betterdeal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 This is a thread to share your most embarrassing dating disasters. Preferably the cock ups, messes, faux pas, clangers you yourself have dropped in the pursuit of happiness... What's that you say? You want to hear mine? I couldn't possibly! It would be far too embarrassing. Whatever will you think of me? Oh, okay, if you insist. But remember, this was a long time ago. I am a different man now... It was 2002. I had arrived back in Britain from a 6-month jaunt around Africa and Australia. The last two weeks of the trip I was in Sydney, utterly broke and lived on a slice of cheese and toast, and a Black & Gold meat pie a day, and walked about 15 miles a day to pass the time. I was tanned and lean, and relaxed. Happened so it was a good friend's 28th birthday party a few days after I got back to the UK. I was on my way, looking forward to catching up with old friends. On the tube, I bumped into two friends who were also heading to the bash. They looked grey and worn out, a people who stay in London too long do. We got to the club. I was ebullient, spontaneous, confident and genuinely pleased to see people I hadn't seen for a long time. The party ended, we headed to birthday boy's flat for after party drinks and tomfoolery. That's when I met his next door neighbour's sister - a really cute Indian girl. We hit if off, chatted lots, she was (in retrospect) quite interested in me. I walked her home. This is where things start to get awkward and messy. Back at her place I'm stood in her room. I don't know what to do - do you lunge at them? Grab them firmly and swing them around? Was she actually up for sex or was the offer to share her bed all that was on offer? Panic. Okay, be cool, it's okay. Get into bed, start spooning - all good. Start playing with her nipples - then bam! we're on. Except I can't get an erection. F*ck. Sh*t. I'll go down on her. Hmm. She clearly wants some cock in her as she pulls me up by my hair and says "**** me". Still no erection. F*ck. She goes down on me. Still no erection. F*ck. WHY THE F*CK WON'T YOU STAND UP?!? Inside I'm falling to pieces. I start fingering her. She fakes an orgasm. I lie back. I don't know where I am in London and it's 5am. No tubes. No buses. She asks me to leave. And I can feel a hangover starting to kick in. Balls. So, anyway, that's one of my stories. What's yours?
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