sareem81 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) Three months ago a man and i started dating. I am 30 (Australian)he is 28 (Iraqi) .We live a hour flight away. We have visited each other each month and we talk regularly via fb, email, text and phone. As the time has passed our feelings for each other have grown and we have expressed to each other how we feel about each other. We have been intimate. We have made it clear to each other that we have fallen for one another. On my last visit to him, he took me out for dinner with his colleagues and friends (including his flatmates), there were approx. 20 diners. We then met my cousin the following day. Throughout the visit we professed our feelings and both agreed that our feelings had grown stronger. I told him that I was not interested in anyone else, while i was seeing him and he told me that funnily enough, he was not interested in dating other girls. He said to me "you are now mine", and i said that i liked the sound of that. He works in the medical field and is married to his career at the moment. I told him that I was here to make his life easier, not to be an added burden. Because I work in the same area, just not as high as him, I understand how demanding, tiring and time consuming his position is. This understanding has made it easier for us to connect. Our actions and words go hand in hand with each other. We don't act one way and talk another way. We are affectionate both in speech and actions. So.... the confusion arises. After my weekend and us professing that our feelings had grown stronger, I decided to ask him if we were boyfriend and girlfriend? His response: "I think we should take it easy, and we should not hurry up". I apologised and said I must have been reading everything wrong, i was highly embarrassed. He went on to say, that I had not read anything wrong, that he was all very much still keen on me and he enjoyed where we were going with things. He also said, why would he introduce me to so many people, if he wasn't that interested in me. I asked, "am i free to date other men then?" and he said "No, you are mine now" and I asked, "well, will you be dating other woman?" and he said "no". He continued on as if nothing was wrong, telling me that he missed me. All through the conversation, i remained scared that I have stuffed things up, that by me saying "are we boyfriend/girlfriend" had scared him. I'm embarrassed, I feel rejected and confused, yet have no reason to feel rejected as he proclaims he still is keen on me. What is this about? Am i being played, or is he just saying "woah there, slow down.... lets just enjoy the journey and progess to the next step" or is it a cultural thing? OR is he basically saying what he said "i think we should take it easy, lets not hurry things" and that is it. Am i just a long distance fling? On that note, he has talked about me moving closer in the future. My emotions are all over the show, at times i'm happy with where we are, and at other times, like now, i'm freaking i f'd up. Edited August 30, 2011 by sareem81
FeelingSmall Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Well, I'm not the best person to probably be giving advice on this, but it seems to me that you should just take him at his word. Three months isn't terribly long, My bf and I didn't become "Us" until about 6 months in. I don't like the "You are now mine." bit, I would personally have been put off by that. Did you retaliate with a "You belong to me, too."? I would have thrown that immediately to gauge the response. We women tend to over analyse things to death, I'm particularly bad for doing it, and can easily see why you're having misgivings about this. Don't be embarrassed or feel rejected, I did the same thing with my now live in bf, he basically gave me the same kind of respose. He didn''t want to see anyone else, and he wasn't happy at the idea of me doing it. Take it easy and see how things progress is what he said. 10 months later and he's living with me. I felt the same way you do though.
Author sareem81 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Feelingsmall: Thank you for your insight. So, do you believe I should leave it at that now, don't bring it up again and take it easy.
zengirl Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Is there any potential for language barrier here? In reading it, after working in ESL, I'd say. . . he's likely just using different words for things. Sounds to me like y'all are in a relationship of some sorts. The "lets not hurry" implies he hasn't ruled out a future, but hasn't committed to it either, but he doesn't want to sleep around or you too. For long-distance. . . that seems about natural at that stage to me. To get too committed at that distance, without a concrete plan to move near each other, would be awful extreme in my view. The wording sounds odd to me, if his English is extremely good, but if he's obviously second-language and he's often stiff and formal about his English (even if very smart and mostly fluent), I'm going with: likely a language thing in there too.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 It sounds like he's more conservative than you, and is taking things a bit more slowly. I wouldn't worry. He definitely likes you!
Author sareem81 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Thank you all for your replies. It has def helped to calm down a bit, as i've been processing this for the whole day. I can only appreciate him telling me what he did and will continue to live my life and take it easy like he said. He's a wise man and I need to enjoy the journey and what we've got, theres not rush. Many thanks.
Recommended Posts