M2155 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Ok to the 2nd chancers, I think I was the rebound girl. But I was a long-term rebound and for a good portion of our relationship we had a really good thing. We never exchanged ILYs though but strong feelings were definitely there and we shared so much. However looking back, I guess there was a hurdle we couldn't jump, that something "missing" as you would say. Unfortunately I think that hurdle was a 'who'. It's been a few weeks since we broke up and he went back with his ex. I don't know what was going on behind my back toward the end and I don't know how long he was with her prior to me but they sound like they are ready to jump the broom. I feel very silly to say the least. I did have hopes of getting him back one day if this didn't work out and I was available (hopefully not avail and I feel like my 2nd chance potential is like 1.13% anyway), but he made an obviously very calculated choice (I can tell now he was debating) and she obviously has an emotional grip on him which I couldn't compete with. (The matra for now is move on, I know, I'm on it;)) As someone who has not had much experience with ex's and 2nd chances, can you pick up that fast with someone after that long a break? Is it normally that exciting and deep? If I ever entertained getting back with an ex we would be taking it slow because I'd need to fix prior issues (of course he could have been working that out all along). He's told her they are "forever":sick: and she is giving the ILYs. I know they say men fall in love over time and distance so they definitely got that going for them. I didn't get an explanation from him (not that it would change anything or help) so I'm just really surprised and blindsighted. I had one ex return when I was in college because he "missed what we had" but it was never the same and we didn't work out. Maybe we did try to pick up where we left off but way different scale. We stayed in some weird FWB arrangement for the rest of the time (I was young:laugh:). What's your experience? (I'm just curious, we do not speak and I am trying to find someone that deserves me)
ScienceGal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) In my experience, once I am over someone, I am over them. There are no second chances. This is usually set in stone once I find a new relationship and I see the downfalls of the previous relationship with a clear and unemotional perspective. I have had one ex try to come back, and I just didn't feel the same. I had grown and learned and I knew it would never work. (I am sorry your ex did not share my same experience!) That said, now that I am entering the dating realm once again, I feel completely different than I did before. I feel dead inside to be honest. But, I am creeping up on the 3 month mark since the split, and my ex is already seeing someone new. He isn't coming back, and I will have no choice but to move on. When I find someone new, will I love them as much as I did him (if I even love the new guy at all?) I don't know. What if I don't, and what if my ex comes back? What if I still have feelings for him? I don't even want to think of this!!! If your ex was able to pick up right where they left off with the other woman, I would find that very odd. Like you, I would need to take things VERY slow if I gave an ex a second chance. They broke up for a reason, and if that reason isn't resolved it won't work. Jumping back into things too quickly with the lovey-dovey mushy crap doesn't allow communication to be effectively restored. I don't know what the details are with them, but in my opinion with second chances, trust and respect need to be earned, not just given. I really hope that you're able to move on quickly. You deserve way better than what you got. Edited August 30, 2011 by ScienceGal
Calypsoo Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I guess it would depend on the relationship, how long he was with the ex, reasons for the break up etc, also can I ask how long he was with you after finishing with his ex? Sometimes I've known men split with a long term partner and go straight into a new relationship just to end it weeks later and get back with their ex Not good I know I'm sorry you have been treated this way but if it's any consolation I believe successful reconciliation take place slowly after both parties have taken time and space to think about the old relationship, what went wrong and made changes to address this I think without that period of reflection the issues that split them up originally will just rear it's head again I'm actually holding a little hope in my heart that my ex will reconcile with me but considering he's been dating a new girl for the last 7 months I think this is unlikely and I wouldn't reconcile until he'd taken some time out to work things out in his own head too. He went straight from me to her and in my book he hasn't had the opportunity to fully reflect I wish you all the best
Author M2155 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 We were together a couple months short of 2 years. It tapered a little over time but not bad and we discussed lots of future plans. I could have seen a break to reevaluate or deal with personal issues but I did not see this. I guess if never get over your feelings for someone that may be easy to reopen, especially if things were getting boring with me. They say men look back to their good memories and try to pick up where they left off. I think when I break emotionally, I'm done, no second chances. But then exes get back together everyday so its possible you can stir up old feelings if the timing is right and issues are overcome. No clue why they broke up so for all I know it could have just been something simple and then he decided to try to make a go with me:(. She's a few years younger and he has 2 daughters. I saw a photo once where she was in a photo with one of his girls but that was about two years ago. That's all I know. Here we are 75% there and crashes so he can jump back into her car. Like I said I'm just really puzzled how in a matter of not even a month- unless he's been falling in love with her this whole time, is it possible to be this serious with your ex? For a man to use "forever" surely he's had this on his mind for a while. I accept the way things are, but I can't help being baffled by this.
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