Eliza Blue Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 This is the message my boyfriend received from an ex witch of a girlfriend yesterday and I am so upset. We have problems with her before and I genuinely don't know why she just can't leave us alone. Myself and boyfriend are together nearly 3 years and its going really well. She has been a constant thorn in our side. I know he had a lot of feelings for her but she did not want him. Then we met and we clicked. I did not know of her existance until the constant calls, threats started and I asked what was going on and he told me. I have never met her before and only saw her for the first time a few weeks ago and she immediately texted him (we saw the message the next morning) calling me a C**T. I was so upset. I am just a girl that met a boy. I have never had any contact with her and I am not a fighter. And that's my problem now. The disrespect she is showing me is eating me up. I couldn't slap someone even if I wanted to - and I don't. I wouldn't even use the words she is calling me. I am so angry. What do I do? OH is being very gentle with me and saying we have to just ignore it and she is just trying to cause trouble between us. I am fearing now that he is being soft on this because he still has a soft spot for her. He says I am not like her and shouldn't sink to her level. I almost rang her yesterday but he asked me not too saying she would be out to cause more trouble and that she would take great delight in knowing I was upset. What would you do?
Cee Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 She has been his ex girlfriend for 3 years. I cannot fathom why he hasn't blocked her from his phone or changed his phone number. This relationship is ancient history yet she's still contacting him. There is something strange going on here. Is he encouraging her or has he been NC for three years? I would request that he take proper measures to ensure that she no longer contacts him via phone, email, FB, etc. I agree with your BF not to sink to her level. If a woman who behaves in a nasty manner can steal your boyfriend away, then you are better off without him. I'm sorry you saw that text message. That would be upsetting to me too. But I would not let her shake my balance or sanity.
denise_xo Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 She has been his ex girlfriend for 3 years. I cannot fathom why he hasn't blocked her from his phone or changed his phone number. This relationship is ancient history yet she's still contacting him. There is something strange going on here. Is he encouraging her or has he been NC for three years? I would request that he take proper measures to ensure that she no longer contacts him via phone, email, FB, etc. I agree with your BF not to sink to her level. If a woman who behaves in a nasty manner can steal your boyfriend away, then you are better off without him. I'm sorry you saw that text message. That would be upsetting to me too. But I would not let her shake my balance or sanity. Agree with Cee, especially the bold. Block her out of your lives and don't let yourself get drawn into the mud.
betterdeal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Maybe he, like you, doesn't like conflict and that's why this bullying has continued for so long. As the previous poster suggested, I also advise your boyfriend to change his phone number and block her online. I'd also consider reporting these malicious messages to the police. Sending abusive messages by phone is a criminal act in the UK and I imagine similarly prohibited elsewhere. The police (in the UK) would probably give her a caution, which is often enough to shut up aggressive bullies.
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Agree with Cee, especially the bold. Block her out of your lives and don't let yourself get drawn into the mud. +2 Ignore her, and if she persists, get a restraining order. Make sure your boyfriend breaks all contact as well--I'm guessing he must be responding to her or even initiating contact for her to do this after three years. He needs to stop doing that if she's going to act psychotic.
Author Eliza Blue Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 He closed FB account years ago - we're not big social network users. He has said he'll go block the number to make it stop. I gather from the bits of info I've gleaned from their "relationship" that it was a FWB situation. Knew each other years. Think he asked for more she said no. Then he met me and we were Long Distance for a long time. I'm sure there was some contact - he has shown me messages before she has sent asking how he is and he has made a point of going back saying "WE'RE fine". Though I'm not as naive as to think that there were other messages. But he would not have cheated - he's not like that. But then there was nothing - she went away. Until we saw her in a pub few weeks ago and then she sent the abusive message about me. He told me she rang him 2 days later and he did answer and basically told her to get lost and not to speak about me like that. And then yesterday - I mean come on - not a "Hi" or "How are you" but a message saying how she was going to come have sex with him????? I'm so cross. Its like she knows I'm quiet. I said to my BF this morning that if it was any other girl they would have probably slapped her by now but she has no fear and will just continue to do this. Needless to say it did cause trouble between us last night. Not that he could have helped getting the text from her but the fact that I was annoyed that she still thinks she can do whatever she wants and have no fear of reprocussions.
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Needless to say it did cause trouble between us last night. Not that he could have helped getting the text from her but the fact that I was annoyed that she still thinks she can do whatever she wants and have no fear of reprocussions. She's proven herself to be a nutjob, so act like she doesn't exist, odds are 95%+ she goes away if she gets no attention. Don't even give her negative attention, i.e. return threats or return violence, just ignore her entirely, don't acknowledge her existence. If she persists, let the courts deal with her, it's part of the reason you pay taxes.
jthorne Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 How could he have not answered and then told her to get lost? So he DID answer? If he wants it to stop, he can block her. But he needs to stop responding in the meantime.
betterdeal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 There's two ways to read that text - I'm going to have sex with you or I'm going to mess you up. Whatever, the former is rape and the latter is assault. Both are offensive. Changing phone numbers because of nuisance callers is free and takes about 2 hours to complete. And tell the police. Why bark when you've got a dog?
grkBoy Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 What would you do? Put it on him. Tell him to call her right in front of you and tell her to f**k off...that he will never get back with her. I also think if he can block her number then he should.
Author Eliza Blue Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 No JThorne - he did not reply to the sex invite yesterday. He did speak to her when she called me a C**T a few weeks ago after setting eyes on me. Her number is now blocked from his phone - very glad he's done that today. But I know she is not going to go away. She has proven herself to be a very horrible person and I know BF is nervous as to what she will do next. I'm not saying I/We are in any personal danger but its the spiteful trouble making behaviour. I asked BF last night if she would be worried about anyone finding out about her acting like this. Did she not care about her reputation? He said she would find this funny. So that's what I'm dealing with. To say I am the polar opposite of this person is an understatement. I just hope karma is the bitch I think it can be.
stillafool Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Have him block all contact from her immediately. Also be sure to act happy and in love when you are out. Don't let her see one ounce of jealousy from you. Treat her like you think (it's sad). Trust me this will bother her much more than anything you can say. If she dares to say anything to you, shake your head (as if she's sick), laugh and keep walking.
grkBoy Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Eliza, I think if he is going to go to the point of telling this girl off and telling her to leave him alone, then you shouldn't worry anymore...even if she continues to try. I might be a man, but I never get mad if other men attempt for the women I'm with...I get mad if the woman do not handle it with respect to me, like if she flirts back, takes his number, etc...then I'll get mad.
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