idkwtf Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Dated this guy who was much younger than me on and off for a year. He would get just so close then he would run. I truly believe he is a serious narcissist-very selfish, compulsive lying, on and on. Anyway last saw him almost EXACTLY a year ago. I got pregnant and he disappeared. I was scared and chased him like CRAZY. Not smart...I know. I finally just decided to give the baby up for adoption and that's what I did. He sends me a friends request on FB about 3 weeks ago. So I accept it and ask what he wants. He says "A friend" after talking with him for a few days I tell him I cant because I still have feelings. He then HINTS he may to (throws me a few breadcrumbs) and I bite for about a week. When I realized he was being gamey I felt I needed some closure so I msg'ed him and asked. "Look, if you don't love me anymore then why do you run in and out of my life?" After thinking about it and feeling a small sliver of self-esteem erupt out of nowhere, I then msged him "Forget it. It does not even matter. Do you remember when I told you that when I am done, it is over, and I NEVER go back? Well I am done. Goodbye. Stay away from us please." A few days later he msg'ed me "How can you be so selfish?" I never answered and deleted it. I have never told him I am done and went NC until now. I KNOW it is the right thing to do but I am struggling. Feels like I am right on the edge of finally being done and actually meaning it. He has had SEVERAL flings since us....none of them lasting more than 3 weeks...and his life is crap at this point. I have dreamed of him the past few days nonstop. He is trying to come back to me but I don't feel sure in the dream. I wake up and feel NOTHING. It's strange. Not like those dreams where you still love someone and wake up feeling stabbed in the heart. I guess I just want him to realize what he did and what he lost. Don't think that is gonna happen. And in a crazy kinda way..I want him to chase me. Not gonna happen either. I could really use some encouragement and/or advice. I feel this is the "last hill" to climb before I am FINALLY over this and free. Thanks.
Author idkwtf Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Dated this guy who was much younger than me on and off for a year. He would get just so close then he would run. I truly believe he is a serious narcissist-very selfish, compulsive lying, on and on. Anyway last saw him almost EXACTLY a year ago. I got pregnant and he disappeared. I was scared and chased him like CRAZY. Not smart...I know. I finally just decided to give the baby up for adoption and that's what I did. He sends me a friends request on FB about 3 weeks ago. So I accept it and ask what he wants. He says "A friend" after talking with him for a few days I tell him I cant because I still have feelings. He then HINTS he may to (throws me a few breadcrumbs) and I bite for about a week. When I realized he was being gamey I felt I needed some closure so I msg'ed him and asked. "Look, if you don't love me anymore then why do you run in and out of my life?" After thinking about it and feeling a small sliver of self-esteem erupt out of nowhere, I then msged him "Forget it. It does not even matter. Do you remember when I told you that when I am done, it is over, and I NEVER go back? Well I am done. Goodbye. Stay away from us please." A few days later he msg'ed me "How can you be so selfish?" I never answered and deleted it. I have never told him I am done and went NC until now. I KNOW it is the right thing to do but I am struggling. Feels like I am right on the edge of finally being done and actually meaning it. He has had SEVERAL flings since us....none of them lasting more than 3 weeks...and his life is crap at this point. I have dreamed of him the past few days nonstop. He is trying to come back to me but I don't feel sure in the dream. I wake up and feel NOTHING. It's strange. Not like those dreams where you still love someone and wake up feeling stabbed in the heart. I guess I just want him to realize what he did and what he lost. Don't think that is gonna happen. And in a crazy kinda way..I want him to chase me. Not gonna happen either. I could really use some encouragement and/or advice. I feel this is the "last hill" to climb before I am FINALLY over this and free. Thanks. HELLO.???? Anyone.??????
ScienceGal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 1) How old are you? 2) WHY would you ever consider letting a man back in to your life that ran off on you when you were pregnant? 3) But, since you are considering it... your message to him seemed very bitter and I am not surprised that he wrote back "why are you being so selfish"? If you have something to say or ask him, be direct but don't attack because that will only start a fight. Why the heck would you want to fight with this guy? If he is being "gamey" just shut him out.
Nohbody Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Sorry, sorry. Asleep at the wheel. It sounds like you did the right thing. Are you still friends with him on Facebook? Consider blocking him there, just so you can avoid him more easily. If a guy is going to father a child and then run away, you are better off without someone like that in your life. This person doesn't have a concept of commitment or responsibility, and he may never develop either. As long as he is as he is, he's just going to hurt people he is in a relationship with. It must have been very difficult to give a child up for adoption, but I am sure you made the best decision. The dreams are normal, and I hope you don't put too much stock in them. Our subconscious runs amok when we are asleep. It sounds like you have been through a terrible ordeal. I'm sorry it took this long to get a response. Please post to vent or if you need support or advice - in spite of a rough first impression, this candy coated hell is full of very nice people.
Author idkwtf Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Thanks Nohbody for your reply. Yes I did unfriend him and I think he will leave me alone. Just feeling a little weak and angry about everything that happened and needed support. Sciencegal-Yeah...after everything that happened I am pretty damn bitter. A little suprised you seem to relate to his comment about me being selfish. Since this was our first contact in about a year and I just had and gave the baby up only 3 months ago....I was pretty pissed the only reason he contacted me was because he was having difficulties and needed a friend. I mean seriously dude? That is so screwed up it's almost funny.
ScienceGal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) Sciencegal-Yeah...after everything that happened I am pretty damn bitter. A little suprised you seem to relate to his comment about me being selfish. Since this was our first contact in about a year and I just had and gave the baby up only 3 months ago....I was pretty pissed the only reason he contacted me was because he was having difficulties and needed a friend. I mean seriously dude? That is so screwed up it's almost funny. I certainly do not relate to him asking you why you're being selfish, I simply can see why he would do that (since your message seemed bitter). I would personally not do that, especially if I were in his position of having done what he did to you! BUT, what I gather about his character from the information you provided, I am not surprised he was defensive. He doesn't seem like someone to take ownership or responsibility (given that he ran out on you in the first place). He is not a quality individual, and certainly not someone that you should want in your life. What if other issues were to arise (like they do in all relationsips)? What if you got pregnant again? And yes, it is INCREDIBLY selfish for him to contact you for any other reason than to apologize and see how you are doing. What you have gone through is unimaginable to me. This guy has nothing good to offer you. I wouldn't give him any more thought or energy. Edited August 30, 2011 by ScienceGal
Author idkwtf Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Sciencegal-Sorry I must have misunderstood. Thank you for your reply to my post. Everyone in my life hates him so when he contacted me I kept it to myself and had absolutely no one to talk to about this. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Bless you. I wish so badly he would see what he has done. If for no other reason than to deter him from harming someone else. But like I said, he has had a string of 3 week relationships since we broke up (I think 10 so far...) so I think this is becoming a sport for him.
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