FaithInTheDark Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Theres this guy that lives in the same town as me, we have hung out a few times. Hes a good person,we have similar interests.hes not bad looking. has a good job, owns his own house and car.etc. I can tell he likes me alot, we have cuddled a little bit, pretty mellow.but i dont have much desire to be physical. i dont really feel any sparks or much feelings so far. he treats me so nice, and he would be good for me. ( i have dated some real @$$ holes in the past) im wondering if people know what this is like, and if they recommend giving him another chance before i decide its not there? do these kinda of things take time? or do you know right away if your into him, because im not sure? any advice.
chelle21689 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 When I think of chemistry I think of butterflies and spark. When I was with my first boyfriend when I was 16 (5 1/2 years ago) we were just friends. I wasn't really attracted and I just saw him as a friend. He was kind of attractive and there were times I thought he was kinda good-looking. Anyways, I thought he was just a silly class clown and kinda weird haha. He liked me though, kept calling, we talked every night. I finally decided to be his girlfriend because I thought I could give him a shot since he seem like a good guy and we got along. I didn't have any feelings for him and I didn't feel the same way but I felt some attraction and that was enough for me. Over the past few months as I got to know him more in a relationship my feelings just grew. I began to realized I did love him. It kinda just snuck up on me and I remember seeing him and thinking he was so cute lol. Our relationship lasted for 5 1/2 years. I don't think I ever went through an infatuation phase but the past several years I felt like he was the only man I wanted and no one else even though he gave me a headache haha. I daydreamed about us and I really saw no one else for me. We broke up in January due to being on different pages in life...but we're still good terms and keep in touch. He claims to want me back but things are difficult and also I started a new relationship.
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Theres this guy that lives in the same town as me, we have hung out a few times. Hes a good person,we have similar interests.hes not bad looking. has a good job, owns his own house and car.etc. I can tell he likes me alot, we have cuddled a little bit, pretty mellow.but i dont have much desire to be physical. i dont really feel any sparks or much feelings so far. he treats me so nice, and he would be good for me. ( i have dated some real @$$ holes in the past) im wondering if people know what this is like, and if they recommend giving him another chance before i decide its not there? do these kinda of things take time? or do you know right away if your into him, because im not sure? any advice. I've been this girl many times, but I eventually grew to love my exes and found them physcally attractive. I guess I'm a "slow-burner": it takes awhile for me to be able to trust someone, so when I do, I start to feel more physical towards them. As I get older, I'm finding that compatibility is outweighing chemistry anyway. I feel people place too much emphasis on chemistry. Yes, chemistry is the initial attraction, but that can fade. Compatibility is the glue that makes the relationship stick. But then it depends on what you are looking for. It could be that as this new guy seems relatively stable compared to your previous relationships, that maybe you might subconsciously be equating instability with "sparks"? Might be worth thinking about. How long have you two been dating? Edited August 29, 2011 by TrueColors
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I'd say instant...but I guess there is chemistry that has a slow burn.
triphopper414 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Obviously there is some chemistry. I think not all chemistry is physical. I think there has to be some basic physical chemistry. Being physical with another person can be overwhelming for some, so for you it might take a while to develop it with him once you connect on another level.
LittleTiger Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 If you don't feel at least some desire to get naked and physically close to him, the chances are you never will.
rafallus Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I remember having a change of heart after several years of knowing a female. Trick is "knowing" meant really sporadic contact in all of my cases.
thatone Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 your attraction to as*holes is your problem. it has nothing to do with him.
zengirl Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Some degree of chemistry is always present for me from the beginning, but not like chemistry that really bowls me over. But definitely an interest, a spark, something to get me going. Usually, it needs to grow.
sm1tten Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 There has to be *something* to make me want to go on a second date, and it has to be more something than the absence of obvious red flags.
make me believe Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 If you don't feel at least some desire to get naked and physically close to him, the chances are you never will. Agreed. I think the chemistry needs to be instant. If I don't feel it I'm not going to pursue anything with the guy, no matter how nice or "good on paper" he may be.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 your attraction to as*holes is your problem. it has nothing to do with him. :S who said that had anything to do with him. shut up lol.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 There has to be *something* to make me want to go on a second date, and it has to be more something than the absence of obvious red flags. yeah that is a really valid ..solid point.
depplover_1980 Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 It depends what you want as a person and how important sex is to you? Some women are not very sexual and would be happy to have the personality, but others would grow unsatisfied without that fire - which one are you?
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