Blue Eyed Brain Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Arguments don't last minutes, they last days 5 or longer. Is it worth staying into or is this about power?
Nexus One Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Can't really say much about it without any details, but when both of you aren't happy together anymore and the negatives outweigh the positives and differences seem to be unresolvable, then what point is there to the relationship right? Can you provide more details, because like this it's kind of hard to give balanced advice.
Author Blue Eyed Brain Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Sure... He is a really great guy; artisitic, smart, serious and successful. He's quite sensitive and so am I. We can go for weeks without even a bad look and then someone says something insensitive and BAM, we are hashing it out and it takes days to go over and over and over (not my choice). I've not encountered this type of conflict before. We are quite passionate (in love and war)
Nexus One Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 We can go for weeks without even a bad look and then someone says something insensitive and BAM, we are hashing it out and it takes days to go over and over and over (not my choice). I've not encountered this type of conflict before. How many times has this happened in your current relationship?
Author Blue Eyed Brain Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 5 times in about 18 months
Nexus One Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 That does mean there is a repeating pattern, but how intense are these arguments exactly and what are they about? What kind of comments trigger him to rehash it over and over again?
Author Blue Eyed Brain Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Yes, it is a pattern and that's the concerning part. The last one was him being insensitive to me. I cried and he continued then apologized but I wasn't ready for it. I needed to hash off on him, so I did. Then when I cool off he goes off on me. See what I mean? Now, in about 1.5 years we've had an accumulation of a month of this crappy cycle. We are both out of relationships that hit us hard (2 years out). How can we end the bad battles?
Nexus One Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 How can we end the bad battles? You mentioned you were both very sensitive. Perhaps part of the problem is oversensitivity? Or perhaps you are both on each other's back too much? I'm really grasping at straws here though. I find it hard to judge the situation when I don't know what the argument has been about, what has been said and what other dynamics have been at play. It's possible, quite likely actually, that the arguments stem from a difference of interpretation of what has been said. I.e. one of you says something that is interpreted as insensitive, so as you are both sensitive the person who gets the comment thrown at him/her will not let it go for several days. So here are some things that might be part of the issue: - Difference of interpretation of what has been said - Oversensitivity - Not wanting to let go due to feeling hurt - Too much on each other's backs
Author Blue Eyed Brain Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Definitely the first 3. The last one, I'm not sure. When we are arguing.... he and I will nitpik at the slightest word to get our point or to be right. We both believe we love each other, so why can't we stop the 5 days brawls? Do you think we both have deeply rooted hurt? I am recently divorced (bad one) and he's 2 years out of a really bad relationship (she stole his car).
Nexus One Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Do you think we both have deeply rooted hurt? I am recently divorced (bad one) and he's 2 years out of a really bad relationship (she stole his car). While that could be part of the problem, i.e. those past relationships possibly have shaped part of both of your behavioral patterns and characters. However it might just as well be simply the fact that you don't want each other to hurt each other, because you love each other. It's possible that you both want the relationship to be perfect and you don't accept any blemish on it, not even in the form of an insensitive remark. So you guys rehash it until you both get sick about talking about it. Just a theory.
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