Three awful dates with men my own age, and I find myself back with a youngin'

[melodymatters]

Celibate for two years after my widowhood, finally ready to date.

 

Guy 1 - had a secret girlfriend

 

Guy 2 - psycho who lost his mind because I had borrowed a t-shirt for the beach and an EMPTY cardboard box and he stalked me until he got them back

 

Guy 3 - actually never had a date as we planned TWO and he had to cancel both times that very morning with no explanantions.

 

So there's a 20 something guy at work who had been flirting heavily and I finally said "why not" and now he sleeps in my bed every night. For the record, I'm a hot 44 ( a shorter D-lish basically). I know it won't last forever but life is short and why not enjoy oneself right ? FWIW, he was married young, owned a house with his ex and has 2 daughters, so he's pretty mature.

 

Is there a question here ....not sure......just tell me if I'm bad or crazy or just enjoying life ?!?

 

PS. will be at work til 9 or so, so will get back to ya'll then ! Thanks !

[Kamille]

Heehee! Love it Melody! I'm all for ditching the zeros and enjoying the moment. You know for a fact that there's a lot of men out there who don't suffer from ageism, and that real relationships happen between people who care about each other, not two people who have grocery list of superficial dealbreakers.

 

Have fun and go co-worker for recognizing genuine beauty when he sees it!

 

ps: if guy number 2 needs more cardboard boxes, I can ship him some through the mail.

[carhill]

Since there's no expectations and relatively little compatibility required for a relationship, and it's what you want right now, my vote is for just enjoying life. The caveat is that he is aware of this perspective and agrees with it. Imagine you being in your 20's with two daughters and having a 'fling' with a man old enough to be your father. Would it have been 'enjoying life' or something else? Great opportunity for communication, then enjoy

[melodymatters]

Thanks Kammy, I know you, like I are not "grocery shoppers" when it comes to men !

 

Carhill, there is GREAT compatibility, expectations have not been discussed. He IS the best and tighest hugger which seems more intimate than the sex even. Are you suggesting HE might want more, or that I'm using him ? I truly didn't understand that part....

[sally4sara]

Yeah if you intend this to go nowhere deeper then you should let him know. He might surprise you though; age isn't always a stopper.

[Ruby Slippers]

I say ENJOY, honey!

 

I'm 35, and my 26-year-old FWB/lover, who has been clear from the start that he wants more than just light-hearted fun, just asked me out on a real date. No pressure from him, but he's making it very clear what he wants.

 

Right now, I am leaning toward doing it. I haven't felt such an exciting yet peaceful connection with someone in a long time.

 

I used to completely rule out younger guys for anything serious -- but I am starting to see that 20-something guys can be very cool. He has been excellent for fun, and something tells me he'll be great with something a little deeper, too.

 

Go for it!

[carhill]

When I use the word 'compatibility' and 'relationship' in the same sentence, it is relevant to areas like similar life views and goals, family and children, religion, family and politics, emotional and psychological styles, etc. You and this young man get along great, find each other physically attractive and are having great sex. Within that realm, you are compatible, but compatibility within the realm I was speaking to is as of yet unknown, and likely irrelevant if you *both* don't care.

 

Having been used by women in my 20's, ones who didn't clearly state their intentions and purposes, I learned that healthy communication is important. For example, myself, I wouldn't want to have a 'fling' with an older woman where there is no real future possible. That's not right nor wrong. It's a perspective. So, if that older woman communicated clearly that there was no future and that we enjoy the 'now', then I could make an informed choice for myself. Conversely, I could state my own perspective proactively. Either of us could choose to 'change our minds'.

 

I imagine a young man in his 20's who is already divorced with two children he's responsible for will have a completely unique perspective. While I'm sure he enjoys getting laid, it's good to clarify that perspective too. Then, proceed.

 

For a change-up, why not sleep in his bed one night? I'm curious about something, being a man and knowing how men talk to women

[Anela]

Maybe I should have talked more with the younger ones, when I was on a dating site. I felt weird about it, but those around my age (36) do seem to be more confusing than the younger ones, who were more cheerful in general, and asked straight-up if I wanted to go for a drink or just to talk. For the most part, the older ones were the horn-dogs.

[Anela]

Thank you to several people, for your posts in this thread, by the way. You made me feel better about potentially meeting someone good.

[FitChick]

It seems to have worked out for them, with an even larger age gap:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2028117/Joan-Collins-lets-rip-The-day-date-raped-dig-fat-people-graves-joy-f-sex-78.html

[OliveOyl]

I say ENJOY, honey!

 

I'm 35, and my 26-year-old FWB/lover, who has been clear from the start that he wants more than just light-hearted fun, just asked me out on a real date. No pressure from him, but he's making it very clear what he wants.

 

Right now, I am leaning toward doing it. I haven't felt such an exciting yet peaceful connection with someone in a long time.

 

I used to completely rule out younger guys for anything serious -- but I am starting to see that 20-something guys can be very cool. He has been excellent for fun, and something tells me he'll be great with something a little deeper, too.

 

Go for it!

 

Ruby!!!

 

I had a feeling it might go down that road...

 

Hope all goes well!!

[EasyHeart]

It seems to have worked out for them, with an even larger age gap:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2028117/Joan-Collins-lets-rip-The-day-date-raped-dig-fat-people-graves-joy-f-sex-78.html

I need to start checking out 78 year olds!

 

"Also in Joan’s firing-line are rich men (‘mean and controlling’) and the general uselessness and poor calibre of modern men everywhere (‘I despair for my daughters’ futures as regards to men and lasting relationships’).

 

She may despair, but she still tries to help. ‘It is hard to give your children advice, but I tell my girls what my mother told me. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen. Start as you mean to go on.

 

'Don’t give them a slice of the cake before teatime, if you know what I mean.’"

[FrustratedStandards]

lol!

 

I'm sorry to laugh but im in a similar situation only its reversed. All the young guys I have ever dated (for me being under 30) have turned out to have the most problems.

 

Guy #1 - Small penis and stalker

 

Guy # 2 - told me not to cheat... on the first date

 

Guy #3 - lied about having a son for four months

 

The sad thing is tho, older men (my preference is 35-45) don't have the same interests as me, and have seen most of the world which I haven't. They aren't as ambitious because they have seen what life is really about, and on top of that, they don't have as much energy to go out or party.

[zengirl]

Melody, if you're both adults and in a relatively similar place, I don't see the big deal about age. I find the people who "shop" for age gross, male or female, but if it just happens. . . screw it, you only live once. Glad things are going well. Why do you "know" it won't last forever? I'm not saying it will, but why not be open to where it takes you.

 

I say ENJOY, honey!

 

I'm 35, and my 26-year-old FWB/lover, who has been clear from the start that he wants more than just light-hearted fun, just asked me out on a real date. No pressure from him, but he's making it very clear what he wants.

 

Right now, I am leaning toward doing it. I haven't felt such an exciting yet peaceful connection with someone in a long time.

 

I used to completely rule out younger guys for anything serious -- but I am starting to see that 20-something guys can be very cool. He has been excellent for fun, and something tells me he'll be great with something a little deeper, too.

 

Go for it!

 

I think you should go on the real date. Every time you talk about this guy, it seems like you really like him.

[daphne]

MM-

 

I think you should do what makes you happy, but keep an expiration date on this. Also, you need to communicate these things so as not to invite drama or hurt feelings.

 

I do not think that a big age gap where the woman is older is frequently something that works out, so I suggest you not get attached if at all possible. That doesn't mean you're not human and can't enjoy a relationship that may not, like all others have to date, work out in the long term.

[Nexus One]

If it makes both of you happy, then more power to you two. What you're describing is like a Demi + Ashton relationship and for them it seems to be working, so it can work for you too.

Edited August 31, 2011 by Nexus One

[Cee]

Every time I mention to friends that I am worried that I am a creepy cougar for dating a 24 year old, they remind me that we are crazy about each other. If my boyfriend had one eye or one arm, I would still love him to pieces. Then why do I treat the age difference like such a big deal?

 

My 24 year old boyfriend and I have become quite serious. If I was 25 I would say he's "the one." But my 41 year old self will only say that this relationship will last quite a while. And I've never loved anyone as maturely as I love him.

 

Yeah, the age thing may mess with your head, but do more "research" by dating him. See if he treats you well and that you connect on a romantic level.

[crosswordfiend]

So there's a 20 something guy at work who had been flirting heavily and I finally said "why not" and now he sleeps in my bed every night.

 

I'm happy for you. However, it's difficult to draw the conclusion from your story that younger men are a better match for you. It's more a case of familiarity since you see and flirt with each other at work every day.

[Ruby Slippers]

Ruby!!!

 

I had a feeling it might go down that road...

 

Hope all goes well!!

 

I think you should go on the real date. Every time you talk about this guy, it seems like you really like him.

Yeah, like I said, I am leaning toward it. But his limitations I've alluded to are still in place. Given those, a friend of mine suggested I go on a date with him, but let him know that I'd like to leave the option of dating other people open.

 

This is the deal now, so nothing would change -- except we'd be going on dates.

[DeusExMachina]

Celibate for two years after my widowhood, finally ready to date.

 

Guy 1 - had a secret girlfriend

 

Guy 2 - psycho who lost his mind because I had borrowed a t-shirt for the beach and an EMPTY cardboard box and he stalked me until he got them back

 

Guy 3 - actually never had a date as we planned TWO and he had to cancel both times that very morning with no explanantions.

 

So there's a 20 something guy at work who had been flirting heavily and I finally said "why not" and now he sleeps in my bed every night. For the record, I'm a hot 44 ( a shorter D-lish basically). I know it won't last forever but life is short and why not enjoy oneself right ? FWIW, he was married young, owned a house with his ex and has 2 daughters, so he's pretty mature.

 

Is there a question here ....not sure......just tell me if I'm bad or crazy or just enjoying life ?!?

 

PS. will be at work til 9 or so, so will get back to ya'll then ! Thanks !

 

Have fun and enjoy yourself... you only get one shot. Just be honest to yourself and him.

[D-Lish]

You go girl...

 

Nothing wrong with what you are doing- you deserve fun and pleasure in your life.

 

Do you really like him or is this a sexual chemistry thing.

 

I've had so many problems dating men my own age. They either look like they could be my dad, or they are so full of baggage that I just don't want to deal with it.

 

Are you kidding me? Go with it, enjoy yourself because you deserve it.

[Art_Critic]

I think it is great.. just what the DR ordered MM...

 

Enjoy...

[melodymatters]

Thank you all SO much ! He's lovely. We had "the talk" tonight and looks like were going steady, lol, and we'll deal with the age issue if and when it comes up.

 

 

Feeling good feels so damn GOOD again after two years of mourning !!!!

[AHardDaysNight]

I'd say that, if you're both adults, you should enjoy and have fun!

[Ruby Slippers]

Thank you all SO much ! He's lovely. We had "the talk" tonight and looks like were going steady, lol, and we'll deal with the age issue if and when it comes up.

Woo HOO! Simple as that, you've got yourself a sexy new man. Congrats!

 

Feeling good feels so damn GOOD again after two years of mourning !!!!

I know what you mean. I'm sure your pain was much more difficult, but I've been mourning the end of my last love, hope, and all kinds of things for most of the past 3 years.

 

No matter how long this guy and I are in each other's lives, I will always be thankful for how he loved me up, lit my fire, and reminded me of exactly why it feels so great to be a woman.