Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) for about 15 minutes. she hasnt been online for that long is 3 weeks. she didnt say hi, i didnt say hi or anything either. i know she normally doesnt go on the chat at all, and was probably writing to her friends or something. either way. she would have probably noticed me online :S feel a sinking feeling inside. and also anger. cause my nan died and she hasnt even asked about it. the last time i saw the ex, she knew i was off to see my nan in the hospital probably for the last time. kinda resent her now. she isnt a nice person is she. i need to move on. Edited August 31, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 seriously-this is gonna be tough, but just remove her from ur freinds... my situation is even worse to put in perspective- i have her removed- and i found out shes been talking to this one guy after we broke up. It was less tahn a week later when she started fooling aorund with him. Talk about ripping your heart out Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 nah i would but i cant be bothered. it will let her know she has got to me. i just feel a bit down that she knew about my nan etc yet never bothered to drop a txt to see how she was doing or anything like that. but yeah sorry your situation was worse. i have removed ex's before whom it was to messed up to stay in touch with. its the best thing to do Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 guys, i know that knowing that information is very painful. it hurts real bad and for some reason we are drawn to having to know what is going on. i am not going to suppose that i know whether you are seeking out information or not but there is a way that you will not hurt as much if you are. stop doing it. do everything in your power to make it such that there is no possible way that you can find out anything about the person. i want you to think real hard about what you have to do and end it. if that means that you don't get on fb for the next year till you are over her do it. if that means changing your phone number do it. if that means putting a hold on mutual friends that keep you updated do it. tell them what's going on and you are trying to heal and they will understand. connect when you are ready. they will be there. whatever you have to do to not be able to have any idea what is going on in her life make it happen. yes i know that is very hard. but how much pain are you inflicting on yourself knowing that she is doing xy and z and with whom. this is stuff you do not want to know and more than that you can't afford to know. knowing stuff means you are hurting you. if you hit your head on a wall and realized that it was very painful would you stop? think you would. stop it now. i know you think that it is easier said than done. no it is very easy. you just do it as you realize that what you are doing is not working so change what you are doing. we all know what the definition of insanity is as defined by someone long ago. it's doing something that hurts you over and over again and not having a different outcome. trust me i have been there. the biggest thing that has enabled me to survive, and i mean just get by, is knowing that there is no way short of her driving three hundred miles and knocking down my door to know that she is even alive. yea it hurts. and i left her in a very bad situation that may compromise if she can stay in the states. but she wanted to be through with us so i had to look after me. this is something that must be done by everyone out here that continues to be hurt by knowing what is going on with a previous ex. the terminology the less you know the better is very true in all our instances. if you are going to say you are doing N/C then please don't do it half way or partial. you are only kidding yourself and this falacy you are creating is only making you hurt. read the N/C thread and institute it 100% or better yet if you feel you can't just walk over to the nearest wall and bang your head on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) hmm well i dont want to remove her really. yeah it hurts seeing her little photo and the temptation to talk to her when she was on was pretty strong. but she doesnt care about me, i dont need to care about her. its what stops me contacting her. and her not seeming to care about anything to do with me, just reinforces me to stay nc. she knew i wanted a relationship with her, she didnt want it. why should i be the one to now contact her all the time, to keep us in touch? she is the one leaving not me. it should be her talking to me. but she doesnt want to so.... i left hers, she knew i was off to see my nan, who was passing away at any moment. i told her i would always be here for her. i told her if she wanted to meet before she goes to let me know. she hasnt. so yeah. move on. all i can do i do know what you mean about doing nc half assed. maybe in a few weeks i might totally just remove all evidence. not sure yet. Edited August 31, 2011 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
Rory12345 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Dblcok10, I would delete her. It will rip you up if you don't. I spent all my time on my ex's profile looking at what she was doing and all it did was just make me feel crap and not help me heal. Ignorance is bliss in these situations. Cheers, Rory Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 yeah man, i agree, but ive only looked on it once in 3 weeks. never again now. she is just "on there" i wont bother with her. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeyshaman Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I spent the last week or so checking my ex's FB all the time. It drove me insane. This is the first morning I didnt examine and try and break down everything by looking at what she does on FB. She is always on it and I think everything is about me. It just drove me insane, being so obsessed with her every update, quote, video link or whatever. I am going to try to stay away and I think you should too, however that may be (deletion or avoiding FB all together). Link to post Share on other sites
cmarkvon Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Lymtal-- Your post is SO right on. It's so simple, yet so true, and just what I needed to hear. I am going to come back to it every time I'm tempted. Monkeyshaman-- I have been doing the same thing, and it sucks! Why do we do it to ourselves? And the thing is, my ex is doing nothing interesting, he has no life, why am I so fascinated? I keep checking several times a day. He is one of those who constantly posts updates seeking comment and attention, flirting with other girls openly. Nobody ever responds to him. (Maybe that's why I keep checking! Cause I get a little "HA HA!!" when I see that nobody is buying into his fishing.) Great thread, though. I think this is such a common problem with people trying to get over a break up. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 would be GREAT if we could petition for Fb to automatically stop your ex from being in the list of people to chat to and auto block updates and stuff like that, that links you to mutual friends etc. like fb should know when you have removed your relationship status and it should do all these things to save ur soul even if its for a month Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Whilst you still can see her on FB you not really ever doing no contact. You're living a lie as you're saying you're dealing with it, but the fact is she's still there and at any time you can go see her or dig up some info. Before FB going no contact was easy, but now we're still a part of each others lives unless we completely remove and block them. I was as guilty for doing that and I learnt a valuable lesson when I saw her updates about weddings and the rest. Delete and block, otherwise this will continue and you'll never truly heal. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 From someone that didn't block their ex (Me) I can confirm that you will still heal, it will just take longer than full NC. I originally deleted my ex from facebook, which she convinced me to re-add her. We broke up and I remained facebook friends with her until the spring semester came to an end. I was devastated/angry when I realized she deleted me after convincing me to re-add her previously. I'm very good with computers, and especially good at breaking through network security... I found a way to view my ex's profile without breaking facebook's terms of use and/or EULA. I looked at her profile several times a day for a few months, and after being hurt so much by her updates I just stopped. I understand where you are coming from with the "I don't want to appear weak" mindset. I haven't blocked my ex on anything, and other than her changing her number and deleting me on facebook she hasn't blocked me either. If your ex is the breadcrumb throwing kind, like mine, be prepared if you don't block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 would be GREAT if we could petition for Fb to automatically stop your ex from being in the list of people to chat to and auto block updates and stuff like that, that links you to mutual friends etc. like fb should know when you have removed your relationship status and it should do all these things to save ur soul even if its for a month So you want FB to do that for you, yet you won't block her yourself? Seriously, BLOCK her now... it took me a good few months to finally find the courage (willpower alone wasn't enough for me, plus she appeared on mutual friends' feeds) and I since deactivated, and haven't been on FB in months. Don't give a damn what she thinks, this is no time for games, it's all about you and it's clearly bothering you that's she's still a FB friend if just seeing her appear online was enough for you to write here! Think about it. She sounds incredibly insensitive anyway. It's time to move on, I know how hard it is, but one thing you can control in all these emotions is Facebook. Please, don't do what I did and leave things open to temptation (I naively snooped several times and saw things, just trivial things, which hurt like hell). Delete and above all block her, as soon as you can. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 sigh i know you are right. but she doesn't go on it much, but yeah i can just imagine it hurting once she's back off the travel or during the travel if she uploads pics of her and some guys etc. why is this so hard. feel like txting her something casual. like hey u ok? hope work is ok, i start a new job soon, my nan also passed away a few weeks back. hope your nan is ok. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 sigh i know you are right. but she doesn't go on it much, but yeah i can just imagine it hurting once she's back off the travel or during the travel if she uploads pics of her and some guys etc. why is this so hard. feel like txting her something casual. like hey u ok? hope work is ok, i start a new job soon, my nan also passed away a few weeks back. hope your nan is ok. NO! All the bold part would translate to would be: "Hi, i'm still thinking of you. Are you ok? I don't really care, but I want some attention from you. My nan passed away a few weeks back and I'm hoping that this news serves as a way of getting you to respond to me and give me sympathy. Help." Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've been tempted to send similarly irrelevant messages to my ex before but had to stop myself because I knew it'd just be a cry out for attention. The fact is that the ex doesn't care and if they do, they certainly don't want to be reminded that they've let you down. They'll just resent you. You need to disengage. It sucks but it's a necessary step and not as difficult as perpetually hanging on. I say this as, even after much recovery, I still miss my ex. I even looked out the window earlier, just briefly, in the hope she'd be pulling up to reconcile or see me. I haven't seen her in three weeks now and I have no idea what she's doing. I know, though, that ignorance is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 sorry to hear that man well me and the ex broke up because we cant be together realistically. she is travelling and im going back to uni where we met. however i did let her know i wanted us to work and i didnt want it to come between us. but she was set on her points about not being together now. but we should keep each other updated with our lives... since i went to see her, ive not heard from her once. parting words were, take care, ill always be here for you. see you in 6 months! if you want to meet before you go, let me know, you know where i am. im driving off to see my nan in hospital. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 lymtal1 has it right. I actually did delete my facebook. wish I would have found this place a year ago instead of a month ago. The less you know, the less you are confronted with it, the easier it will get. I don't know how many month's it's been since I removed my page from fb but I know I have made more progress since I decided to do it and once I did, I didn't "cheat" and log back in. Not asking how you are doing when you have been through something totally unrelated and painful, pretty much shows where you stand. I would delete my page to let her know where she stands. Get a hobby, something, anything else to occupy your time. I grabbed a guitar and started learning how to play it. Has done me worlds of good to do something constructive and personally satisfying with my time than to worry about someone that isn't worried about me. Hope you do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 again i do agree and know where you are coming from, completely. but i didnt inform her about my nan. so unless she has specifically been on my fb page.. she wouldnt know... so really is it me in the wrong for not telling her? i dont want NC to stem from bitterness or to hold onto NC from bitterness Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 again i do agree and know where you are coming from, completely. but i didnt inform her about my nan. so unless she has specifically been on my fb page.. she wouldnt know... so really is it me in the wrong for not telling her? i dont want NC to stem from bitterness or to hold onto NC from bitterness There is no right or wrong on her part or yours. You telling her would break NC, Her asking about your nan would be breaking NC. You not telling her makes you feel like you are ignoring her and being cold. Her not mentioning your nan to you makes you feel like she doesn't care. It's best to just let this slide by without much thought. I would strongly suggest that you do at a minimum delete her from your facebook and make your account private... whether you block her or not is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dblock10 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 i cant see why she would be no contacting me though. seems unfair given the circumstances and the effort i put in at the end to stay with her. fair enough i am not in contact with her either but this was more her choice than mine at the end of the day yeah its private. might delete her, just need to see how i go Link to post Share on other sites
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