How common is surveillance/spying on a SO?

[thatone]

I respect your opinion and want to know, how you suggest I go about rectifying things if you think I made him act that way. Seriously, I really like him and would like to know if I owe him an apology or anything...? Even though he seems to be playing games a has ben very distant this entire week.no communication...

 

I'm kinda dumb founded because things like this goren to me often and the but ends up thinking I dont care or he might do something similar to what may be happening in this thread. Please give me your advice on what YOU think I can do, if anything, at this point.

 

if you really like him why did you tell him that you're too different and there was no future with him on the phone?

[country_gurl]

if you really like him why did you tell him that you're too different and there was no future with him on the phone?

 

I fail to understand why you're BLAMING the OP for any of this, Neal...both in this response of yours here and your original one to her in this thread. A person can still like someone but have realized that they are both too different and not a good match. That's the point of dating, to determine your differences and similarities and then figure out if they're someone you would like to pursue a future with.

 

I took from her original post that it was AFTER she felt he was being too possessive and nosy and "aware" of her comings/goings/what she was wearing, etc that she told him she felt they were too different, and not before.

 

To the OP: you've admitted that his job pertains to surveillance and such so when you consider that along with the many other weird things you've posted, I would most definitely consider that he's behind these things.

 

If I was you, I would seriously just get new phone as much of a pain in the butt (and expense) that would be. Unless you can find someone who's an expert in surveillance and hacking and all this stuff who can check your phone and determine with 100% certainty that he's not done something to it, you need to get a new phone.

 

I would also consider contact a business that deals with surveillance and security and ask them how you would know if your vehicle had a GPS-type tracking device installed in it; where you would look to find it one existed.

 

I would then contact some kind of computer expert (not just some buddy who's good at computers) and I'd get them to totally scan your computer for spyware and keyloggers, etc.

 

I'd also consider having some kind of security expert do a thorough sweep of your home to check for hidden cameras, listening devices or other surveillance equipment.

 

If this guy does surveillance for a living, and he's already admitted to you that he's 'jealous', you need to protect yourself.

 

I would also consider getting the locks on your doors re-keyed.

 

You should also start documenting everything. Even something little that you don't know if it's significant, still document it somewhere (not on your computer or phone, though). Keep a log.

[luvflower]

if you really like him why did you tell him that you're too different and there was no future with him on the phone?

 

I'm glad you asked that question. My exact words weren't really that we are too different point blank. I said "if your M.O. Is to play games when you dont have control of things, then we may be more different than I thought." The truth is that I do like this guy, but I truly believe that the fact that I have a make roommate really bothers mam, especially since we're long distance. And unfortunately or fortunately, ldr is about over because of the game he started that I dont want to partake in. he's a control freak, told me he's OCD, and that he's jealous... On to of that he's playing these no cal back games, then expecting me to pick up whenever he calls. The calling thing started when I didn't answer his call once when I was sleep. Maybe he did our didn't believe I was sleep. Martin ve he thinks each time I dont pick up, I'm banging my roommate, similar to another poster here in loveshack...

 

:-(

[luvflower]

I fail to understand why you're BLAMING the OP for any of this, Neal...both in this response of yours here and your original one to her in this thread. A person can still like someone but have realized that they are both too different and not a good match. That's the point of dating, to determine your differences and similarities and then figure out if they're someone you would like to pursue a future with.

 

I took from her original post that it was AFTER she felt he was being too possessive and nosy and "aware" of her comings/goings/what she was wearing, etc that she told him she felt they were too different, and not before.

 

To the OP: you've admitted that his job pertains to surveillance and such so when you consider that along with the many other weird things you've posted, I would most definitely consider that he's behind these things.

 

If I was you, I would seriously just get new phone as much of a pain in the butt (and expense) that would be. Unless you can find someone who's an expert in surveillance and hacking and all this stuff who can check your phone and determine with 100% certainty that he's not done something to it, you need to get a new phone.

 

I would also consider contact a business that deals with surveillance and security and ask them how you would know if your vehicle had a GPS-type tracking device installed in it; where you would look to find it one existed.

 

I would then contact some kind of computer expert (not just some buddy who's good at computers) and I'd get them to totally scan your computer for spyware and keyloggers, etc.

 

I'd also consider having some kind of security expert do a thorough sweep of your home to check for hidden cameras, listening devices or other surveillance equipment.

 

If this guy does surveillance for a living, and he's already admitted to you that he's 'jealous', you need to protect yourself.

 

I would also consider getting the locks on your doors re-keyed.

 

You should also start documenting everything. Even something little that you don't know if it's significant, still document it somewhere (not on your computer or phone, though). Keep a log.

 

thanks country gurl...i don't know what the deal is with neal. perhaps he's secretly the guy im talking about in my post or maybe he's just a hater...or maybe he's not reading with understanding... has to be one of the three...

 

everything you're telling me is very much appreciated ... however, i think i'm in denial. i have changed some passwords to my email accounts via a remote computer. i have not done a factory reset on my phone though and i dread the thought of it... i've had to do this before with two...2...other guys and it's no fun. one guy i got a protective order against. the other guy i had to just change my number.

 

this current guy, who is a kinda long distance has a brother who he visits from time to time and passes bymy general area on the way. when he called me a few days ago, that was the day he was supposed to come visit me. because i didn't pick up and have not responded to that call, hopefully he took the hint and did not "poke around", which even my mother suggested he may have done.

 

also, i wanted to note that the times he's "predicted" my whereabouts, i've been with other people... my male roommate once, ironically. so it had nothing to do with my vehicle's location since it was parked.

 

if he's by chance reading my online activity on this site, i almost don't even care anymore. he should read and take heed to the reasons i'm feeling the way i am about him at this point. guys in general, if you really like a chic don't play stupid games, because contrary to what a poster said in his/her thread, many people like myself, ARE NOT motivated in any way to WANT A PERSON MORE WHEN THEY PLAY GAMES... who does that??

 

i'm dreadfully considering doing a factory reset on my phone. all the other things you suggested i will consider as well, but i figure since he lives a few hours away, i should be ok . besides, there are plenty of other chics to stalk or not stalk where he lives...right...

[surferchic]

Luvflower, your situation sounds very similar to mine, only our distance is further away.

 

I would definitely take some of country gurl's advice. COUNTRY GURL, are you a computer expert . You sound pretty knowledgeable or IT security and domestic violence as well, perhaps.

 

What about when your cell phone is running extremely slow during your keystrokes... is that a sign of cell phone spying?

 

Also, what's the chance of an LDR person stalking? I know in luvflower's case, he work's in serveilance PLUS he's admitted he's jealous and controlling so he's a bit more suspect than some, lol... No offense luvflower.

[country_gurl]

Luvflower, your situation sounds very similar to mine, only our distance is further away.

 

I would definitely take some of country gurl's advice. COUNTRY GURL, are you a computer expert . You sound pretty knowledgeable or IT security and domestic violence as well, perhaps.

 

What about when your cell phone is running extremely slow during your keystrokes... is that a sign of cell phone spying?

 

Also, what's the chance of an LDR person stalking? I know in luvflower's case, he work's in serveilance PLUS he's admitted he's jealous and controlling so he's a bit more suspect than some, lol... No offense luvflower.

 

Oh heck no, I'm not computer expert in the least! lol. I just read a lot. I am no stranger to domestic violence, though (my marriage many years ago). I did have a stalker years ago but my stalker (someone I'd dated twice) wasn't the least bit tech savvy; with him, he just had his friends in our small coastal town watching me and reporting back to him while he worked off a fishing boat in a remote coastal area. That was back in the day when cell phones just came out and they were those honkin' big Motorola flip phones (huge! lol).

 

No idea if slow keystrokes is a sign of someone spying but I think with computers in general if one's system is slow and dragging, it means that there are other things running in the background that are using up a lot of resources; could be legit programs, a virus, or a keylogger, etc.

 

If I personally had any concerns about someone I was dating who lived far enough away that he shouldn't be so "in the know" about my whereabouts and what I was wearing and who I was with, and he worked in surveillance/security, admitted he was 'jealous and controlling', I would not be paranoid but I would most definitely take all steps to protect myself.

[luvflower]

Also, what's the chance of an LDR person stalking? I know in luvflower's case, he work's in serveilance PLUS he's admitted he's jealous and controlling so he's a bit more suspect than some, lol... No offense luvflower.

 

no offense taken surferchic. thanks.

 

yea, he's admitted to being controlling, OCD, jealous and nosey...that was his word "nosey" and popped up with those "ironic" questions a bit too often.

 

his ironic text message followed the day after i actually did what he was asking about. one read: " how r u? where you going? who r you going to c. what are you wearing?...hope you don't mind my being nosey" the other read: "what are you doing? what movie did you see? ..." i was completely spooked about that one. i had just goine to a movie with my male roomate and his friend, the previous night! come on... but maybe it's a coincidence...

 

i wonder why more guys aren't chiming in like "neal", to say how they feel about this or why they would spy on an ex who has given them little reason to. in my case i will admit my male roommate would be an issue for any guy. i probably wouldn't even deal with a guy who has a female roomate. but...why play games. i know this long distance guy tried to joke about surprising me but he saying he knows we havent defined our relationship yet so he could set himself up for a surprise himself! things he said keep coming to mind as i post in this thread.

[luvflower]

If I personally had any concerns about someone I was dating who lived far enough away that he shouldn't be so "in the know" about my whereabouts and what I was wearing and who I was with, and he worked in surveillance/security, admitted he was 'jealous and controlling', I would not be paranoid but I would most definitely take all steps to protect myself.

 

you're right.

 

but just to clarify, he never acknowledged knowing what i was wearing or who i was with. he only posed the question casually in text messages. but the fact that i was with my male roommate was too ironic. and him asking what i was wearing and if my toe nails were done, was pretty weirdo-like!!

 

he claims he has so many "boys' in my area... i guess they could be his eyes...

 

truthfully though, i think we're done. we havent spoken in about a week and 1/2 now.

[surferchic]

i wonder why more guys aren't chiming in like "neal", to say how they would spy.. .

 

I think it's because so many people know that they themselves have spied and/or would spy if they had suspicion, but they're hesitant because they think someone may somehow discover their identity...?

 

my 2cents

[luvflower]

I think it's because so many people know that they themselves have spied and/or would spy if they had suspicion, but they're hesitant because they think someone may somehow discover their identity.

 

Yep, perhaps.

 

I haven't changed phones yet. Dont know that I will, but have a cop friend who could look into it due to the nature of the situation, but because I haven't been in contact with the said guy in this thread this week, I feel like everything will be fine... I mean I haven't heard anything from him this week.so he's probably taking the hint, i.e. (by my not returning his call from a week ago) if he can't act like a sensible adult then I dont need the drama.

[muse08]

Yep, perhaps.

 

I haven't changed phones yet. Dont know that I will, but have a cop friend who could look into it due to the nature of the situation, but because I haven't been in contact with the said guy in this thread this week, I feel like everything will be fine... I mean I haven't heard anything from him this week.so he's probably taking the hint, i.e. (by my not returning his call from a week ago) if he can't act like a sensible adult then I dont need the drama.

People like this

So, he's playing games but expects you to actually call him back and/or take him seriously. Wow.

 

Well aside from the he's obviously controlling. the with holding of attention is one of the main characteristics of a control freak when you dont behave a they feel you should. Them when he decides to call, he probably expected you to pick up oute at least call him right back. No telling what kind of spying he's doing, even of you are a few hours away from each other.

 

Moving on sounds like a plan though... This guy would drive me nuts! I probably would have run for the hills a long time ago. people like him often have some deep insecurities so they try controlling everything else around them, especially their SO.

[luvflower]

Thanks, muse08.

[muse08]

What's the latest luvflower?

[luvflower]

What's the latest luvflower?

 

well i finally did a factory reset on my phone a few days ago. havent had any more text messages mysteriously disappear. however... like 2 days ago i received an anonymous/weird text (with 5 number rather than a phone number as the sender) saying that a user was trying to send me a text and that i should click on the link in the message to open the actual text message..?

 

never have a i ever received a text message like that...quite bizarre...

[spice4life]

Hello loveshack. Due to a situation I'm going through, I could really use some honest insight from individuals who have felt the need to spy on their SO. I have recently been receiving calls from a blocked number & noticing that some of my voice messages have been checked prior to my actually checking them. Needless to say I'm in shock about the situation. In addition to that , the guy I'm seeing has been asking me causally what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm wearing (all in the same sentence). he'll text it like he's joking or trying to be poetic. He even asked me what I bought from the mall one day when I actually went...with a male (my cousin). Mind you, the guy I'm seeing lives 2 hours away and I never told him where I went that day. He later did it again on a text , this time asking me which movie did I see, but he asked in the middle of several other seemingly, in hopes that I wouldn't notice the ironic question.

 

I recently made a comment to him along the lines of us being too different and possibly too different to continue a relationship. So my question to you all is:

 

 

How much surveillance/"spying"did you do? Did you suspect your SO was cheating?

 

Have you ever been spied on or stalked?

 

What was the outcome of your surveillance? Were you satisfied? Did you realize the impact it had on your relationship, albeit positive or negative?

 

How do you know for sure if you're being spied on?

 

Sounds like he put spyware on your cell phone. There are products out there that don't require the actual phone to install it. The spyware turns your phone into an actual piece of surveillance equipment. It gives one the ability read your text mssages, listen your voicemails, listen to your conversations "live" and watch you "live" as well.

 

Being surveiled is not fun or healthy and SHOULD NOT be tolerated...period. It will make you feel anxious, paranoid and feel like you are crazy. Take your phone to a specialist to find out if there is spyware on your phone. If there is, whoever put it there can get into a boat load of trouble!

[luvflower]

Sounds like he put spyware on your cell phone. There are products out there that don't require the actual phone to install it. The spyware turns your phone into an actual piece of surveillance equipment. It gives one the ability read your text mssages, listen your voicemails, listen to your conversations "live" and watch you "live" as well.

 

Being surveiled is not fun or healthy and SHOULD NOT be tolerated...period. It will make you feel anxious, paranoid and feel like you are crazy. Take your phone to a specialist to find out if there is spyware on your phone. If there is, whoever put it there can get into a boat load of trouble!

 

Thanks a bunch for this response. Since then I went to my phone service provider, but they acted as if they were clueless as to what to do beyond a factory reset, which I did. And the issues seem to stop accept for a weird text message a few days after the reset,received with only a short link/ number telling me to click to open. There was no complete sender phone number only a 5 digit number. Now if that's not weird and ironic ...especially only a few days after doing the factory reset,then I don't know what is...

 

A few weeks ago the Guy in question texted me asking now I as doing.I responded and asked him the same. His response was, "I'm good! Working and scheming,lol". I was like hundred? to myself...I didn't even bother asking him what he meant and he didn't expound without prompting so I left it alone. Haven't heard from him since. However I feel weird somoetimes walking outside now. Almost feels like someone is lurking.

.

[luvflower]

Sounds like he put spyware on your cell phone. There are products out there that don't require the actual phone to install it. The spyware turns your phone into an actual piece of surveillance equipment. It gives one the ability read your text mssages, listen your voicemails, listen to your conversations "live" and watch you "live" as well.

 

Being surveiled is not fun or healthy and SHOULD NOT be tolerated...period. It will make you feel anxious, paranoid and feel like you are crazy. Take your phone to a specialist to find out if there is spyware on your phone. If there is, whoever put it there can get into a boat load of trouble!

 

Thanks a bunch for this response. Since then I went to my phone service provider, but they acted as if they were clueless as to what to do beyond a factory reset, which I did. And the issues seem to stop accept for a weird text message a few days after the reset,received with only a short link/ number telling me to click to open. There was no complete sender phone number only a 5 digit number. Now if that's not weird and ironic ...especially only a few days after doing the factory reset,then I don't know what is...

 

A few weeks ago the Guy in question texted me asking how I as doing.I responded and asked him the same. His response was, "I'm good! Working and scheming,lol". I was like hu? to myself...I didn't even bother asking him what he meant and he didn't expound without prompting.so I left it alone. However,it almost feels like someone is lurking when I go outside sometimes ...oh well...

[phineas]

Depends on the phone OS but i'll bet it was a direct download link to some kind of spyware. When I say spyware I mean stuff parents use to track their kids.

Stuff that already exists for smartphone's.

 

you can even turn off the prompting for that stuff so he might of done that.

 

I spied on my wife when I found pictures of her with another man on her computer.

Not sorry for that. Gave me all the ammo I needed to get her to back down & give me joint custody.

 

I didn't technically spy or snoop on the following occasion but I normally avoid looking at people's phone's as a matter of respecting their privacy.

 

The woman I was seeing after my divorce had a smartphone, she kept it on her dash for GPS & speakerphone talking.

 

I just got into the car & apparently she was txting an ex while in my driveway because shortly after I got in a txt came in & it was still on the convo screen with said EX.

it showed the first sentence of each txt in the convo.

 

I looked at the screen of course & read a booty call txt from the ex at the bottom.

And : "I'll call you after work" at the top.

She grabbed the phone FAST.

 

Then she went into disqualify mode ripping him apart for being a looser & how she could never disrespect herself by being a guys bootycall & can't understand how any woman would be a guy's booty call.

 

And i'm wondering who she is trying to convince, me or herself.

 

She told me he did it earlier in the week & she claimed she was ignoring him & not responding or talking to him.

 

Except earlier that week she told me she was going to "spend time with her kids" after work & couldn't go out. I told offered to meet up with my kids & we could do something.

Then she said she was "going to bed early".

 

Basically she had something else she wanted to do & didn't want me around or trying to contact her that evening.

 

Add in the txt stuff I saw & my gut was twinging.

I knew exactly why she wanted to "take it slow". Because she was banging her ex & using me for attention.

 

I ended it of course.

 

Since then I learned to never try to date someone who wants to "take it slow" & never consider a woman who still talks to ex's as long-term material.

[luvflower]

Tbh, i will think of this thread if I ever get into the situation that i might consider something like this.

 

As for your situation, do the reset anyway.

And i would seriously advise you to replace your PC HDD and install the OS on the new one.

Maybe save the important files somewhere online (got a friend with a FTP ?), or an USB memory stick.

 

Most modern computers (i assume you have 7/vista), have 100gb the OS partition, and there is no antivirus that will give 100% detection, in fact their detection is pretty ****ty ... no reason to pay the extra money for the non-free av's.

 

I actually work from home, and i do what i consider somewhat sensitive work on my PC, so i made a special case for my PC; one way for these keyloggers to be installed on a PC (or a rootkit which are almost impossible to remove), is to put them on an USB memory and then put that into any port. Autorun USB is something i can live without.

 

As for your phone, it's like this ... smartphones are basically mini-PC's.

So do a factory reset, and see if the problem persists.

If it does, get rid of it.

 

If it stops at the factory reset, it might be a bug in it's software or a virus.

If it doesn't, it could be a rootkit, which are incredibly hard to remove, to make sure it's gone you would basically need to remove the phone's main memory and have it replaced.

 

If he installed, the way he did it was to send from a website a mail with a link in it.

Then he went on your phone, clicked on it, and voila.

 

If you don't need a smartphone, i would seriously advise you to get a non-smartphone. They are dirt-cheap, they do the job and you

PS: Next time keep your phone passworded, and if you really want to be safe on your home PC, get a Linux distribution (there are some who give pretty much the same functionality as Windows).

 

Thanks so much. You seem pretty informed.

 

I'll try to keep this info as a reference.

[luvflower]

Depends on the phone OS but i'll bet it was a direct download link to some kind of spyware. When I say spyware I mean stuff parents use to track their kids.

Stuff that already exists for smartphone's.

 

you can even turn off the prompting for that stuff so he might of done that.

 

I spied on my wife when I found pictures of her with another man on her computer.

Not sorry for that. Gave me all the ammo I needed to get her to back down & give me joint custody.

 

I didn't technically spy or snoop on the following occasion but I normally avoid looking at people's phone's as a matter of respecting their privacy.

 

The woman I was seeing after my divorce had a smartphone, she kept it on her dash for GPS & speakerphone talking...

 

Thanks for your response. Yea,some men and women can be pretty cruddy. Though I wouldn't be so quick to accuse every female who wants to "take it slow", of having another relationship on the side. Of course she knew other people before meeting you, nit personally I prefer to not move too quickly because it make me feel as if the Guy is trying to get sexual quick and we all know what happens next...men call us ladies

EASY,CHEAP THRILLS,ETC.

 

The chic you're speaking about seemed pretty dumb, unless you both had never really established the seriousness of your relationship.

 

Plus I made that mistake of getting too close to soon with two guys who ended up being. the stalker type.

So there are all kinds of reasons we women like taking things at steady,sensable pace...