Coupedriver Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I have read so many posts but I haven't found anything asking these questions....What will we be like when we are ready to enter into our next relationship..? How will we approach a person we like and want to ask out..? Will we go in LOOKING for red flags..??!? We will be looking for the signs of past relationships with our new partner..? How protected will we be of our hearts..?? How or when will we DROP our guard and relax with someone new..? How UN-HEALTHY will it be to wonder how this new person is..? Will they tell the truth about about what has happened in there past to see if ANY RED FLAGS appear..? I know for one thing for sure...I CAN NOT ever go through this again....How does one protect ones self..? Is it possible..?
Dblock10 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 a lot of very good questions there. for me personally and i think its different for everyone.. but to answer What will we be like when we are ready to enter into our next relationship..? ready... you will be head strong, you will know what and who you are looking for! thats got to be a good thing. How will we approach a person we like and want to ask out..? Will we go in LOOKING for red flags..??!? like any stranger, you get to know them, then reveal more to them as you think you can trust them more, once you sum them up as a person there traits etc. you wont go looking for red flags, you will just be alert and sensitive to them... thus avoiding **** We will be looking for the signs of past relationships with our new partner..? you mean in terms of things that went wrong? well every situation is different. previous experience will guide you better. How protected will we be of our hearts..?? How or when will we DROP our guard and relax with someone new..? depends how long its been from your previous hurt etc. you will drop it when you know you can trust this person. and be open to letting them have a small piece of it. How UN-HEALTHY will it be to wonder how this new person is..? Will they tell the truth about about what has happened in there past to see if ANY RED FLAGS appear..? again you never truly know, you have to take what they say at face value. you cant run everyone through a lie detector machine etc. it wil be experience and how good YOU are as a person to read them. I know for one thing for sure...I CAN NOT ever go through this again....How does one protect ones self..? Is it possible..? no in short. life is a risk. if it had no risks, what would be the point. = boring.
Nohbody Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Funny, I had a conversation similar to this a little earlier... I'm not ready to answer that question, for one. I plan on being single for a while so that I can ask some of these questions and puzzle it out for myself.
Buttercup84 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I know I want to be single for a long time . But I just want it to happen naturally . I'm not going out to look for it , I'll let it come to me . I'll be scared ****less , but this time I'll keep my independence and not put up with someone putting me last . I won't settle .
rosyposy90 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I'm two weeks into non-contact after a relationship that lasted 6 months. I'm finally starting to feel better and am appreciating the benefits of the single life more and more each day. From my current perspective, the moments of pleasure in my relationship were nowhere near enough to make up for the utter torment I went through as things fell apart. I have no urge to be in a relationship again. I'm starting to get quite a bit of attention from guys as word gets around that I am single again, and I am enjoying flirting, but there is nothing in me that wants to choose one guy to get intimately acquainted with. Relationships can utterly consume your life, and in the end seem so pointless as you are left with nothing but pain when they end (as they inevitably do).
Dblock10 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Relationships can utterly consume your life, and in the end seem so pointless as you are left with nothing but pain when they end (as they inevitably do) so true... so true. !
M2155 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Looking forward to a relationship because now I realize how not good the last one was. I don't think the guy was bad, obviously he is capable of love and good treatment, it just wasn't good with me and who knows? Maybe I could have turned the tables if I knew all that I know now a little earlier. I know I will be cautious and guarded, but also more upfront about expectations all along the way. I was too giving in my last relationship and I do not want to lose myself again. Not give more than the other person does, that's my lesson learned. Also being sure to let the person know how much their efforts are appreciated. Will I be looking for red flags? Probabaly. Better to look than be surprised. Normally we refuse to see them so let's try it different next time. Listen to the little voice inside me more when the relationship isn't up to snuff. I'm so picky anyway though it will probably be a while:o
olivec Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Looking forward to a relationship because now I realize how not good the last one was. I don't think the guy was bad, obviously he is capable of love and good treatment, it just wasn't good with me and who knows? Maybe I could have turned the tables if I knew all that I know now a little earlier. I know I will be cautious and guarded, but also more upfront about expectations all along the way. I was too giving in my last relationship and I do not want to lose myself again. Not give more than the other person does, that's my lesson learned. Also being sure to let the person know how much their efforts are appreciated. Will I be looking for red flags? Probabaly. Better to look than be surprised. Normally we refuse to see them so let's try it different next time. Listen to the little voice inside me more when the relationship isn't up to snuff. I'm so picky anyway though it will probably be a while:o Good post and I agree with everything you said. And yeah it's better to be more careful in your next relationship and also be true to yourself and not let the same bad habits enter a new relationship.
ConfusedT Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 i for one, have NO desire to get into another relationship at this point? How will i be though? I will definitely be a stronger, wiser woman. I will probably be a little more closed off, but trusting still. I have the biggest heart in the world and I tend to be the "fixer". I know I don't want to fix anyone anymore. i want that person to be whole already, but i need to be whole as well. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE Who will i be? I will still be myself, but with a different exterior I am sure. I will probably go back to the old strong woman who didn't deal with anyones **** and would leave at the first drop of disrespect, even when the other ex's left me (or i left them), i always left with dignity. i lost it this time, but never AGAIN!!
Jamone Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I have the biggest heart in the world and I tend to be the "fixer". I know I don't want to fix anyone anymore. i want that person to be whole already, but i need to be whole as well. Agreed. I don't want anyone with baggage anymore. I took on a woman with 2 kids and alot of debt and i end up being punished for it. I'll definitely be looking for someone who thinks more about "us" than "me" all the time. Someone who wants to give emotionally and not always expect to receive. I want someone who will make me feel wanted and that i'm a priority. The things i've been doing for years!
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