OctoberLoss Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) On my fourteenth birthday my ex boyfriend asked me out and we shared a long loving relationship for almost two and a half years. From day one he was amazing. He made me feel beautiful and loved. Two things I rarely ever felt back then. He took care of me and never wanted to leave my side. He promised me a future filled with only us. He promised me love until the end. Our families saw us marrying one another. Our friends said that we were the couple they all looked up to. He bought me a cellphone, and made me a computer. Unfortunately, those things in my power is what ruined things for me. He loved me and cared for me so much, but when he went away, I'd feel lonely. I went on chat sites and made friends. Guy friends. I'd have this alter ego. I was someone those boys wanted (I obviously wasn't used to the attention) and one day my ex found out. He and I got into a huge fight (we had been fighting a lot around that time) about it. He had said he read some things I had wrote, and of course, caught red-handed and feeling like a moron, accepted that things may never be the same. I threw the idea of "taking a break" out there. He didn't want to end things, nor did he want to take a break. In reality, I never wanted to take that break either, I just needed a way to hide from the embarrassment for a while. So, we'd see each other at school and he'd hold me. I'd cry. He'd tell me it's alright, and he'd love me forever. He'd wait for me. A week goes by and slowly he and I were getting along better, I had stopped going on the chat sites and deleted all the contacts from my phone- I was going to prove to him that I am the girl he deserves. I had called him. I was prepared to set things straight and finally things could be normal. He answered his phone in a strange way, "Hi?" I'm not used to this. He usually is filled with joy, not questions. I ignore it. "Hey, babe. I'm read-" He cuts me off. "*Insert my name here*, I can't do this anymore." My mind floods with all the memories UP UNTIL YESTERDAY of him telling me he'd love me forever. And then I realize it. "Who's the new girl?" "Her name is Beth." I wanted him to deny it. I wanted him to say there was no girl. "Don't you ever talk to me again! You pig! You promised!" I hung up. In tears I lie on my bed and from that day on I haven't talked to him. I know, I was young so it shouldn't even count. He took my virginity, he was my first kiss, my first everything. I'm eighteen, he's twenty. He's married to the woman he mentioned in the phone call and they have a beautiful baby boy. I want to say I'm happy for him. I really do, but I can't. Not when I'm so unhappy. I did this to myself, I know. He was nothing but amazing. I can't get over him. It's been two years and my heart still aches. Of course I've dated other people and sometimes I don't even think about him for long periods of time (months), but he always finds a way back into my mind. How do I perminetly delete all feelings for someone? I have a feeling that the memories are ruining other relationships for me. :/ Edited August 31, 2011 by OctoberLoss
Nohbody Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Ah. Young love. How vulgar. I'm sorry you are going through this kind of emotional pain, and that you were betrayed in such a manner. A very large percentage of your life was spent with this person in a relationship. Don't blame yourself. It always takes two to tango. Focus on yourself and what you want out of life. He's gone, and he doesn't matter anymore. You, on the other hand, are moving on with your life. So keep on keeping on.
Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 lol nohbody, young love ! yeah its not nice but you will become a better person and you will find someone better. those two things i can promise almost certainly the second. but it comes from within you to move on and become better. just be glad you are young! plenty of time chin up x
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