I think I have G.I.G.S.

[pleasepleaseplease1]

I think I have G.I.G.S.

 

Here's the full story about what happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295002/

 

Anyways, if you actually took the time to read that, then you won't have to read the following.

 

Basically, I think I want to take a break from my boyfriend of a year and three months and go out with other people, the thing is that I love my boyfriend and I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I do, but I also don't think our relationship will last after I go to college. It's a mess, and I think that if we do break up, I'm just going to miss him too much and go back to him, but then things won't be the same. I'm so confused someone please help me.

 

When I say I have G.I.G.S., I mean that I want more freedom from the relationship. I want to be able to go hang out with my friends, I want to have the chance to go out with different guys, and I don't want to have to be worrying about my boyfriend who isn't around because he lives a little far and I only see once a week.

 

I love my boyfriend though, and all these feelings just make it harder for me. Cause I don't want to break up with him, but I do have the feelings from G.I.G.S., and he doesn't deserve any of it because he's a great guy.

 

I just don't know what to do..

[Nohbody]

Oh boy. Get ready.

[ScienceGal]

If there is any chance you will cheat on him (and it sounds like it), then you have to let him go. And then you have to leave him alone. No contact at all. It will be hard and it will hurt both of you, but it must be done. If you aren't both 100% in it (and you clearly are not), then long distance/little time together will not work.

 

Discuss this with him. Be honest.

 

Good luck.

[Dig0923]

Oh boy. Get ready.

 

This

 

If there is any chance you will cheat on him (and it sounds like it), then you have to let him go. And then you have to leave him alone. No contact at all. It will be hard and it will hurt both of you, but it must be done. If you aren't both 100% in it (and you clearly are not), then long distance/little time together will not work.

 

Discuss this with him. Be honest.

 

Good luck.

 

...and basically this lol, beat me to it...

 

You have to go NC and leave him alone. I am starting week 2 of NC after a month of mixed signals and my ex talking to some new guy; she got the feeling of G.I.G.s as well and broke up with me after being together for 5 years. Let me tell you it is not fun being on the other end.

Edited September 1, 2011 by Dig0923

[just_scott]

UMMM i don't think you have this ''g.i.g.s.'' [that's just some fancy saying someone made up and put out there]

I think you just don't want to be in any steady relationship now ,so be single date go have fun one day when you're ready or meet the 100% right guy you'll end up settleing down into a steady relationship .

IF the guy you're involved with now is such a great guy as you say , then he'd understand you want to spend time with your friends and do things apart without feeling like you have to check in with him

you're either in a relationship with this guy OR you're not

[pleasepleaseplease1]

I broke up with him an hour ago, and now I just want to talk to him. I just want to be with him. I'm just so in love with him that I think I'm willing to just go back and work things out somehow.

[Nohbody]

All right. Stop.

 

Seriously. Stop. You just broke up with this guy. He is going to be hurt, and pissed, and his emotions are going to be going in a thousand different directions at once. So are yours.

 

You need to take a deep breath and start thinking more and feeling less. What do you want? How can you achieve that without hurting anyone, or hurting others as little as possible? What are the consequences of your actions?

 

Every decision we make has a cost, and that cost is the best decision we DIDN'T make. That's simple economics. You are in emotional turmoil, but it doesn't change that fact. Go to sleep. Wake up tomorrow, eat your fruit loops, and start figuring out a course of action to get what you want without hurting anyone around you.

 

That's my advice to you right now.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

UMMM i don't think you have this ''g.i.g.s.'' [that's just some fancy saying someone made up and put out there]

I think you just don't want to be in any steady relationship now ,so be single date go have fun one day when you're ready or meet the 100% right guy you'll end up settleing down into a steady relationship .

IF the guy you're involved with now is such a great guy as you say , then he'd understand you want to spend time with your friends and do things apart without feeling like you have to check in with him

you're either in a relationship with this guy OR you're not

 

Okay Lurch,

 

If you so strongly believe that GIGS does not exist, go make a new thread with all of the proof supporting your argument. Personally I wouldn't read it, and to be completely honest the other LSer's will lay out the heat on you.

 

GIGS, Grass is Greener Syndrome, Greener Grass Syndrome, ect. Is plastered all over the internet, it's not just some LS term or something that somebody just made up. There are cases proving of its existence and I'm sure other LSer's that went through GIGS at some point would be more than happy to share their experiences... Including when they realized that they made a mistake or even tried to reconcile when it was too late.

 

 

 

I broke up with him an hour ago, and now I just want to talk to him. I just want to be with him. I'm just so in love with him that I think I'm willing to just go back and work things out somehow.

 

 

pleasepleaseplease1, If you do decide to go back to your ex and make an attempt to reconcile, do keep in mind that it will not be the same. I tell you this from having experience on the other end of the situation (me being dumped, then reconciled). After being dumped the first time I had constant wonder in my head saying "she did it once, when will she do it again". After that thought left my mind I was dumped for the second and final time by her.

 

I think if you are suffering from gigs AND you truly do love your ex you would be willing to make some compromises, and he would to if he truly loves you. Obviously you wouldn't be able to date other guys, and you especially wouldn't cheat on him, but that would need to be one thing you compromise. If your communication was/is clear you would be able to go out with friends and such, but also include him on the things you want to do.

 

 

 

Now, if you don't love him, think you will cheat, don't want to check in with someone, and aren't willing to compromise anything just let him go. You will have the freedom to date other guys and do just about anything, just consider that if this really is gigs he won't be there when you want him back.

 

 

I suggest you analyse the situation 100% before you proceed.

[Nohbody]

Gentlemen, this is not a debate as to the existence or lack thereof of a made up thing on the internet. There is a young lady who needs advice, and ridiculous board politics need not be dragged into her thread. Shake hands, and go take it outside.

[pleasepleaseplease1]

All right. Stop.

 

Seriously. Stop. You just broke up with this guy. He is going to be hurt, and pissed, and his emotions are going to be going in a thousand different directions at once. So are yours.

 

You need to take a deep breath and start thinking more and feeling less. What do you want? How can you achieve that without hurting anyone, or hurting others as little as possible? What are the consequences of your actions?

 

Every decision we make has a cost, and that cost is the best decision we DIDN'T make. That's simple economics. You are in emotional turmoil, but it doesn't change that fact. Go to sleep. Wake up tomorrow, eat your fruit loops, and start figuring out a course of action to get what you want without hurting anyone around you.

 

That's my advice to you right now.

 

I wanted to see him this weekend, but his questions wondering what was wrong with me drove me over the edge. I didn't want to break up just yet, I wanted to wait a few weeks and see how things went. I already had plans with him on Saturday and now I had to cancel, even though I was really excited to go see him.

 

Last night his mom called me wondering why I broke up with him, and I thought that something had happened to him and I just started to cry even harder. I really do care about him and I love him to death. I wanted to see him one last time though, and now I'll never be able to :/

 

I do admit that breaking up was the best choice, but I think I should have done it after seeing him and letting him know everything was going to be alright.

 

I just remembered that he also has a few things of mine that I'd like back.

 

This is just so hard, cause I enjoy ever second of my time with him, but when I'm away from him, I get all these feelings. I need to talk to him today just to let him know that everything will be alright, and I need him to assure me that he'll be okay too.

 

 

Okay Lurch,

 

If you so strongly believe that GIGS does not exist, go make a new thread with all of the proof supporting your argument. Personally I wouldn't read it, and to be completely honest the other LSer's will lay out the heat on you.

 

GIGS, Grass is Greener Syndrome, Greener Grass Syndrome, ect. Is plastered all over the internet, it's not just some LS term or something that somebody just made up. There are cases proving of its existence and I'm sure other LSer's that went through GIGS at some point would be more than happy to share their experiences... Including when they realized that they made a mistake or even tried to reconcile when it was too late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

pleasepleaseplease1, If you do decide to go back to your ex and make an attempt to reconcile, do keep in mind that it will not be the same. I tell you this from having experience on the other end of the situation (me being dumped, then reconciled). After being dumped the first time I had constant wonder in my head saying "she did it once, when will she do it again". After that thought left my mind I was dumped for the second and final time by her.

 

I think if you are suffering from gigs AND you truly do love your ex you would be willing to make some compromises, and he would to if he truly loves you. Obviously you wouldn't be able to date other guys, and you especially wouldn't cheat on him, but that would need to be one thing you compromise. If your communication was/is clear you would be able to go out with friends and such, but also include him on the things you want to do.

 

 

 

Now, if you don't love him, think you will cheat, don't want to check in with someone, and aren't willing to compromise anything just let him go. You will have the freedom to date other guys and do just about anything, just consider that if this really is gigs he won't be there when you want him back.

 

 

I suggest you analyse the situation 100% before you proceed.

 

I want him to be happy, and it hurt that he was so oblivious to what was going on until yesterday. He's more sensitive than I am, and I just don't want him to do anything erratic while I'm gone.

 

I really, really do love him, but I just can't be with him like this anymore.

[just_scott]

YOU broke up with him [dumpped him] now you want him back .well either let him know you want him back BUT then you can't want to date others also it doesn't work both ways .MAYBE you should let it rest for now do some soul searching and then make a finalized decission

 

HEART hey i have made a thraead on here about g.i.g.s. being some phrase some person made up to sell a book or whatever , i had some good feed back from it .I even asked my pharmasist what they had for g.i.g.s. [being it's a syndrome] BUT they had nothing nor heard of such a thing , my doctor same thing . it's just a fancy phrase used to call someone a cheater ,NEXT time i go to the lab for blood work i'll even mention it to the technician ask them if they can look for g.i.g.s. [but i already know the answer] it's not even listed in any medical journal

you just can't come down with something that doesn't exist

LURCH OUT

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

HEART hey i have made a thraead on here about g.i.g.s. being some phrase some person made up to sell a book or whatever , i had some good feed back from it .I even asked my pharmasist what they had for g.i.g.s. [being it's a syndrome] BUT they had nothing nor heard of such a thing , my doctor same thing . it's just a fancy phrase used to call someone a cheater ,NEXT time i go to the lab for blood work i'll even mention it to the technician ask them if they can look for g.i.g.s. [but i already know the answer] it's not even listed in any medical journal

you just can't come down with something that doesn't exist

LURCH OUT

 

GIGS is labeled as a syndrome, yes. But it isn't something that can be cured with medicine. I think you would have better luck getting the opinion of a sociologist because GIGS is more of a behavioural set of symptoms.

 

 

I want him to be happy, and it hurt that he was so oblivious to what was going on until yesterday. He's more sensitive than I am, and I just don't want him to do anything erratic while I'm gone.

 

I really, really do love him, but I just can't be with him like this anymore .

 

You sound exactly like my ex did the first time she dumped me. Get your stuff back ASAP and go NC immediately, it will make things easier for both of you. Also, don't pry into his life asking questions every so often... it will just make it harder for him.

[loverboy1984]

Just Scott and Heart

 

Lets not make this thread about GIGS and if it does or doesnt exist. The other thread started by Just Scott has this debate going on. As a Medical Professional I can tell you its no disease so dont waste peoples time asking about it, even though I bet you were joking. A Syndrome is a constellation of symptoms and someone with GIGS usually exhibits a variety of characteristics, as described in one of Homebrews threads. Yes a cheater can be synonomous with GIGS but someone with GIGS doesnt need to be a cheater. Someone with GIGS could think that something else in life is greater than what they have with you. They could have gotten to comfortable with you and taken you for granted and want to see what else, if not who else is out there. Its more of a personal struggle within the dumper.I had GIGS at one point then I was dumped due to GIGS and these GIGS threads have helped me alot. Lets help people out and not fight with each other. Bottom line is if someone cheated on you or left you for someone else or fell out of love with you its all painful. So who cares what you call it.

[pleasepleaseplease1]

Guys, please take your discussion elsewhere. I thought the new replies were advice and you totally crushed my hopes.

 

Anyways, here's an update on the situation:

 

I talked to him and he said he understood where I was coming from. He understood that I want to be able to live my life freely without having regrets. Especially with the fact that it was better to have done it now since I'm going to college in the states next year. I prefer breaking the relationship now and letting him find someone else to be happy with than being happy with me so that later he could suffer through the long distance thing and eventually heartbreak. We agreed to not be together for the next few months before making a final decision saying it's over for good. We're going to try to be friends - meaning we'll still talk and hang out, but we won't say "I love you" and kiss or anything, no matter how much we want to.

[Nohbody]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Love never fails...

 

 

That is what love is.

[Spices]

 

I really, really do love him, but I just can't be with him like this anymore.

 

"I know that we are young

And I know that you may love me

But I just can't be with you like this anymore

Alejandro"

 

[wilsonx]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Love never fails...

 

 

That is what love is.

 

 

Nohbody you scare me

[Nohbody]

An atheist quotes the bible and suddenly a pall of fear begins to creep.

 

My wolf grin spreads.

[wilsonx]

getting back to this topic of this thread and what nohbody suggested on your other thread, I think you have some internal demons you still need to conquer.

 

I read that you were seeing a psychologist for family problems. I am not going to pry and I could take an educated guess as to what its about but thats neither her or there. Before jumping into a new relationship I can only suggest that you conquer that demon that is bothering you which is going to take a lot of time but if you are smart enough to post here and read about gigs and understand it, I think your really are on the right track of identifying who you are and you should keep on this track.

 

One of the things that my mom told me after my most recent relationship and she has never really given me any motherly advice in my life but she said "Hurt people hurt people" Its not intentional but it happens, and its not to say you are doing it or will do it.

Edited September 2, 2011 by wilsonx

[Dasaso]

What gigs means??

[Dasaso]

hahahahahaaha LOL

[mmiller5373]

Guys, please take your discussion elsewhere. I thought the new replies were advice and you totally crushed my hopes.

 

Anyways, here's an update on the situation:

 

I talked to him and he said he understood where I was coming from. He understood that I want to be able to live my life freely without having regrets. Especially with the fact that it was better to have done it now since I'm going to college in the states next year. I prefer breaking the relationship now and letting him find someone else to be happy with than being happy with me so that later he could suffer through the long distance thing and eventually heartbreak. We agreed to not be together for the next few months before making a final decision saying it's over for good. We're going to try to be friends - meaning we'll still talk and hang out, but we won't say "I love you" and kiss or anything, no matter how much we want to.

 

You cannot be friends with him. He cannot be friends with you. If you guys continue to stay in contact, there is always that "chance" that you could end up getting back together. You sound like you don't want to hurt him anymore and let me tell you, staying in his life will only make matters worse. You definitely have GIGS and want to figure yourself out. You can't assure him that everything is going to be alright. He needs to figure that out on his own.

 

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me after 1 year and 4 months. I'm pretty sure I caught her cheating, but somehow she convinced me that she wasn't. I believed her, but my trust for her was gone after that incident and the breakup. She came running back a month or so later, and we got back together. She most definitely had GIGS, but she was so scared of letting me go because I was a good person and she loved me. But honestly, she needed to let me go. It was something she had to do. I knew it. She knew it. We stayed together for another year and that last year together was hell. We were constantly fighting because she didn't know what she wanted. One week she was there. The next she aws gone. She loved me, but didn't want me right now. Does that sound like what you're feeling? If so, you need to let your ex go completely. You will only put him through hell. Trust me, I was strung along for the last year. In the end, she left me for some other guy. You don't want to do that to your ex.

[pleasepleaseplease1]

I went back together with him, and now I have another problem. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298289/