lovebird72 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 First a little background: I've known this guy for years. He was married to an old friend of mine for 14yrs. She left him and they've been divorced for over a year. (She just got remarried). He's told me he's got no love left for her and I believe him. But they are very friendly and civil to each other. She's a great girl and I don't think she'll have much of an issue w/us dating (she'll prolly appreciate knowing who her kids might be spending time with)...but we have refrained from telling her yet. Anyhow...he and I spent the better part of 2mos chatting via phone, FB, txt and email. We were just reconnecting, getting to know each other again. We finally went out for the 1st time, 3mos ago. Our dates are always magnificent. He has planned some really great ones with care and thoughtfulness. We've had some low-key ones as well, but we always have the best time. We spend hours talking, laughing, listening to music, sharing memories, etc. He's always a perfect gentleman...sweet and caring. We have off the charts chemistry...sex is amazing...he's very affectionate in and out of bed...in public and private...he has no fear of showing his affection for me. But he does have a lot of things going on in his life. A busy job, a home he shares with his dad, a social circle, etc. Most importantly...he's got 2 boys who he gets every other wknd and every wk...midweek. I 100% know and support that they will-and should-come before me. I don't have a problem with that at all. His busy life has lent to a very slow moving relationship. We've been "dating" for 3 months...but have only had 6 dates. Granted...each date lasts anywhere from 8-14 hours. I don't mind the slowness...what is confusing me is the amount of communication we have in-between dates. It has diminished more and more after each date. Before the 1st date we talked every day either by phone/txt/chat, etc. After the 1st date it went almost exclusively to texts (calls were for making plans). And after each following date...the texts have gone from being conversational to one or two quick texts. And whereas it used to be we would have some contact every day. Now days go by w/nothing at all exchanged between us. But...just as I give up hope and assume he's pulling away...he'll ask me out and provide another fantastic date. I should point out that the last date, was at my prompting. He ultimately asked...but I did poke around and hint that I was expecting it. Since that date...he's only texted me a couple of times and called me once w/in a wk and a half. I do my part by taking the iniative sometimes and texing something sweet or sending him a link to something he'd be interested in...I don't make him do all the work. Sometimes he responds, sometimes he doesn't. However, I also don't overdo things (texting/emailing all the time) as I'll be damned if I'm going to chase him. He's been very busy with work lately and I suppose it's possible he's become comfortable in knowing that I'll be "be there" and he doesn't have to try so hard. I tell myself that if he was "pulling away" he wouldn't just pull away...he wouldn't stay in contact...he wouldn't call me unprompted, etc. Anyhow...He's dated some since his divorce, I'm not the "rebound" per se. But, he hasn't had a "relationship" since the divorce. Is he moving slowly b/c of that? B/c it's weird to date your ex's old friend? B/c he's just THAT busy? B/c he wants to protect his heart? B/c he doesn't know how to "date" after 14 years of being married? Is it b/c he was with a very alpha-female, Type A woman and he thinks I will behave like her...speaking my mind and telling him what I expect? (That ain't me!) I know he likes me and that we have great chemistry and many common interests. But does he see a future? I realize I could have all my questions answered by HIM (duh)...but I'd prefer things develop slowly if that's what he needs. I don't want to push him. Sure, it's been 3-5mos of development, but in reality...it's only been 6 dates. If I feel that things seem to be moving in a positive direction...I will just exercise more patience. However, if he's "just not that into me"...I want out. B/c my feelings are becoming invested. Based on what I've written about his behavior...does he seem interested...or not? I know it's a complicated scenario...and I'm sure I'm over-thinking things. But it would be nice to have some unbiased opinions. Advice?? Thank you for reading.
Yookie Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 He's not interested enough to be your boyfriend sorry. If he wanted to move the relationship forward then he would contact you more often...not less. No one is too busy to send a quick text when they are thinking of you.
Author lovebird72 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Thanks for the reply. That's pretty much how I feel but all my well-meaning friends (and my heart) were telling me it couldn't possibly be true since he's so sweet to me when we're together. I guess that doesn't matter if I cease to exist when we aren't together.
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