ja123 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Ladies get your mojo back!!!! My friend suggested this book by Sherry Argov. It rocks! Look inside: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314850229&sr=8-1
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I love how clueless women take dating advice from other clueless women. It's really amusing to me.
Author ja123 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 LOL NXS Are you just threatened?
NXS Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 LOL NXS Are you just threatened? No just amused, like I said. So keep going......
Sanman Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I particularly love how the author uses the title to equate women who stand up for themselves to bi*ches.
Author ja123 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I particularly love how the author uses the title to equate women who stand up for themselves to bi*ches. Yeah, it seems very reductive and derogatory. But it grabs attention. That's marketing for ya! Or, you could look at it this way .. it's the appropriation of the word to empower women, in the same way African-American men will sometimes self-refer as n*gga.
Author ja123 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 the book sucked i bought it like a dummy Really? Why did it suck? I just looked at it on Amazon. I mean some of the things like "give him popcorn" is over the top for sure; but, the essential idea is not to be so needy and drive men away.
Taramere Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) I particularly love how the author uses the title to equate women who stand up for themselves to bi*ches. I read the lowest starred review, and it outlines some of the advice. The quoted excerpts don't fill me with confidence that this is a book that encourages women to stand up for themselves. Even three or four months into a relationship don't cook him dinner. In fact, the most you should do for him is put a bag of popcorn in the mircrowave and nuke it. Why allow him to know you know your way around a kitchen? Why go out of one's way to feign incompetence when life presents so many opportunities to demonstrate the real thing? Don't open a jar in front of a man More "incompetence is pretty" advice...or does it go deeper than that? Might he experience an irrational fear that you're about to emasculate him and pickle his balls in the jar if he catches sight of you opening it? At a scary movie, hang all over him, and hide behind your hands during the gory scenes (even if you want to see the gore). Let him tell you when the "scary part" is over. I do that....except for the hanging all over him part. I don't want to see the gore, but I try not to make a big fuss about it. I'm curious to know how not wanting to see the gory parts entails being a bitch. Don't parallel park when he is in the car. If you have to parallel park, let him do it. What is the reasoning underpinning "do not parallel park a car in front of a man"? Why ask the guy to do it? Is parking the car yourself a symbol for "I don't need you" masturbation? Does the man break out in a cold sweat, anticipating a colleague walking up to him the following Monday and announcing "that was a nice piece of parking your girlfriend managed did the other day. I saw you sitting in the passenger seat...." ? Or does it stem from a more practical (though sexist) belief that you won't succeed without bashing the car in front and behind, Clouseau style? Most men I know would cringe at the notion of a line of traffic being held up while we swapped places so that he could park the car. Especially if there was a decent chance he would screw the whole thing up. But oh no....must be helpless and girly. Make a show of getting out of the car to let the big guy slay the dragon that is that small parking space...even if all it achieves is to send a load of already stressed out commuters' blood pressure through the roof. Yeah, it seems very reductive and derogatory. But it grabs attention. That's marketing for ya! Is it your book? Edited September 1, 2011 by Taramere
Crusoe Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Won't cook, can't park, act pathetic, play games, be selfish and cling like an ill aimed sneeze. How the f*ck can a man respect that?
edmundek Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Right on! http://seducingbeautifulwomen.blogspot.com/
Woggle Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Yet another dating book from a woman who is completely clueless about how to have a healthy relationship with a man. I wonder what the relationship status of the author is. It seems that these books are always written by women who can't seem to have a successful relationship to save their lives.
Woman In Blue Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Oh FFS. The basic premise of the book is NOT to live your life for a man. When women make themselves too available and bend themselves into pretzels just to please a guy, it has a tendency to backfire for them because after awhile, the guy just takes her for granted and doesn't respect her as much. A more independent woman who isn't going to drop her plans the second a guy shows up at her doorstep is actually more appealing to him because no one wants to be with a person who acts like a puppy, desperate for love and attention. Doing things on impulse can be great sometimes, but a woman whose willing to continually drop her plans and jump whenever a guy tells her to, really isn't attractive after a while. The author, in short, is simply telling women they're doing themselves no favors when they constantly put a man's needs and desires above their own. And women tend to DO that because we're nurturers.
Taramere Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Oh FFS. The basic premise of the book is NOT to live your life for a man. When women make themselves too available and bend themselves into pretzels just to please a guy, it has a tendency to backfire for them because after awhile, the guy just takes her for granted and doesn't respect her as much. A more independent woman who isn't going to drop her plans the second a guy shows up at her doorstep is actually more appealing to him because no one wants to be with a person who acts like a puppy, desperate for love and attention. Doing things on impulse can be great sometimes, but a woman whose willing to continually drop her plans and jump whenever a guy tells her to, really isn't attractive after a while. Oh "FFS". Any woman who doesn't know that she shouldn't behave like a total doormat is probably beyond help...and certainly isn't going to benefit from a ridiculous book written by some bint whose background is likely in marketing rather than counselling and psychology. I have my doubts about anybody with a name like "Sherry". In fact, I'm going to google to find out exactly what her credentials are. Okay. After a quick look, it turns out she has none. On a site where she offers private dating advice at the knock down rate of $90 per hour... DISCLAIMER Sherry Argov is not licensed to practice psychiatry, psychology or counseling. Responses are based on life-experiences and personal philosophies, and are not intended or recommended to be used in replacement of psychological or psychiatric counseling. This service is provided with the understanding that if legal or other assistance is required, the service of a competent professional should be sought. Maybe she really does have professional credentials and she's just feigning incompetence to be prettier.
East7 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) There is some truth in the book. Yes, lots of men love b1tches and lots of women love jerks. To some people too good = too boring.. Keeper/Giver/Flexible/Selfless + Taker/Narcissistic/Selfish/B1tch = Attraction. What's interesting is that the roles may reverse depending on who dominates/has the highest interest in the relationship: A "jerk" might be truly in love with a woman and transform in a puppy. A "b1tch" might fall deep for someone and become a submissive housekeeper. IMO that's because "b1tches" and "jerks" show out some traits which are naturally attractive : self-confidence and self-esteem, put themselves first. A spoiled-self-centered-fragile-looking woman is may be extremely attractive. Men find it cute, stimulating, wanting to protect and please them. It just doesn't last forever Edited September 1, 2011 by East7
dasein Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Gamey, bad advice. My first self-help book will be entitled "Sucks to be You!" look for it in stores.
Author ja123 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I read the lowest starred review, and it outlines some of the advice. The quoted excerpts don't fill me with confidence that this is a book that encourages women to stand up for themselves. Why go out of one's way to feign incompetence when life presents so many opportunities to demonstrate the real thing? More "incompetence is pretty" advice...or does it go deeper than that? Might he experience an irrational fear that you're about to emasculate him and pickle his balls in the jar if he catches sight of you opening it? I do that....except for the hanging all over him part. I don't want to see the gore, but I try not to make a big fuss about it. I'm curious to know how not wanting to see the gory parts entails being a bitch. What is the reasoning underpinning "do not parallel park a car in front of a man"? Why ask the guy to do it? Is parking the car yourself a symbol for "I don't need you" masturbation? Does the man break out in a cold sweat, anticipating a colleague walking up to him the following Monday and announcing "that was a nice piece of parking your girlfriend managed did the other day. I saw you sitting in the passenger seat...." ? Or does it stem from a more practical (though sexist) belief that you won't succeed without bashing the car in front and behind, Clouseau style? Most men I know would cringe at the notion of a line of traffic being held up while we swapped places so that he could park the car. Especially if there was a decent chance he would screw the whole thing up. But oh no....must be helpless and girly. Make a show of getting out of the car to let the big guy slay the dragon that is that small parking space...even if all it achieves is to send a load of already stressed out commuters' blood pressure through the roof. Is it your book? No - it's not my book, a friend recommended it to me. And after reading what you wrote, considering I gave it a mere cursory glance - well, I'm not going to buy it. Heck, I love parallel parking and am very good at it! Plus I can open my own jars!
zengirl Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I've read that book. The specific examples are stupid, as Taramere says. And I find the whole thing ridiculous. However, it's created, as many rules/systems are for people who cannot assert their own boundaries and figure out how not to be one big ball of NEEDY! on their own. It's faking some degree of emotional health in a very unhealthy way, essentially. The basic premise of "Encourage what you like in a person, and ignore (to a degree) someone when they're behaving badly" is a good one. It's one I used in the classroom. Giving too much attention to bad behavior, whether it's interpersonal, with children, or with reality TV nowadays (great new example), actually tends to encourage bad behavior. (There are ways to address bad behavior, but in relationships, that author gets it right: The way to do it there is to always believe you can remove yourself from the relationship. She just tells you really terrible ways to DO that.) Mostly, it's utter nonsense, but I can see why it was popular with a certain audience. And it may "work" for them better than their old strategies (if they were vastly needy). But, really, neither are good plans: needy or her plan to avoid it.
Taramere Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Gamey, bad advice. My first self-help book will be entitled "Sucks to be You!" look for it in stores. I'm also thinking of writing a book along those lines. I think the following cover will do, though obviously I'll change the title and author's name http://www.mycomeup.com/web/images/stories/carnegie.jpg "Making friends with your negative core beliefs, and accepting your limitations." I love parallel parking and am very good at it! Plus I can open my own jars! I'm the same! I think that we could probably write a book too - and a better one than this Sherry person. In fact I think it's time Loveshack wrote a book for publication. Seeing as the rest of the world spams its goods on here nowadays, I don't see why actual posters shouldn't get to do it too. So here it is. The first chapter of the Loveshack Guide to Accepting Your Limitations. Chapter 1. Grow up and stop being bi-polar Do you ever have those days when you tumble out of bed with a sense of joy in your heart? A feeling of wanting to attack the new day with gusto and enthusiasm? You probably imagine, on those days, that anything is possible. What you probably have more difficulty imagining is how much you're pissing everybody else off as you dart around the place trilling about how positive and dynamic you feel today. Would you believe us if we told you that by getting in touch with your own psyche through meditation, you will know when a sense of wellbeing is setting in? If we told you that through our early detection system you can actually stop it in its tracks, would it sound too good to be true? Listen up. We have your best interests at heart, and we don't want you to be a crazy person. We know that men might congratulate you on your sparkle and vavavoom...but did you know that when they say that, what they really mean is "she's the kind of crazy bitch who would deep throat an entire rugby team in a oner. In the jacuzzi." ? We're not counsellors, psychiatrists or psychologists. What we are is a forum of well intentioned, plain speakers with no nonsense about us. Straight up, we think that good old fashioned depression is lots healthier for you (and less annoying for everybody else) than the bi-polar disorder your ex encouraged you to develop because "everybody else's ex girlfriends have it." Depression is also lots better for your lovelife. It will encourage you to withdraw emotionally from others at the slightest provocation - thus making you more of a high value enigma. With our help you're going to graduate from the uncertainty of "maybe he's just not that into me" to a more resolute "Nobody will ever love me, so why even bother picking up the phone when it rings?" This will make you hard to get, which men love. Don't let them kid you otherwise. Men who aren't interested in you are doubly impressed when you cut out your bi-polar stalking and withdraw into your shell of doom. As for the ones who actually want to see you, you don't need to tell them "I don't want to see you because I look sh*t, I've put on 5 pounds since we last met and I have nothing interesting to say for myself." Instead, tell them you've been commissioned to work on an important, groundbreaking piece of work that aims to shine a light on the issue of men's rights and put a stop to feminism for once and for all. Chapter 2. Ill Will Hunting. It is your fault. Own the blame, and stop whining.
dasein Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 "Sucks to be You!" My first chapter will begin: Life is a zero sum game, the object of which is for it to "suck to be you" less than it sucks to be any of the people around you at any given time. This involves both lowering them and elevating yourself simultaneously, because you want it to suck significantly more to be them than you so that no objective observer could ever agree that it sucks more to be you. There are two ways to play this zero sum game, either hang out under the bridge with hobos and crackheads, who will envy your ability to afford better varieties of potted meat and Two Buck Chuck, or boost yourself up into the realms of beauty, wealth, social standing, philanthropy, wit and white-toothed charm such that everyone in your vicinity instantly develops an intense, visceral, envious hatred upon meeting you. You will know that you have arrived at the perfect level of "sucks more to be you than me" when lots of women throw themselves at you and want to have sex with you, yet take a moment to squat and pee in your Gucci loafers before leaving your penthouse suite the next morning.
grkBoy Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Men don't love bitches...we love women with spines. Even more...we love women who look and dress like women, rather than do all the things that "ugly" up a woman in life. BOYS love the subservient females who will be their private playthings. MEN love women with brains, spines, hearts, and the pretty looks to drive us wild.
thatone Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Oh FFS. The basic premise of the book is NOT to live your life for a man. When women make themselves too available and bend themselves into pretzels just to please a guy, it has a tendency to backfire for them because after awhile, the guy just takes her for granted and doesn't respect her as much. A more independent woman who isn't going to drop her plans the second a guy shows up at her doorstep is actually more appealing to him because no one wants to be with a person who acts like a puppy, desperate for love and attention. Doing things on impulse can be great sometimes, but a woman whose willing to continually drop her plans and jump whenever a guy tells her to, really isn't attractive after a while. The author, in short, is simply telling women they're doing themselves no favors when they constantly put a man's needs and desires above their own. And women tend to DO that because we're nurturers. but you're wrong. if you make yourself unavailable, but don't go away, i see it as selfish and manipulative. the author is an idiot. i can trump her entire bullsh*t book in one paragraph. wanna see it? here it is, eternal wisdom ahead.... "relationships are two way streets. be fair to each other, do things that both of you like doing, be honest. spend more time talking to each other than thinking about each other. the end"
grkBoy Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 In reality, relationships are about balance. I think the advice of the book should be taken by both genders. Live your life for you and be true to yourself, but if you bring someone into it, then live balanced for both of you. The reality is BOTH SIDES need to do it. It's like what I talked about in those "living together" topics. The problem is you see too many times where one sides gives and gives while the other takes but never gives. Others get into RLs and push the "independence" so much that they drive their SO away. You have to have balance. I have my own life, things I do, interests, etc...but I also balance that with my life with my fiance. Last night I helped her type up her homework. This weekend I'm going to be in my home office making a website for a freelance client. I'm cooking food for my food blog, but we'll spend time together watching movies and relaxing. When that time hits the computers are off and it's just her and I. Balance. Men and women need to learn that. Too many live too much of their lives about "finding someone" and never think about being there for themselves. You gotta do both.
carhill Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Been around a few. Any love which might have been in my heart didn't last long, especially after identifying the psychology. Mostly, IME, for someone with the psychology to love without healthy boundaries, it's about filling up dearth. The bitchier, the more to fill. The tricky ones are the ones with seeming bi-polar behavior. Sweet one moment; total bitch the next. That's mind-fµcking at its best. Didn't read the book.
Woggle Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Men don't love bitches...we love women with spines. Even more...we love women who look and dress like women, rather than do all the things that "ugly" up a woman in life. BOYS love the subservient females who will be their private playthings. MEN love women with brains, spines, hearts, and the pretty looks to drive us wild. Exactly. Be loving and kind to man that actually deserves it and give the boot to a man that does not.
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