calreese Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I was dumped a month ago, my ex being in the GIGS phase and me being at a different college about a half hour away. We had a healthy relationship, we just could not hold it together as she discovered the fast life and started hanging out with the bad boys. I have made immense gains since the breakup, both emotionally and physically (joined a gym, already gaining muscle mass, improving my mile run time, etc.) The only thing that still has a hold in my mind is the fact that I am essentially lying to myself about my feelings. I know I love this girl, and I've let go of the past, but telling myself that the best thing to do is to completely delete her from my life seems like a contradiction to how I feel. I heard a quote somewhere that essentially said that I'm not in love with her anymore, I am in love with the idea (or image) of what she once was. Is this a good idea to keep in my mind, so that from this point on I can make it past this last problem and forget her completely?
Nohbody Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 It's good to express your feelings in an appropriate manner. This means control, not denial or repression. A good solution is journaling, talking to others, and generally working it out with yourself. Little comfort, I know... but there's nothing else you can really do. You can only affect you at this stage in the game.
silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Hey... Has she changed to a completely different person (like someone you don't recognize at all based on her attitude/action towards you)..? For me... If she does changed to a complete stranger to you... Then... Yea... You are only in love with an 'image' of her... That's what happening to me now... But you need to remind yourself... That's only an 'image'... Not the real her NOW... Do you like what you see in her now..? I keep telling myself that... If you truly love someone, you will let be able to let them go... Loving someone doesn't mean you need to be their partner... If she is happy now, you will feel happy for her too... Well... This is just my thoughts... I'm as lost as you too...
Author calreese Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) Nohbody - yes. i have realized that having good friends to talk to has helped tremendously. i have written a small amount, just not in journal format haha. i feel like any bad feelings i have from now on i will be able to transfer into a stronger self-image. thanks for the advice. Panda - things are a little more complicated than at first glance. she went from having nothing to having an infinite set of possibilities in front of her. so she wants to try it all. the thing that sucks is that i saw how much she wanted to socialize and be crazy and make new friends, so i started taking her out and letting her drink and do stupid ****. i feel like i started her downward spiral, but then again, she was probably going to come upon it anyway. i have to get over this. as for her being a completely different person, i wouldn't say that. granted, i don't really like the way she is behaving, but i know she acts that way because of human nature that is out of both of our control. she is still a sweet and caring person, funny, and shy at times, i think that this lifestyle has hit her a little hard and she needs time to get through it on her own. we'll see what is in store for us down the road. Edited August 31, 2011 by calreese
silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I think she is in the process of 'finding herself'..? I guess you know pretty much what to do and you are doing great... Hang in there man...
Author calreese Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 yeah i would agree with the term "finding herself". she's had quite a difficult time growing up with family problems, her dad was abusive, sister moved out so she had no one else, etc. and i understand these things can make the GIGS phase longer and more destructive, but she is a strong person and I know she'll be okay. I think I'm finally coming to peace with everything and getting back to the life i should be living. I know you said you were going through the same thing, if you want you can PM me later and we could chat about it. thanks, panda
silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 No problem man... But I think I read from somewhere that you need to have a certain number of post before you can start a PM (not sure how many post)... Anyway... Here is my story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295080/ It's kinda long and messy though... Let me know what you think...
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