Jahoobie Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 My wife recently told me that she "loves me, but isn't in love with me", and that she isn't comfortable with me sleeping in the same room. I've had to move all my stuff down into the guest room, and have been sleeping down there. We have 2 kids, (ages 7 and 4). So, we are separated but living in the same house. I am completely destroyed by this, and do NOT want my marriage to end. She says she needs time and space, but I have no idea how to give that to her without it feeling like I am giving up. I need advice on how to setup a separation without actually moving out. Do I tell her I can't finance anything other than the house and food? (I'm the only one with a job right now) I don't want to make anything worse, but I also don't want to get taken advantage of either. I am in desperate need of some help. We are both seeing counselors, but when I tried to get her to go see one WITH me, she refused saying she needs to work on herself first. I love my wife, with all my heart, and I do not want to lose her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
jaymz Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I have bad news: The "I love you but not in love with you" means 99% she is seeing someone else. so you need to: 1. Get a lawyer 2. Get evidence of the affair 3. If she needs space then ask her to move out of the house 4. Get your ducks lined up 5. Do it NOW 6. Start doing 180 7. Start doing LC
Chi townD Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Totally agree! The "ILYBINILWY" speech is CLASSIC for someone that is cheating. Chances are she's stays up late with her lap top talking with this dude while you're down in the guest room. I would suggest an easy experiment, tonight when you two go to your seperate rooms. After a while, get up and go to the master bedroom. Don't knock, just go in an say you needed to get something, if she slams the laptop shut or scrabbling to close windows and you look over and all you see is just the desktop screen, or shoots up in bed berating you for not knocking...somethings up... HOWEVER, don't excuse or anything! Don't confront! Because, you really have nothing! But, you'll know it's time to start investigating.
andyg99 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 My wife recently told me that she "loves me, but isn't in love with me", and that she isn't comfortable with me sleeping in the same room. I've had to move all my stuff down into the guest room, and have been sleeping down there. We have 2 kids, (ages 7 and 4). . so sorry to hear this - if she isn't comfortable in the same room tell her where the guest room is... try to stand your ground, don't yell, don't scream but don't be a pushover... you have a lot at stake here, keep your dignity, not just for the sake of keeping it but it will go a long way in helping you stay strong in what will probably be the toughest time of your life...
2sunny Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I have bad news: The "I love you but not in love with you" means 99% she is seeing someone else. so you need to: 1. Get a lawyer 2. Get evidence of the affair 3. If she needs space then ask her to move out of the house 4. Get your ducks lined up 5. Do it NOW 6. Start doing 180 7. Start doing LC THIS! yep... she's focused on someone else...
AudentesFortuna Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Yup. I got the same line and she was having an EA. Listen to everyone here. They helped me a great deal. Sorry guy, you are about to go through hell.
Author Jahoobie Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I don't think that she's having an affair...what started all this is that she wanted to be a surrogate for a college friend (not her egg, just the bread basket), and I flipped out and told her no...that it felt like she wanted to start a family with someone else, and honestly, my reaction was poor...I have since apologized profusely about it...I just need to figure out how to best handle this separation, and what exactly it means.
AudentesFortuna Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I don't think that she's having an affair...what started all this is that she wanted to be a surrogate for a college friend (not her egg, just the bread basket), and I flipped out and told her no...that it felt like she wanted to start a family with someone else, and honestly, my reaction was poor...I have since apologized profusely about it...I just need to figure out how to best handle this separation, and what exactly it means. I'm not saying that is not it, I don't know you or her, but read enough stories around here and "I love you but I'm not in love with you" it's almost always a dead giveaway for them being involved (emotionally or otherwise) with someone else. My problems began when we found out I couldn't get her pregnant. That wasn't THE reason for her asking for a divorce, but it's what lead her to get depressed and then seek attention/relief elsewhere.
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