Littlecrab Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 So I met this guy a few weeks ago while I was on vacation w my girlfriends. He approached me and introduced himself as Nate, said he was single and also w his friends. He got my number as I was leaving and 20 mins later was already texting me asking where I was, trying to meet up. Long story short, he followed me around like a puppy dog for four days, day and night. We hooked up on the 3rd night but when we had sex he stopped after about 2 min bc "he really liked me and didn't want to ruin it". The next day I drunkenly told him he should walk away from me bc my last bf cheated and I was still heartbroken over it. He reassured me this guy was an idiot for hurting me and that he wasn't going to walk away bc he really liked me and wanted to see it through. Finally on our last night together, 3hours before I'm heading ti the airport, he breaks down and confesses he has a girlfriend of 3 years who lives w him. Of course I'm furious and we argue for awhile. He tells me he's confused, doesn't know how to get out of it, didn't realize how unhappy he was until me met me, yada yada. So we leave things open ended and when I get back home I text him and realize he's blocked my number. I do a little research online and find out the guy made up a fake name and fake background altogether. What a jerk! I did a little more research and find his gfs contact info and debated back and forth on telling her. I finally just emailed her saying I have some info on her bf and give her the option of whether she wants to know more. Of course she does, so I tell her the whole story. She tells me they were to get engaged any day now and doesn't believe me at first until he finally confesses a few days later. Now he's telling me that although he was in the wrong and is sorry, I have ruined his and her life and I had no business getting in the middle. He says he loves her, cant imagine his life w out her, and more than anything wants her to be his wife. And even though I thought it would be the right thing to do by telling her, I still feel awful. At first I lost sleep agonizing over what a lying snake he is, now I'm loosing sleep wondering if I've made a mistake. What if ignorance really is bliss? Did I do the right thing or was it not my place?
TurboGirl Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Guess you were super P****d with yourself for sleeping with someone you just met, 3 days into your vacation... Wasn't it enough for you that he blocked your number? Not enough of a hint??? Seriously... all that looking online, snooping, and then contacting his girlfriend... what did you think the outcome would be? Did you think he would go running into your arms? The snooping online, contacting the girlfriend (geeeez, you only knew the guy for a few days! That behaviour is kinda scary, insane, pushy and desperate). So now the girlfriend now knows what her bf is capable on vacation with the guys. Why concern yourself with it now? What's done is done.
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 She knows and can make her decisions from there. Move on.
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 He's an idiot and a jerk to go looking elsewhere when he's about to get engaged. Painful lesson learned, he's got a good chance now of losing the woman he planned on marrying..All for what? Some fun on the side? A last fling? Painful lesson for you as well in some sense.. What's done is done. Let me ask you, if you were in this situation and it was your serious boyfriend doing what this guy did, and some girl called you .. How would you feel? Or would you rather not know? Some people DO NOT want to know and IF this was a 'last little fling' before getting engaged, right or wrong, some people do this. Either way, whatever the outcome is, you may not know. Don't call her or him, accept what you did and try to let it go.
Woman In Blue Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 LittleCrab, I would have done the same exact thing as you did. This little dirtbag had no right to lie to you, lead you on, or pretend that he'd like to continue pursuing a relationship with you after you flew home when he knew DAMNED well it was all a lie. All the creep wanted to do was to get a piece of ass on the side. His girlfriend almost married this piece of shi*t and probably would have had a lifetime of misery with him if she'd had. You did her a favor, but she just doesn't realize it yet. Down the road, she will. You weren't "desperate" or "pushy" at all for taking some time to find this jerkoff's girlfriend and letting her know what a pile of garbage she's with. You did her a FAVOR. Oh, the blocked number was supposed to be a "hint" that you weren't supposed to contact him? According to another poster here, you were supposed to take that hint and leave him alone because he was done with you? I guess some people are of the mind that men should be allowed to act like lying pigs and have NO consequences for their scummy behavior. Good to know you're not one of those welcome mats.
RainDown Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) So I met this guy a few weeks ago while I was on vacation w my girlfriends. He approached me and introduced himself as Nate, said he was single and also w his friends. He got my number as I was leaving and 20 mins later was already texting me asking where I was, trying to meet up. Long story short, he followed me around like a puppy dog for four days, day and night. We hooked up on the 3rd night but when we had sex he stopped after about 2 min bc "he really liked me and didn't want to ruin it". The next day I drunkenly told him he should walk away from me bc my last bf cheated and I was still heartbroken over it. He reassured me this guy was an idiot for hurting me and that he wasn't going to walk away bc he really liked me and wanted to see it through. Finally on our last night together, 3hours before I'm heading ti the airport, he breaks down and confesses he has a girlfriend of 3 years who lives w him. Of course I'm furious and we argue for awhile. He tells me he's confused, doesn't know how to get out of it, didn't realize how unhappy he was until me met me, yada yada. So we leave things open ended and when I get back home I text him and realize he's blocked my number. I do a little research online and find out the guy made up a fake name and fake background altogether. What a jerk! I did a little more research and find his gfs contact info and debated back and forth on telling her. I finally just emailed her saying I have some info on her bf and give her the option of whether she wants to know more. Of course she does, so I tell her the whole story. She tells me they were to get engaged any day now and doesn't believe me at first until he finally confesses a few days later. Now he's telling me that although he was in the wrong and is sorry, I have ruined his and her life and I had no business getting in the middle. He says he loves her, cant imagine his life w out her, and more than anything wants her to be his wife. And even though I thought it would be the right thing to do by telling her, I still feel awful. At first I lost sleep agonizing over what a lying snake he is, now I'm loosing sleep wondering if I've made a mistake. What if ignorance really is bliss? Did I do the right thing or was it not my place? Telling his girlfriend is water under the bridge. It's done, so quit worrying about it. I'm a little nonplussed that at the end of that story your main concern seems to be whether or not you should have conveyed the story to the girlfriend. My main concern is that you are putting yourself in serious danger by jumping into bed with a strange man in a strange city - a man you know absolutely nothing about. You got lucky this time that the only thing you have to worry about is whether or not you should have told his girlfriend about your vacation antics with her boyfriend. If you continue conducting high risk behavior like this in the future I guarantee you much worse things are going to happen to you. No doubt about it. Edited August 30, 2011 by RainDown Fix quote
TigerCub Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hey LittleCrab, Look, when someone cheats, they do it knowing the possible risks. This guy lied to you until he could sleep with you (well sorta sleep with you) He cheated on his GF and I'm sure, lied to her before he finally came clean Now s**t is hitting the fan! so what?? Boo F**kin Hoo!! He knew the possible outcomes and now he has to live with it. As for the GF, yeah it sucks that she had to hear it from a stranger, but at least, she knows what her BF is like before marrying him - and now its up to her to make her own choices. Although I doubt I would have gone as far as you - Don't beat yourself up over it, what's done is done.
road Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Littlecrab, yes you did the right thing the OM's GF derserved the truth. You did nothing wrong by telliing the truth. The OM did the wrong. The OM was the one that cheated on his GF and lied to you.
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