Johnny85 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I have been posting here on/off for the last 8 months. Long story short, my ex girlfriend broke up with me in January; she started seeing another guy. We would stay in touch during this time, mostly via text. In April they broke up, and immediately after she founds a second rebound (whom I assume she is still with). We have had extremely low contact since April, only having spoken 2 and seen each other once. I tried calling her tonight, but she did not answer. I guess this makes me really sad. Someone I shared 4 years together with just left me and now she doesn't even return my call. How can she just forget about me like this? Tonight is the night where I feel I need to accept reality and completely move on. She didn't even treat me very well (although she would probably say the same about me). Yet she is the hardest habit I have ever had to get ride of. And we had so much in common. I have done it all. Focused on my career, lost 25 pounds by working out, read self improvement books, changed my eating habits, gone back to school. Yet she is still on my brain, a lot. And we broke up in January, which is a long time ago. She has sent me breadcrumbs before. I fear this time is different; I have lost everything that use to be "us" forever. This sucks!
jay_mart Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 i know the pain your in...i am recently in the exact same position...rite now i feel like life just isnt the same..somedays are ok..but most is just such a struggle...and at times when i need to swallow my greaf to get throug it some days..it feelz like swallowing razor blades to hold back the tears...its always on my mind..wish i could shut it off....but i have hope that there is a light at the end of all this..dont know when but i know it will come..till then im gonna be easy on myself..and i hope that in time you get relief from this too..
Kendal Pierce Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 It is natural for you to still "feel" some good amount of pain even though you guys broke up early part of this year. But even this would be the case, you know to yourself that you able to handle your emotions quite well, right? This means you are doing yourself a good job. You are letting yourself heal, the pace maybe really slow but you are on the right track. Sooner you will find yourself and remember things that happened without feeling the pain anymore. You will be amazed and be proud of yourself that you are completely over her.
Author Johnny85 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) Thank you so much for your replies - it means a lot. I am healing slowly, but at the same time, I am holding on to the pain because I am hoping we will get back together sometime in the future. I just feel really sad today; I suppose there is a reason why people always recommend not contacting your ex, for it only set you back emotionally. This is the first time there is no response. I had a feeling this would be the case, but I felt I had to try regardless of the outcome. Please keep in mind that she has not seen this side of me. I act strong, funny and confident but inside I feel like crying like a little baby. I suppose any hopes of getting back together at this stage are shattered and I need to move on. Edited September 1, 2011 by Johnny85 spelling error
flitzanu Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 dude, one phone call? she didn't answer ONCE and it has killed you? you know she could be busy with her LIFE or her boyfriend and couldn't take the call. but seriously, she's moved on, you can't keep thinking she's there at your convenience. sorry.
Author Johnny85 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 dude, one phone call? she didn't answer ONCE and it has killed you? you know she could be busy with her LIFE or her boyfriend and couldn't take the call. but seriously, she's moved on, you can't keep thinking she's there at your convenience. sorry. Well she has always responded to my calls (or text messages) within hours for the last 4 year, including after our breakup. It's not about my convenience or lack thereof but rather about the fear of losing a 4 year long habit.
Chi townD Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I have done it all. Focused on my career, lost 25 pounds by working out, read self improvement books, changed my eating habits, gone back to school. Read that!!! You have to tell yourself that you did all of that for YOURSELF! Not for her. Those are changes you made to improve yourself! You're doing great and if she isn't around to experience the new you, then SCREW HER!!! Some other deserving girl will reap the benefits of your new motivation for self improvement. She might even send her a thank you card!!!!!
Author Johnny85 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Read that!!! You have to tell yourself that you did all of that for YOURSELF! Not for her. Those are changes you made to improve yourself! You're doing great and if she isn't around to experience the new you, then SCREW HER!!! Some other deserving girl will reap the benefits of your new motivation for self improvement. She might even send her a thank you card!!!!! This made me smile; thank you:)
fetish1980 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) moving on is hard. i was with my ex for 8 years and she was still contacting me throughout the summer, tried to get back together. We mutually broke up in February this year from a case of G.I.G.S. on her part, not sure of another guy but i know she wanted to hang out, party, and gamble. I still get teary eyed to this day over the break up. Yes, February was a while ago, but not that long since it's after an 8 year long relationship. That work really starts when we begin to work on ourselves. The issue is not about whether the other person misses us or has moved on, but us being at peace with ourselves. I'm in the process of rolling up my sleeves and digging my heels deep to do the work i should have continued doing all along. I fetish Edited September 1, 2011 by fetish1980
Author Johnny85 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 moving on is hard. i was with my ex for 8 years and she was still contacting me throughout the summer, tried to get back together. We mutually broke up in February this year from a case of G.I.G.S. on her part, not sure of another guy but i know she wanted to hang out, party, and gamble. That work really starts when we begin to work on ourselves. The issue is not about whether the other person misses us or has moved on, but being at peace with ourselves. I'm rolling up my sleeves and digging my heels deep to do the work i should have continued doing all along. fetish Are you still in contact with your ex girlfriend? Did you feel that being in contact with her hindered your progress? I feel that this is perhaps what I needed to move on. If she can't even respond to me after 4 years, I feel that I have done everything I could.
fetish1980 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Yes, it definitely hindered my progress, as i had been told all along that NC was the best way to go. She was the one initiating it but i would eventually respond, even if it was a day or 2 later. The problem was that i was only temporarily numbing the pain. Quick fixes are not effective. It was just as painful trying to immediately cut someone out of my life who was actually the center of my life for the longest. She wanted to get back together this summer but i couldn't trust her and felt happy with myself again. I told her i needed to remain single. She eventually stopped contacting and it kind of stung a little. I still think about her everyday and miss her. But i think i miss the memory and am a little fearful the closer we get to a approaching a year since the end of our relationship. I've found myself second guessing the decision on not getting back together but those are my own issues. I know deep down that the relationship wasn't healthy and I'd be going back in to the same issues again. So, although it may not feel like it now, i know its for the best. fetish
Author Johnny85 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Thanks Fetish for your kindness; it really makes a difference and I am feeling better about accepting the situation. It has never really been about pride. Instead it is about doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same results. I refuse to keep contacting her if all she continues to do is ignore me. She is in a second rebound now; I should not have to feel that the only time she contacts me is when she feels lonely, insecure, or hurt. It seems that she has only ever contacted me when something is missing (emotionally or physically) in her life since our breakup. I am gonna give her the space she is asking for and she will see how great I am.
Author Johnny85 Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 Thanks Fetish for your kindness; it really makes a difference and I am feeling better about accepting the situation. I refuse to keep contacting her if all she continues to do is ignore me. She is in a second rebound now; I should not have to feel that the only time she contacts me is when she feels lonely, insecure, or hurt. It seems that she has only ever contacted me when something is missing (emotionally or physically) in her life since our breakup. I am gonna give her the space she is asking for....
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