lulu2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Short back story, husband of 6 years had an affair for a year with someone out of state while on work trips. He left me and his daughter before I found out saying tha the wasnt happy. Then I found out. We are going through divorce process for the past 6 months. He called me yesterday crying saying that he is regretful, remorsful, and sorry about everything he has done and his choices. He has said in the past that he is sorry but those appologies have alway been followed by a pointed finger at me and our marriage, and the accusation of neglect by me. This time no pointing fingures, he took full responsiblity. He says hes a terrible person and has hit rock bottom. He cried for an hour and a half expressing his guilt and remorse. BUT still has not expressed that he wants to work on saving our marriage. He claims that he does not want to hurt me any more and is scared of trying. He says he does not know if he is strong enough as a man to be a good husband and be married. He says he is messed up big time, and cant believe he has turned into this person. I am very confused!!! What makes a man come to realization about the truth of why he did what he did and then to want to express that to me? What is his point, why did he feel the need to tell me all of this but not want to explore saving our marriage? Is this the start of him coming to realization on what he wants?
michelangelo Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Could be, but I'd want a lot more proof than a few tears. He could just as easily be finding out Plan A fizzled and you're Plan B. Don't make anyone a priority who makes you an option.
nyrias2 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I don't think is that uncommon to cry for what he has lost. Working to regain is another story. That takes work. May be he is just venting his emotions. Analogy: I may feel bad if I buy an ice cream cone and drop it. But that does not mean I want to walk five blocks back to the vendor and buy another one.
nyrias2 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 You mean he wants forgiveness, but doesn't want to have to work for it. Similarly, he refuses counselling because he doesn't want to take responsibility for what he has done. I think it is even less than that. I think he is just venting because of his loss, and he will take what he can get. And yeh, it is obvious that he is not willing to work for anything.
Author lulu2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Did the OW kick him out? It sounds like he wants you to forgive and forget and accept he's a broken man and the A was one of his many faults. He doesn't want to be the bad guy who cheated and broke your heart. But he did, didn't he? Glinda, No the OW did not kick him out. She lives in another state. It was an affair while he would leave for work trips. He is no longer talking to her and does not have a relationship with her anymore. I know he wants me to forgive and forget. He acknowledges he is broken and that the A was a BIG mistake and one of his fault, you are absolutely correct I feel. Yes, he is the bad guy and broke my heart. I just dont know if he is telling me all of this because he just wants to make himself feel better or if he truely wants forgiveness and maybe he is conflicted about reconciling. I dont know if I can ever reconcile, but I am willing to explore the possibilities before we close the door. He claims he doesnt want to hurt me any more and is scared that he will if we explore. He does not feel he is a good man and that I dont deserve it. And I believe him in this, but just dont know how to proceed.
Recommended Posts