Junior And Growing Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 WHAT ARE THE SIGNS SHE'S INTERESTED??? I am major league confused and need advice about a wonderful woman I met online about a week and a half ago. During this time, we've gone out four or five times and shared drinks, movies, long midnight walks, extended phone calls, mountain hikes, emails, me seeing her place, her seeing mine, etc... We traded a lot of personal stories, deep conversation, laughs, etc... I was attracted to her instantly and wanted to make a move but I also didn't want to invade her comfort zone (she is sensitive by nature). She also told me late last week that she 'wanted to take it slow and become good friends before considering anything romantic'... I agreed and said I have no expectations (which is true). Anyway, the next day she sends me an email saying that she 'wanted to cuddle up next to me'... Huh? The bottom line: I really like her. And I'm sure she likes me. The problem is after a week of seeing her and receiving what I thought were sure-fire signals of interest -her inviting me into her place at the end of our first date for some coffee, touching my arm when we're together, looking directly at me and smiliing, phoning me regularly, making long-term plans and activities for us this summer, offering to help me move apartments, emailing me recipes we can cook, and then riding the bus for an hour to come to my new place, with two bottles of wine and home-made cookies for us! I mean, wow, I thought she was interested. So now I am confused. Last night, when she brought over the wine and cookies, I made a move. It was light. Just some cuddling, holding her hand, playing with her hair as we watched a movie. Well, once the movie ended she bolted out of there! And this reaction was hot on the heels on an email I received a day or earlier from her, saying that she'd like to cuddle up next to me? Anyway, I get this email from her now saying that she just wants to be friends and does not want to be physical. I am so confused? I was positive this girl had romantic interest in me. I certainly do in her. She's intelligent, funny, great conversationalist, outgoing, and very cute. What do I do? Part of it is certainly my fault as I volunteered that I wasn't interested in a long-term relationship (as I've spent the past seven years of my life with two women)... I was only being honest but perhaps telling her this was a bad move? Anyway ladies (and men)... I need your advice on where to go from here? I really like her and certainly wouldn't be opposed to being friends first and foremost. But I think I'd like to date her as well... Advices? Insights?
moimeme Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 She sounds like me. Sensible people, IMHO, understand that once you get sex involved, your brain turns to mush. And, quite often, once people start getting 'physical', they don't do any of the other 'getting to know you' stuff so that when the hormones wear off, they find they really haven't much in common. She probably bolted because she may have felt herself wanting to sleep with you and she wanted to stop herself. Heck, she may have fallen too quickly in other relationships where she got physical too soon. There's plenty of time to bump uglies if it turns out you like each other, and if you don't, then you'll be glad you didn't.
manderbug Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 It sounds like she herself may be confused, as she appears to be giving you mixed signals. Either way, it is clear she is not ready for a sexual relationship yet. If you really like her, let her know you are ready and willing whenever she pleases. This way the ball is in her court and she is aware she will have to give the go ahead to increase the intimacy.
SouthernGal4u Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Sounds to me like shes confused also. She may have thought that you wanted more then just to cuddle with her. Take things slow, it may be hard to be just friends at frist but its all worth it in the long run.
Junior and Growing Posted May 8, 2004 Posted May 8, 2004 I am confused not because she wants to be friends but because I am now getting the vibe that all she ever wanted was to be friends (and I am certain she did have romantic interest)... As mentioned I don't have a problem being friends (I would actually prefer this as a strong jump-off point) but I would like to leave the door open for romance. She is saying that she doesn't want that... What changed?
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