TurboGirl Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Thank you Miss Bee...that made me cry. Yes, I know, I see that he doesn't love me. This is why i feel so stupid. Here I am deeply in love with a man, crying ..... over someone that claims to love me, but complete strangers treat me kinder than he does. I have just trusted him completely and believed in him, when he gave me nothing to believe in. I wish I could explain to you how bad I feel. In all other areas of my life, I am so together and in charge. if anyone who knew me would know this about me, they would not believe it. I hate that I have done this to myself. I do not think I have ever felt so low about my self, ever. Wannabdone, A's can beat the Cr** out of our self esteem... we settle for teeny tiny crumbs, all the while being super nice to the MM... and it is all for nothing! I completely understand how you are feeling when you say you are feeling low. I felt that way for a while too. Every day that you remain NC with that SOB, you are one step closer to feeling better, taking your power back, and rebuilding your self esteem. You have to walk through this pain to get to where you will feel better. You can do it!!! 16 days is awesome. :bunny:
Author wannabdone Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 I'm sticking to my guns. He did reach out today, but I did not respond. I will continue to keep posting to get this much needed support. Thank you all for your help.... With the exeption of GT2C. I very much raise my child with morals, and in a loving home. I don't show him any of this. Who would???? I notied that you haven't told a story, only have gotten on here and made hateful posts. So, are you on here in order to help people and support? Are you just on here because of some inner bitterness?? If its the later option, I think you might want to rename yourself. Good things don't come to people who act that way. I pray that you get over whatever burr you have up there.
mzdolphin Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) Your story, the heart break that goes with this, serves as a lesson to all those involved with married men. Get out. It's not too late at three days, three years, 10 weeks, 10 years. Just get out. You deserve better. As for "coming close to leaving." They are never close until they file for divorce. I was involved with a man who had lived in another state for FIVE YEARS. I'm talking he lived in Florida, then Virginia, while she lived in Ohio. I was able to see him whenever I wanted. I lived in Virginia too. He stayed at my place, I stayed at his place. We went out. I could call anytime of night. There was no sneaking around. Then I found it he was married. No matter how he sliced it, he was very married. He told me he considered his marriage over. But the catch is; he never informed her that it was over. What I mean is she obviously knew he lived in another state and that things weren't good. But he moved for work, so in her mind they were enduring tough times. That is far more different than a marriage being over. What will be over his all your self respect, those years you can't get back. I feel for you, but you have to get out of this. Edited September 1, 2011 by mzdolphin spelling
mzdolphin Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Wannabdone, A's can beat the Cr** out of our self esteem... we settle for teeny tiny crumbs, all the while being super nice to the MM... and it is all for nothing! I completely understand how you are feeling when you say you are feeling low. I felt that way for a while too. Every day that you remain NC with that SOB, you are one step closer to feeling better, taking your power back, and rebuilding your self esteem. You have to walk through this pain to get to where you will feel better. You can do it!!! 16 days is awesome. :bunny: Turbo Girl on Turbo Power with that comment. Yes, you have to make it about you taking care of you. You can't worry about what he is feeling. How much has he worried about you? Insert his name after this phrase: Lying-scheming-cheating on-his-wife--------------Bob. Or whatever his name is. It seems silly, but that is how I refer to my exMM whenever I mention his name or think about him. Keeps his behavior in perspective. My best friend laughs and even she's in on it. I might say got an email from "bob" and she quickly corrects me "You mean lying-scheming-cheating-on-his-wife bob?" We laugh.
Author wannabdone Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 You are so right. I have worried about his emotions and feelings far too long. He has contacted me a couple of times, telling me how much he loves me and how sorry he is. How he can't live without me, and he got manipulated again, and he see's things so clearly now. How he has for a while, but everytime, SHE just keeps getting him stuck deeper and deeper. And how he doesn't love her and can't stand her and he will be with me....blah,blah, blah. Sounds like a broken record. Wondering if he is telling her the same things???? Highly doubtful. I'm sure hes blaming it all on me. That I chased him. When he always was the chaser. Wonder if she will ever wise up. I actually feel sorry for her. I;ve never hated her, although she has been extremely mean, and done things over and over again to hurt me. I think its interested how this man can get the two women turned agaisnt eachother. One time she told me that Mr. Big had told her that I wanted to be her. WTF?????? I've never wanted to be her at all. Oh course he denied that he ever said that and just said she is nuts. We are two who are always nuts, although he has driven us to the brink of insanity. Yes, I've allowed it, yes it was my choice, but he really did have the wool over my eyes that he was not this way. I wanted to believe in him. I will be interested to see how long he presues me. I don't think he will really ever stop. But also interested to see when he realizes I won't do this, how long it will take to find someone else who will. I've always thought that if I stopped seeing him he would pick up a new girlfriend. He just can not be satisfied with out it. sick ass man.
fooled once Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 I'm sticking to my guns. He did reach out today, but I did not respond. I will continue to keep posting to get this much needed support. Thank you all for your help.... With the exeption of GT2C. I very much raise my child with morals, and in a loving home. I don't show him any of this. Who would???? I notied that you haven't told a story, only have gotten on here and made hateful posts. So, are you on here in order to help people and support? Are you just on here because of some inner bitterness?? If its the later option, I think you might want to rename yourself. Good things don't come to people who act that way. I pray that you get over whatever burr you have up there. I just wanted to comment on your question of "who would" expose their child to an affair. Unfortunately many women do. Sometimes it seems like so e OW are looking for a "daddy" for their kids . Children should not be dragged into their parents dating relationships until things have progressed to "future" talks (and by this I mean not if the MM will ever leave his wife). My son didn't meet my now H until we were committed and discussing marriage. There were never sleep overs when it was our visitation weekends with our kids (which was challenging for me since I had sole custody and my ex only had our son 1 night a month! Thank goodness I had great friends who were happy I met someone who treated me like a queen!) If you honestly want him to stop, let him know you will file harassment charges if he doesn't. As for his wife, can you imagine the lies SHE has been told? Can you imagine how badly he has probably thrown you under the bus to her? Probably told her how sorry he feels for you, how needy you are and how he has tried to just be a friend to you but you keep trying to make it more. If you are done, you have the power to out an end to this and to get on with your life. I wish you well!
Author wannabdone Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 That is so sad. I can not imagine doing that to my child. Contrary to goodthingscome spits out in her reply, I very much keep my son in a peaceful and loving home. I hurt him deeply with D his dad, I know that, and it kills me. However, I don't have MM in and out of my house, etc. My H and I do not fight and bicker in front of him, I have never told him nor would I that I was seeing a MM. If I am depressed or sad, its NOT when he is at the house. Now am I running around doing cart wheels? NO, but i'm not laying around crying. Not looking for a dad for him, he has a great dad and a great relationship with him. As I said in a previous post, every else in my life, I am extremely put together. PPl would be honestly shocked to know what I have put myself in and through. But, it is so sad if ppl where to share that. Kids should not have to deal with their parents crap. We are here to protect them, not make them feel like they have no security. With my H, he didn't meet him until we were talking marriage, and he too never stayed at my house as long as my son was here as well. I find it funny how people generalize and stero type people that have A, as whores that just have men in and out. You know there are times that good people, get involved in messed up things. Good idea about the filing harrassement charges. I have actually had to do that with his W. So he very much knows I will do so. However, he is a narcassist, so I think my best way to handle is NC in anyway. To not let him know that he gets me either way. If he continues, I will. But, I'm just not going to allow him to play games and do things to get my attention. And yes, OMG.... I can not imagine what he has told her. Well, heck i've heard some of it from her. I want her life, i've chased him, I kept pushing him to be with me, blah blah blah.... Everything you said. They must write some book for these guys to follow, they all say the same things. Oh course, in the past when i've told him, he said shes crazy he never said those things. And like a idiot, I believed him. But, not now. I have been in this so long, and honestly just gotten older, and I see him for what he is. He can go to hell.... oh wait.... he is in hell. The two of them, stuck in a house for the rest of their lives. Thats some good karma. Thanks for your support. Like i always say... like a addict, today is a good day, I'm strong, I'm not sure what tomorrow holds. I know this is going to be a rollercoaster ride for a while. But, I do know this.... this is the first time in 10 years, I have been ready to deal with it. I know its gonna hurt, but I have to do it. Because 10 more years of this are going to hurt a hell of a lot worse!!!!!
stressed7 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I guess really in all of this it would just help to have some validation. That I was at least loved, and am at least missed. that I am not so worthless that I am discarded and he sits around on his throne, moving on with his life as no big deal. Thanks to you all for your help. Hi wannabdone, I read your story, indeed sad and terrible. But I admire how you are handling it now with so much of strength. Your these lines so much drives the point. At this point I feel if I get these validation, it will be enough to make me normal and keep my daily life. Though I know this ex W will never give it to me. Keep up the good work, I am looking up to you !
jwi71 Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 HAving read your story I have a few questions: 1) Why did you get M to your current H? 2) Why are you STILL M to your current H? 3) Why, in your view, has he NOT D his W after a gazillion D-days and what does that tell you? 4) Why do you, given the MM's actions, accept being the part time woman on the side from this "man"? 5) What can you do to revitalize your M?
SBC Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I guess really in all of this it would just help to have some validation. That I was at least loved, and am at least missed. that I am not so worthless that I am discarded and he sits around on his throne, moving on with his life as no big deal. Thanks to you all for your help. You are not worthless no matter what he says or does! Does the fact that your neighbor sits around on his throne moving on with his life as if it is no big deal make you feel worthless? If you believe that your MM can make you feel this way, then you have low self esteem. You need to figure out why. What in your past has caused you to sink to the point where you feel worthless. Your MM is not making you feel worthless by the way --you already feel worthless (for whatever reason) and you are just using him to reconfirm your opinion of yourself. You must find out why you feel this way about yourself, and address that. If you can do that, you will find that you see this man in an entirely different light.
Author wannabdone Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 HAving read your story I have a few questions: 1) Why did you get M to your current H? 2) Why are you STILL M to your current H? 3) Why, in your view, has he NOT D his W after a gazillion D-days and what does that tell you? 4) Why do you, given the MM's actions, accept being the part time woman on the side from this "man"? 5) What can you do to revitalize your M? I married my husband (looking back) and realize I was hurt and trying to not hurt, I was trying to put a fix on it in stead of dealing with the hurt. And I was honestly trying to move on. Again, not dealing with the actual issues and just making the quick fix, didn't allow me too. I am JUST NOW dealing with all of the pain, in order to actually be able to move on. I am still married because my H and I have had a very nice life financially. And we kind of live as room mates, so its always worked out for me to be able to continue my relationship with MM. Why doesn't he leave? Hes a coward. But he tells me because of the kids, because of his up bringing, because she manipulates him. Everything in the world except...he choices to do so. I accepted in the past that i was the part-timer because she was so compasionate and sincere that he was going to do it. That he was going to work through his issues and live a life with me. I stayed because I loved him dearly and wanted everything he was telling me. I wanted to believe in him. As far as my M and revalitizing it. I really am working on dealing with this and not making any decisions one way or another. I want to do this right this time. and then make my decisions on whether I try to make my M work or get a D and start over.
Author wannabdone Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 You are not worthless no matter what he says or does! Does the fact that your neighbor sits around on his throne moving on with his life as if it is no big deal make you feel worthless? If you believe that your MM can make you feel this way, then you have low self esteem. You need to figure out why. What in your past has caused you to sink to the point where you feel worthless. Your MM is not making you feel worthless by the way --you already feel worthless (for whatever reason) and you are just using him to reconfirm your opinion of yourself. You must find out why you feel this way about yourself, and address that. If you can do that, you will find that you see this man in an entirely different light. Thank you, I know I am not worthless, just allowing him to come in and out.... make me feel like that. You are right, there are issues that have gotten me caught up into him, and buying his crap. I am dealing with those.
Recommended Posts