Dreaming that he is holding me and its all ok - nights are terrible

[rosie72]

My ex told me he wasnt in love with me 2 months ago, then decided it was over a month ago, then last week i found out that actually he cheated 4 months ago, and is in love with her. He moved out that day.. I have been through hell this past two months, but now he is gone for good and its hitting me even harder.

 

I keep dreaming every single night that my ex is with me again, that he holds me close and its all ok. It feels so wonderful. Then i wake up and the reality comes crashing in.. his side of the bed is empty, he's gone and not coming back. I cant get back to sleep for hours, crying, feeling panicky.

And every morning i wake up and cry.

Anyone else go through this nighttime hell? For long?

[ScienceGal]

You probably don't believe it now, but this will pass. See a doctor if the sleeping issue doesn't improve soon though.

 

I drempt that my ex was crying (something he would never do in front of me) and asking me to not give up on him. I drempt we got married, I drepmt we had a baby. I pretty much drepmt of the life that I wanted, and thought I would, have with him.

 

Your dreams are not about him, he is just the person at the forefront of your heart and emotions. Your dreams are about you wanting that love and security (and who doesn't want that?) But in reality, you do not want to be with a cheater. One of the hardest things to reconcile is being in love with a man that is not good for you. You will lie to yourself, make exceptions for him, think things can get better. But, he is part of it too and in his part he has chosen to be deceitful and hurt you.

 

You will, and probably have had times where you've blamed yourself, and times when you've gotten really angry with him, times when you are all over the place. This is normal, healing is not linear and you will cycle back and forth through different stages. You will cry and continue to ask "why"? One of your biggest hurdles will be accepting that you might not get an answer to that.

 

Be prepared for the long road ahead and know that you are not alone. Know that it WILL get better even when it seems hopeless. The tears you cry only show how much care and love that you are capable of (this is a good thing!) Focus on yourself and try to be as good to yourself as you can be.

[Buttercup84]

My ex told me he wasnt in love with me 2 months ago, then decided it was over a month ago, then last week i found out that actually he cheated 4 months ago, and is in love with her. He moved out that day.. I have been through hell this past two months, but now he is gone for good and its hitting me even harder.

 

I keep dreaming every single night that my ex is with me again, that he holds me close and its all ok. It feels so wonderful. Then i wake up and the reality comes crashing in.. his side of the bed is empty, he's gone and not coming back. I cant get back to sleep for hours, crying, feeling panicky.

And every morning i wake up and cry.

Anyone else go through this nighttime hell? For long?

 

 

I know how you feel.I always dream of him too , and I want nothing more to just have him hold me again.I felt so safe with him and just him holding me made anything better.

 

Now I think that he might be doing the same thing with another girl and it kills me.

 

My doctor gave me sleeping tablets and they helped a bit. My ex also fell out of love with me at the height of my love for him.

 

Come here whenever you need to vent ! we are all going through pain so you are not alone xx

[rosie72]

I know how you feel.I always dream of him too , and I want nothing more to just have him hold me again.I felt so safe with him and just him holding me made anything better.

 

Now I think that he might be doing the same thing with another girl and it kills me.

 

My doctor gave me sleeping tablets and they helped a bit. My ex also fell out of love with me at the height of my love for him.

 

Come here whenever you need to vent ! we are all going through pain so you are not alone xx

 

Buttercup its horrible isnt it? how long since you broke up with him? How are things going for you? I also feel such pain at the thought he is holding another girl. I wish i could feel angrier with him but i just feel sad an hurt. I still love him of course. I keep thinking ive accepted it but i havent, i cant believe he is gone and will never come back. I'm trying to do NC but with a child its not possible. he comes over to pick up our boy to see him, and every time he does i am crying again after they left the house. Well.. you know how it feels im sure. i wish i could fast forward until i dont hurt anymore. My life is in shreds

[CopingGal]

Rosie, get yourself a Teddy bear or a large ragdoll. I hold my ragdoll every night and I feel much, much better.

[D-Lish]

I've been where you are now 4 1/2 months ago. I had to see my Dr. about getting a sleep prescription because I wasn't sleeping at all- I just laid in my bed feeling panicky and devastated.

 

My dreams were the opposite of yours- I'd dream about seeing him, but I could never get to him. It was awful, I'd get little glimpses of him but as hard as I tried to find him, I couldn't get close to him.

 

It does get better. The mornings are still the worst for me. I am sleeping better because I have meds to help me. I still wake up and go over scenarios in my head of him coming back to me telling me he made a mistake. As the day goes forward and I get busy with work I am able to push him out of my head.

 

I suggest getting something to help you sleep- that panicky feeling is awful.

 

It gets better gradually, it just takes time.

[rosie72]

I've been where you are now 4 1/2 months ago. I had to see my Dr. about getting a sleep prescription because I wasn't sleeping at all- I just laid in my bed feeling panicky and devastated.

 

My dreams were the opposite of yours- I'd dream about seeing him, but I could never get to him. It was awful, I'd get little glimpses of him but as hard as I tried to find him, I couldn't get close to him.

 

It does get better. The mornings are still the worst for me. I am sleeping better because I have meds to help me. I still wake up and go over scenarios in my head of him coming back to me telling me he made a mistake. As the day goes forward and I get busy with work I am able to push him out of my head.

 

I suggest getting something to help you sleep- that panicky feeling is awful.

 

It gets better gradually, it just takes time.

 

Yes - the morning are the worst! I dont want to get up and face the day, i just lie there kind of 'paralyzed' by all the feelings overflowing in me. I often cry over breakfast too. I have been taking valium on the odd occasion, but becuase it is addictive and it is actually prescribed for my bad back (as a muscle relaxant) my dr only gives me it very occasionally - reluctantly, so i have like 6 tablets left. I am 'saving' them for the bad nights - like when he finally moves all of his stuff out and i am left with those empty gaps.

It does seem to get a little better during the day, but i am still unmotivated to work (self employed from home). i just sit down at the computer and get on here or on stupid articles on 'how to win your cheating husband back'.

[Coupedriver]

Wow...do I STILL go through this..EVERY NIGHT....Well almost everynight.The no sleeping,driving and working 10 to 12 -14 hours shifts and driving a long haul truck started to take a serious side with my health.I have fallen sleep twice while driving and THANK GOD no one was killed or hurt.I few barrels were wiped out but I made it safely to the side of the road.I went to a Doctor and a Counselor to get my act straight.

Counseling is free through 3 different churches by me and NO you dont have to belong to the church or be an active member.The pressure was SO intense I was only sleeping MAYBE 40 minutes a night...and crying the other hours of the day.Try Excedrian PMs or if you can talk to a Doctor....Xanex,which does let me sleep at least four to five hours a night..NOT good by any standard but at least I can close my eyes....My weight drop REALLY has my Doctor worried...5'10" and I once weighed 177,now down to 143...The smell of food makes me ill.....Try and cope...and if your at a loss at what to do,find a local school that offers after hours programs...take a course....find something exciting..( Yeah easier said then done..) jog or run....STAY ACTIVE....NEVER let him see you down...Facial expressions gives you away everytime...

[D-Lish]

Yes - the morning are the worst! I dont want to get up and face the day, i just lie there kind of 'paralyzed' by all the feelings overflowing in me. I often cry over breakfast too. I have been taking valium on the odd occasion, but becuase it is addictive and it is actually prescribed for my bad back (as a muscle relaxant) my dr only gives me it very occasionally - reluctantly, so i have like 6 tablets left. I am 'saving' them for the bad nights - like when he finally moves all of his stuff out and i am left with those empty gaps.

It does seem to get a little better during the day, but i am still unmotivated to work (self employed from home). i just sit down at the computer and get on here or on stupid articles on 'how to win your cheating husband back'.

 

I promise you this is temporary, you will get motivated again.

 

I actually look forward to starting work some days because I have so much to do and so many things to look after that it takes my mind off things.

 

If you work from home and your income is based on how much time you put into it, do the opposite and immerse yourself into that for the time being. It's the worst -feeling unmotivated, but once you force yourself to do it, you'll start to get engaged and it will help to take your mind off of things.

 

Thankfully I've stopped dreaming about him- it's rare and few and far between that I do. When I do, it has an impact on my day- but I think the sleeping pills help me to sleep so soundly I don't always remember my dreams even if I have them.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tough and it's awful. I went through a divorce about 9 years ago and the loss was pretty difficult to get over. Hang tight, keep talking about it. As women, we have to talk ourselves through grief.

Edited September 2, 2011 by D-Lish

[rosie72]

I promise you this is temporary, you will get motivated again.

 

I actually look forward to starting work some days because I have so much to do and so many things to look after that it takes my mind off things.

 

If you work from home and your income is based on how much time you put into it, do the opposite and immerse yourself into that for the time being. It's the worst -feeling unmotivated, but once you force yourself to do it, you'll start to get engaged and it will help to take your mind off of things.

 

Thankfully I've stopped dreaming about him- it's rare and few and far between that I do. When I do, it has an impact on my day- but I think the sleeping pills help me to sleep so soundly I don't always remember my dreams even if I have them.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tough and it's awful. I went through a divorce about 9 years ago and the loss was pretty difficult to get over. Hang tight, keep talking about it. As women, we have to talk ourselves through grief.

 

You're so right, woman do have to talk through it. i always feel better after seeing my friends - though i'm starting to worry they are getting sick of hearing me go on and on.

I had a really bad night last night - woke up at 4am and that was it til the alarm went off at 7. Couldnt stop thoughts of him, how i miss him so much, his cheating, imagining in great detail what he did (and is still doing as far as i know) with *her* and how excited he must have been. I literally couldnt stop those thoughts! When its night time and i'm alone in that big double bed, and i'm mentally tired, the thoughts seem to come in and repeat over and over - no amount of 'changing the subject' seems to help.

It was my sons birthday yesterday, which i had to organise alone (HE came round to give my son his present and it just hurt so bad). Today is his first day at secondary school, and after he left and the house was empty, i just cried and cried until i ended up being sick. I'm still crying now i just realised i have tears rolling down my cheeks. I've been wearing waterproof mascara for two months now.. that says it all really

Edited September 2, 2011 by rosie72

[visualbasicide]

In my experience it started out much as you have described. As time went on my dreams adjusted more to reality, so now if I dream about the ex, it's nothing that wouldn't happen in real life, being ignored, downplayed, blamed, etc.

 

Surprisingly it doesn't upset me much either, stings a little, pisses me off a little, but that's about it, then I carry on with the day like I normally do.

 

At first I had all manner of dreams, so much I hated going to sleep and also waking up. The good news is that is normal and how your mind is coping with things that you don't want to think about when you are away, it should pass.

 

Then again, I can only speak from my own experience. Just hang on and be brave and it will get better as time goes on.

[rosie72]

In my experience it started out much as you have described. As time went on my dreams adjusted more to reality, so now if I dream about the ex, it's nothing that wouldn't happen in real life, being ignored, downplayed, blamed, etc.

 

Surprisingly it doesn't upset me much either, stings a little, pisses me off a little, but that's about it, then I carry on with the day like I normally do.

 

At first I had all manner of dreams, so much I hated going to sleep and also waking up. The good news is that is normal and how your mind is coping with things that you don't want to think about when you are away, it should pass.

 

Then again, I can only speak from my own experience. Just hang on and be brave and it will get better as time goes on.

 

How long since your split? How long were you together?

I guess it is just time, and more time that will help. Right now i cant imagine ever feeling less upset than i do right now.

I have to try harder to 'disconnect' from thinking of him, dwelling on memories good or bad. If i can only just boil it down to a simple "he left", start over - it would be so simple. I was prescribed some prozac by my doctor for the anxiety - i was on it once in the past, and i know it numbs your emotions. ive hesitated to start the course but maybe i will. The only thing is it numbs everything else too - my love for my son, my creativity.. Im not sure..

[visualbasicide]

We were together for 5 years, been separated about a year and a half. I'd say that the first six months we're the worst of it. In my own experience I found writing it all down helped out a lot more than I thought it would. It also helped a lot with no contact. I just pretended that I was writing down my part of the conversation, I still use it from time to time, got a thick notebook so I had plenty of room. It wasn't some kind of instant, yay i feel better, but it did help over time to have somewhere to blast everything I was feeling. Don't much use it these days but every now and again I either have an angry or down day and those are when I put it to use.

 

Make sure you eat, get vitamins if you need to, try not to let insomnia get you, in my case I had bouts of it, but the better you take care of yourself, the easier it is on the roller coasters ups and downs. Alot of places state that people usually grieve a month for every year they we're together but I myself have seemed to pushed that to three months per year. Just goes to show you everyone is wired a little differently.

 

It really does get better in the long run so don't give up or get discouraged. Hope it helps and feel free to pepper this place with questions.

[D-Lish]

How long since your split? How long were you together?

I guess it is just time, and more time that will help. Right now i cant imagine ever feeling less upset than i do right now.

I have to try harder to 'disconnect' from thinking of him, dwelling on memories good or bad. If i can only just boil it down to a simple "he left", start over - it would be so simple. I was prescribed some prozac by my doctor for the anxiety - i was on it once in the past, and i know it numbs your emotions. ive hesitated to start the course but maybe i will. The only thing is it numbs everything else too - my love for my son, my creativity.. Im not sure..

 

I think getting some sleep will make a difference. Maybe all you need to do is get a sleeping prescription for the time being. I found that finally getting a good night of sleep really helped me. I too used to wake up after about 3 hours of sleep and just stare at the ceiiling. It makes a world of difference to have that rest again.

[visualbasicide]

True that. sleep is awesome. Unbroken, scheduled sleep is priceless.

[D-Lish]

True that. sleep is awesome. Unbroken, scheduled sleep is priceless.

 

It really does make a difference- and helps you to think clearer, not to mention gives you more energy during the day so you might be able to find motivation to do things when your body's not so exhausted.

 

I got to the point where I stopped talking to my friends because I felt guilty. I got that way here on LS as well, I'd exhaust my thread and then feel guilty for taking up people's time by posting further. You think to yourself- wow, I should just be able to get over this... It doesn't work that way though. You have to talk it out and process it until it's out of your system.

 

At 4 1/2 months, I feel like I'm starting to turn a corner- but it took a lot of talking and processing to get here.

 

I started back on AD's as well- but I take Wellbutrin, and I haven't had any side effects - it doesn't numb my emotions. I take anti-anxiety meds as well, and they have just started kicking in after 6 weeks. Maybe Prozac was the wrong med for you. You can always explore your options with your Dr.

[rosie72]

It really does make a difference- and helps you to think clearer, not to mention gives you more energy during the day so you might be able to find motivation to do things when your body's not so exhausted.

 

I got to the point where I stopped talking to my friends because I felt guilty. I got that way here on LS as well, I'd exhaust my thread and then feel guilty for taking up people's time by posting further. You think to yourself- wow, I should just be able to get over this... It doesn't work that way though. You have to talk it out and process it until it's out of your system.

 

At 4 1/2 months, I feel like I'm starting to turn a corner- but it took a lot of talking and processing to get here.

 

I started back on AD's as well- but I take Wellbutrin, and I haven't had any side effects - it doesn't numb my emotions. I take anti-anxiety meds as well, and they have just started kicking in after 6 weeks. Maybe Prozac was the wrong med for you. You can always explore your options with your Dr.

 

Im glad that youre starting to turn a corner. Christmas will be around 4 months for me. im hoping i can start the new year feeling somewhat better. I'm going to start with the prozac next week. To hell with the side effects - mostly they were sexual side effects anyway and thats not an issue any more. I cant go on as i am - i need help.

I did sleep better last night. I woke a couple of times but was able to control the thoughts of him by meditating. Interestingly before i went to bed i had a good (?!) cry - maybe i released some of that tension. But this morning i woke up to another big panic attack. Hopefulyl the prozac will help with that too - it did before. I have suffered from anxiety disorder since 1996 but have had it well under control (though HE said it was one of the reasons he fell out of love - he couldnt take it, even though i was working really hard on myself) so all this has the added element of making that problem a lot worse. I'm so exhausted.. not from lack of sleep so much, just the emotional turmoil. I realised i have cried every day for 2 and a half months. Awful

[visualbasicide]

Bless your heart, I remember all the tears as well, it does get better. I myself am NOT prone to too much anxiety or panic attacks but I certainly had them after everything hit the fan.

 

The shock will go away, I promise. It just takes time to take so many things in at once. In my own situation, everything in my life changed for the worse and I could only handle one thing at a time, so when I started to come to grips with one aspect of it all, something else would hit me and get my attention.

 

It still blows my mind but I can finally accept it all, doesn't make me feel better about it but still. I am glad you are seeking help with the meds though, it should give you some stability in an unstable time in your life.

 

I wish I could say when it will stop being so debilitating but there really aren't any rules, it takes as long as it takes, though by journaling, counseling, medication, eating right, sleeping right, exercise, hobbies, goals, etc will all improve your over all view of yourself and everything else. Early in the game though just do what you can do to keep on keeping on, as time goes on though you will have to force yourself to do something besides dwell on everything.

 

It's always darkest right before dawn.