luvflower Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hello loveshack. Due to a situation I'm going through, I could really use some honest insight from individuals who have felt the need to spy on their SO. I have recently been receiving calls from a blocked number & noticing that some of my voice messages have been checked prior to my actually checking them. Needless to say I'm in shock about the situation. In addition to that , the guy I'm seeing has been asking me causally what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm wearing (all in the same sentence). he'll text it like he's joking or trying to be poetic. He even asked me what I bought from the mall one day when I actually went...with a male (my cousin). Mind you, the guy I'm seeing lives 2 hours away and I never told him where I went that day. He later did it again on a text , this time asking me which movie did I see, but he asked in the middle of several other seemingly, in hopes that I wouldn't notice the ironic question. I recently made a comment to him along the lines of us being too different and possibly too different to continue a relationship. So my question to you all is: How much surveillance/"spying"did you do? Did you suspect your SO was cheating? Have you ever been spied on or stalked? What was the outcome of your surveillance? Were you satisfied? Did you realize the impact it had on your relationship, albeit positive or negative? How do you know for sure if you're being spied on?
surferchic Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) Well I dont know how common it is, but perhaps some people are more prone to spying. One of my Xmen used to be on my doorstep waiting when I got home, after we broke up. He followed me & a girlfriend of mine to a party. He runs stop lights and all to keep up. He'd be on my doorstep off and on for about 2weeks.He kept saying he felt like I was w/ some other guy. Never the case, but because our relationship was already headed down hill I eventually did start seeing someone else. That really made him more aggressive.Waiting at my place late at night in the cold of February! The final straw was when I k12 him in because it was so cold and I felt sorry for him. Once tre came in he kept begging me to take him back, ts then he started to cry, then he started to unzip his pants! Thats when I screamed telling him ro get the hell out. I contacted his family before contacting authorities, but that didnt stop him. I thought he would stop after I told him I would call the police. He dared me to do so, so that's when I had to follow through by getting a protective order. Another Xman had a cam in his apartment. He actually told me about it being there because he had a roommate...? Things didnt work out btwn us for various reasons.He was very jealous. Within a few weeks of us going out, he grabbed my phone looking at my text messages and calls! He even called one of my xmen from my phone to find out who he was! He would call me saying that he saw me at certain places. I would ironically see him at a few places, e.g. the mall. He acted like he was abou...t to lose his breath when he saw me. So I proceed to walk to a store in the mall, but feel like he's watching me. I turn around and he's just standing there watching me walk.So I stop and literally hide behind a column, he still looks for me to appear again. Mall security noticed how weird he was actingand decide to approach him.As they walked toward him, so he turns around and finally leaves.(was just arriving he was walking toward the exit anyway). I had to change my number because of this guy. He would call me all night, about everyday . He couldn't get any sleep. Sometimes we never know a person until situations like these. Edited August 30, 2011 by surferchic
thatone Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hello loveshack. Due to a situation I'm going through, I could really use some honest insight from individuals who have felt the need to spy on their SO. I have recently been receiving calls from a blocked number & noticing that some of my voice messages have been checked prior to my actually checking them. Needless to say I'm in shock about the situation. In addition to that , the guy I'm seeing has been asking me causally what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm wearing (all in the same sentence). he'll text it like he's joking or trying to be poetic. He even asked me what I bought from the mall one day when I actually went...with a male (my cousin). Mind you, the guy I'm seeing lives 2 hours away and I never told him where I went that day. He later did it again on a text , this time asking me which movie did I see, but he asked in the middle of several other seemingly, in hopes that I wouldn't notice the ironic question. I recently made a comment to him along the lines of us being too different and possibly too different to continue a relationship. So my question to you all is: How much surveillance/"spying"did you do? Did you suspect your SO was cheating? Have you ever been spied on or stalked? What was the outcome of your surveillance? Were you satisfied? Did you realize the impact it had on your relationship, albeit positive or negative? How do you know for sure if you're being spied on? you made him act the way he's acting. put yourself in his shoes. what if you were traveling 4 hours round trip to see him, and gave him a hint that you didn't want to see him anymore but without any specific reason why. how would you feel about it? what would you think? you put those thoughts in his head, so your answer is in the mirror.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Sorry, I misunderstood the question. Well, I'd say you should probably go to the police. Leave it to them to sort it out.
Author luvflower Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 you made him act the way he's acting. put yourself in his shoes. what if you were traveling 4 hours round trip to see him, and gave him a hint that you didn't want to see him anymore but without any specific reason why. how would you feel about it? what would you think? you put those thoughts in his head, so your answer is in the mirror. Really... I never told him I didn't want to him see him anymore... I only said we were current because he started playing games, which started once he started asking questions about my male cousin& his other guy friends that I associate with, it's like his behavior started changing and he started being less consistent with contact. Because of that, I backed off and didn't return one of his calls until he called me the second time , 2 days after he called me. I just didnt know how to respond to him. I couldn't be like"why aren't you doing this or that" because I didnt wanna nag , plus our relationship was still new. I'm not even sure if he'd have one of his friends watch me,or if he's waste time watching me etc. I've just been having weird vibes. I felt the same way when I was stalked by an ex, a few years back... Just wanted to know how common you all think it is for men to spy on a girlfriend, whether it be our of suspicion or hard facts... Thanks
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I think that it's uncommon to this extent. Has he ever had the opportunity to install spyware on your computer or your phone? I would (even though it's a royal pain in the ass) do a factory reset on my phone. Go onto your computer and change passwords. Send an email to a friend that he will questioner better yet set him up to follow you somewhere. If nothing comes from that, then it means he probably hacked your phone. Change all passwords again then kick this fellow to the curb. Really... I never told him I didn't want to him see him anymore... I only said we were current because he started playing games, which started once he started asking questions about my male cousin& his other guy friends that I associate with, it's like his behavior started changing and he started being less consistent with contact. Because of that, I backed off and didn't return one of his calls until he called me the second time , 2 days after he called me. I just didnt know how to respond to him. I couldn't be like"why aren't you doing this or that" because I didnt wanna nag , plus our relationship was still new. I'm not even sure if he'd have one of his friends watch me,or if he's waste time watching me etc. I've just been having weird vibes. I felt the same way when I was stalked by an ex, a few years back... Just wanted to know how common you all think it is for men to spy on a girlfriend, whether it be our of suspicion or hard facts... Thanks
Author luvflower Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I think that it's uncommon to this extent. Has he ever had the opportunity to install spyware on your computer or your phone? I would (even though it's a royal pain in the ass) do a factory reset on my phone. Go onto your computer and change passwords. Send an email to a friend that he will questioner better yet set him up to follow you somewhere. If nothing comes from that, then it means he probably hacked your phone. Change all passwords again then kick this fellow to the curb. Lol, funny. Yea, you could say he's unofficially kicked to the curb. Yes, he has had the opportunity to aces my phone. When we were together a few weeks ago, I woke up to him being in the bathroom. It was really early for the weekend, is what I was thinking. Now our phones were charging right beside one another. He does work in security and surveillance, which is one reason I wouldn't be surprised to find out he actually did something like what we're discussing. Another ex of mine actually took my phone while I was sleep and would look through it while I was sleep beside him. I woke up to find him turning his back to me looking through my phone... I hope this is not the cdr with this current ( now past) guy
muse08 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Let me start by saying this is a interesting topic. I think this spying stuff is far more common than not.Two of my ex's did it to me. One of which I had to take to court because of it. The other caused me to change my number. The only problem with a topic like this, is that the people who actually do the surveillance, aka spying won't come forth to admit it our even just to help discern the crazies from those who may just check up on s.o. once to confirm a consistency or inconsistency. Come on men, women...
Author luvflower Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) I think that it's uncommon to this extent. Has he ever had the opportunity to install spyware on your computer or your phone? I would (even though it's a royal pain in the ass) do a factory reset on my phone. Go onto your computer and change passwords. Can someone please tell me some signs that your cell phone may have spyware? Aside from other things, as I type on my phone sometimes the key strokes are extremely...EXTREMELY slow. Additionally, I've heard a series of clicks while on a phone calls. Edited September 1, 2011 by luvflower
muse08 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 See what I mean... Unfortunately, I'll bet some of the people who actually do this are sitting back laughing and keeping their secrets to themselves...
dasein Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I think it's more common than people realize, both genders. One thing you should check into, OP, is if your VM has a remote password that someone could have gotten hold of to check your messages. It may not be the BF, but who knows who. Can't help you with being able to spot being spied on. I know there is spyware buster software for keyloggers an such, but no idea how effective it is.
Author luvflower Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Thanks. I just checked my text messages. I was about to send a text to him describing the issues I've been noticing on my phone and hinting about who I think may be responsible, i.e. him. So I saved 2 different messages.one to the guy in question and one different text to my girlfriend. Do you know that the text addressed to him detailing the security issues on my phone, was deleted once I opened my text message screen!! I'm about to freak out... Not really, but thats to weird and I do everything on my phone...
muse08 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 It's getting kinda creepy... Good you are a few hours away from one another...you hope :-o
Author luvflower Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 you made him act the way he's acting. put yourself in his shoes. what if you were traveling 4 hours round trip to see him, and gave him a hint that you didn't want to see him anymore but without any specific reason why. how would you feel about it? what would you think? you put those thoughts in his head, so your answer is in the mirror. I respect your opinion and want to know, how you suggest I go about rectifying things if you think I made him act that way. Seriously, I really like him and would like to know if I owe him an apology or anything...? Even though he seems to be playing games a has ben very distant this entire week.no communication... I'm kinda dumb founded because things like this goren to me often and the but ends up thinking I dont care or he might do something similar to what may be happening in this thread. Please give me your advice on what YOU think I can do, if anything, at this point.
Author luvflower Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 It's getting kinda creepy... Good you are a few hours away from one another...you hope :-o Lol, yeah you're right muse08. But I wanna be optimistic and say it could have just been a technical glitch... :-) And maybe it's not even the ldr guy.perhaps it's my ex...
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Do a factory reset. Then change all of your passwords, email, voicemail, Facebook, whatever. They can also work like a mic so that even conversations you have in the vicinity of your phone can be tracked.
Author luvflower Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Do a factory reset. Then change all of your passwords, email, voicemail, Facebook, whatever. They can also work like a mic so that even conversations you have in the vicinity of your phone can be tracked. will do. But Am I being paranoid? I dont think so, I just can't believeit's come to this...
Author luvflower Posted September 3, 2011 Author Posted September 3, 2011 the latest update is that he called my at work yesterday. I didnt pick up so he left a message.nothing heavy our serious, just wanted me to call him "once I get the message"...
Author luvflower Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 leave some false 'bait' Thanks, sounds good, but wouldn't he be able to see all my online activity...in this site as well?
piggyoink Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Thanks, sounds good, but wouldn't he be able to see all my online activity...in this site as well? yes that is a risk. what i meant was - leave some bait somehow so that you can find out if it 'comes back to you' -- ie: something that he will see, but that is not real, then you know if he's really looking or not.
Author luvflower Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 yes that is a risk. what i meant was - leave some bait somehow so that you can find out if it 'comes back to you' -- ie: something that he will see, but that is not real, then you know if he's really looking or not. Yes, I figured that was what you meant. I actually saved a "draft"text to him saying how I care for him but the way he's behaving ( not returning my call because of mad, jealous, etc) is going to force me to let him go. do you know he called me the next day, after not calling for the previous 4 days... Btw, he told me he's jealous & controlling in a previous conversation... I never sent that text... He left a voicemail & I have yet to call him back.
ascendotum Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) He does work in security and surveillance, which is one reason I wouldn't be surprised to find out he actually did something like what we're discussing. Hello! Phone & msg issues, knows where you have been, you say he is jealous and then you throw in this. I'd get your phone checked out by someone savvy. Same goes for your computer. change passwords just in case. This paranoid guy might have even installed a gps tracker on your car, which is why he knows were you have been. Edited September 7, 2011 by ascendotum
OriginalPenguin Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Wow, this is kind of scary! I feel for the OP and hope nothing bad happens.
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