Buttercup84 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I do not know if I wrote down my whole story about our break up.Will try and keep it short ! It was November 2009 and I was happily single. I was 25 and never had a serious relationship. I was struggling with depression before so I just wanted to focus on myself and I also enrolled part-time in distance education. I met my ex through his mum and we had our first date.My insecurities got the best of me and I was very cold towards him at first , even though he was really romantic and sweet. I did say I love you first after only a few weeks and meant it ( I never said I love you to a man before ) . We moved in together months later and I fell pregnant. After a long discussion we planned to go ahead with it. But I got extremly bad morning sickness to the point where I couldn't even drink water.In my state I couldn't think straight. Even writing this brings back my bad memories and the extreme heartache.I decided to get a termination. I never wanted one , I am pro choice but didn't ever want to do this.He was devasted as we got engaged and he was so excited and happy.He looked after me so well. After the termination we just went back to being boyfriend and girlfriend.He still wanted marriage and kids in the future though. We argued a lot , due to our differences in thinking etc.I was madly in love with him and we had great laughs and were mad about eachother.There was a lot of lust and love between us.I knew I found the one , and he said so too. But we argued more , and he started to show his not so positive side.Easily angry and he would often put me down but build me up again.. He would not take me out to dinner anymore as I embaressed him by not finishing my meals while we were out.He said it made him so angry.He did not care if I cried when he said that. Plus he knew I had a mild eating disorder years ago. He was obsessed with guns , went out hunting and always relied on his guns to protect himself.He would often " joke " about shooting our Indian neighbours who were loud. After he complained to the real estate agent about the neighbours , their agent came up to our apartment while I was alone.He was not very nice , but I was civil.I told my ex about the visit and my ex made me call the police. I didn't want to , I thought that was taking it too far.But he said "If you don't you are against me not with me " I was crying down the phone to the police. My ex became so distant and hardly spent time with me , just playing world of warcraft or meeting his friends. If I spoke up I was whinging , he hardly had sex with me and only when he wanted it.He often " sleep sexed " and if I said no , he got irritated . He broke up with me in January just for a day , but after begging he took me back.After that his family who I got on so well with turned against me , after I told his sister that it is best if I stop contact whiile I was getting over him. I did not think we would get back together. I lost my job and his family made me feel so bad , despite me still paying as much as I could towards the household.My ex works in IT so earns far more than me. My pensioner parents had to help and never complained.If my ex asked his mum for just $20 she flipped. While I had my job I got glanduar fever and toncilitis. I was feeling really bad , yet my ex didn't sit with me or look after me.He got angry if I thought about staying home , as I would lose money. Yet when he got in a spat with his boss , he asked if she fired him if I would cover our rent. When he started a job in a all male office he became even more macho and even showed his friend there a picture I sent him , nothing nude just sexy .He didn't get it when I said it upset me as it was just for him.He is 31. We had been together nearly two years and he hardly touched me , got angry at the way I cooked , cleaned , ate etc. Yet he was so nice to my parents and friends. He had porn on his computer , would rather " give himself a hand " than sleep with me. All he did then was play WoW and other shooting games and meet his friends , but he then would buy me little gifts , even shortly before we broke up. I can't drive due to my eyesight ,and he didn't bother to pick me up when it was late and really bad weather.I didnt ask him to pick me up much, only if it was very late and rainy.We lived a 20 min walk from the station. He often called me an idiot , even a fcking retard once for misunderstanding something. A day before our break-up I got us some take away on my way home , it was freezing and pouring down badly.So I asked him to pick me up in his car as I will be carying a large fried chicken for us.He was too tired. Well when I went to study in our bedroom as he was watching tv ( he never let me have the light on when he was in there ) I came in to cuddle him and he was saying I was acting distant. After a talk he said he was no longer in love with me.I refused to believe it and went to bed. I got up in the middle of the night to write him an email saying how much I love him etc. I went to college the next day and when I was at my sisters place I read his reply.He said he lost all the strong feelings for me and was sorry.All the fighting caused it and our relationships foundation was not good. I moved out that night , of course after begging and crying.I was such a mess. I saw him once more , I even brought him groceries as it was my turn to do so. Anyway , in a bad state that night I looked at his email and saw a exchange with the subject " the plan " between him and his 40 yr old friend who has been single for 10 years Ex : " I just started today ( dating site ) sent kisses to 6 girls , they might all reply lol.Should have done this sooner " will have to man up and give Eliska the break up speech " Friend " She has no respect , show her the exit door you are a good catch " I called him so angrily , telling him how dare he tell me I was mean and horrible when he signed up to a dating site a day before he dumped me. He said he would never do that , his friend talked him into it.I asked why his friend spoke so bad about me , he said his friend does not know me. Uhm , so what did he say to his friends about me ? The next few weeks were hell.I lost a lot of weight when I was already slim so looked like a ghost.I had to have a crisis team come to see me , got on anti depressants and once went into the emergency room when I felt suicidal. I had panic attacks , my manager even had to drive me to the doctor when I was at work.I nearly gave it all up for him. I am still not 100 % but I am doing a degree and college , signed up to the gym and still go to work. I am able to laugh and meet friends.But I am still hurting like hell.
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I also might ad that I always looked after him when he was sick , did romantic things and supported him . He always wanted me to stroke his hair and back while he was relaxing . Yet he didn't bother to touch me .
Viv Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Hi Buttercup, Thanks for sharing your story, I'm really sorry for everything you've been through, it looks like we both ended up with real 'catches'. I can totally relate to being made to feel bad by the friends and family, i also wasn't working for a while, and was sick sometimes, and instead of being caring, the people around him assumed that 'I was making a fool out of him'. I guess looking back I realise that they built up their impressions from what he said about me, and we definitely don't need people like that in our lives! It seems (counter-intuitively) like the worse they have treated us in the relationship, the harder it is when they finally go, I don't know if this is a mix of lowered self-esteem and the fact that they are total b*stards. But I've been through break ups before and it is his cruelty that's making this so unbearable. I can never give any advice on this site, because am not in a place to right now, just wanted to say that I get what you're going through. x
Recommended Posts