MissUnique Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) How often do you see couples that are evenly yoked, who complement one another very well? Is this just a fantasy? I ask because I'm a young woman who really wants to be one half of a power couple. And I don't mean that in the CEO way, I just want someone who is on my same level in intelligence, attractiveness and ambition. I want someone who shares many of my same qualities. I have yet to meet a man or a woman [i'm bisexual] who I feel is on my level. I am either more attractive or smarter or more ambitious. I know that for my age [i'm 23] and gender [female] and even race [Hispanic] I'm an anomaly, but should I keep holding out? I feel like settling is not an option. There have been a few men that I've met who seemed to match what I look for, but something always comes out that shows me they're not ready. As for women, I have yet to meet a woman who is on my level. I feel as though I rarely see "even" couples in real life... as far as celebrities go, I feel like Jada and Will are a good couple, as well as Victoria and David Beckham. Although I wouldn't want Angelina and Brad's brood of kids, they seem to be happy together as well. Edited August 31, 2011 by MissUnique
sunshinegirl Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 It took me til I was 35 to find the person I was 'evenly yoked' with. And I'll tell you what, the ways in which we're well matched don't fit the picture I had of what would make us a well matched couple. I'd say you're far too young to even have the words "settling" be crossing your lips. Beyond that, I hope your criteria are not so rigid that you will rule out people who might not have, for example, the same level of book-smarts as you or same number of university degrees. Their intelligence may lie in other areas and you'll miss out on some spectacular matches if you draw your lines too tightly and harshly judge others as being below your "level."
Author MissUnique Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I was hesitant to reveal my age because I knew that I would get a "you're still young" type of response. Still, 23 years without one love connection, without one real relationship is a long time. I don't think my standards are unreasonable or even very rigid, I do allow for lots of flexibility within my standards. Although I'm 23 I know what kind of life I want to live and what types of personalities I vibe best with, and so I look for someone who will complement me in that. One thing I won't do is change someone. So if someone is not inherently ambitious or well-read [degrees has nothing to do with it], then I will not try to change them into someone who is, I'll simply move on.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Hmm... having been someone who struggled with finding an ideal partner... I can only say that, the road may be very very long... It is absurd, it's not a lot to truly ask for... but if you are well-rounded AND advanced, the probability that you will encounter another being whom is also well-rounded and advanced and whom also complements your emotional aspects... and whom is also available are... well, probably quite low. Sorry that my input is pretty much useless... the only thing I can suggest is that you somehow overcome your desire to couple with said fictional being by using your desire to achieve (focusing on you and whatever pursuits and accomplishments you long to achieve) and eventually, eventually... someone for you will be unearthed.
Author MissUnique Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 It is absurd, isn't it?! I almost have a theory that the further you are on each end of the spectrum, the more **** out of luck you are. I feel like average people tend to have the best luck finding a mate because most people are average vs. terrible/exceptional. They have a bigger pool of people to choose from. Most of the people I know who are in relationships are average people. Man, that sounds so terribly arrogant, but I really don't know any other way to put it.
Author MissUnique Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 There's always one mate "higher" than the other right? One who looks like they settled...
FitChick Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 ..eventually... someone for you will be unearthed. So you're saying she will meet him in the grave? Yep, that's a loooong time to wait...
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 There's always one mate "higher" than the other right? One who looks like they settled... Mm, that's what is most common (but I do think it may just be "looks"). For instance, most people believe I am settling for my current boyfriend. My family went through tantrums, one even "cut me off" and never mind what other non-family members have shared with me (even strangers randomly). In many respects, I "could" upgrade... but those same people don't grasp what is really important to me. It's not physique nor wealth nor even success (and those are all fine things for others to desire), but it's his MIND, his freaking brilliant, creative mind as well as his love of truth and his desire to have personal integrity and his desire to develop a beautiful intimate relationship/bond with me. It's interesting to ponder other people's interrelations, but I would be careful about letting them influence yours and any potential ones you may have. The typical "things are not always what they seem" can be interjected here. I think in the end, all humans (regardless of where they're located in the spectrum of humanity) have conflicts and struggles with one another. Just an example, the people you perceive to be average and in relationships may in fact both be pining for people they believe are out of their "league" and are both in fact settling. I don't believe in settling. If you know what you want in a mate then I believe it's best to wait for it / continue life until it makes itself available to you. I don't think I've settled at all, and people would think my boyfriend was crazy if he considered he was settling to be with me but, it's very possible somewhere within him he does lol. I can't really ever know... only go off how we interact, what he says and how he treats me. I know it was frustrating for me to find a mate that I felt "connected" to. Whether or not you come across as arrogant is really irrelevant... it's not hard to realize the people around you can't grasp concepts that may even come easily to you or who are content just sitting around watching TV, doing nothing really productive... and or whose work encompasses something that ANYONE can do / has a very mechanical function to it. It's okay not to be attracted to certain things, even if they're relatively the "norm". I'm sure even the people around you can at least notice the disparity between your intellect/talents and theirs, even if they can't fully fathom them. I still have a lot to learn about being humble and the like myself/not limiting romantic prospects, so I can offer little there. I never did "settle" =/... it just took enduring a lot of loneliness and... a lot of venting with paint, ink, nature, exercise and reading
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 So you're saying she will meet him in the grave? Yep, that's a loooong time to wait... LOL I didn't mean to seem THAT pessimistic
sunshinegirl Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 There's always one mate "higher" than the other right? One who looks like they settled... Really? That's a pretty far cry from what I see around me. My oldest sister is extremely accomplished and is married to an equally accomplished man. Their personalities and temperaments are well matched.My other sister is an ophthalmologist married to a radiologist. They call each other their best friend.My dad is a lawyer, mom a nurse. I suppose there's a "status" difference there but dad talks to mom about business problems and Mom's all over it, keeps up, in turn tells dad about medical stuff happening at work - they see and treat each other as equals.Most of my married friends have found mates that are tremendously good partners for them, and no one in those pairs looks like they've settled. But in all of those cases, what really makes these partners equals is their character qualities, mutual respect, and shared values. Listen, I don't mean to make light of what can be a very tough and long road to find "your lobster" (a la Friends). I would probably fall into your "'exceptional' end of the spectrum" category given my level of education and accomplishments, and I fully admit it wasn't easy to meet dating prospects that I really connected with. But I did...and it ultimately benefited me to look beyond what I *thought* I needed in order to have an equal partner.
somethingsimple Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I feel that for your age 23, as I am 23 and I'm gender [male] and race [look-Hispanic, Asian], most men that age will not be ready. I feel that, my level of intelligence and ambition (which doesn't really matter to me) is a lot higher than most females or even males that I come across. Adding to that, I'm also confident that I'm attractive, or know that I can attract girls that are on my "level" (I don't like leagues, since I'm big on equality, but whatever). I'm trying to focus on my career-goals and traveling-dreams in life before I even think about getting into a serious relationship. Yeah, I would love to meet a girl who compliment me. However, nothing serious until I have my own house (or afford), steady career, masters, and can comfortably support a family. Judging by those things, the earliest that can happen will be 30. Unless you're open for late-twenties or early thirties. I don't think you'll find to many males who are ready. P.S Jada and Will separated
Author MissUnique Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I've dated men of all ages and backgrounds... dating men my age has been a rare occurrence. But my issue is not so much about finding people who are ready. It's been finding someone with integrity and dignity, with the natural drive to do better for themselves, with good looks and a healthy dose of intelligence. I often find a lot of walking cliches... I appreciate all for chiming in to this discussion. I really wish we all had more experiences like sunshinegirl's to share!!!!
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I really wish we all had more experiences like sunshinegirl's to share!!!! yes... although, I really think only the couples themselves know the value of their relationship together. I've "seen" wonderfully "yoked" relationships that ended up in affairs and divorce etc etc etc. In other words, it's just something that's hard for outsiders to "judge". Finding someone you can connect with and feel on par with is possible though --- you may have to tamper with specific expectations... but chances are, if you meet someone you really really get on with, that will just come naturally anyway. It can take years and years though... it did for me, but there's nothing saying it can't happen sooner for someone else either.
Carlos S Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Wow, I feel like I have to respond somethingsimple, are you me? I've got huge career aspirations - dreams in fact. But I do want to do travelling, and I also want to learn a lot as well by reading because that's what gives me fulfilment. And I'm 23. And I'm ethnic too. I do want to meet that special somebody to share my life with, like sunshinegirl's examples. Hopefully, it'll be a girl who blows my mind. I see it more about two independent people with their own lives - their own identities and goals - and who are partnering together for - for lack of a better term - mutual benefit. I do want someone who's fairly ambitious, because we'll be far more likely to relate to each other. And I guess it'll be a fantastic experience to be involved in her pursuit of her ambitions, as much her being involved in mine. (Mind you, I have somewhat of a different conception of intelligence or success. It's not about what you earn, or what others think of your job. It's more about being an independent thinker, and I guess to some extent whether that's reflected in your career.) MissUnique, I would focus on doing what fulfils you, whether career, education or otherwise. You'll most likely end in mingling in circles where Mr Right pops right out and makes himself known. I would tell you not to settle, but you don't sound like the person who would do that anyway. I suspect that I won't get married for quite a while, simply because there's so many things I want to accomplish in this time. But that's just me.
Author MissUnique Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I think that perhaps somethingsimple and Carlos S need to call me lol. That was my attempt at harmless flirting [that's one thing I'm really no good at, flirting lol]
Author MissUnique Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I see it more about two independent people with their own lives - their own identities and goals - and who are partnering together for - for lack of a better term - mutual benefit. I do want someone who's fairly ambitious, because we'll be far more likely to relate to each other. And I guess it'll be a fantastic experience to be involved in her pursuit of her ambitions, as much her being involved in mine. (Mind you, I have somewhat of a different conception of intelligence or success. It's not about what you earn, or what others think of your job. It's more about being an independent thinker, and I guess to some extent whether that's reflected in your career.) Bingo. You really articulated what I was trying to say in so many words. That is essentially what I have a hard time finding. And I don't even feel like I'm making an overt attempt to look either... because I'm not ready for marriage right now anyway [still have a few more career goals I'd like to accomplish]... but I guess it'd be nice to meet people like this and just know that they're "out there", you know?
Carlos S Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Bingo. You really articulated what I was trying to say in so many words. That is essentially what I have a hard time finding. Aww... my heart has been warmed up so much. The romantic in me is ecstatic that there are strong and sophisticated women out there who have the same outlook as me. In the next few years, I'd like to get out and meet people, simply because it's what I want to do both from a professional and personal standpoint. But as for LTR, my attitude is more "well, if it happens it happens..." And on top of being a go-getter, I'm guessing you're incredibly nice and sweet as well. Thank you for making my day P.S. your post has doubly warmed my heart because (I confess) I like to regard myself as quite articulate (on top of being a total maths geek at the same time).
Author MissUnique Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) Aww... my heart has been warmed up so much. The romantic in me is ecstatic that there are strong and sophisticated women out there who have the same outlook as me. In the next few years, I'd like to get out and meet people, simply because it's what I want to do both from a professional and personal standpoint. But as for LTR, my attitude is more "well, if it happens it happens..." And on top of being a go-getter, I'm guessing you're incredibly nice and sweet as well. Thank you for making my day P.S. your post has doubly warmed my heart because (I confess) I like to regard myself as quite articulate (on top of being a total maths geek at the same time). Aww no problem. It's funny that that even happened because I'm actually a writer. I can share my blog if you'd like to read it! Edited September 1, 2011 by MissUnique
Carlos S Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I would love to! I wait with eager and gleeful anticipation
Feelsgoodman Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 How often do you see couples that are evenly yoked, who complement one another very well? Is this just a fantasy? I ask because I'm a young woman who really wants to be one half of a power couple. And I don't mean that in the CEO way, I just want someone who is on my same level in intelligence, attractiveness and ambition. I want someone who shares many of my same qualities. I have yet to meet a man or a woman [i'm bisexual] who I feel is on my level. I am either more attractive or smarter or more ambitious. I know that for my age [i'm 23] and gender [female] and even race [Hispanic] I'm an anomaly, but should I keep holding out? I feel like settling is not an option. I see such couples all the time. Is there a chance you might be overestimating your own level of intelligence and attraction and thus trying to play out of your league?
Sanman Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 23 is young for this sort of thing for one simple reason. You can't predict success prior to its occurrence and two people with independent careers need time to develop those careers prior to getting together. Even when they are together most of the career couples I know were LDR for graduate school. Work on those career goals of yours and see if someone come along as you live your life. There is no way to force these things to happen when you want them to.
Author MissUnique Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I see such couples all the time. Is there a chance you might be overestimating your own level of intelligence and attraction and thus trying to play out of your league? This is a good and valid question. But I really am honest with myself, and my level of attractiveness or my neat personality really weren't all that clear to me until I kept receiving compliments on them. Once I started to pay attention, and attempted to meet others like me was where I realized I wasn't having much luck. So no, I don't think I'm playing out of my league. My issue is that I haven't found enough people in my league.
Author MissUnique Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Carlos, my blog is in my profile.
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