avb Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hey guys, this is going to be very long, any advice would be greatly appreciated, i am going insane sitting here thinking myself in a hole thats getting deeper and deeperL. Here is the story, my girlfriend(first girlfriend) and I of 4.5 years broke up 2 months ago. I am 23 and she is 21. She got a job opportunity to work 9 hours away for 2 months, which was a great opportunity for her and I supported her to go with it. The way we broke up is the hardest part to accept, 4 days before she moved for the summer I had to go out of town for work for a couple days and before i took off, I asked her if she really wanted to do a long distance relationship, (the reason behind this was, she was going to go live with her cousin who is not a big fan of me and always filled her mind up with dumb s***, and every time she was there to visit we would get into little argument and that was after like 5 days so imagine what 2 months would be like, I knew she was going to say no I just wanted to put the option out there and I knew she was going through a rough time with her parents as well, so I wanted her to clear her head) She called me an idiot and said no, you already know my answer, I want us to do a long distance relationship, your someone I really want things to workout with. I was like okay sounds good, I went to work and told them I wanted to get every 2nd or 3rd weekend off so I could go see my girlfriend. They said ok, and my girlfriend was very happy. When I came back from my work trip, I took some time off from work and hung out with her every day for the 3 days she had left. On her last 3 days, the first night we went out for dinner and a movie, the 2nd day we went out for a hike and hung out and my place and I made her dinner, on her last day here she told me she needed a GPS system because she was moving to a bigger city, I went out and bought her a GPS, and took her on a romantic steak dinner. The dinner was kind of quiet; i just thought she was sad because she was leaving and she was scared of the new job. I told her to smile, and keep her head up and that you should be happy that you have an opportunity like this, Im only 8 hours away, you can always call me, ill be here for you etc. She starts crying saying Im such a great guy and she is so lucky to have a guy like me in her life. Her last night in town, was possibly the best night we have had, its just hard to put it into words, but damn the connection between us that night just hit the spot. Her cousin that she was going to live with was in town visiting so they were going to drive down together the next day. The next day I woke up to random text messages from her saying I love u, Hope ur having a good sleep, Im going to miss u. I thought she had already left, and surprisingly I got a phone call from her and she said she is still here and there going to leave later on in the afternoon, and that she wanted to see me, it was a very nice day outside so we decided to take my dog for a walk and grab some ice cream. Her cousin called her asking her to come home so they can hit the road, so she asked me to drop her off at her house and I parked in the drive way she was like I have to talk to you, I was sure lets hear it, she was like okay, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, I was waiting for a JUST JOKING or something, but she had a serious look on her face, I was like are you serious? Shes like yea man, I just don’t want to be in a relationship with you any more, and I want us to use this 2 months apart, to get over one another. I was so hurt, that I snapped at her and said things that I shouldn’t have, she walked out of my car and we didn’t talk for a couple weeks and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, we were friends for 4 years before we started dating, so I have always been used to having her around. I called her and said why did this all happen we were having such a good time together, and she said she loved me but wasn’t IN love with me anymore, she said I wasn’t the confident man she first fell in love with, she was like you don’t even know what you want to do with your life and your 23 years old, she also said that you didn’t support me through this, you kept saying this is a big opportunity for u, but you were so negative about it, she was like I dont need such hurtful people in my life, Im better than that, and she was like i hope to god I dont run into you when I move back, I dont want to see your face or hear your voice and than she told me never to contact her again. I don’t get how I didn’t support her through this, I wrote her a cover letter and resume for this job, because she was busy with school when the job opening came out. Only negative thing I said was stop looking at the amount of money your going to make, look at the experience you’re going to get. As far as not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, (I am almost done getting my degree in accounting but I wanted to pursue something else because accounting wasn’t what I expected, and I shared this with her) To top it all off, I also found out she cut her best friend out of her life too, and she told her the same thing, you never support me in life, im always here for you and your never there for me, I dont need hurtful people like you in my life any more. I have threw out all her letters/cards/gifts, removed her from my cell phone, blocked and deleted her off my facebook and I still cant seem to get over her. Not a day goes by where she doesnt cross my mind, I just hope she is doing well, I messaged her cousin to ask if she is okay, and her cousin called me a creep and told me to f*** off
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hard to really say what has happened to her, maybe she is heavily influenced by others or just hit a point in her life where she wanted to change everything and felt that some things (you and friends) were holding her back. In a way, she sounds a bit similar to my ex in that she could change her mind that quickly and seem to distance herself from others. With mine though, she seems to bounce around, making contact one minute and then quiet the next, same with work - never really happy with anything she does, but wanting to do so much with her life (she too is 21). Have you contacted her best friend? At times like this it's hard to know who to talk to, but you two have something in common and being able to share your stories may help you both understand what happened a little better. It's just a thought. My guess (and it's only a guess) is that at some point she'll make contact with you again. Not saying she'll come running back, but there will be contact. It's a lot to throw away and although she may have things happening right now that take her mind off you, you are always going to be a part of her. Like my ex, there's that excitement that comes from something new that often leads to her ignoring people, but once that excitement has quietened down, she often makes contact with old friends again - even me a month ago after 6 months NC. In the meantime, just stay NC and focus on yourself and whatever it takes to make you feel better. I really don't see what you can do now to get her back, if that's what you really want. Making any contact will either just be ignored (if she's still in that excitement/distracted phase) or put her off making contact with you. In order to miss someone, we first have to miss them... if you get me.
Author avb Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 She called me a couple weeks later, and we talked for hours, it was so great hearing her voice, she asked me how things r going, how my family is doing..etc and I asked her the same thing. We ended up talking about our relationship and she said what we had was great, I was a great guy, and she said I know you’re going to be successful in life doesn’t matter what path a choose. She also said, there’s nothing wrong with you or the relationship, I just want more out of someone I want to be with and a more exciting relationship. While she is saying all this, I could tell she was crying. Than she said the reason I’m calling you is, I’m going to Vegas this week, and I respect and wanted to tell you Im going with my cousin and her boyfriend and some guy I met through work. He is just a friend, I told him I don’t want anything else from this, I have also told him I am coming out of a relationship, and he respects that. I just wanted to tell you this because I don’t want you to hear it from someone else, and jump to conclusions. I was really hurt, but there was nothing else I could do or say so I just listened, I was speechless at this point. We ended up saying our good byes. The day she left, I texted her saying have a safe trip, I got no reply until she got back. And the reply was “you are so confusing” i asked her why, she said I cant believe you are still texting me, just get over it already and get a life. Today, I did something I shouldn’t have done, I logged into her email, (I know, I shouldn’t have done this but I did it anyways) I noticed that she still has all our pictures saved on her email, and she still has every email I have ever sent her saved in a special folder, this made me feel great and gave me the vibe that we still have a chance to talk things out when she gets back and maybe with time we can be together again) and then I also noticed she had her vegas pictures posted, I decided to look at them, and this guy she was there with are clearly more than just friends, there were pictures of her sitting on his lap, there are pictures of them kissing (on the cheeks that’s it) in one picture shes with him while hes getting a tattoo, and plenty of pictures of both of them dancing. What hurt the most was the way she was dressed, she used to look down on girls that dressed like that, I couldn’t even recognize her! And in the pictures I also noticed they shared the same room which broke my heart into pieces. I don’t even know this girl any more. Reason I am writing this here today, I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, my friends are either against relationships or they have never been in one where they had feelings for the other person like I do, what do I do guys? I am going crazy here!, I have no appetitive to eat, no desire to get out of bed unless I work, even my parents are getting worried. As sad as this sounds, I spent every evening last week sitting in our church asking god for his guidance, never in a million years did I see myself doing this. Any advice will help guys
Author avb Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 I always knew I loved her, but after all this happened and she walked out of my life, that love grew even more cause I realized how much more she really ment to me. The way she has been talking and treating me..why do I feel this way?
Author avb Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 smudge21, I really appreciate the reply! If you dont mind me asking did you end up taking your ex back? I did talk to her friend, and she said she is so hurt by the way my ex talked to her, she feels that its not a good idea for us to talk and she doesnt want any thing to do with my ex girlfriends life. Which I completely understand.
LifeIsLikeThat Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hey avb From what I can gather from your post, it seems to me like your girlfriend is suffering from GIGS. The 'symptoms' are definitely there... You're both in your early 20s, first real relationship, long term, breakup came out of the blue, etc. (if you need more info, I recommend you read homebrew's guide to gigs, just search it in the forum). At this point I would advise you to go no contact and work on your self. It will give you a chance to catch your breath, get your s*** together and regain your confidence. It will also give her a chance to realize/consider what she is really giving up. Since you guys have been involved for such a long time and were also friends, you disappearing on her will suddenly create a huge gap in her life. NOW, be advised... You're not doing this to try and win her back, but to get yourself back on track and regain some of the power you lost. It seems that this change of work and living might have sparked her desire for something new and exciting in her life and she might feel that your routine of a relationship has ran it's course (this is all typical gigs stuff). No doubt her cousin, the trip to vegas, and this née guy all helped add fuel to the fire. But don't worry, if you were a good boyfriend and this really is gigs, chances are she probably will make contact eventually, though by that time you would have likely already moved on. In the meantime, No contact!!! And best wishes
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 One line in all that really says it all "get over it and get a life" - seriously, how can some people be so hurtful. It's clear she's going through GIGS right now (there's plenty of threads on it, so read up), but that's no excuse for saying that to you. I would seriously suggest keeping that line in your head at all times - a reminder of how she is towards you now. The day you're healed, happy in a new life and fully moved on and should she come running back, you can say this line back to her. Okay, that's a bit harsh, and I'm sure you're better than that, but it just annoys me when people act this way, and say stuff which clearly hurts. Anyway, you asked about mine. Well, no, she never got in touch to restart anything. We started as friends and split as friends. I did try to stay a friend to her, even when she got back with her long term on/off ex, but then they got engaged and that was it for me, so I said goodbye. I still consider her a friend and she got back in touch simply because she too feels the same way (although there is more there, sadly just not enough). I'm still no contact, well more little contact, as I still have strong feelings for her and don't want to know things about her life. I'm not ready for that yet. Shame about the friend, but fair enough I suppose. Just try to maintain NC and that truly means no snooping on her email - in fact, change her password which will force her to change it herself to something you won't know. Also, no spying on social networks either - trust me, ignorance definitely is bliss. It is better not to know in this situation. It only ends up hurting.
Author avb Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Thanks for the helpful advice guys, I really do appreciate it. After reading random posts on gigs... I will have to admit it... I just want my ex back... And be happy again... One thing I can't figure out is why do I want her back? She has treated me like crap for the last 2 months. She moves back home next week and we go to the same university... It's going to be awkard. It's amazing what love can do to a person, going through this experience really showed some true colors of my family and friends that I went to for support how many cared and how many really didn't. It has been almost 2 months, not a day has gone by where she hasn't crossed my mind still have a crappy appetite, feel sick after i eat, I can never sleep I just lay there... While I'm going through all of this she is living her life, living in a bigger city, traveling etc... All I can say is fml
Coupedriver Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 When I read your post avb...everything I went and have gone through came back in a flash.....I can still remember my ex saying EXACTLY what your ex said to you..!!!!!! "Oh he just a friend..I helped him through his divorce.." ( Uh,..I found out he wasnt even married..!! ..) I also wonder how someone can be so cruel...is this what our world is turning out to be like..? OMG...ME ..exactly...." not a day has gone by by where she hasnt crossed my mind....crappy appetite" Makes for a nice diet doesnt it avb..??!? I went to my family and friends and like you..TURE colors seem to disappear.But what my counselor said.."Dont talk to HER family or your friends or family.. There advice can be deadly to you..."I want mine back to and feel that happiness I ONCE had..but I aint going to hold my breath anymore... I went through the NOT sleeping too....I ate Excederian Pms like skittles, just to keep an even keel in my bad days...I finally had to have a script of Xanax to MAKE me sleep....I was putting my health at risk...I still am,but some days are better..... "LIVING her life" ...DAMN that pisses me off to no end...!!!!!! I still cant believe or even BEGIN to understand HOW fast someone can change..!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dblock10 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 AVB.... wow. just ... wow. I cant believe you are going through this. its mad. and I thought mine was bad. This is horrendous. so much so I will post and help you out. I am 24 btw. so not an old dude trying to preach. she has done a classic "i am 21, the world is mine" stuff the people that meant something to me, there is more to life. i'm sure i will find it.... and when i read she said "get over it and get a life" wow... if a girl ever sad that to me, i would tell them to get over themselves stop being a princess and f off. actually i have done that before ... but yeah. this girl is unbelievable, the fact you were friends as-well. this is a bad person mate. you don't need crap people like her in your life. and how on earth you didn't have a panic attack after looking through those emails is beyond me. i read an ex's emails before and her talking to some guy about me and her set me off like a rocket. i wanted to smash him up and he hadn't done anything! Oh and her keeping folders of photos of both of you doesn't mean anything to her... When me and my first main ex broke up, she still wore the ring i bought her and expensive watch. it doesn't mean anything to them. i hope for Christ's sake that you go NC and seriously put this girl where she belongs and thats a huge mile away from your life... and your going to the same university. i have it so lucky lol. mine left uni and isnt coming back to the area. hopefully ever. or ill be falling all over the place for her and my studies would get ruined
LifeIsLikeThat Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 You know guys we all been through s*** like this ( I'm in my twenties as well) but I think something that we all tend to do is put our exes on a pedestal following the breakup. At the moment, avb, you are essentially holding your ex responsible for your happiness. You state how miserable you are now that she's out of your life and I don't doubt it. But you have to realize that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness. Right now you are missing her company, having her around because she was once a big part of your life. But you can't revolve your life and joy around her. A girlfriend is suppose to help enhance your life, not make or big it right? Honestly at this stage, your not in any condition to be in a healthy relationship. That's why NC is so important, because you need to learn to be happy by yourself first. Only then can you pursue a relationship (with her or someone else) without feeling completely defeated and dependent on her. Besides being needy and desperate is never attractive. Sorry if Im sounding harsh, but I (along with countless people on this forum) have been through situations like this and don't want you to put yourself through any additional pain. Right now you need to try your best to clear your mind of her. Start filling up your schedule with things you enjoy. Don't put your life on hold or break down because of all this, but rather use it as an opportunity to improve yourself, your confidence and image, and your life in general now that you have a lot of excess time. This way you will soon be back to feeling like your normal self and you will find that you will become a much more desirable individual in the eyes of others. Hope this helps I suggest you make a NC diary on this forum. This way we'll all be up to date on how your doing and continue offering you advice
Author avb Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I know this girl did a 360.. And went beyond just cold hearted... After everything I have gone through I still want her back? How f***** up is that? Dblock10 university isn't the only issue either she lives 4 houses away. We Were such great friends before we started dating. I still remember the first day we met, I just moved into the neighborhood, went for a walk and seen a girl crying, I asked her if everything was okay, and she said yes, and I asked her are you sure? And I decided to walk her home. A couple days later we ran into one another and she told me how her dad beats her. I made a complaint to the police. And since than we were best friends. After 2 years she told me she wants to be more than just friends. And I told her I don't want to risk our friendship and she was agreed. At one point my feelings for her grew and she got distant cause being just friends was too much for her.. We talked about it and started dating.
lucylou71 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 AVB...it gets better. I'm on month two right now after my husband left me for another woman after 12 years of marriage. I'm just getting my appetite back,and nearly sleeping through the night. What helped me was journaling. What we tend to do in break ups is "ruminate". That means we go over and over what went wrong in our minds,or we think about all of the good times. Our brains become obsessive compulsive and it wants to continually come up with a solution,but unfortunatly it can't come up with one. I almost went crazy doing this. There were days when I could barely get out of bed. I was so depressed. I've been exactly where you are. It wasn't until I decided to see a therapist and she said write it all down. Get it out of your head. If you don't think seeing a therapist is for you, please,use this forum,and keep posting. It helps. Be selfish and work on yourself right now. I know it's hard after being with someone so long. Your lives are so completely intertwined,that it's hard to fathom your life without them. Now you have to find out who you are,and make yourself happy. I wish you all the best.
Author avb Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Guys, I know I have to become a better person, be more confident in myself etc ... My goal is to start doing that ASAP, today was my first day to start going to the gym before work so I decided to go at 6:30am.. But it didn't happen because I was up all night and it was already 6 am before I actually fell asleep.. I will be going for a run later on in the evening. Guys, in your opinions.. What are the chances of her coming back to me? She doesn't have much to come back to, she cut her best friend out of her life, and has another gf she hangs out at school with that's it, before she left we used to hang out every single night, whether it was walking our dogs around or watching some tv together, either way we made sure we would see each other everyday..I know you guys r probably like that's a lot of seeing one another, I was still happy if a day or two went by without seeing one another but she used to get upset so it kinda just became a routine, wasn't a big deal to me . (I have already decided and I have promised myself if the opportunity ever arises I will not go back into a relationship with her until I am 100%
Author avb Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Can I get someone input? It will be great
silly_panda Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Hey avb... I read your story and it's kinda sad and it's very shocking... I wouldn't know what I would do if I'm in your shoes... At least my ex got the courage to tell me that she is with someone (3days after we broke up)... Well... I think this is how you should take it interms of her coming back or not... Take it as she will never come back... I know deep inside your heart you really wan her to come back but just tell yourself that she is not coming back (this is hard to do, I'm going through this now too, but it helps)... Like every great people said... Work on yourself first... Get yourself back and if possible, improve yourself and become much more better that you were... This way you will get your confidence back and believe me... You will look better too... For her coming back or not... It's a 50/50 chance... It's out of your control and it's all really up to her... I believe that if a person really loves you, they will come back... If they don't, well, they don't really love you that much rite..? So why would you wan someone like that..? I read from your story saying that she is your first girlfriend, rite..? I understand your desire of wanting her back and since this is your first love, as people always say... First cut is the deepest... We all gone through it... On the wanting her back issue... This is my take on it... It might be wrong... When we loose someone, we tend to only think of the nice moments we have together and only think of the good memories... Hence, making us missed those memories and wanting to re-live it again... Remember... These are all memories and a thing of the past... The person that you wan back in your heart is the person in that memory... An 'image' of her when you were still together... Not the person that she is now... Try to look at her as who she is now and what she had become... I know it's painful that someone could change just like that and became a person that you don't even recognize at all... But ask yourself this... Do you wan the 'current' her..? Or you wan the 'her' which is in your memory..? Well, like me... Doesn't matter what she becomes, the answer for you now will still be a HELL YEA... Cause (for me) I'm still blinded by that 'image' of her that I have... But believe me, as you progress with your life and yourself, ask yourself back that question... Do you still wan her back..? Your answer maybe different from 'HELL YEA'... Oh... This is just my humble opinion... I'm no better in handling my own break up too... I'm 24 by the way... Hope this helps... Hang in there man...
Author avb Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Silly_Panda... I really appreciate the reply.. It does actually make me think do I really want to new version of her back? I am trying my hardest to just get it in my head that she is not coming back to me, so it can help the healing process to go by faster. She comes back into town next week, I know she will call me(she told me last time we talked that she will) to return all my belongings... I have been thinking about it a lot lately when she does call... Either 1) I'm not gonna answer the phone call or 2) I'm just gonna tell her to throw it in the garbage, because really what am I gonna do with the iPod,jewelry etc that I bought for her as gifts? What do you think? You mentioned that you are going through a break up as well? What happened man? If you don't mind me asking.
silly_panda Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I think it's better for you to go and see her and get your stuff back (this maybe against most of the people's advise on NC)... She is leaving 4 houses away rite..? So you will bump into each other eventually... So just meet up... But here's my view... Only see her if you think you are ready and you are able to face her... You get to see her, know how she's doing... And she gets to see you and know how you are doing... If possible, you get closure and you can begin with your NC and move on... If you are able to meet her, it shows that you are a bigger man, mature, and you do not hold any hard feelings (even if you do, don't show it and as time pass, throw those away - they are not good for your health)... Upon meeting her, be in your best shape, smile, be the person you are... If you think you had done anything wrong, apologize sincerely... If you wanna, tell her that you are sad about the break up but you are willing to let her go and move on with your life... If you feel that you can't say that to her then write an email... Here is what I learned about girls'/women on my break up (I got this from a friend of mine who is a female and got lots of experience in relationship, what girls think, how to read between the lines of her words)... This is what she told me... Some girls, like to hold on (stay in contact, be friend) to their ex longer just to make them suffer more and kinda like tell their ex 'you would never find a girl as awesome as me'... Cause they wan you to regret in a way... Confused..? You will be thinking 'she was the one that dumped me, why would she wan me to feel regret..?' Honestly I also don't know the answer but this is what some girls will do... When I wrote an email to my ex telling her - I'm sad, I'm sorry, I will let you go, I hope you will be happy in your new relationship, you know what respond that I got from her reply..? She was sad and VERY angry... Why angry..? I don't know why... My friend told me maybe cause she feel that she don't have the upperhand/power on me anymore now since I said I'm letting her go... So yea... Get closure, let her go (and I mean really let her go)... She how she respond... If she doesn't feel anything then in my opinion she don't have any feelings on you anymore... Whether she has any respond or not, it's not that important too... You got a great life waiting for you to explore and live in... My story short... Met this girl, been together for 2years (LDR - but she will come back for 3months every year but didn't come back this year cause she got her stuff to do there)... Me... Took her for granted, didn't give her enough attention that she needs, wasn't physically there for her... I didn't do this on purpose, I was focusing on my career and trying very hard to make sure I will give her a great life in the future, I really wanna marry her... I just thought those little things like call her every now an then is not THAT important (they ARE important)... We text and msn everyday though but most of the time it was her that initiate the conversation first (yes... I'm an a**)... She showed me these little hints that our relationship is in trouble but me being stupid, didn't get what her hints meant... Three days before our break up, she met and clicked with this guy (I guess this guy gave her the attention that she needs and is physically there for her)... Three days after break up, she told me she is now with this guy... Shocked... Cause knowing her, she won't get involved in a relationship so fast... And she told me everything just move so fast and feels so rite... She never felt this happy before... And she actually stayed over this guy's place the second day after they were together (which she normally wouldn't do cause she is kinda conservative)... Broke my heart even more... And I only realised my mistake after losing her... You won't know what you really got til it's gone rite..? Serves me rite for taking her for granted... But I really really wan her back (for the time being I do)... But I'm moving on as well... The thing that really bothers me is that... I don't know whether she is on a rebound or not... She sounds really happy and she said she love him... Hmm... Well this is my messy story... What do you think..? I hope you will get better soon man... I know you will... Seeing her and taking your stuff back or not it's all up to you... But only see her when you feel better and ready to do so... You don't wanna show her you sad face (that will just scare her off)... Hang in there...
Author avb Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Silly_Panda thanks for the feedback once again... Sorry about the delayed reply my cell phone is messed up and that's all I have right now to reply *(forgot to mention my ex borrowed my laptop so we can send each other emails and skype) *what a waste that was... N e ways your in a pretty ruff situation as well man... In my opinion I don't think your ex is in a serious relationship with the guy.. I read in a random post somewhere that really made me think... Ur ex left you because u didn't do certain things for her (20%) but was pleased with everything else (80%) *the new guy might be giving her the 20% that she has been missing out on, that's why she is happy with the guy, and thinks she's in love with him, *but soon she will realize that 20% is not all that great, and she will miss that 80% she got from you.... I hope this makes sense to you man.. I tried to find that post but I can't. *How long has she been with the guy now? Are you NC with her? (if not, how often do you two talk)*did you ever get a chance to tell her any of the stuff you just told me man like How you know where you went wrong? And how you focused more on the future of you two together and less on the present so you guys can have a better life etc? If you did, what did she say man? **As far as meeting up with her man... I am not gonna do it *What you said really changed the way I was thinking...*"we tend to only think of the nice moments we have together and only think of the good memories... Hence, making us missed those memories and wanting to re-live it again... Remember... These are all memories and a thing of the past... The person that you wan back in your heart is the person in that memory... An 'image' of her when you were still together... Not the person that she is now... Try to look at her as who she is now" I don't owe her anything man, if she wants to give me back the necklace, bracelet, watch that I got for her.. What am I gonna do with all that? Give it to my next gf? There going to end up in the trash n E ways...The way she broke up with me, went to Vegas, clearly hooked up with another guy, I don't want to see her man, and when I do c her... I'm gonna treat her like she's a random stranger walking by.. I'm so hurt after all we have gone through together, after all the things I have done for her... This is the thanks I get? She wants to remain friends when she gets back... F*** that... I want her to see what life is like without me when she gets back... Because in a bigger city, full time job, new guy... I know I probably didnt cross her mind... I can promise you one thing... She is the one who is gonna initiate the first contact.. Because I'm not... She has ignored me/told me get lost/f**** off for the last two months every time I tried to talk to her... At the moment my love for her has just turned into anger/hate.
silly_panda Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Hey man... There is a fine line between love and hate... They are actually sisters... The true enemy of love is indifference... The hate you have for her also shows that you care for her and obviously you do... But... Try to let go of the hate... It's painful to hate someone... Yes... I know she did a lot of stuff and said a lot of bad stuff to you... You have every rite to hate her... But for me, your ex was someone you loved and someone that loved you before... Try to remember them by as the person that you love and we move on... So everytime in the future when you do think about her, you will just smile and you yourself will be happy instead of feeling any anger or hate towards her... I don't know man... This is just what I think... I just feel it's better to remember my ex by this way... The purpose of meeting her is not actually getting your stuff back... For me it is to have a closure for you and to let her know you are letting her go... That's just my opinion on thing... But seems like you are pretty angry rite now so I think it's not a good idea to meet up too... As for my case... I really hope you are rite man... I really do hope that... They had been together like for 3weeks now..? I guess... I can't do full NC with her cause of some issue that I needed to settle with her... But there is a posibility that the guy could give her the 80percent as time goes on rite..? Any advice on what to do..? I'm asking for your help now... I did told her my reason and all, but she just said it's all too late... She told me she was really disappointed... But few days back, I saw her post a shout out in msn stating 'who can i talk to?!'... Guess she is in some kind of emotion trouble... Anyway... Here is my long and messy story if you don't mind reading... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295080/
Author avb Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 Hey man, just read the your story... That is a very tuff situation man... I think it is a rebound relationship man... U guys were together for two years... Don't think she doesn't think about you man... I know she does... As far as her msn thing goes... Who can I talk to?... If she has a bf should she be talking to him? I think she is trying to get your attention knowing you can see it... Don't think her rebound guy can provide the 80%... That would make it a "perfect" relationship... And I highly doubt it... I think she will realize what you really ment to her throughout time... And as far as the other guys comments on her cheating on you... I don't think she did man... You said it yourself that your relationship was based on trust...whatever the issue is that is preventing you from NC, I think you should get it out of the way with, because doesn't matter what it is she can still communicate with u... So she thinks ur still there for her... Maybe u should show her what her life would be without you man... Get the issue out of the way with... Email her one more time... Honestly tell her word for word how you told me.. So she knows where your coming from... And just tell her that you wish her the best of luck with her life and her reql estate investment but it's better for you two not to talk for the time being, for yourself so you can move on with your life and giving her space so you don't interfere with her new bull**** relationship... Just put it in better words tho.. In my opinion a moving on that fast after a 2 year relationship is too hard so this guy has to be a rebound man And no worries man we can get advice from one another man, through times like these, you need someone to talk to who has/is going through the same situation. It's crazy what falling in love/girls can do to a guy.
silly_panda Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 Hey... I really really appreciate your comment man... Kinda gave me a little more hope... But I won't keep my hope high... As you know, many girls actually had emotionally opt out of the relationship long before the actually break up... I think I will get my things sort out with her by next week... Yea... I trust her enough so I don't believe she cheated on me... How are you doing man..? Any progress on your part..? How are you coping..? I know someday you will feel better, someday you will feel like crap... But just hang in there man... Relationship really IS crazy when it goes bad... But we guys (some of us) also did sh*tty things to girls too rite..?
Author avb Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I guess so man, I guess it just sucks going through it... She's coming back home today... Not looking forward to it... How is everything going with you man?
silly_panda Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I guess I'm recovering faster than I think... I had had this kinda experience (being dumped twice before)... I learned from them... So I kinda know what to do and handle it... The first time was the worst... Just that sleeping time is the worst rite now for me... I dreamt about her everytime... And each dream is just her leaving me or something that remind me she is not with me any longer... Hey man... Maybe we can communicate through email if you don't mind... Here's my email address... [email protected] Hope to hear from you man...
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