts. But i explained to her why i didnt and tried to make her realize that it was only to help me heal. she then also went on to say she wanted space. Even though i have been giving her more than enough space by not talking to her so i really dont understand that. I told her that i still have a lot of feelings for her and that i care about her alot and that i still love her alot. I am so confused right now guys. I thought this was GIGS related breakup but right now i feel like i dont know anything. I just really need a lot of help right now and someone to talk to and a lot of advice so please help me guys. I really need it

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Step1: drink a fifth of vodka

 

Step2: understand that no matter what you do, she is long gone. stop worrying about how to win her back and start worrying about where to find some more pussy.

 

step3: profit

 

 

Step 1: Dumb Advice

 

Step 2: More Dumb Advice

 

Step 3: Profit from what? your plan doesn't do anything but lengthen the healing process

 

 

 

As for the OP, you need to do complete NC immediately. You've seen what breaking it will do to you. Work on yourself and become you again. And stay away from mind altering substances such as alcohol for a little while, it will slow down your healing.

[silly_panda]

Yeap... HeartOfAPheonix is rite... Don't waste your time trying to figure out what she is thinking of what she is doing...

 

You will never know what's on her mind...

The more you find out on what she is doing and all, the more potential and more likely you will get hurt...

 

Go NC and do your best in helping yourself...

 

Hang in there man...

[Jonnyy]

You guys are all saying go NC and stuff, but i was going full NC and this is why she got so upset with me. She said even it was for healing i could still reply. Guys i really dont know what to feel right now. She is the one that came up to me and told me that we needed to talk. I feel like she has feelings for me still just based on the fact how shes getting upset over all this, even if she says she doesnt. I keep saying to myself that she was just really upset and in a bad mood and i just really want to get things straightened out, be on the same page, and not have her so mad at me anymore. She was upset that i took her off as a friend on facebook and last night i re added her because of that. Idk what to do guys because im still so very much in love with her.

[Chi townD]

You guys are all saying go NC and stuff, but i was going full NC and this is why she got so upset with me. She said even it was for healing i could still reply. Guys i really dont know what to feel right now. She is the one that came up to me and told me that we needed to talk. I feel like she has feelings for me still just based on the fact how shes getting upset over all this, even if she says she doesnt. I keep saying to myself that she was just really upset and in a bad mood and i just really want to get things straightened out, be on the same page, and not have her so mad at me anymore. She was upset that i took her off as a friend on facebook and last night i re added her because of that. Idk what to do guys because im still so very much in love with her.

 

 

She got upset because you went NC on her? Well......GOOD! Look you're broken up. She made a choice to have you out of her life and that's EXACTLY what you're giving her and she gets upset? Screw her!! She's hooking up with a 24 y/o guy. He's been to her place EVERY night...but all they do is cuddle and kiss...right, I have oceanside property to sell you in the middle of the mojave desert.

 

You know as well as I do that any texts she's been sending you is breadcrumbs and nothing more. She's upset with you because you're not being her back-up plan. She's pulling on the leash but she doesn't know if the dog is there or not. You're not friends. I highly doubt that you got into a relationship with her and invested your time, love and feelings only to ultimately end up being "really good friends".

 

She's mad because you hung out with her cousin? So what! You're not together anymore! She can't dictate who you hang out with!! Go hang out with her cousin, if she's cute, take her out on a date! Go see a movie. IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS ANYMORE!!!!!

 

She's trying to move on and it's killing her to know (or not knowing) that you can move on and could be happy without her! You're not stroking that ego of her's anymore. You're in college, HAVE FUN!!!! Stay NC, heal and move on.

[Jonnyy]

Thanks a ton Chi townD. I feel like that is great advice. I feel like i have blamed for things that i have never done and feel like she is putting so much fault on me when ive done nothing wrong. I texted her this morning saying let me know when you want to talk, im available whenever and when you wake up id like to go to breakfast with you. All im looking for is to basically get on the same page with her and see eye to eye. Although i really doubt that will happen because she is pretty stubborn but then at least i can say i tried and then after that i will go NC. I may text her if she texts me, depending on what it says. But i have no plans on texting her first. What do you guys think of this?

[Chi townD]

NC= NO CONTACT!!!!!

 

By sending her a text or an e-mail makes her think she has power over you. Suggesting going to breakfast translates in her head as "AWWW....the poor idiot can't get over me.....sad."

 

What you can do and should do is compose an NC letter stating that No Contact isn't punishment to her, but you still have feelings for her and anytime you see or hear from her puts up a roadblock in your healing. You're trying to get over her and let her go. You have a hard time doing that if she still around. Let her know that what you two had was great but she broke up with you, and decide that you weren't going to be part of her life anymore and you have to have NC to make those adjustments in your life..."

 

See, by doing that you don't come off as a desperate jerk and you've laid it out tactfully and it isn't distasteful. That's all you should need.

[Jonnyy]

I know that what you suggested is 100% the right thing i should do but in the back of my head theres just this little sense of false hope and its been eating at me. I need to get rid of it. I know she messed up, she kept bringing up the most miniscule problems from the past couple months to justify the break up. Problems that anyone could have worked out in a matter of 2 minutes. But she took it a step further and broke off the whole relationship. She also said that the 24 year old guy is dating potential but she said shes taking it day by day and just having fun. Basically just saying that its a fling. They do all the things couples do yet they are not a couple. When we broke up she said she couldnt give me the commitment i wanted from her, so that makes me feel like shes not having a relationship with this guy because she wants all the relationship characteristics without the commitment aspect of it. I dont understand that though. Maybe someone could help me understand that? But honestly i still am so confused as to whats goin on in her head when shes mad at me, saying i did stuff wrong, when in reality im not doing anything wrong at all. And even some of the stuff she gets mad at me for she has done too! Its tough, but i know im strong enough to get through. I will definitely consider the letter, but i am giving myself a couple days just to clear my head and so i can think straight.

[Chi townD]

She had the case of the G.I.G.S.. That there might be something better out there. Those are the worst because, they tend to keep you on the hook...i.e. texting, e-mails, phone calls, "let's be friends" all the while going out and going wild with anyone...and you can't get mad. YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE! So, if you did get back together, you can't get mad about anything that happened while she was out doing what she was doing. Because, you should have been doing the same thing, so not her fault that you didn't. However, she's seeing that you are moving on. She's getting jealous about you hanging with her cousin for Pete's sakes. But, you should except her relationship with this 24 y/o? But.....you can't hang with her cousin....see how unbalanced that is?

 

She blaming you for every LITTLE hiccup in your relationship, because she's trying to justify in her head that breaking up with you was the right decision because "you're such an ass." Try to ease her guilt for screwing this 24 y/o (and don't kid yourself, she is). She's being totally unfair with you. You deserve better.

[Jonnyy]

Thanks alot man. I wish i could come to you all the time for advice about these kinds of things. Thankyou so much for your opinion and advice. I will definitely take everything you said into consideration and implement it.