skelterhelter Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) Hey, everyone. So...I have a dilemma. I was dating a guy for about a month and we recently separated due to several issues. If you want to read the whole backstory, you can reference my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t292844/ But I admit that is a very long post, so I will give you the Cliff Notes version of it. An older customer (20 years older; he's 49 and I'm 29) asked me out after months of flirting and, after a period of hesitation, I took him up on the offer. Really sweet guy and we went out together a few times, but I noticed the communication was waning on his end. I dunno if he's just flighty or it's just who he is, but he started off being SUPER clingy (almost overbearing) to only wanting to hang out here and there. Now, his mother is very ill and he was her only caretaker, so I understand how his attention was divided during our time together. Totally understandable. But I found out he smoked pot (which he told me about a few days after dating because he was working up the nerve to tell me, knowing very well I'd react negatively). Because of this info (which is pretty much one of my biggest dealbreakers), I told him I thought differently of him and would rather not pursue a relationship (this and the flakyness was just wearing down on me, as much as I did think he was a sweet guy). It was a weird night when I told him this, though, as he still tried to give me a peck on the cheek when we said goodnight and kept telling me how sorry he was he had disappointed me. Two days after that, I was missing him and sent him a text to let him know I still thought he was a cool guy (ie, no hard feelings at all). He called me the next day and told me he missed me, and I told him likewise. Still, no move to ask me to hang out or anything. He told me he'd call me the next day and failed to do so. As an experiment (and in my anger), I shut my phone off for days and let him go to voicemail. I thought if he REALLY wanted to see me, he'd make every effort to do so even if my phone was off. He'd come see me at work (which he's done before numerous times). He never left a message (though I wouldn't know if he'd tried calling because it was off), but I eventually turned it back on. No call from him. The following week, I heard from a coworker that he'd been stopping into the store to see if I was there. Also, he called me on a day I had left my phone on but didn't leave a message. Most recently, as of August 15th, he called and left me a voicemail telling me he missed me and still thought of me all the time. And last night, while at a local concert, I saw his car parked in the lot next to mine near the venue (as if he was waiting for me to stop by my car to talk) but I never approached him (nor did he approach me). Well, this morning, in my boredom, I googled his name and came up with a recent obituary. Turns out his mom had died last Wednesday I feel absolutely awful and this explains a lot about why he's been so MIA lately. I want to reach out to him because he's all alone in the house now and I'm sure he could use someone. But, then again, this doesn't solve the problem of the pot smoking or the fact he was still giving a half-assed attempt before her death (I'm sorry, I don't mean for that to sound callous. Not intended that way. But the reason I disagree so heavily with the pot smoking is because it tends to affect relationships in a negative way...ie, the pot smoking becomes more important). But, still...he HAS been trying to seek me out in some way and he does seem to miss me. His voice broke a little on the phone when he said he missed me, and I don't doubt the sincerity. How do I reach out to him while still remaining guarded? I feel like a fool for judging him so harshly when he was actually tending to his mom's funeral, and I can't help but miss him. Should I give him a call? Edited August 31, 2011 by skelterhelter
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