livingitup23 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Right we've been split up for four months and I've been friends with her ever since. I keep asking her back out and getting clingy with her and it's like a cycle. We see each other, I get my hopes up and then I send her loads of texts saying I can't be doing with this etc and then apologising for it. I know I sound clingy and needy. Alright I'll get to last night. Met up with her Monday night and she says she'll meet me Tuesday night. I drop everything for her. Could have made various plans last night and then she texts me twenty minutes before we meet up saying she's low on fuel and it's raining. It was raining and I was wet through because I'd already set off to meet her. Then she says she'll meet me saturday night, so I'm like cinema then? She texts me telling me to put a question mark on Saturday night an hour after she's told me she wants to meet me! She also asked me the favour of getting her dad his present. She will pay me for it but I've got to do all the running. Anyways I text her telling her to get out of my life but then I have a change of heart and apologise for my text. Anyway ive looked into this no contact thing but ill go ten days or so without texting her and then she'll send me a text saying hi. Right what's she playing at? I can't get over her because she doesnt leave me alone. And why is she messing with my head and asking for favours from me? I want her back but I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I ignore her then she'll get the hint maybe but that won't achieve anything. And how out of order was she yesterday and then asking me to do something Saturday and then saying it's only a maybe an hour later?
Author livingitup23 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 How do I get her to chase me and miss me?
ConfusedT Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 if she wants to chase you, she will. but it doesn't sound like that. NC is not a game. It is used to separate yourself from the situation, get clarity and heal from the broken relationship. IMO, you are being very clingy and needy and need to stop and leave her alone. DO NC because you want to be stronger and heal, not because you want to get her back. If its meant to be, it will.
Author livingitup23 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I don't mind doing that. I do it then she gets back in touch with me and I'm only clingy and obsessive, sending texts after we have met up. Like now I've done it I'll wait till she gets in contact. But she knows how much I love her so why does she treat me so poorly? How do I change that situation? She's sending me mixed signals. I know she will be in contact with me in the next few days because I've got her dad's presents today. But it just does my head in because she doesnt even apologise for the way she treats me and it puts my confidence downhill so much that I lose the plot and try and guilt tripping her to get back with me by calling her out on her actions. But she just replies with ok so I then get scared that's it and send texts saying sorry. Like I told her I wasnt her boyfriend so why should I get her dad's stuff. But then I woke up today and apologised for getting angry and that I'll still get them for her. I know she doesnt want me back yet. She says she might in the future but she needs to stop and look at what she's doing to me. I want to feel better in myself first and foremost though so is no contact the only way forward and what does that mean when she texts me asking me to do stuff with her? I don't mind being friends with an ex but she's treating me that shabbily that it's doing my head in.
ConfusedT Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 NC doesn't only have to do with you contacting her. It is viceversa as well. You have to get her out of your life so YOU can heal. It has NOTHING to do with her. Her texting you (breadcrumbs as LS likes to call it) is doing nothing but interferring with your healing process. Your emotions are all over the place. Sounds like she knows she has the power and is using it to her advantage. DONT LET ANYONE do that to you. Read some of the stories here, hell read my story and see what allowing someone to treat you bad does to you and your self esteem and your heart. When she finds someone that interests her more, she'll walk away, while youre standing there broken. I would SERIOUSLY give her her dad's gifts and do hardcore NC until you are emotionally over her. Just tell her the truth and leave her alone. If she wants you, after you have HEALED from NC, you guys will end up back together. Youre just hurting yourself though. =/
Author livingitup23 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Or isn't it better just to be civil with her when she texts and then if she asks me to go out say no I'm busy, if she asks me to do favours say no I can't etc. I'm pretty sure she's got someone else at the moment anyway. She's been in contact with her ex and that was well short notice tuesday night.
silly_panda Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Hey... ConfusedT is rite... Don't give her the upperhand/power over you... You will only hurt yourself more... Does she knows that you are hurt..? Yes... Does she care..? Maybe not... It is hard to be her friend when you still love her... Cause each time you will be hoping for something more and most of the time you will just get disappointed... In my humble opinion, she is just using you... For emotional comfort or something... I think for her asking you to run errend for her, it's like her trying to see how much power she has over you... And you said she got someone else at the moment, rite..? Not a good idea to still hang around... You really don't wanna be her 'emotional pillow' and the back burner... Tell her or send her an email (or text), saying that you need time for yourself and tell her you are moving on and letting her go... Tell her you could not be her friend for now... Then go with your NC... And stick to it... Take the time to really get yourself up and get your dignity back... Improve yourself... Now it's all about you you you... Not her her her... If she ever text you or try to make contact, you can respond back but just give some short or simple respond... Depending on what she writes in the text too... If it's just a 'hi', just ignore it... If the both of you were meant to be, then you will be together eventually... Hang in there man...
smudge21 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 If she is continuuing to make contact then you first need to knock that on the head and be honest with her. She already knows how you feel about her, but maybe doesn't know how much she's hurting you. Just tell her direct that you can't see her anymore as you want more than she's willing to give. Because of your feelings for her, it really hurts to be in this situation so you have to say goodbye. Then do it, go, leave her be. No contact, nothing. If she texts, ignore it. If it continues, remind her how much her contact is hurting you. If she cares, she will stop. It's either that or carry on back and forth like you are doing now. But that will eventually lead to nothing apart from more heartache for you.
Author livingitup23 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Cheers. I've tried that no contact thing before but she gets in touch. I'll try no contact on my part, no meeting up, and if she texts me ill be quite cold to her. She doesnt deserve anything from me the way she's treated me. This has been my strangest break up. At least with the others they didnt keep in contact like this, asking me to meet up with them and asking to do favours. She's a right cheeky bitch lol
Author livingitup23 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 She didnt text me saturday night so I told her I wasnt getting her stuff for her dad. She doesnt want anything to do with me anymore So so so selfish of her. What do I do now? Just go no contact. I hate my life. I've texted her an essay saying sorry but you hurt me, you have been in the wrong as well, and telling her if she ever regrets it to get back in touch with me. Do I go no contact now and will she ever get in touch with me again. Am I in the wrong?
smudge21 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Telling her that she's hurt you but then saying it's okay for her to get in touch is a fair bit of contradiction. Plus, it's going to be hard to go NC when you know you've left that door open for her. That said, no contact is now your only option as it's clear this is eating you up inside. But that does mean totally no contact, not even replying if she comes calling. If you keep allowing her back, then this will never change.
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