gtiboy Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hi im new to this forum, my post is long so please be patient. I am confused with the relationship I have had, would love your advice. Bit of back ground knowledge, i'm 28 and the girl I was seeing is 21, she was single for a year before she met me. We were together for 3 months, everything went well for the first 6 weeks or so. During this period we were dating and only seeing each other once a week. One day there was a phone in which she started to act off with me, sounded confused over the phone saying she wanted to see me more, I was a little perturbed by the this so we came to the conclusion to see each other twice a week. A few weeks after this I asked her out to be my girlfriend and she agreed. Things started to change about two weeks later, we had a chat over the phone only for her to act very off with me again, not acting as her bubbly self. I ask her wants wrong and proceeded to say she's had a bad day at work then comes out saying she's confused, she wants someone that's into her. Now at that point I’m very confused.. I say to her what you talking about..I see you twice a week , give you lots of attention, always nice to you, couldn't understand it, so then she waves it off as she see's what I’m saying and tells me to ignore what’s she saying. Everything goes fine again for a while upto until a night out together in which again she says the same thing to me "I want someone into me", and then says "do you trust me and trust me with everything". So again I ask her why she keeps saying it but says she doesn't know - bearing in mind she's abit drunk at this point. A few days later I get a text from her saying the relationship isn't right for her and ends it. I eventually get through to her to salvage this relationship and try to understand why she thinks this. She says she was unhappy with me for some comments I've said to her. e.g. saying that she should look at what other girls wear to get an idea what to buy - I said this due to going out shopping with her and she didn’t buy anything for the night we went out which bothered me as she wasn't ready to go out for 3 hours after I left her to get ready. Another thing which sounded so trivial is where I was leaving her house at night, with her parents in bed and me trying to be respectful, I say to her where is your dog? does he have a bed to sleep in? she asks why? I say because I don't want you're dog to bark at me and wake your parents up. I dont understasnd how she could of got upset with such a comment. She said it made her and her family look like they dont take care of there dog. At no point did such a thing cross my mind, so where she got that from? I have no idea. Anyway at this point I’m thinking is this going to happen again, it felt like she was making mental notes of everything I say, to me this seemed trivial but she was making it out to be a big thing and making her unhappy. So a few weeks past and we still get on well...only upto a point in which she starts to go quiet on me not answering my calls or texts. This is when I text her saying she's immature and not sensible acting like this and ignoring me as it's not fair on me..this what provokes a reaction in her to call me then have an argument, in which again she stated some comments I’ve said make her unhappy, sighting things that we talked about previously only for me to say haven’t we already sorted this out. She then goes onto say it not going to work between us and that I treated her like s**t which wasn't true (referring to the comments only). The thing is the relationship was still going well every time we met up, we didn’t argue at all we we're together and virtually every phone call apart from these two instances were good. She changes her tune as soon I point this out saying now she wants to be single which through me back alittle..not really expecting her to say such a thing, I said why do you think this, she says she doesn't know. I say to her now that maybe she needs space and she agreed with me. Weird thing was she contradicted herself saying she really enjoyed our 3 months together but wanted to be single. The relationship ends at the point, overall it went really well, I treated her nicely, always there for her, always taking her out making things interesting and showing her I want her to be happy, She even stated various times through out the relationship how she loves being with me. Apart from stating comments that made her feel down - which only happened twice. Now after reading the the grass is greener thread, it made me feel like what I felt all along - she sounded like she doesnt know what she wanted. I also notice on these forums how someone from broken familys affect them mentally later on in life and how it affects future relationships. Well this girl was brought up by her mum as her dad passed away while she was a child - could this contribute to the way acted towards me in this relationship?
GgirlBgirl Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Something that jumped out at me was that she seemed to want to spend more time with you than you were spending together. From the story it seemed that you two had different love languages and that she wanted someone who showed affection the specific way. Not sure if she discussed it with you. But to answer your question, it sounds like GIGS with some love language issues. Google love languages if you want to know more. For example, for me, actions are my love language. My ex was more of a words kinda guy. Also my ex has not so good relationships with his parents who are divorced and he has trust issues because of that. It was deep seated issues of his that made our relationship implode.
Author gtiboy Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Well after 6 weeks or so we both agree'd to move it to the next level, she wanted to see me more, and also wanted to get to know me more, so we started seeing each other twice a week. She never said anything about wanting to see me more than that, I thought that maybe it would be good to not see each other more than twice a week, as she came across as someone thats likes being independent and left her to do what she wants, so allowing her to give her the freedom in the relationship to do other things besides seeing me.
wilsonx Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 If the relationship ends within the first 6 months it wasn't going to work no matter what you might think. It just failed no reason. It wasnt gigs. Gigs applies to longer relationships that extends far past the honeymoon period. Just accept that you 2 weren't meant to be together
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